My issue is, often when a meet with a lady I feel this tension between it being a business transaction vs. a personal experience. To keep it from being purely business, I would like to communicate my interest in her as a person. Asking somewhat personal questions, I feel, is a way to do this. I try to keep it generic, like what are her favorite activities, foods, travels, etc. However, sometimes she reveals a concern about family members or other concerns. Often, during these times I feel if I ask anything further, it might be too intrusive, especially after reading some of the postings from providers. Yet, I also feel, that if I just drop it that I'm showing disinterest in her as a person. It feels like quite a dilemma. If I do pursue with a question I say, "Please don't feel you have to answer this but I was wondering....?" Sometimes that seems to help but other times I'm just met with a dead-end and not knowing if I've stepped over the line. Perhaps the fact that I have not yet been denied a return visit should say something, but any feedback would be greatly appreciated.

I've gotten fairly personal with a few ladies. I think that most of them enjoy sharing a "small" part of who they really are. I'm sure that most of the ladies are professional enough to tactfully let you know how far you can tread, and for the most part, you should be able to sense it.

It seems like you have good instincts, and the fact that you are aware of this potential issue and want to respect he boundaries i good- generally if she offers something up on her own accord, it is all good, and it never hurt to preface with "You don't have to answer this" or "Let me know if this is too personal." Or just encourage her to sharewhat she is comfortable sharig and ask more general questions, or offer up your own relevant experiences if that applies.

Also, I find that over time, if you have a regular or semi-regular relationship with a provider, these things become more clear- often, it is nice to share some parts of our personal lives as we get to know each other, and over time you can kind of get a feel for where you both stand and what interactions are appropriate.

XoXo
Marea

you can get as personal with me as any other woman you're intimate with.. we're sharing an intimate physical experience so an intimate emotional one just goes with that.

however personal IDENTIFYING questions will make me freeze up worse than a frigid ex-wife.

such as
where did you go to high school ?
how many brothers and sisters do you have ?

the answers to these sort of questions can be used by a private detective to track down my true identity.

its not that we dont want you to get to know us, we just dont want anyone to know who we are.
for obvious reasons of course.

-- Modified on 2/14/2008 11:16:04 AM

-- Modified on 2/14/2008 11:16:41 AM

First, sorry about the false postings above...computer issues

Do not feel like you are stepping out of bounds by asking a provider a personal question. You have no idea if what you are asking will be okay or will be perceived as crossing the line. Believe me, providers will be quick to tell you that they prefer not to answer the question. In a worse case scenario, they'll say "That's really none of your business and I prefer not to answer it". Okay, you apologize and move on. It shouldn’t put a damper on the session.

I cant tell you the number of times a provider will ask me personal questions (from as harmless as what do you for a living, to how many ladies do you see in a week, to where do you live, to how many kids do you have and what are there ages.) If I don’t feel like answering a question, I quickly brush it off and move on. Providers are bright, they will figure that they hit on a sore subject and wont press the issue. The questions can be annoying, but I don’t let it interfere with the appointment. The little head has never failed me to date.

But the bottom line is that if you want to take your relationship with a provider to a level that goes beyond the pure business transaction, than you will have to take some chances and delve into personal issues. It's the price you pay for wanting to grow the relationship with the lady. But if you keep it purely business and the conversation to mundane idle chatter, you really won’t run into these concerns.  


-- Modified on 2/14/2008 11:26:11 AM

-- Modified on 2/14/2008 11:31:36 AM

Good Info.

Along that line, I've decided to update my alias.  jjackflash which was my username for several years retired after it had been switched over to my alias a little over a year ago.  I announced that I would ID myself strictly as myfavoriteDILF!!! from then on, which I did.  Now, I feel as though an update is needed.  I'm retiring myfavoriteDILF!!!, which shan't be used again by me or anyone else.  I shall now use "DickWart" (which many of you probably feel is more suitable).  The good news doesn't end there.  I'm only going to post under the rarest of circumstances.  I may or may not lurk in the shadows, but DickWart will only make the occassional appearance from now on.

HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!

I guess it depends on the relationship and comfort and trust established so the line is ever moving and at the same time never the same as between different persons.

My ATF and I have been seeing each pretty regularly and have built up a certain level of trust.  She has shown me a map of her home town, right down to the street she grew up on, talked to me about her family including siblings and just the other day showed me some photos of her family.  Admittedly, I am guarded about what I tell her and have not pressed her for anything person as to information. I do not want to intrude and realize we are not best buddies who can tell each other everything on a blood oath. I think we are just very comfortable with each other, she seems to have a very small circle of friends and is lonely to talk with someone on a personal level.  In my profession, we quickly learn to have persons become comfortable in opening up to us when it helps.

Others I've seen, I'd not give out not want more than name, rank and serial number. No comfort level whatsoever was established.

Hardy5456 certainly didn't write:

But the bottom line is that if you want to take your relationship with a provider to a level that goes beyond the pure business transaction, than you will have to take some chances and delve into personal issues. It's the price you pay for wanting to grow the relationship with the lady.

Somehow, someone has gotten ahold of Hardy's account.  TER staff, please take notice.

