We have these threads about dating a provider and all it's pitfalls but what I want to know is what does it mean if provider and client click and client askes provider not to work in this business and she says okay and quits the business.  What does that mean in terms of the relationship.  What significance does it hold for the client?  Thoughts are great but experiences are better.

well, thoughts only: any guy who dates a minx and moves into a personal relationship with her has her work already woven into his feelings for her.

many guys have this white knight fantasy about saving the woman from herself, blah blah, much as women have these fantasies of catching a guy and "changing him" from his bad ways. that usually goes nowhere.

anyway, why would the woman quit an independent job just because a guy asked her to? after she's changed her life to suit him, what will he come up with next -- praise jesus?

as for the rest, doesn't it depend on the individuals involved? love is so damn hard to find, if you can find it and you're smart enough to realize it, i don't think much else matters if you can accept your partner the way he or she is.

I only know of one experience.  There is a provider local to me who met and fell in love with a client.  They are currently living together, and she is still seeing clients.  He, says she, accepts this much the same way she accepts his job (I don't know what he does).  Both of them are swingers anyway, so I guess her profession is not an issue with him on that level as well.  Sorry I cannot give you a "knight in shining armor" story.

Good question.  At present I am engaged to a provider.  While I would prefer that she retire, it would be simple, stupid jealousy on my part to insist on it.  How can I be jealous of a job, especially since without this job I would never have met her.  I don't think of myself as a "white knight" or her rescuer.  If anyone has been rescued it has been me.  I have been divorced for over 20 years and never thought I was capable of feeling this way about anybody until I got to know her.  She is the sweetest, kindest, big-hearted person I have ever known.  A wonderful, vibrant, independent woman.  I might feel differently if I knew any of her clients personally, but who can tell?  Life is full of mystery and the only thing to do is enjoy the moment.  I am the luckiest man alive when each morning I wake up to begin each new day with her beside me.  Love is a wonderful thing and I feel that when you truly love someone you place your own feelings and desires secondary to theirs.  All that I want out of this relationship is what's best for her.  All else will fall in place.

the honest answer or opinion.  This is about the reality of the

situation, hypothetically speaking of course. I am very

interested in everyones thoughts or insights

give me is to tell me you cannot bear to share me with other men.  I am strange in that respect because I could never date a guy who didn't mind that I was a working girl to me that just says he doesn't really care about me he only cares about getting off.  Now I realize that if I had children or some hugh personal financial debt I might be a little more understanding of the acceptance to my working but fortunately that is not my situation.  Sure the money's great but the social stigma attached makes it almost not worth the trade.  IMO of course.

We met as client and provider for our first date and subsequently fell in love. She felt the same as you. Any man who really loved her would not want her to be in this business so she announced her retirement about 3 months after we met but that meant she had to rely on me for total support. This business can leave you in a very tough situation to find a decent 'conventional' job particularly if you have been doing this for a long time as she had been. Okay, now for the issues you might face.

You may have become very independant as the sole supporter of yourself and family. Can you handle this new role now being dependant on a man for all your financial needs? Have you ever been left before when you were dependant on someone else for your basic needs? This can and probably will cause you a lot of stress even when things are going well. At the first sign of a break up, will you return to the biz?

Since you met as client and provider, what level of trust will you place in one another? He was seeing you as a provider. How confident will you be about him not seeing providers anymore, particularly if he has a job requiring a lot of travel? Will he trust you when he is away? He knows you might have a few old 'friends' that you enjoyed spending time with and have remained in contact (only as friends though).

I could go on with a lot more, however, your two major issues will be how 'comfortable' you are in your new role and how much trust you can provide each other. Good communication will help but you both will have some baggage filled with dirty laundry. How you both deal with it will be the key to your success or failure.

sasha, forgive my bluntness, but you sound rather young, or tuned to younger guys who get their logic from their gonads.

it seems like this hypothetical person is already willing to give up her work, and how lucky that a sweet guy asks her to do it. however, since three of the posters here said heck it don't make all that much difference if ya LOVE THAT LIL LADY, you've come out and said *you* wouldn't have it that way, the guy has to get in a sweat about it.

a guy who dates a minx and decides he doesn't want to share her with other men because he loves her? sorry, but this is a guy who has alreadly learned how to create his own problems in life. he'll only ask you to share his diet.

if he or she thinks we fell in love because he can see she can see the way it should really be for her for me, well ... back to the white knight thing. ladies can *dream* about their white knight, can't they? but what will you do with him for ever and ever, when he's just gonads in a tin can?

very well be the case.  Best wishes.

