I met my wife in a bar after a date as an escort went bad. She was real drunk and was far from home and had no way back. I lived in the same town and had nothing to drink so I gave her a ride home. She tried to pay me is sexual favors but I turned her down. I was the first man and onlyman to free sex from her. We became friends. She gave up escorting and we later married. Four months ago her business she started failed and to hide the fact from me she started to escort again. She felt guilty and gave me rules to follow so I could see escorts. A few weeks later I found out about her escorting and I was crushed. I made more than enough money to pay the bills, but she felt she needed to contribute to the household funds to maintain her independents. She also said she missed the lifestyle. It tore me a part. I questioned my manhood and still do because of it. There is a great deal of mistrust because of the lies she told. There is a great deal of jealousy as well. I still love her and want her to be happy. We are still married and she is still escorting. I am trying hard to be supportive and not judging of her choices, but it is hard. I have not called her a whore or anything like that but I have had to bite my lip to stop myself. I never will let myself use it as a weapon. I have cried myself to sleep on nights she was working. I am slowly coming to grips with my wife's profession. It is hard. I just thought some of the ladies might want to see it from a husbands point of view.

made up of choices we make, and in almost all the choices - not all but most - we seek to minimize that which is painful. Accept her for what she is, cut your losses and move on. She will have more respect for you for doing that.

My child needs a mother and a father. I promised to love her for better or worst when I married her and I will keep that promise till I die. I love her. I am coming accept her return to escorting. Her selling her body does not hurt as much as her lies did. Now things are in the open things are getting better. My son has a mother and a father at home who love him.  We are even starting to talk about her dates and it not bother me as much. It still hurts but not like at first. As far a respect goes I have seen it increase in her eyes as I have not used her choice as a weapon against her. My respect and trust of her has been hurt and it will take years to recover. Time, love, honesty, and acceptance will heal this because I love her and I feel she loves me. Love is shown not when things are great but when things are hard or it is not real love.

LG would have set you straight.

-- Modified on 7/4/2010 12:35:03 PM

You seem very pleased that you are the only man to get free sex from your wife. You have tamed the whore, gotten her to change her errent ways, but now you've realized that the same bad wild nature that attracted you to her is a serious obstacle to a normal family life.

You say you're biting your lip but I'll bet your feelings show through, you don't seem bright enough to hide them. So either stop passing judgement on your wife or get out. Sheesh!

I do respect LG opinion there is more to the story than could be put in a post and it is not all my wife's fault. I do not need to be set straight and without whole story from both sides I do not think she could help. I have made my choice and she hers. I need to now live with thick choices. I posted the thread in response to a post below about providers privet lives. I was giving another side of the story, the side of a husband of a provider and a new hobbyist.

The issue here is not simply one of escorting, it is also the fact that she lied to you about it.  Sadly, that's all water under the bridge now.  The cat is out of the bag and the two of you have to decide if your marriage can still work and how to make that happen.  We are only hearing one side of the story here but honestly, if you have to stop yourself from calling her names it sounds to me like the hurt and anger is running pretty deep.  Good luck, it seems like a lost cause to me.  

By the way, you really have no way of knowing if you are the only guy to get free sex from her. All you know is what she tells you and it seems clear that she is carrying on a deceptive relationship with you.

She had sex with lots of guys both money and for free. That is what made her interested in me is that I said no. Sorry about that mix up. My bad

-- Modified on 7/4/2010 12:47:30 PM

she doesn't want to be a burden on You and dependent...it's one thing to be interdependent...it another thing to be solely dependent...You should talk to her...and at least come to a compromise of...she only takes appointments while You are working...that way You don't think about it and won't give it another thought...tell her how You feel and maybe even limit the amount of guys she sees a month...I can totally relate to how your wife is feeling...and she wants to contribute to the household...and I am sure it was a Huge disappointment for her business Not to be successful...she was a Provider before she knew You...and while You two were dating...it's easy money and Great money...I hope the two of You can come up with a win-win situation...it's Not like she is going to do it forever...I don't know what her legit business was...but maybe You two can sit down and figure out what went wrong...regroup...set some goals...and retry...I Really Commend You on being sooo supportive of her and Not makeing her feel guilty and pressuring her to quit...but I also want to Thank You for allowing us to see it from a Husbands point of view...I am sure the two of You Will work it out...and I Wish the two of You Nothing but the Best/Happiness in Your Lives

