Welcome dear. Be careful with this bunch they are quite often ill-mannered but they certainly mean well

This one is free!
lol

A few years ago a man had his penis amputated after sticking it in a vacuum cleaner.   An UPRIGHT vacuum cleaner.

I say ... it prevented him from breeding inthe shallow end of the gene pool and producing another generation of dumb-assed voters!

Because that is something he will never forget.

Shaye

vagina and had to go to the emergency room of the local hospital to have it removed.  For those of you who don't remember the Mork and Mindy show - Mork was a space alien from the planet Ork and was played by Robin Williams.  Orkan eggs were one of the novelty items sold as a result of the show.

but paraphrased from my memory - taken from a medical journal:

30-something male appears in an alaskan emergency room, won't speak to anyone until he is behind closed doors with a male physician. pulls down his pants to reveal a grossly swollen and gangrenous scrotum. upon further examination, the doc finds the sac to be torn jaggedly down the middle, but held together with rusty, blood-encrusted staples.... and one testicle is missing.

our hero was working in a lumber mill way up north, far from the possibility of female contamination . he had discovered a particular belt sander upon which he could mount his own makeshift soft, furry 'belt'. by varying the speeds and rubbing himself against it, he could produce an earth shattering orgasm. needless to say, it's not something you "share with the fellows", so he took to staying late or skipping lunch breaks. apparently one day, his passion overcame him and he lost his balance. the unforgiving machine grabbed his penis and, quite literally, flung him across the room - knocking him unconscious for several minutes. he woke up with his scrotum torn and bleeding, and one ball short. i assume the shock deadened the pain, because (desperate to cover up before the crew came back) he was able to wash up and use a handy desk stapler to ....
contain the damage. then he wrapped himself up as best he could with gauze and cotton from the first aid kit.

after a few days, he did not experience pain (dead nerves and tissue), but difficulty urinating coupled with the smell of dead flesh prompted him to seek medical attention.

as unbelievable as it may seem, not only did he survive but his ability to produce offspring was not compromised, thus rendering him ineligible for a darwin award (which i believe he richly deserved).

You think thats bad

http://poetry.rotten.com/potatoes-n-jelly/

go to the bottom of the page to ensure you look at all the pics.