When Michelle & I got married, gosh, it’s been 15 years now, I don’t think either of us knew what a charmed life we’d end up living.  I mean we’ve had our roller-coaster ride like any other couple…but so much joy…more than our fair share.

    The other day, on the set of the film we’re shooting, our 12 year-old, Vivi, showed me the first chapter of her new novel.  Michelle rolled her eyes saying, “I should have never agreed to let you home-school those two kids!”
Vivi shot Michelle a look.  They have the same emerald eyes.  And they both smirked at each other.
    “Mother.  If Daddy hadn’t home-schooled us—“
    “Don’t finish that sentence,”  Michelle interrupted!
(Vivi can really launch a zinger and Michelle didn’t want to be leveled in front of Kate Winslet.)
    Just then Little Zippy came in carrying a pillowcase, full & heavy.  (We call our 10 year old son, Kalo, “Little Zippy” because when he was six he kept walking up to unsuspecting audience members during Michelle’s gallery openings or book signings and unzip their pants.)
Kalo plops the pillowcase at Michelle’s feet and says, “Mother, you can’t leave all your toys in my trailer!  My cello instructor gets embarrassed when he trips over your fuzzy handcuffs!”
    “Don’t exaggerate, Zippy”, I say.
    “Okay”, Kalo confessed, “SOME of your toys!”   He marched out.
Michelle pretended to be speechless.  Winslet peeked into the bag.

    The first time we were together I kept trying to peel off Nettie’s last layer of clothing until I realized it was her glorious tattoo.  Little did I know how much make-up I would have to budget for a film shoot.  (“Michelle!  French scullery maids in 1820 did not have humongous tattoos!”)
    Anyway…When I proposed for the fourth time she had a little pause… and that was the first time I knew what folks meant by the word “hope”.
The poet Kristoferson said: “Freedom’s just another word for nothing left to lose”  Well…that’s how I felt.
    Some of you boys already know what my wife’s like in the boudoir.  Her heart is left all over your skin.  I simply have the added bonus of being steeped in her aura all the time…just being around her contagious soul.
    In the end, she proposed to me on the boardwalk in Thessalonica.  Very romantic!  The roasted corn vendor is my witness.  Even though he didn’t speak a word of English, he knew what was happening.

    A couple times a year Michelle gets a bee in her bonnet to send me out to another escort.  (Alone, those times).
    “But honey!”
    “Don’t argue, snookums!  It’s getting too Norman Rockwell in here.”

    If you want to read about the night we met you’ll have to dig thru the “TER’s Hottest Reviews” archives.  Check around June 2004, I think.
(Back then they didn’t give you enough space to write…so it’s kind of short.  Sorry.)

That’s the Report from the Field.
(In the south of France, with Kate Winslet & Nettie.  Love from Vivi & Kalo and our new puppy “Butt Plug”.)
    Jockeypants



-- Modified on 6/19/2004 9:30:31 PM