She left on her own to start her business.   She did not need saving not now no tgen. I was never her client. I did not date her wile she was providing. We became friends after that night at bar not lovers. I was not the only one to get free sex from her. That was a typo on my part. I ment to say I was the only one to turn her down for free sex. My whole point in posting was in reply to a post below were some providers talked about there civie relationship and how they went bad. I was just giving one mans point of view on the other side. I am not good at hiding my feelings and I know she knew that I was angry and was biting my lip. It is all new me and I am getting past my hurt feelings. I understand why she returned to escorting but part of me is still feels betrayed. I love her. I have no plans of leaving her. I just need time. Maybe I should not have post. I thought that some of the ladies that posted in the thread below would like to see things from anther point of view. I do not mean to sound like I am judging the ladies in this business as I actually think what they do is not easy and is a great service.

Bravo to You...Your Love Will continue to Grow together...just keep the lines of communication open and honest

And she has helped me a lot on dealing with my feelings and seeing things from my wife's point of view. She also helped my wife understand my reactions to her choices. It is great to have someone that is neutral and not judgmental to talk though things together. Thanks for your concern.

She was a provider when you met. Doesn't  that tell you something? Her stock and trade is knowing how to make a man feel good, which includes saying things that are not completely true.

Supposedly, your relationship with her was civie, not pro. Well, she lied and deceived you big time  (as a civie.) You cannot know that the ego-boosting claim that "you are the only man ..." is true. What makes you think that you are any different than any other man to her?

Whenever you read providers talk about successful personal  relationships or marriages, they are based on honesty, especially about their work. You said she "missed the lifestyle" and went back to it, while  hiding it from you.

It does no good to spell it out further to you. You will surely have a justification ready for everything.

Well good luck to you and your kid(s).

I appreciate it.

Have a nice 4th!

Xoxo.

You wrote "I just thought some of the ladies might want to see t from a husbands point of view."

What EXACTLY is "it"???
Being the husband of a provider?

Your problem is about  LIES,and DECEIPT.

That is the real "it"!

Your closing statement implies that this is what the providers with husbands are doing this too, and need to see "it" from the husbands point of view.

Is that what you think about these ladies?

You might be spot on, but you do not know her. She came clean to me. I did not catch her. She had everything to lose when she did come clean. I could have left her with nothing. Maybe I am a fool. But I love her and despite the lies I still believe in her basic character. She is still the woman I want to grow old with, and it my life. In the end her ego boosting claimed is not that important.

Thank you for affirming to everyone reading this that a good therapist is not judgmental, as confusion about this sometimes prevents people from seeing therapists who can help them.

Only one mans view.

For whatever reason you want to stay together, accept it and go on with your life. Once, you have decided, staying together is what you want to do, you should not look back on your decision and never ask "am I doing right thing" "should have I done it", so on and so forth.

Remember, life is to live to the fullest so, keep moving.

No, I do not think all of the ladies in this business are lying to there SO. Most are probably very honest with there SO or are single. Most are probably more honest than many other girlfriends and wives are that are not in this business. There was a post below about a providers private lives and some of them had issues with there SO becoming hostile. I was just trying to show the other side of things and why some of them became that way. I am sorry if I offended anyone as that was not my intent. Most of the ladies I met in this business have been wonderful people including my wife.

Again... I wish you the best.

you are allowing her to make all of the rules. I commend your loyalty to your vows/ while you permit her to overlook hers. If you continue on this path you will only become her enabler(not that you aren't already).

Seperate,without divorcing,to force her to make a decision. You or being unfaithful.

In addition, in some states (including mine), his role in allowing even one penny of his wife's income into the household constitutes a crime.

She basically made her husband a criminal without his advanced knowledge and consent.

But not anymore. We live in Utah and the penalty for being married to a provider is a felony if you share any money. She no longer works in the state. She now works at a legal Nevada brothel. She goes leaves on Friday morning and comes home Monday morning. The brothel is over three hours away.  Now the legal issues are not a factor. I also able the see escorts with my wife being OK with it. I have only done this a few times as I do feel a little guilty. And how is seeing clients worse then seeing an escort as many married men on this board do. I have say I am surprised at the hostility that my post has brought up just because I chose to stay with my wife and try to make peace with her choice to provide a service that many of you enjoy. If I leave my son is the big loser. If my choice to stay with my wife and keep my family whole makes me a doormat and a fool, I will were that title with honor. Better to be a doormat and make a bad situation work than leave my son with a part time parent. I do not claim that my decision is right one for everyone nor do I claim it is even the best one for me. But I do fell it is best for my son.

and that is your honesty and positive attitude towards this.