Most men don't want to share their women.  If a man can keep his women only to himself while he fools around, almost all men will do it.

If your friend doesn’t want to share you with other men while he is not doing anything realistic to help you eased into a new career, he is just being possessive.

For me, the greatest love I can give to a woman is to make her happy and care about her overall welfare.  If she is the right one, she will reciprocate in kind.  If not, I will still care about her but it is time to move on.


-- Modified on 8/19/2002 10:09:29 AM

I really love some of the providers I see and would be very saddened if something bad happened to them and sometimes worry if I hear something bad or they are MIA. There has been few that I?ve fallen for at least a little.  But I would never dream of asking them to stop doing what they do.  First I love independent women and it really doesn't matter what they do, escort, real estate broker(almost the same as escort , lawyer what ever, I like when I know the women are with me because they want to be, not as a career advancement. I have enough responsibilities in my life already, I don't need to take on an able bodied leach who sits home getting her nails done and eating bon bons . I find I don't respect a woman that can't pull their own weight.  Sasha (by the way are you the Sasha that was at the TBD party in AC?), you say if a man love you he would make you stop escorting, I guess that making he assumption that what you are doing is wrong, IT NOT!!!  The thing I find hot about escorts is their independence and their free sexuality, it would be wrong to cage these beautiful birds, if they want to stop they would only be doing it for themselves, not for me.  The thing I get jealous of is just not getting to spend as much time as I would want with a girl, but I had that same problem with a lawyer I dated, she was a real workaholic. There are two porn stars I've seen as escorts, one is now retired and the other is still active and both call me when they are in town for booty calls, no money, but lots of feeling and I don't get jealous of these girls ever and I love them a lot.
   

-- Modified on 8/19/2002 2:38:20 PM

sasha, it is great to hear your feelings, but are you saying that you could never belong to any club that would have you as a member? (who said that first, anyway?

here's my story: when i was a little boy (20 or so) my girlfriend was a 22 year old drop-dead gorgeous blonde who had done some modeling, now working for a small marketing firm - way out of my league, or so i believed. anyway, once or twice a month she would drive down to NYC and spend the weekend working on various projects for her company. i soon found out that the projects mainly involved putting on the french maid's outfit and doing some "cleaning" for one of two older gents she had met while modeling. she made $5k-$6k a month "cleaning", a very nice part time job in the 1980's. we were pretty happy for about a year and a half, but a white powdery substance came between us and when $6k a month wasn't enough to keep her happy, i split.

my point lies in what i discovered about myself back then: i never minded sharing her (once i got used to it) as long as i thought that i could trust her, and as long as i believed that i was the one she would turn to, confide in, end up with. it turned me on to think that she could be sexual with others yet be in love with me. and today i would kill to find a woman who was that open-minded about sex but could still fall in love with me.

actually, i had a woman like that living with me up until about a week ago, but i came home from work one day to find she had chewed throught the ropes and disappeared

(JUST KIDDING!!)

In my case it would have ment everything to me if the girl I was seeing had quit the business.  I got into a relationship with my ATF and though I could handle it but damn I was wrong. I would have given her anything if she quit and I hope she still knows that.

At one point she started to agree to cut back to 4 or 5 'regulars' and no new clients.  That made me feel okay but not totally at ease with the situation.  She didn't work often but every time she did it would eat the hell out of my insides.  I think she knew that and whenever the subject of any clients came up she was sure to tell me that 'It's only business', or she would tell me who couldn't get it up, or keep it up, or how old and out of shape they were.  It would help for a while but then still keep nagging at me even days after she was working.

In the end my jealousy and anger got the best of me and we're no longer together.  Looking back at it all I probably should have tried to set some ground rules up front and given the chance I would try it again with her.  Who knows it may have actually worked after some more time.

 

Hi Sasha,

I'm not sure my experience directly relates to yours, but maybe it's pertinant at least indirectly.

