There wss a time I would have said definitely, but I am not sure.

Sex can be mutual and thoroughtly enjoyable to both parties in both settings.

What do the ladies and gents have to say?

-- Modified on 2/1/2006 1:40:30 PM

...that seems to be missing something!

Of course sex can be mutually enjoyable to both parties in both settings.

When I'm with a civvy lover then I'm trying to make sure he has a good time but I want to have a good time too.  However, when I'm being paid my priority is to ensure the client is happy.  In a paid situation, my enjoyment is (to me) of secondary importance. Luckily, most guys enjoy their provider having fun so I almost always get to have orgasms too.

Apart from the deep emotional involvement which is generally lacking in a client/provider sitution, the sex can be every bit as satisfying as with a civvy lover.

often when I am with a provider with whom things click.... I think "wow, this is good and what would it take to get her interested in me!!!" but then I realize that she is way outta my league... with civvies - I always think - hummm....  she is out with me -mmmmm.....what does that say about her... hmmm.....

in both instances - when the chemistry is not there I look at my watch a lot and think is our time up - and if I am with the civie - I think this  is way paying for them to go away is a good thing....   hummm......!  interesting thought.

You can enter a "relationship" - but that will cost you in overhead.  The hobby is just a reoccurring expense - more and better sex for less money.  One night stands usually cost at least a few drinks.  I guess those are the most cost effective, but require the most time investment and a high bullshit quota.  And I think pickups are the most dangerous - desparate people with nothing to loose.  Drunk too, though that can be a good thing sometimes.

It depends on a the person. Good sex is good sex. I found that some providers are just in it for the money. They waste your time be showing up late and not being prepared. I have found some of the pretty ones think they can get away with bad service. If a provider primarly services older guys (over 50) she might not be able to handle the younger men for long appointments. The civies are ready to jump the bone all the time.

-- Modified on 2/1/2006 4:02:13 PM

...to find reviews on the civvies.  With a  provider, I have a pretty good idea what I'm in for.  A civvie is a crapshoot.  On rare occasions they work out quite well, but it's so unpredictable.

think of it - it would take the guesswork out of identifying the problem dates...  we could have catetories - ya know - kisses on first date:  takes 1, 2, 3, 4, 10, 100, 100,000,000 dates to warm up enough to have sex (check box), high maintenance (requires at least a $500,000 home - drive a mercedes.... etc.  middle maintenance, nice condo with an occasional ski trip or low maintenance, room at the local Y, soup kitchen etc....  

looks - great, see  better days, could not tell - kids kept blocking the view...

services provided - cleaned my clock, cleaned my house, cleaned out my bank account....

Atmosphere - great - candles, warm buble bath
            so so - nice dinner with clean dishes
            could have been better - ok, nice clean lady
            be afraid, be very afraid - kept talking about lorena bobbit....

type of activities - incredible sex....
                    incredible GFE
                    we were supposed to do something?
                    talk, talk, talk, talk, talk....
                    complain, complain, complain
                    I will write full review after they release me from the hospital...

   

With civie sex, there is the advantage of feeling in love and sharing, this is of great emotional importance; plus there is the luxury of time, etc.  However, most civie type relationships do not pan out.  Sometimes you know in a matter of days (even hours) and sometimes it takes 20 years (Take my wife - please!) Then you have things like guilt and obligation to deal with. Not real good.
With the escort, you have limited time and you know that it is a business relationship at heart.  (Ok, Ok so Bev and I are an exception, but you know what I mean.)  On the other hand, there is a certain peace of mind to knowing that you don't have to deal with a complicated relationship in order to enjoy sexuality, and there is the added bonus that escorts are just plain better lovers (Practice makes perfect.)
So which is better?  As they say in that ad that used to be on TV: both.

But you can't even ask that question if you've ever been in a loving relatiionship and experienced the intensity of that type of sex.  Because there's no way you can ever compare paying someone to make you happy with the sexual feelings that result from making love to a woman who loves you as much as you love her.

There's also no way you can compare the performance of someone you're paying to provide you with sexual pleasure on demand, with a "civie" woman who naturally expects you to do a little something other than simply appear at her door.  

The problem is a lot of the ladies we see are so good at what they do that we men fool ourselves into thinking all sorts of crazy things about us, them and our time together.  But guys, this is their work.  They might enjoy it and you might enjoy it, to be sure, but its not reality for either of us.   When your time is up you go your separate ways, even if you are friends and she's your ATF and she makes you feel all sorts of wonderful and you momentarily forget that you're actually fat, bald, past your prime or all of the above.

If you don't want to believe this, just show up at your provider's house unannounced, with no money in hand  after she's been running around all day or is trying to make dinner and do some laundry.  Then notice how rapidly she starts to look and act like a regular woman- which is exactly what she is.

Yes, you CAN have absolutely have mind-blowing sex with an escort.- especially if you're the sort of guy who relates to women primarily on a physical level.  But to be able to ask the question means that you've never experienced the other type of sex- the type that only comes from a mutually loving relationship.  

I realize a lot of guys won't or can't ever have too much relationship success.  But IMO, way too many guys take the easy way out and turn to TER and providers rather than improve their social skills and their ability to be half of a good relationship.   Escorts definitely act as a social crutch to these guys by providing an always welcoming and willing source of physical pleasure- and one that requires little effort on their part.  This is, of course, a valuable service, but it can also prevent you from learning how to relate to real women in a meaningful way.