What happened to my hero that always keeps these boards grounded with the reminder that 'This is a business'?  Therefore:
1.  Don't act unprofessionally
2.  Don't cheat on the payment/service
3.  Don't hound him/her with communications outside of business arrangements.
3.  Don't (for gods' sakes) fall in love (Happy Valentine's day).

I feel like a little Hardy junior today.

at least from my prospective.

I think generally the level of personal intamacy depends on the provider in question.  For me, I really don't freak out over keeping my identity private.  In my view, if someone wants to find out who I am/stalk me- they're going to do it- using a "stage" name and disposable phone isn't really going to deter them.  But each provider is entitled to their own level of comfort, so I respect those that want to keep the line clear.

Personally, because I am so GFE I tend to get to know my clients very well.  After the holidays I traded stories about the dreaded "family" drama of the season.  It's good to know others suffer as I do, lol.  Many discuss their lives, careers, families, hobbies with me and I with them. That's what girlfriends do, IMHO.

The only questions that really make me uncomfortable are those that ask about my sessions with other clients, I have since realized that it is a source of enjoyment for most who ask.  They want to think about me being ravaged by another man, etc.  

Generally speaking, this girl would rather kiss and not tell.

I agree with Hardy, if you're out of line- you'll become aware quickly, no worries!

Good question...

XO
Melanie

You could have a future in psych....Wanna play Love Goddess with me?  LOL!

I'm sure he'll be back to his old porcupine self tomorrow

But I share personal experiences with my favs all the time. I never pry but I find that if you make a lady feel a lady feel comfortable she will trust you enough to reveal whatever she is comfortable revealing as time goes by.  You can not force something like this and not every lady will feel comfortable talking about herself.
For me at least, the key to gaining her trust is NOT to ask questions, just let the conversation flow.

To ask detailed personal questions from a provider. Like, what's my real first name after we've only had one date, or what my children's first names are or why my ex and I decided to get a divorce.

Seriously, that is none of your business and if I wanted to talk about those things I'd call my best friend on the phone and talk to her about them. You are here to have a good time and hopefully we can connect but you do not need to know my personal business unless I feel comfortable enough to share it with you. Likewise I don't care if you're wearing a gold band the size of Vermont I'm not going to ask if you're married because it's none of my business. Why you are here is none of my business and why you date provider's is none of my business unless YOU choose to tell me. This is an all volunteer activity and I don't think it's fair to put a provider on the spot to answer personal questions. I personally feel it is intrusive and rude.

If I don't feel like talking about something I will also tell you, immediately.

I've never asked the questions you've mentioned. My main concern is when a provider shares with me some personal information regarding family members, friends, associates, personal health, etc., what do I do then. Should I just drop it, which could be experienced by her as indifference, or ask the least intrusive question possible to show that I'm at least listening. I'm not talking about the type of questions that a detective would ask.

I go with 'Talk is cheap' .. Obviously you will either feel a conversational chemistry with this provider or you will not. If not, persue the physical quicker as an ice-breaker, if there is some 'talky' chemistry you can discuss a few things try to be funny, etc. It makes the sex better if they are marginally (presumably) into you before the act.

Why I lean towards PSE's or retired or currently working Porn Stars...they treat it more as a ride, and not as a game to appeal to them and make them into you before the act. It's comparitvely the difference, between jumping on the matterhorn, or a Las Vegas monorail with forced social interaction. One is a fun ride, the other is an awkward coast that you paid for with trying eyes onlooking.

I don't enjoy the pressure of appealing to a girl I'm paying for the company. I'm always a gentlmen and myself, but that is not typically enough for civvies so why would providers find it sexy? Porn stars love this appreciation generally. They don't care as much about chemistry , they say, wow this guy treated me like a special woman... I'm going to take care of him. regardless of his physical weeknesses, or that I'm not attracted to him. But he is awesome, I'm still going to take care of him!!!

Regular Civvie type providers are looking for a link to seal the deal, because they don't have that detachment that your porn star types have, and they ultimately deep down want a 'hot' guy. Or someone they are attracted to to fit the bill, and fuck them.. it's sort of rediculous. Not ALL of them, I am talking in generalizations. I still recommend if your worried about this, save up for the true porn stars. They will , in general, not want to spend 30-45 minutes of your dough establishing a link so they can get wet for you.

-M

Go with the flow. As was mentioned, a nice communication and chemistry can really ease the first time jitters and I see no harm in a few simple questions. I get asked if I have lived in Phoenix all my life, I reply no, just since 2001, but I am an Arizona Native, how about you? I mean, we are not asking for street addresses or anything crazy. And who's to say you get a truthful answer each time anmyway? I know one provider who totally lies about her background, even on her website. But I always prefer honesty,

ANYWAY, Break the ice with small talk, get "familiar" and then fuck, lick & suck like hell, not necessarily in that order!  lol
XOXOXOXO
C

-- Modified on 2/14/2008 11:47:43 PM

I have a simple questionnaire I designed in pdf format for my repeat clients, it does not ask any personal questions but gives me an insight to their likes and dislikes and enable me to provide an enchanced experience.  For example, for one of my regulars I know that he likes a certain single malt scotch and I make sure I have that on hand when I see him.  It always makes him feel like I am really focused on him and he loves it.  So to make a longer story longer, I think that you can make conversation without being too direct.  Email me if you want to see the subtle questions on my pdf.