About 3 or 4 weeks ago I met with a guy I'd had an email correspondence with.  He got my email either from TER or TBD (I don't know which, and I haven't asked him his alias).  We totally clicked right away, and although he'd only scheduled one hour, we ended up spending the entire weekend together.  I have never done this before, and before meeting this guy, I couldn't have imagined that I ever would cross the line.  We've spent quite a bit of time together since that weekend, and we talk on the phone several times a day some days.  Everything I discover about him only makes me like him more.  

I've made references to how we met, and I think that it is going to be a huge issue for him.  Yes, yes, he's being a hypocrit, but sometimes one's logic and one's emotions aren't always in synch.  On the one hand, I think he likes it that I'm independent (I could never let him support me!).  On the other hand, he seems to have internalized some of our boneheaded social mores about sex.  That discourse is hard to let go.  I am pretty sure that what he refers to as my "profession" (which escorting really isn't, as I have other ambitions... not to imply that there's anything wrong with escorting, mind you!)will be something that he cannot tolerate for long.  He'll either ask me to stop or he'll dump me.

So, what's going to happen with us?  I don't know.  Neither of us are young and naive; we've both been through our own versions of hell and come out okay. I sure never expected to fall in love with a guy I met as a client, but there I am.

So, Sasha, I don't know if this reply has helped you at all.  Please know, however, that you are not alone in your experience.  I would definitely be interested in hearing the stories of other women who have been in, or are currently in, similar situations.

All best to everyone.

Actually I think your sentiment is fairly common among the providers that I have met.  It is often coupled with the sentiment that as a provider they never could get involved with a client.  The translation of the first sentiment is I could never love and/or respect a man that would let me work as a provider.  The translation of the second sentiment is I could never love and/or respect a man that paid to have sex.  Also the second statement also usually indicates that they feel that they are wrong to be a provider.  I am aware that you have not expressed the second sentiment.

I would like to weigh in on this subject and share my own
experience with all, I met a provider and I seen her for about
6 months and then the relationship grew into something more,
as we began to see each other more I became scared because I
knew how I felt and what I would want for her to do, she really
pushed on me to make more of a emotional comintment as time went
by, so it was then that I asked of her to leave escorting behind.
she agreed with me and she moved into my home. and no we didn't
live happy ever after because we were together for 2 years and
it was then that I found out that she had keep a few select
clients thru that time, and so with much heart ache I bid her
farewell, I loved this woman dearly even though I have not had
any contact with her in over 3 years I still find myself wondering about her sometimes. bottom line for me is this
honesty and openness and trust, she deceived me and so things
had to end in order for me to accept myself and still be able
to continue to love myself. I do what I do because I have needs
just as everyone else. I guess the lesson is this. life is about
choices, make choices for yourself that you can live with!
we are all different in one way or another, find love with
someone who accepts you for who you are with all of your needs
and for everyones sake use your head in making the choice
of getting into a relationship. love is great when it is all
working out but first one needs to find it in oneself to meet
the need to love hem or her self first and accept yourself warts
and all. thanks and sorry for the long winded reply

well put girlcrazy I really could not have said it any better
than that! my hats off to you sir!

trooper i guess the lady's character speaks for itself, she pushed you to make an emotional commitment that she wasn't ready to accept for herself.

i think most minxes are a little mixed up about their lifestyle, they don't fully accept it. parts are great and parts not so great. your lady may have fully intended to get off the life, but wasn't able to quit ... the money, the excitement, the affection, who knows. so her deception may not have been planned from the beginning, but forced on her by her minx nature.

Well, true but sad story and I am not ashame to admit that what these guys have said drollere, fortitude, HotForPros, happy pappy, onewhosbeenhere, DBcooper169, I know better, trooper, onewhosbeenhere and even GirlCrazy. I must say that I have been there and done that. My relationship ended with him because we travel the same circle he became possessive and I was to legit to quit. I wasn't worry about him respecting me being an escort, personally it's wasn't his decision because what was done couldn't be taken away from either of us. (he as a client and me as an escort)

If I were you I wouldn't just live off of his promises. If he really love you then I hope he marry you.  Don't give up what you do for nothing young lady just because he tell you to quit. No matter what goes on between you two one or both of you will soon show suspicion about your faithfulness. It doesn't matter who's first but the feeling of anger, fear, hurt, betrayal, paranoia, depression, loneliness, envy, feeling powerless and inadequate will kick in.

