3 years ago I cut off a provider that I'd known for aboiut 6 years.  We'd become close and the sex was off the charts many of the times that we got together.  We had more than a provider/client relationship but I'm married and I never gave her any indication that I had any interest in making her more than a paid encounter.  She seemed to understand that; at least I thought so.

One night (we had about one overnight every few months) she started saying things during sex that were very uncharacteristic.  Things that were putting some pressure on me to leave my family and become her SO.

That was the last time I saw her.  I cut her off and we did a little text messaging for the past few years.  Just casual stuff.

Recently she told me that she'd like to see me and let me know that she made a mistake and it would not happen again.

I've been very reluctant but your post has me thinking that maybe a second chance would be OK.

I've lost track of the number of chances I've been given.....

no excuse - but I am career military. Even with my suave veneer, I am a hardcase. At the very least, I can be very insensitive at times, from the standpoint of a civilian and a woman.

(NOT talking about being rough or abusive)

I must have *some* redeeming qualities I suppose (yes, I do actually lol) because the number of times I've been given "2nd chances" - well - I've lost track....

And I'm very grateful actually.....

Could have been an anomaly, but then again, you let him know that you weren't taking his shit. 2nd chances are good for most, but there will always be someone out to prove it wrong. In life and in this biz, don't take shit from people, ever. If you let a bully push you around once, he'll own you. The way to do it is to push back and kick his ass if necessary. Because you were willing to forgo the money, he got the message. If he changed how he responds to all women, then there is moral victory in that. Good luck!

Everyone can change and mature... or some people can get more immature lol


but unless the person did something sooooooo bad that I could absolutely never see them again, like harm me physically, then I prob would give a second chance later... if I think enough time had passed and they seemed like they may not repeat the offensive behavior


caitlyn

always communicate our needs honestly..
It could be that he realized that he missed you a bit and he would try another approach as well..

either way.. it is a win for you both...

Enjoy.. give him an extra kiss and start with a clean slate...

I've had it happen in both the civie and hobby world.

In the civie world, there was a lady I had like two dates with and something was just rubbing me wrong; so I let it go. A couple of years later she crossed my mind for some reason and I busted out my huge black book, and gave her a call. She was amenable, and the second time everything worked much better.

In general, in the hobby world, I have considered all rejections by providers to be irrevocable. My reasoning is that, as a free market advocate, it is important that I not distort the market by affecting a provider's decisions, even if I disagree.

However -- and I'll be very non-specific here so the lady doesn't figure out who she is -- at some point in the past year I had one or more sessions with a provider who had rejected my patronage two years ago on the most ridiculous of grounds.

In fact, she had rejected my patronage on the basis of something that never existed and wasn't even real. I made no attempt to correct that view which was very unflattering (didn't want to distort the market). and due to the self-righteous tone of her erroneous rejection, she went on my personal "dismissed with prejudice as an insufferably pretentious idiot" list.

(Yes, even so called "manginas" have such lists. LOL)

Later on, I joined ter, and she contacted me out of the blue via PM based upon some post or another -- no doubt unaware of what had previously occurred.

Obviously, she was unaware that she was reconsidering me as a client. But, she brought herself to my attention in a different light and I reconsidered her prior rejection as simple human error rather than evidence of (as I had previously thought) lack of contact with reality.

So we both reconsidered; and I definitely enjoyed her company. She certainly *seemed* to enjoy mine -- or at the very least the envelope -- enough to invite me back.

So ... sometimes it makes sense to reconsider past decisions, and also to interpret personal rules flexibly in order to maintain their spirit without being put in a box by the letter.

Re: In favor or 2nd chances....

In terms of this hobby, I don't believe I'll give second chances anymore.
There's a girl here in Atlanta that I saw several years ago who was gorgeous and had a smoking hot body...one of those made for sex. Anyway, the session was just ok and certainly not worth a repeat. Over the next couple of years I kept seeing reviews for this gal that were consistantly 8's,9's or 10's in regards to her performance in the bedroom. I trusted that she still looked great because those numbers were always either an 8,9 or 10 as well.
So I give her a buzz about a year and a half ago and go see her again because her reviews are so good. Bad move. Same old boring session and was probably out of there in 35 minutes even though I paid for an hour. Just like before, she acted like she'd rather be somewhere else.
Never again!!!!

