A NEWBIES guide to DATY

Dear TER,

I am tired of receiving bad DATY from clients, but do not want to 86 this dish from the menu, so I am posting a few simple guidelines I hope will encourage those of you who are lacking in intuitive skill to modify your techniques.

I'd like to begin by emphasizing that every woman is sexually unique. What feels good for one woman may be annoying as hell to another. The key to pleasing the woman you're with is communication. Ask her what she likes--slow or fast, soft or hard, you get the idea. Personally, I prefer hard, slow licks using a considerable amount of the tongue's surface area (in other words, I want you to use more than just the tiny tip of your tongue, which isn't capable of providing the kind of pressure that one's tongue can a bit further back.) The fast "flicking" action so many of you employ does absolutely nothing for me, although some women truly enjoy it. The only way to find out is to ask!

To properly provide a woman oral pleasure, you need to focus on the clitoris. Licking a woman's labia or tongue-fucking her will not give her an orgasm. The clitoris is located above the vaginal opening, nestled within the inner labia. You'll know it when you find it, as stimulating it will almost certainly produce a reaction from your partner.

Some women require direct stimulation of the clitoris to achieve orgasm, while others are too sensitive for direct clitoral contact and require a more generalized stimulation to the area immediately surrounding the clit. Here again communication is key--just ask her what she prefers. You may think it's not "sexy" or conducive to "the mood" to ask questions during the act, but giving bad head is much more of a mood breaker as it is frustrating and annoying to your partner and can kill her desire and enthusiasm for the ensuing boudoir festivities. On the other hand, an attentive lover who is committed to pleasing is very sexy, and your partner will appreciate your desire to learn her body and your willingness to accept a little direction.

Many women have difficulty achieving orgasm, and within this group there is a size-able sub-group of women who can only achieve orgasm from DATY. Although the female orgasm is different from that of the male in many ways, it is similar to the male orgasm in that rhythm is key. In other words, once you set the pace, you need to stick with it if you want your partner to come. This is not to say that varying the rhythm a bit in a playful fashion is unacceptable--many people find a bit of teasing very sexy. When a woman is approaching orgasm, however, is not a good time to tease! If you start her up that mountain, you'd damn well better carry her over the summit--not doing so can not only ruin the sex for your partner but can also result in you getting bitch-slapped. This may be your partner's one and only opportunity for orgasm for the day (or week, or month, etc.,) and stopping short can ruin the whole experience for her--in other words, it can throw off her groove and eliminate any chance of her achieving orgasm within that session. So when you sense that she is about to come (breathing gets heavier, sighing/moaning/screaming gets louder, the tugging at your hair gets stronger, you get the picture,) maintain the speed and pressure of the stimulation you are providing at that moment. I know you all get excited at the prospect of making her come, and it is tempting to speed up the tonguing, but for Christ's sake resist that urge. Sometimes slow and steady wins the race.

You've made her come. Congratulations! Now what? Well, for starters, the moments immediately following orgasm are not the time to increase the pressure and speed of cunnilingus. Most women are extremely sensitive immediately following orgasm (just like most of you!) and can't handle gentle stimulation, much less being battered by your hummingbird tongue. Give her a little break! Once you are sure she has completed her orgasm (don't stop *too* soon or you'll have the interrupted-pleasure problem mentioned above,) leave her clit alone for a little while--give her some time to recover. This is another area in which women vary--some women can keep going almost immediately, some have a recovery window of several seconds to several minutes, and some will not be able to come again during this round in the sack. A little communication here will provide all the insight you'll need. It's a safe bet, however, that she will need a little time before she can handle clitoral stimulation again, so if you can't keep your tongue off of her, try exploring one of the other lovely and delicious areas her pussy has to offer until she's ready to proceed.

Once you've mastered these simple foundations of DATY, you can advance to more complicated variations, such as fingering her vaginally or anally (depending, again, on what she's into) while eating her out, experimenting with temperature (try sucking on some ice or taking a swig of hot tea or coffee before you go down,) or otherwise varying the sensation. The possibilities are endless for a creative couple, particularly once you've mastered the basics of technique and timing and once communication has been solidly established. And remember, this is supposed to be fun, so don't stress too much--just relax and pay attention to your partner's reactions and requests and you're both assured of a good time.

Happy dining!