Despite how enlightened we think we are, sh?t happen so we must treat it all as a given: assume that sh?t will occur, and be prepared to successfully address it and minimize any damage it may cause. I still think of him from time to time but I have to say I still enjoy the hell out of what I do and is not ashame of it either. As far as I see it it is his lost and my gain.

As onewhosbeenhere mention that good communication will help but you both will have some baggage filled with dirty laundry. How you both deal with it will be the key to your success or failure.

A word of advice bank on your own bank-save-save-save and if things do not work out life still goes on.

SASHA I hope you the best you are intitle to experience what ever you like on your own. I agree with Stumpy also on the second sentiment that you did not expressed the second sentiment.        

I admire the guys here for their honesty stating that jealousy did play apart in their situation Wow I am impressed!

-- Modified on 8/20/2002 10:28:21 PM

I RECENTLY GOT DIVORCED AFTER 16 YEARS OF MARRIAGE.  NOT ONCE WAS I UNFAITHFUL TO MY WIFE.  WE JUST WEREN'T READY FOR FOREVER AND EVER.  ANYWAY, DURING THE DIVORCE I STAYED AT A HOTEL AND MET A PROVIDER WHO WAS THERE VISITING A CLIENT.  SHE WAS GORGEOUS AND OFFERED ME A DISCOUNT TO SEE HER AT THAT MOMENT.  WELL IT WAS THE BEST SEX I EVER HAD.  AFTER OUR SESSION, SHE OFFERED ME TO STAY WITH HER AT HER APARTMENT.  I SAID MAYBE NOT TAKING HER OFFER VERY SERIOUSLY.  HOWEVER ONE DAY ALL THE HOTELS WERE BOOKED AND AFTER A SESSION WITH HER SHE AGAIN EXTENDED THE OFFER.  THIS TIME OUT OF NECESSITY I ACCEPTED HER OFFER.  THAT FIRST NIGHT TOGETHER, WE WENT GROCERY SHOPPING AND HAD PIZZA DELIVERED FOR DINNER.  WE WENT TO BED QUITE EARLY AS THE NEXT DAY WAS A WORK DAY FOR ME.  HOWEVER, I COULDN'T HANDLE JUST SLEEPING NEXT TO HER WITHOUT HAVING SEX SO WE DID A QUICKIE BEFORE BED.  THE NEXT MORNING, I DID NOT WANT TO INSULT HER BY LEAVING MONEY SO I LEFT HER A NOTE OFFERING TO TAKE HER TO DINNER.  ANYWAY SHE CALLED ME THAT DAY AND SAID I WAS WELCOMED TO STAY WITH HER AS LONG AS I WANTED TO.  I ACCEPTED AND TOLD HER TO LET ME PAY HALF HER RENT.  SHE REFUSED.  I ENDED UP STAYING WITH HER FOR 6 WEEKS.  ANYWAY DURING THAT TIME LIVING WITH HER I DISCOVERED THAT SHE HAD BEEN ONLY WORKING FOR 6 MONTHS AS A PROVIDER TO SUPPORT HER $400/DAY HEROIN ADDICTION.  ANYWAY, IT WASN'T LONGER BEFORE SHE HAD FALLEN BEHIND ON HER RENT AND WAS EVICTED.  I HAD RECENTLY MOVED BACK INTO THE HOTEL AFTER I FOUND OUT SHE WAS USING.  BUT BECAUSE SHE WAS SO NICE TO ME, I OFFERED HER TO TEMPORARILY SAY WITH ME AT THE HOTEL.  WE LIVED TOGETHER AT THE HOTEL FOR ANOTHER MONTH.  BY THEN MY DIVORCE WAS FINAL AND I WAS ABLE TO PURCHASE A CONDO.  AGAINST MY BETTER JUDGEMENT (I FELT LIVING TOGETHER WAS RUSHING INTO THINGS BUT THE CIRCUMSTANCES REQUIRED IT), I OFFERED HER TO MOVE IN WITH ME.  SHE ALSO RELUNCTANTLY ACCEPTED.  ANYWAY BY THIS TIME A BOND BETWEEN HER AND I GREW STRONGER.  WE DISCUSSED HER WORK AND AGREED THAT SHE WOULD NOT SEE CLIENTS OUT OF OUR HOME.  I DID NOT LIKE THE IDEA OF HER STILL WORKING BUT I DID NOT FEEL THAT I HAD THE RIGHT TO ASK HER TO QUIT UNLESS I COULD PROVIDE FOR HER CURRENT LIFE STYLE WHICH INCLUDED HER DRUG HABIT.  WE MADE A PACT THAT SHE WOULD HAVE TO MAKE CONTINUED PROGRESS TOWARDS KICKING HER HABIT AND FINDING A LEGIT JOB.  WITHOUT ASKING HER TO, SHE ONLY WORKED DURING THE WEEK DAYS AND TOOK NO APPOINTMENTS LATER THAN 10PM.  EVEN THOUGH I SWORE THAT I WOULD NOT GIVE HER MONEY TO BUY DRUGS, I GAVE IN FROM TIME TO TIME, ESPECIALLY WHEN SHE WOULD TELL ME THAT SHE WOULD RATHER SPEND TIME AT HOME WITH ME IF IT WERE NOT FOR HER HABIT.  AFTER ABOUT FIVE MONTHS LIVING TOGETHER, SHE REDUCED HER HABIT TO $30/DAY.  THIS WAS VERY MANAGEABLE FOR ME SO I OFFERED HER THE OPTION OF NOT HAVING TO WORK ANY LONGER AND I WOULD PROVIDE HER MONEY FOR HER HABIT AS LONG AS SHE CONTINUED TO IMPROVE.  SHE READILY ACCEPTED.  I TOLD HER THE ONLY THING I WANT FROM HER IS FOR HER TO GET OF DRUGS.  THROUGH ALL THIS, WE HAVE HAD OUR STRUGGLE BUT BECAUSE OF THE SITUATION WE WERE FACED WITH, SHE AND I HAD TO BE SO HONEST WITH ONE ANOTHER.  I ALSO ASSURED HER THAT ANYTHING WE DID IN THE PAST DID NOT MATTER TO ME.  WHAT MATTERS TO ME IS HOW SHE TREATS ME EACH DAY.  THE ONLY WAY THIS RELATIONSHIP BETWEEN US WORKS IF WE LOVE EACH OTHER UNCONDITIONALLY AND FULLY TRUST EACH OTHER.  AS I TOLD HER, I GIVE YOU MY HEART SO PLEASE TAKE CARE OF IT.  IT HAS BEEN NINE MONTHS AND SHE IS READY TO GO INTO REHAB.  I NEVER HAD A BETTER AND MORE FULFILLING RELATIONSHIP IN MY LIFE.  SHE WAS A FORMER PLAYBOY CENTERFOLD AT AGE 27, SHE IS 35 NOW BUT IS IN EVEN BETTER SHAPE NOW.  BUT HER HONESTY AND ENOURMOUS HEART IS WHAT IS MOST ATTRACTIVE TO ME.