I wish you and your wife the very best.

In my opinion, children come first and foremost ahead of everything else.

Any honest person who looks at the data, understands that, except in horrific circumstances, children are far better off with their biological father in the home.

So I can entirely understand your motive to do anything and everything possible to remain in the marriage.

At the same time, there is some serious stuff going on here.

I just hit the tip of the iceberg with the legal issue. It's good that she solved that.

But there are deeper fundamental issues here.

I am NOT hostile to infidelity per-se. What I AM hostile to is manipulation.

Manipulation is not a good thing, and shows incredibly profound disrespect for the person being manipulated.

Why did she feel manipulating you into fucking other women was acceptable?

Okay, I dig that her business failed and she didn't want to admit it. That sucks.

But the first thing that occurs to her as an occupation to cover it up just happens to have been illegal when she undertook it?

What? Has she no other useful skills?

You said she doesn't NEED the money. Therefore there are a million other ways she can contribute positively to the household, including starting other businesses, etc.

Yet the thing she settled on -- without your knowledge or consent -- just happened to have been illegal.

It's great that she has fixed that now -- but not so great that she withheld that knowledge from you.

Finally, there is just common sense marriage stuff.

Do you suppose, if you were to undertake something like ... oh, fucking other people for a living ... your wife might be legitimately PISSED AS HELL that you didn't run it by her first?

Look -- my hostility is NOT to the occupation per se or necessarily the elements of infidelity.

My hostility is to a woman manipulating you into fucking others when you didn't want to; to endangering you without your consent, and to treating you as a being unworthy of the most basic levels of respect a person can expect in a marriage.

I can respect your desire to maintain full contact with your son; and your willingness to basically endure anything in order to do that.

But don't think he will necessarily benefit from growing up observing a profoundly unequal marriage couched in male subservience.

The manipulation you were dealt indicates this is NOT a partnership of equals.

who has responded?If it looks like a TROLL and acts like a TROLL....well.  Must be why you didn't post this on the EH. LG always dumps these troll posts on poor LP  LOL.

Anyway...I call BULLSHIT on this whole thing.  I don't think you are a HO-HUBBY at all, just a bored troll!

You hit the nail on the head AskDrStupid.

Let's see. You were seeing escorts and now you're pissed because she lied to you and went back to doing what she probably does best? Dude, when you met her she was doing and loving it for whatever reasons decided to go back to it. Sure, she lied to you, but if you are feeling inadequate, that's on you. Get over it and get over that she prefers to get fucked by many different men. When preference trumps marriage, just what are you going to do? Get mad? Get even? You chose this life. Now lay down on the bed you made and stop crying all over the board. The ink is leaking in your pen.

-- Modified on 7/4/2010 9:21:30 PM

Your son will have a dad and mom, but if dad allows mom to work in a brothel and son grows up and learns this whole sordid mess, what will dad tell him, the truth? Love, I hope so because for as much as you profess love and respect, she has gone against your wishes back into the life you thought she left behind. You are more than an optimist, you're "Pollyannish."

The way you laid  that out (accurately) does raise a question about her business failing being a real reason.   Maybe missing the lifestyle was a bigger part.

