Mistress Matisse has written another great column for 'Control Tower', her weekly feature in Seattle's The Stranger newspaper.

If I could add one to the list, it would be:

- Keep your intial phone conversations and emails brief and to the point. When, where, for how long, and references if she requires it. Sexworkers get too many inquiries too spend hours and hours dealing with convoluted correspondence. Plus, lengthy questions make us assume you're either law enforcement, or someone looking to get off just through talking to us.

Here's the column - a link to it follows at the end.

18 Things Clients of Sex Workers Should Know

BY MISTRESS MATISSE

1. If you regularly visit a sex-work business with multiple ladies, like a lingerie-modeling establishment or a sensual-touch studio, assume that the ladies may talk among themselves about you. But like other women, we don't talk as much about your dick size as we do about whether you were a nice guy overall.

2. Unless we've agreed otherwise, if I see you in public I will pretend I don't know you. You should do the same.

3. A sex worker says, "Have you been here before?" Or, "...seen other ladies, used the service before?" etc. Translation: "Do you know the rules or do I need to school you?"

4. No matter how much you like her and she likes you, she is unlikely to quit the business to be your girlfriend.

5. Voting for "tough on crime" conservative politicians is against your best sexual interests, since to them you're one of the bad guys.

6. Yes, there are "bad-client" lists that get passed around by working girls, but you have to be pretty seriously bad to be on them. Quirks such as the odd bit of halitosis, calling us by the wrong names, or paying a fee entirely in one-dollar bills do not qualify, so relax.

7. On the other hand, if you leave skid marks on her sheets, your "are-you-available?" e-mail will always get bumped to the bottom of the list.

8. "Captain Save-A-Ho" is not just an E-40 rap song. There is a breed of sex worker who perpetually teeters on the brink of financial disaster—an expensive car repair, unpaid rent, her sister's eye operation, etc. Softhearted clients who like to solve problems can be drawn into these dramas. If that's how you want to spend your money, that's fine, but be aware that you're likely to run out of cash long before she runs out of crises.

9. Drunk dialing? Bad idea. Ladies you already know won't want to deal with you, and if you're a lonely drinker calling random ads you found online, the odds of you having a bad experience—getting cheated, being assaulted, even getting arrested—are very high. Just masturbate.

10. Heavy tipping is nice, and it does make up for a multitude of sins. But given a choice between two clients, I'd pick the sweet, considerate guy with exact change over the flaming asshole with a wad of cash.

11. Unless you're Dr. Bill Frist and you're able to do long-distance diagnoses, calling up a prostitute and asking her, "Are you clean?" is about the dumbest waste of time I can think of.

12. A sex worker at a business where anyone can just walk in off the street has to be a resilient and well-defended girl, and client/provider interactions at such places are emotionally shallow. If you're looking for a warm, intimate experience, you need to see someone who screens clients carefully and can afford to handpick guys she likes.

13. A high price doesn't guarantee a stellar experience. But if you paid for a Honda, don't get pissy because you didn't get a Lexus.

14. We don't expect fidelity from you, so we'll really not be offended if you mention a desire to see other ladies.

15. On the other hand, spending the whole session talking about how hot Miss X is will make us wonder why you didn't call her in the first place.

16. If an outcall sex worker walks in, collects the fee, and then says she has to run back out to her car to get something, she will not be coming back—and neither will your money. This is known as a "cash-n-dash."

17. A sex worker says, "Why don't we/you get comfortable?" Translation: "Let's take off some clothes."

18. One of the things that can stop generous-natured ladies from spontaneously bestowing an extra level of service upon good regulars—say, more time or a wider range of options—is the idea that if she does it once, the client will then expect it every time he visits. Therefore, making it clear that you view each visit with her as a unique and delightful experience works to your benefit.

- Morgan

Excellent excellent list......and funny too!

I've been a long time reader of her blog - and her column.  gotta love her take on life - and her down-to-earth advice.

I love #12...it matters that I screen - and should be just as important to the gentlemen visiting me.

It would be a short & quick conversation.

Thank You

Note #5.
This is the complete truth.
Everyone needs to remember this when they vote this November 7.
Right wing zelots are not friends to anyone (providers and hobbist)
who is involved in this hoppy!
Voting Libertarian would be best, but most do not have a chance of winning.  For most of us you are better off voting for a candidate who is strong on womens rights.  
They may not be thrilled about hobby activities, but more likely to turn a blind eye to someyhing a woman do by personel choice.

I learned a few new things and got reminded of a few others.

Thanks Morgan.

Exactly. So Vote Democrat!

Which will be great for us hobbying folks----for about 5 years ---until the Caliphate is in place in the USA and OBL is the new Surgeon General.

And we all line up for the beheadings in alphabetical order by TER handle.

Item # 8 is very true and equally sad. While some feign problems to attract Captain Save-a-ho white nights, others have trouble and shitbag situations follow them like magnets. Here's to all the true-ho's that fuck like champs and are drama-free.

Back in the good old days, when I could afford it (i.e. pre-divorce), I donated considerable sums to three different ATF's, all of whom I had known for at least a few years.

In all cases, I felt that things turned out well.  In all three cases it was to help them save their homes from foreclosure and in one case, the provider arranged to pay me back in trade, so to speak, so it was no real loss.

To this day I am close with all three and I felt that doing so cemented our ties and that we are all better off for my largess.

There was a fourth situation that did not end so well, but you can't win them all.

The moral for me:  Be generous if you can afford it.  It is likely to do you more good than harm.

That's been about my experience too, around 3 out of 4 will get back on their feet, and go on with their lives.  When I give something away, I never expect any sort of payback, but I usually come out way farther ahead than I thought. Sometimes it's not the person I helped that pays me back, it can go through several people before it gets back to me. I guess it shows there really are good hearts in this business!!

You help people dig a deeper hole. Charity is the greatest human attribute when it comes from the inside out. While money can turn things around and often does, it also can mask the symptoms of larger problems. If you can help someone with your mental muscle or your time, it is far better than feeding someone; isn't usually better to teach them to fish?

If these were ranked, my bet goes to #10 to be near the top of the list.

Not necessarily. The feminazis tend to be convinced that we ladies are poor underprivileged gals who are being scrupulously taken advantage of by you sex crazed horn dogs.

Other than the "sex crazed horn dogs" part they couldn't be more wrong

Wow, she hit the nail on the head.

I agree with the email add on. Sometimes I get emails with a name and are you available and must spend the next 12 emails trying to coax the finer details out of someone in order to decide whether or not I trust this person enough to see them.