Helping someone to quit heroin is the most difficult job one could have.  Wish you the best.  Will pray for both of you.

Reading your post reminds me of my own experience.  I won’t elaborate it here.  You can read more of my story in my response to Talaya in the Chicago board.

When my friend finally quitted the habit, her, her boyfriend, his friend and me, all went to Las Vegas for a week.  It was a reward that I promised her for keeping clean for 30 days.  I told her that if she was clean for a year, I would send her and her boyfriend on a Mediterranean cruise.  It seemed silly at the time but I learned later that it was the promise of the trip and the excitement in Vegas that greatly helped her to suppress the urge of using again in the first few weeks of leaving the rehab.  Of course, attending multiple NA meetings daily and her love for her boyfriend (now husband) were the major factors in her recovery.

Frequently is the case that an addict used heroin to fulfill the void she felt in her heart.  Putting physical aspect of the addiction aside; because heroin gives a person feeling of warmth and comfort, it is hard to part with it psychologically without lots of love and reasonable prospects of fulfilling personal goals.

From what I have read so far, your friend is determined and ready to quit.  It will not be an easy road and there might be relapses in the future.  Keep faith with her, I have seen it happened in front of my own eyes while all her friends and family have more or less given up.  The future will be bright for you two.

Take care and god bless,

GC