I know what you said is true. The lies and manipulations that she put me through are almost unforgivable. She put both me and my son at risk. She manipulated me into seeing escorts to reduce her guilt. She lies to me about her business problems. She cheated on me. But despite all of this I can't bring myself to leave. If it was not for a five things I would have left. First, I was not the husband I should have been. I spent way more time at work than I should have or needed to. I  was always going on about money. I put a lot of unnecessary restrictions on our spending. I put to much stock on growing our income. I grew up dirt poor and I have no formal education beyond high school. I am really fearful of losing everything. I created a climate of fear over money. That is part of the reason she tried to hide the fact that her home decorating business failed. I must own my own guilt in this. I know I did not make her do any of the things she did, but I did help build the climate that led her to do what she did. Second, She was there for me when I had my break down. Four years ago I was driving my parents home from there 40th anniversary party I ran a red light and crashed into a anther car. My mom die my dad is now in a wheal chair. I felt so guilty I shut down. I did not eat or sleep. All I did was work and sit there in front of the TV. I even tried to kill myself. She is the one who stopped me. She stood by me when there was no one else. She helped me though that time I hated myself. I owe her much. I can't leave her now when she needs me when she didn't leave me when I needed her. Third, She came clean about it all. I did not catch her. She risk everything when she owned up to her bad choices. We had a prenuptial agreement that stated I would maintain ownership of my business and she hers if we split up. At the time we go married her business was worth more than mine but my business grew and hers died. It speaks volumes when someone risks all to set things right. She could not live with the lies she told. Fourth, my son needs a mother and a father. She is a good mother and loves her son. And kids do better in a two parent home. I would do anything for him if it would help him become a better person. Fifth, I still love her. When she confessed of her lies the sorrow in her eyes was more than I could take. I knew she was hurting almost as much as I was. She thought she lost me and she almost did but the tears in her eyes softened my heart. I did leave that night but only so I could regain my control of my feelings and would not lose control and do something stupid. When I walked out I could hear her crying. I have never heard her cry before. I know she regrets the lies. We are now in marriage counseling. And things are looking brighter about our future together. I can live with her escorting. It makes her happy. It is the lies that I could not tolerate. As far as I know they have stopped. It will take years if ever for her to regain the trust I had in her. As to why she turned to escorting is her parents were mentally abusive to her and constantly told her she was useless. She used escorting as a way to build up her self worth. It fed her when she ran away when she was 16. It got her though collage. It was in part how she meat me even though I was never a client. It was her safety-net of sorts. And she is good at it. When she felt like a failure because of business failed and did not want to upset me, she turned to what saved her in the past. It was the wrong choice but I understand it. Things are not equal in are relationship but they are not beyond repair in my opinion. But life is not a scale, nothing ever is fair or equal. I have gained much from my marriage and despite the fact it is hell right now I will fight for it. Even though all the points in your post are correct and I can not really say my choice to stay is correct, I stand by it.

-- Modified on 7/4/2010 11:17:33 PM

I'm sorry that your wife had a horrible date, and decided to deal with it by drowning herself in alcohol. I have met some husbands of escorts that have had wretched experiences, I've met others that have had wonderful experiences.

I feel that escorting can be great for some people, and terrible for others.

Her missing the lifestyle is not a matter of your manhood, it is a matter of who SHE is.  I think it's important to separate what is a result of you, and what is a result of her own personality.  Going through my own relationship problems, I can totally understand that this is easier in theory than in reality.    

Even if you pay the bills, many women today do not want to feel like they are being "supported".  To them it feels like a child like state. They have a need to be financially independent, so that they can make choices based on desire, not dependence.   Of course she should have talked to you about this.  There are other ways to earn an income.

I agree that you should not be judging of her choices, however, I also feel you have the right to happiness. So, if you do not want to be married to an active escort, there is nothing wrong with that. You have the right to build a life based around your boundaries.  If she cannot accept this and respect your desires, then it doesn't make either of you "bad people". It does however, make you incompatible.   I would reconsider the relationship if she cannot be happy without her career in Escorting.

I admire you for never using it as a weapon, that's the right thing to do.  

Not going to happen until she really wants to change. That's why I would never date an escort.

dingaling"So WTF did you expect. It's unreal the number of guys who think they can "turn" an escort..Not going to happen until she really wants to change. That's why I would never date an escort."

 I am curious why you would never date a escort?
Do you only date ladies you believe you can change or turn?
Another curious question..If you allow yourself to have afternoon sex with her, after another guy did in the morning,why does a date with her make you feel different?

you have someone and they dont. you have betrayed the brotherhood so to speak...hypocritical of them to say that its okay to use and discard women, they can cheat because they are men (as you said) but women cant...same old same old...maybe shell stop, if anything makes her stopyour love will.  but if you are both happy and making money, why make everyone miserable by leaving?

As much as others might pretend there is an easy answer here; the simple fact is that there is not. There are matters of compensatory loyalty, and the fact that you love your wife to be considered.

I think your post was worthwhile in calling to the attention of providers that this is really something that should be discussed in advance and mutually agreed to, rather than thrust upon a man.

But I can entirely understand and appreciate your approach.

I wish you and your family all the best as you move through this trying situation into hopefully brighter vistas!

Does this guy really seem fucking happy to you? He sounds like a fucking basket case to me.

Fuck piss shit!!!