Please remember to be factual, and NOT hype a story up.

Case in point: a prospective client of mine, had called me up with a warning: there is a guy pretending to have met me, and saying that we did Greek, and other acts which is NEVER ON MY MENU. First of all, I don't do greek, and for me to perform these other acts that were mentioned, I would never subject on my ownself.

I do thank my gentleman friend, for having the guts to speak out to this guy, telling him not to say anymore. Also, for him to come to me with this rumor. No telling how many other times, this particular guy "flapped" his gums to about these bogus accounts.

I have posted this on my local board, and I wanted to do this here, to let men aware that what you can say, can affect a woman's career, so be considerate and always be honest.

Thanks,

Melinda

this is a good point that Mel brought over here to National. this was my $0.02 response from the Boston board (reproduced below)

--


"I am curious as to what a provider might like a good client to tell a prospective client when a reference is being sought" -- Loarthan


the flip side to this is what would the _prospective client_ want the good client to tell him ... without any undue influence from the provider herself!

speaking generally (and not about this case) i feel that backchanneling is about truthful and honest exchange of info that one can not get elsewhere. this includes those "details" that some may have left out. as long as there's no treachery or deceit involved (and i guess within the bounds of common decency with language) there's nothing wrong with being explicit and meticulous about the information exchange.

what one would like is a situation when gentlemen who are backchanneling each other have NOT become (however unwittingly) a shill for the provider. or the opposite of that, a resentful jilted ex-client who does nothing but tarnish her reputation and damage her business

again, i'm speaking generally and i don't know (nor do i particularly wanna know) anything about this particular case.

there was treachery and deceit involved. I have no plans in ever meeting this guy, who told the fib. Period.

Mel

Now, lets make that 4 cents, Singleton lol

Well, I didn't drag my reply over because it had some other stuff in it not germane to this subject.

First, I think we always need to tell the truth as we know it in both the public parts of the board as well as when backchanneling.  It doesn't do anyone any good if you decide that the provider is really bi, does greek, likes goats, or wouldn't mind another guy in the room if you don't really know and didn't bother to ask.  those are the sort of lies that go on all the time in the public reviews.  It embarrasses the provider and the person who read the review because the provider never has and never will do some of the stuff described in the public reviews
It just doesn't make any sense to me why you would bother to backchannel a lie to a friend.  You aren't helping your friend or the provider.  In the long run you are not helping yourself either as witnessed by what is going on now.

So if you want to describe a litle better what really happened on a back channel I  think that's fine.  Not everyone needs to hear all the gory details but let's stick to the truth.

My .02

Thanks, Orthodx

I needed to hear that, for I will be honest and say, when I heard the account of what was being said, it bothered me the whole day. First, I felt like I had no control at all in the situation, that I couldn't come out and say, HEY you are wrong in those assumptions. That is why, I am glad that the gentleman who had contacted me, did that for me, by telling the guy, that he didn't want tohear anymore. He spoke out for me, which I am sure that most gentlemen would (I hope). He also did me a favor by warning me of this creep, for I have no plans in ever meeting him (factual: I never met this guy),and I would do all in my power to make sure that girls are warned about him, so they don't end up in my situation or worse.

Mel

There will always be those who will claim to have received more in the way of services, and paid less for it to boot, than anyone else.  Unfortunately their desire, or need, to look like a big shot out weighs any concern about how such tales will effect the provider.

to consider the source when evaluating information.  Hey, there are friends of mine, people that I love, whose tales I always take with a large grain of salt.

To forestall dumb questions, they have other redeeming features that make them worthy friends.

exageration by guys.  The more they said they did the less they actually did.  

Then again that was waaaaay back in my day.  From the sounds of today's youth, I guess they all do it.

changed my mind. Said everything I wanted to say already

-- Modified on 7/27/2003 7:51:00 PM

I don't pretend to know the truth.  Most of what I posted are based on my own experience and observations.  I have been proven wrong before so I am not perfect.

I am an average looking, overweight guy without much personal charm.  I would rate myself a 6 to 7 in look.  The only things I have in favor are my adoration/adulation of beautiful woman and my easygoing demeanor.  A lot of the times, they are amused by my enthusiasm and my excitement.  Many of the things I am interested in are also things they like.  In addition, a willingness to be generous at times is also very helpful.

I have personally gotten very, very high mileage from a few reviewed ladies.  None of those are listed in the menu or reviews.  I am quite sure they would deny what took place happened when someone asked.  This is what YMMV means.  Some ladies wanted to preserve the options to withhold certain services if the chemistry is not right or they are not in the mood to do so.  Even ladies I saw multiple times don’t always deliver the same level of service every time.  They are human beings and not robots.  A good client would recognize that and down the line, be rewarded accordingly.

Back-channeling is not a review or public post.  It is done among a few individuals.  It just give the listener an idea about what is possible.  It is up to the listener to judge whether it is truthful or not.  If a hobbyist used that info to badger or pressure a lady to do something she didn’t want to do, then he is the problem.

Given my own experience, depending on the situation, I sometimes would ask a lady whether there is any hidden menu available.  Most of the time, the answer is No but once in a blue moon, the answer is Yes.  My feeling is that, at long as I am cool about the rejection and ask politely, it is OK to do so.  After all, if one never ask, one would never know.

The lesson from the late great Speaker of the House, Tip O'Neill is that one should always personally ask for the vote.

Greek is  something that never appealed to me, nor ever will, and to each their own. Also, in nearly every review, it states, that I don't do that type of act. So, that would and should, give the reader the notion that NOPE, I don't do it (and don't even think about it..with me lol).  That I can speak the truth on, and there is no "hidden agenda" here. Also, if one wants it from the horses mouth, ask me. I have no issues in telling anyone what I do and don't do. I would rather meet with a gentleman, who is able to appreciate what I do offer, other than what is imagined. If he is looking for something more, then I would rather not see him, and would refer him to someone else (which I have done).

Mel



-- Modified on 7/27/2003 11:15:01 PM

refuse it to someone unless she mislead the hobbyist when they first set up the appointment.

JMHO, too many hobbyists take a quick glance on reviews without trying to read the details and understand why certain scores were given.

I just offer my view on the back-channeling matter and was not really directed to you.

Good luck and have peace.

My ATF charges WAY extra for "Back Channeling"   apparently because my message pipeline is so big.

Far too often the reviews are inconsistent with the summary sheet as to services provided.  As others have noted the problem is further complicated by the number of dummy reviews posted by people , often using pasted portions of other reviews or their reviews of other providers.

Many of us would prefer to see a provider who does NOT provide anal for what we feel are very valid reasons.  

TER is not perfect but it is vastly better than the  lottery of simply picking an ad and calling