Board.)  (eom.)

BTW would have preferrd to fit it all into the header so you wouldn't have to click on.  (Not that nobody does, anymore:  "Oh it is poor old Socrates, babbling on about ethics."  Well, if they had listened to me then, there would have been a lot fewer dead Athenians and Spartans.

Do you have to be overwhelmingly physically attracted to someone for them to be a client? If so, how? Do you require photos before you see clients? I was unaware of this phenomenon. I thought escorts were equal opportunity types. The elderly, the homely, the obese and the dark-skinned guys have money that's just as green as your average cute young white guy.

Anyway, it's been my experience that if the guy is pleasant, fun to be with and treats me well, he becomes more and more attractive every minute that passes by. EVERY guy (and every girl for that matter) has *something* attractive about them. Maybe just a nice smile, good teeth, thick hair, they smell good, a nice phone voice - SOMETHING.

How can you say that you would never find anything attractive about any black man, ever? Or are you one of those people who maintain that all black people "look the same"?!? If so, that sounds a bit prejudicial to me.

Sure there have been PEOPLE in my life I have not been attracted to. There has never been an entire race that is distasteful or I would not be attracted to. A certain person, of course. We all have. I am not a psychic and don't know what to expect from each and every client. I never pass judgement on someone I don't know either. That's all I really feel I need to answer.

Dear ProGirl,

First off, I support any providers right to refuse service for any reason...even when its based on race.

What I object to is saying its because 2 black men are robbing girls.  If you said its because you don't feel safe or comfortable with blacks or harbored a distrust or did not believe in mixing or races, then fine...those are your feelings and issues and are valid because you feel them.

I see men ALL the time who disgust me.  I had one recently whose breath was so vile, it smelled of rotting flesh and I could smell his breath from a distance everytime he exhaled.  Lucky me, he wanted to "get close" and "look" at me and lie next to me and cuddle.  All the while his bad breath was turning my stomach.  But it is MY job to make him feel good.  I would feel guilty if I took his money and made him feel bad or hurt his feelings.  Sometimes you have to grin and bear it and say to yourself "This Too Shall Pass."


As far as faking enjoyment...what woman in this world (provider and non-provider alike) has not "faked" enjoyment?   When you go to someone's home for dinner and the food is awful, don't you thank them for a delicious meal?  Haven't you ever feigned interest in some boring topic someone spoke about?  Haven't you ever smiled and said "It was a pleasure meeting you." when you really thought they were a boar and couldn't wait to get away from them?  Haven't you ever lied to a friend who said "Does this dress make me look fat?" and told her it was made her look slender when in fact it made her hips look huge?  

That's life and its called Good Manners.

As far as what I want and my personal taste, I save that for my personal life. I separate work from personal.

I had this same view towards my patients as a nurse...my patients did not choose their illness and I did not choose my patients.  Whether the patient was in for a broken hip, heart surgery, HIV treatment or cancer...I never made my patient feel bad because their illness disgusted me.  Personal feelings had no place in my work.


Also being a nurse has made me a lot more comfortable with physical disabilities than most people would have become.  I do not consider race a physcial disability.  I Do consider nastiness and hatred a mental disability.  )


And yes, we all have limits on what we can tolerate.   But if the problem is based on race, then don't pretend its based on something else.  Its insulting to our intelligence.  We each have boundaries and limitations...we are not perfect.  In the ASP industry, due to its personal intimate nature, a provider should be able to refuse service to anyone for any reason at all.  Just don't lie to yourself about your reasons.

The clients get to choose us based on their preferences and while I wish all my clients looked like Brad Pitt, I realize they won't.  So I do the best I can with what walks in the door.


Brad honey, if you are reading this I am offering a special discount to you only!  


Talisa

For most of us altho I am primarily speaking for myself here, are those related to cleanliness... bad breath, icky teeth, obviously unclean body. And how the heck would we KNOW that ahead of time??? Do you think a guy is going to write to us and say "BTW, I just want you to know that I last brushed my teeth while Reagan was president!"  ==:O !!!! That is the kind of thing we *discover* when we open the door, and I at least, TRY to handle it with some tact. It did, I must say, blow my mind a few weeks ago when I had a client with HORRID breath, refuse my offer of a breath mint. Gentlemen, if a lady offers you a mint, I don't care if you brushed two seconds before you stepped in the door and you know your breath is fresh... just take it anyways! It can't hurt!!!! TAKE THE MINT!  =:O OMG! (I'm now picturing myself with a police type megaphone yelling... "Now, Step TOWARDS the listerine!" ROLFMAO!!!)

Now with someone like that, yeah I did have to fake it when he wanted to kiss me!!!!! I mean COME ON! He did leave with a smile though and overall happy with his experience, and that is my job. I do the best I can to please, and 9 times out of ten, I *do* enjoy myself as much as I *seem* to enjoy myself.  If a gent will work WITH me, I won't HAVE to fake it. Sometimes you DO get out of life what you put into it.

Hugs*
Nicole

Well it has been white wackos, but that didn't close any women's shop, because of it. It's just another excuse. I'm mixed with blk. but at times women can't tell, but when i share that with
them that fact some get distant, but hey some like it - a guy who has blk. features, but doesn't look blk. Even girls I seen told me if i do review them that say they eroctic mix and not blk., cause white guys won't call them - hehehe- that like guys how go see TV's because they look like females , but know they are really males.  My two or three cents on the matter.

BRAVO!!!!

would the providers stop seeing white men?"

Excellent point!

>"prove that I am a "safe" potential client while my white
> counter parts do not?"

Hey, you shouldn't have to, but that's the world we live in.  Then again unless you know someone who has seen the same provider as you, how do you know she's requesting something of you that she isn't asking everyone?

That said, about 5 years ago I was catching a cab in Washington, D.C. and a black man was waiting in front of me patiently.  Being from LA, and almost never taking a cab, I was shocked when a taxi went right past him and even a few feet past me and then quickly motioned for ME to get in the cab.  I pointed to the gentleman waiting in front of me and as that man went for the cab the driver waved him off and drove away.  I was really outraged, and I had know idea that was (is?) a fairly common practice. I felt really bad for the man waiting for the cab. (Incidentally the driver was black, I'm guessing Jamaican or something)  Anyway, back in LA I heard the same thing being discussed on the radio and, at least according to the cabbies being interviewed, they wouldn't pick up black men for fear of being robbed.  In their case this was, again according to them, based on their experience being robbed in the past by black men.  I'm sure plenty of white men have committed robbery before, but it's hard to argue with a cab driver who's been robbed a gun point by a black man and tell him he's a racist when they're afraid for their life.

I do have some black friends who have described the hurt they feel when they get on an elevator and a white woman hides her purse, or a cop looks at them suspiciously because they happen to run across the street to drop something in the mailbox.  These are professional, well educated, well groomed men.  I have to confess as a white man it just never occurred to me these things happend.

I wish I could suggest some magic solution here.  It really breaks my heart to listen to my friends stories.  On the one hand it's unfortunate that a small segment of the ethnic communities can create a climate of fear for the rest.  On the other hand the white majority has to realize that these crimes are not committed by blacks, hispanics or whatever, they're committed (more likely) by un-educated, poor, drug addicted  kids who would be just as likely to commit the crimes if they were white. (Of course that's just my opinion... I could be wrong.)

Anyway to return to the original point.  You certainly shouldn't have to do anything extra because of you're race.  But he can either stubbornly refuse and not get what he wants, or maybe try to to go the extra mile and maybe have some luck.

Sorry for the long post...