Why is it when you tell a potential client you are booked (wether you are or not or just are not interested in seeing him) he won't let up? He can't get the hint to back off and he thinks he can bully you into seeing him by telling you his TER handle. There are plenty of other providers out there so why can't he just move on? Is it a male ego thing?

No, it's an OCD thing.

I'm sure that will end the harassment.  

your wish is my command, if only you would see me, all would be right with my world... I can take you away from all this... I only want you... yada yada yada....  and so on....  gimme a break... see him, I'm sure that he will get over you!  

Seriously, if he be too persistant and you think that your life may be in danger - it probably is, and that is the time to call the men in blue.....

If you are telling him that you are booked and that is why you can't see him then regardless of whether or not this is the truth then he may continue trying to book a new date/time or inquiring if you had a cancel.  So in these circumstances you can help matters by eliminating his hopes and making it clear that you are not interested in seeing him.

Now if you are in fact telling him that you have no desire to see him then that is another story.  If you know his phone number and/or email addy then ignore/delete the calls/messages.  Barring a stalking nutcase type, he'll get the hint and will go elsewhere...

A very common emotion given by civvie women to the knowledge of a man seeing a provider is disgust.
Add that sub conscious image to whatever else may be taxing his self esteem past or present, and the denial to absorb/rationalize anymore rejection reaches a zenith.
 

often, maybe some additional guidance on your website would help.  But if it's happened once or twice is it something that really should be resolved with the one or two idiots?  As in, you just lost your Kathy privileges?

(1) Some men seem unable to let go.  In fact, a LOT of men seem unable to let go, it just depends on what you're talking about.  Captain Ahab - in one form or another, about one thing or another, seems to be a pretty common trait.  For that matter, a lot of women do it too, except that they usually turn it inward, which is easily as strange.

(2)  Women (and some men) are often unable to just spit it out, and say something really clear, like "I'm not accepting new clients in the foreseeable future".   Sometimes they're reluctant to hurt people's feelings, without thinking that a normal person is simply not that delicate, and you can't guess what an abnormal person is going to do - that's what locks are for.

Don't take it personal, pal. It's my choice to see who I like. If he's that annoying before I see him then what's he like after? For your info, once he see's me he will be hooked.

He thinks because he has a TER handle that makes him special and providers should be honored to spend time with him. I see his posts on the NY board and he sounds like a pig.

You control your love box. End of discussion.

I'll conjecture though:

Maybe he takes it personal, as you've implied here that you weren't booked, meaning you lied to him.  If you say you're booked with the same tone that you'd say, "fuck off and die!"  some guys sensing the dishonesty will continue to probe into it, at least till you come clean and say, "No, I'm not booked, but I will never book you."  However, I don't know if coming clean about it now is going to repair the situation.  Nobody likes to be lied to, and men can play plenty of games about it when sex is involved-- even if the sex is a professional service.  I'm not saying it's not wrong, I'm saying I understand why some guys would be tempted to do this.  

I'm a bit puzzled.  Why is it wrong to give your TER handle?  At least you could then read his posts and reviews, especially if they go back a few years, and figure out if you want to see the guy. Of course, there's no way of knowing if that handle is really that guy.

and all common sense goes out the window.  I would just ask to see in future if that interested.  If you are in travel mode, just ask that I be considered on next visit... pretty simple really but that does not occur to many clients.  Most likely a combo of male ego and stupidity - a dangerous mix.

We don't tell the truth because if a guy is undesirable, he's undesirable for a reason. If Mr. Scary-voice, Sounds Freaky guy hears "No, sorry, you sound like a freak,"-- just how do you think he's going to react?

Come on. Get real.

That's what I would want if I were calling you Kathy.  And then I'd never bother you again.

The guy may have given his TER handle to make you more comfortable, not to bully you.

-- Modified on 12/12/2006 7:46:29 AM

The times I've said, sorry I can't see you they push and push to see me.  
So... I see them and yep totally non compatible and then mr big shot shoots his mouth out to all the other guys I wouldn't want to see ... Go with your gut and don't let him bully you.  

You'll always regret being right and giving in.  

One of these types just called me a "bitch" in a back channel group.  I'm a bitch because I allowed him to see me giving him an attitude from day one.  Hope this story helps you on days you want to give in and see a guy you know isn't right for you.

My taste has never been to pushy relationships, so I never had the Ahab thing about possession or exclusiveness - and in fact I never witnessed it that much, and have a hard time understanding it.   If she went beyond coy, I was gone.   And now in my dotage, I just don't give a shit.  If she doesn't bring me my morning coffee with a smile, I'm gone.

My Ahab pursuits are in other areas, like driving till I fall off the road sideways, chasing truly bad people into oblivion, etc.  I suspect that a person who does not have some Ahab in them about something is actually a mushroom.  


As for Kathy, I can't know or say.  I'm suggesting that needless ambiguity is a common feminine characteristic.  It's up to the reader to draw their own opinions.

is why anybody would think that a TER handle is any leverage - as if there weren't plenty of other hobbyists who weren't willing to do her.

I never let on to any provider that I used TER.  I suppose a few could have figured it out after the fact if they wanted, but they weren't getting it from me.

Kathy of 48th St and to look up your posts on these boards.  I'm certain he'll never darken your door again.

...yet I'm obsessed with making Kathy of 48th St origami sculptures.

Pssst. My TER handle is "Lex Luethor"... will you see me?