After six years on TER, I've come to believe a lot of guys here would be better served by investing the time and money they spend on escorts in self-improvement.

I may have swerved a little off-topic, but I think its all related to the original question.  And before someone asks, yes, I have experienced both sides of what I'm talking about.  I was with the same woman for 15 years, and have had several other important relationships in my life that have lasted 4-6 years each.  Even though in between those relationships I've enjoyed the company of an occasional escort, I've never forgotten which is reality and which is not.  

PS- Please don't actually show up at a provider's door to test my theory (I hear they really hate that!!).  I'm just trying to make a point.


-- Modified on 2/1/2006 7:15:03 PM

Come on - all the guys on TER look like Brad Pitt and have the suave bearing of Pierce Brosnon - etc.... and we are all rich beyond belief - not only that we are not like the average joe in the burbs with the wife and kiddos - -

So Exactly who are you kidding - we are everyman - accountants, doctors lawyers, cooks, construction workers, factory workers - office workers - scientists, you name it - we are they.  we have had relationships - long and short - marriage and "other" we are like the providers we seek - looking for that which we do not find elsewhere - Really, get off it!

I like it...can get a team of programmers on it.  They work cheap and are top notch...cheap Chinese labor.

I just happen to have a really good connection in China.  Top notch guys with a deflated sense of worth.  And yes, I'm willing to exploit them at least one more time.

I've been separated for 3.5 years and didn't have sex with my "ex" for 4+ years before that. She have neither the looks nor the figure of a provider (she's small and thin), but I still miss the mundane sex between us.

There's no comparison.

I've met some good guys through TER at parties and other social activities, so yeah, there are lots of normal types here.  

But, and its a big but, I've also met some that have major issues- drugs, alcohol, and mental disorders of various types and degrees, just to name a few.  These are the guys to which I refer and they ARE here on this board and others.  

I've met some of them personally and providers I know have told me about others.   These women exchange information about problem guys for their own protection and there are more of them out there than you may realize.  Anyway, I'm glad you're obviously one of the gentlemen.

and I will invite some former coworkers over for digital pictures and fun. Then post how it was.

Am I the only one here who reads these junior Dr. Phil posts and wants to throw up?

Yeah, I've been in loving relationship -- and it meant that after 1 year the woman didn't give a shit about whether or not I found her attractive anymore and "sex" became something we did "when we were younger". To hell with that.

you hit it right on the head. No comparison between civvy and provider sex.I've been married for 30+ years and the sex (though much less frequent unfortuanetely)is much better in a loving relationship. Not all women are as described some of the above responses. They are the same as us men ie. good,bad,fit,fat,greedy, selfless,etc. etc.I've backed off from the hobby because I finally realized the damage that would occur to my S.O. and family should it become known. I also gravitated to one provider at a time and tended (understatment) to get too emotionally involved which further complicated the issue. I may be the exception but the the thought of kissing, datying etc someone I met 5 minutes ago is repulsive to me. (Flame away) But conversely, I enjoyed a good bbbj and mutual touching which makes me  a hypocrite. I have gone the extra mile for the girls with whom I have developed relationships and know in my heart and mind they genuinely appreciated everything I've done for them and they have welcomed me into their homes and lives. I guess in short I have a hard time seperating the fact that the girls are daughters,sisters,mothers and friends of somebody and that in most instances they would not be doing this save for the fact they had few options at a certain point in their lives. I'm getting off my soapbox now.

if you don't even know their real name!

-- Modified on 2/2/2006 9:21:09 AM

Dr. Phil makes me want to hurl, so I'm really insulted you take these or other well-intentioned comments I've made and put them in that category.  

It sounds like you've found a home here on TER with the other cynics and otherwise angry or wounded men.  I've been in that category in the past too, but I've worked hard to get out of it.  I was just trying to shed a little light on the subject based on my experience.

But you know what?  You guys don't deserve it.  There's a reason so many of the smart, entertaining and otherwise gentlemen posters have left these boards in droves.  I think its time for me to join them again.  I left for two years after having been one of the most well known and prolific posters of the early days of TER.  But this place doesn't justify the time or effort of someone who has a brain.

Congrats Lex, the lowest common denominator just got a little lower.  You'll feel right at home soon.

-- Modified on 2/2/2006 11:22:50 AM

"Emotionally or socially stunted"? WTF? You insulted us all...

For the record, I'm neither angry or wounded, thanks to this hobby. I just don't care to have the beautiful magic I've experienced denigrated by a self-righteous comparison to a "loving relationship".

-- Modified on 2/2/2006 6:33:57 PM

I'm sorry your experiences have left you feeling this way, but I felt that way too in the late 80's after a devastaing break-up.  So I know what you're talking about.   I was fucked up for five years and couldn't have a normal relationship as a result.  

But I realized I was bitter and emotionally damaged and worked as best I could to repair those scars so I could move on and do something other than pay escorts for an hour of pleasure.  

All of us on TER know that providers are great, and I've seen my share too.  But even the escorts we see know the difference between work sex and relationship sex.  Most of them have S.O's- not because they need more sex, but because they also want the things I described.