It turned out to be a wonderful decision and I've had many good times since.

On the other hand I've given another gal about four second chances and lived to regret it each time.

Who knows about the fifth however?  8o)

I recently saw someone who had previously been solid patron of my service in Boston and person that I'd previously "dismissed" (as you put it).
A business traveler, I saw him weekly for several months each time he was in the City.  After a series of cancellations and finally a last minute non-cancellation (I terminated the appointment en route when he told me that he only had 2/3rds of my donation) I felt thoroughly disrespected and told him that I could no longer see him.

I put him on ice and after a span of nearly two months (several possible appointments) he asked if I would see him again if he promised to keep our arrangements.  I thought about it and carefully considered the fact that he had been an excellent client with regular, uneventful, safe and fun meetings.  I realized that we all have runs of bad luck or thoughtlessness due to preoccupation with more important things. I accepted and I had a fantastic time being with him.  He asked to see me again this week and I only declined/found another companion because I was not available.  

In this case, a second chance was warranted and it was extended.  I'm satisfied that he knows to take care to be considerate of me when I am planning to receive or visit him and he has the convenience of a companion who knows him, his tastes and preferences.

In the case of non-clients, potential clients who I am communicating with but have not yet met its a little bit more complicated.  Last minute multiple hour cancellations, cancellations which involve me securing an incall location specifically to see them, unjustified NC/NS, disrespect, vulgarity or insensitive discussion/inquiries?
No, I error on the side of caution.  I tend to think that the way that one expresses themselves, particularly in writing, is indicative of their character.    Inappropriate discussion, aggressiveness or seeming overly invested in meeting are enough to make me nix a client without considering them again, ever, period.

I've taken breaks from clients and accepted their invitations after a time; I do so only when I am certain that the client understands my grievance and is willing to correct it or help me to understand why my assessment of their behavior or intent isn't accurate.

First impressions can be a killer for new clients but despite the fact that I may ultimately lose worthwhile clients avoiding those new clients who've made mistakes- I venture to say that the one horrific encounter that my safety mechanism could prevent me from accepting is worth that loss.  The client also benefits going forward in that he knows what may breech the comfort level of an online companion he has an interest in seeing.

Personally, I've shown my very best and my very worst during my time as a companion over the past four years.  I'm certain that there are plenty of clients and providers alike who feel that they've given me a second chance, regardless of whether or not I knew it.  I once even considered  offering a "burned bridges special" for clients I've Ally'ed online and in my inbox LMFAO.

We're all human, we all make mistakes and sometimes we aren't aware of ourselves.  So long as safety isn't a question, I'm all for second chances being extended on both sides of the line.

Nice message ALEA.  I do appreciate your thoughts, you're one of the most forward-thinking, interesting providers who posts on this board.

You've witnessed an amazing thing...

he grew up and turned into a man.

for simple misunderstandings, confusions and meddlings by third parties, likely, yes.

for deliberate intent to harm, no.

sometimes telling the difference is difficult, though.

in civy life my LTRs often involved second chances. but in that life there is more time to sort through miscues successfully. in the hobby when one or both parties are a little eccentric and difficult to "get" correctly the miscue has to be dealt with on the spot and quickly. sorting it out later, after the fact, there is no time.

i think it may depend on the business models of the providers and clients involved:

if the provider is "just" about the money, or the client is "just" about service there is no incentive to fix miscues and give second chances.

if there is more of humane attitude on both sides it can happen.

Alea, you were right to defer seeing your client again. and although you were motivated to give a second chance be slow business, i think if you were "just" about the money, you wouldn't have noticed the changes in how you interacted with him. hats off.

Glad it worked out well but me I am not big on second chances at all.