Towards the end of the film, Sue says that knowing she was desired was occasionally the only thing that she could cling to, the only thing that allowed her to maintain her fragile sense of identity.

This is a paraphrase from a great movie I saw on the Lifetime Movie Network yesterday (Love Sick: Secrets of a Sex Addict).  Hey every now and then I enjoy a good chick flick and any movie with the title ""Sex Addict"" is one I have to watch.  Us sex addicts enjoy that ya know.

After it was over I got to thinking about Providers as I am wont to do.  And that line just summed it up for me, I mean it just clicked because I think most Providers fall into that category - THEY HAVE TO BE DESIRED OR ELSE THEIR EXISTENCE IS ALMOST MEANINGLESS! -

After a couple years of my own therapy (which apparently is NOT working because I still like paying anonymous women for sex BUT now I at least know why I do it, eh).  My therapist has concluded that Providers definitely fit into this category.  Women who have the need to exert sexual power over men by Providing.  I would go into my diagnosis but I'll save it for later (Hint:  an 8 year old boy having sex with a 19 year old woman is thrilling - let's just leave it at that).

Anyway, I have decided on MY OWN that most Providers do secretly lust for the POWER that this life affords them.  Think about it men who pay $300-$1,000 to spend an hour with YOU!  That has be to a rush.  Not only that many Providers have absolutely stellar reviews.  Guys do you perform at the top of your game everyday at your job?  

So in conclusion I think I (and my overpriced Therapist) know Providers better than they know themselves.  

Now I could be wrong (but after several thousand dollars in shrink fees) who you going to believe me or your Stellar Reviews.

Ridgetucky Says Peace (or war either way I get paid)

I might long for love one day, but not from a guy who pays me to fk him. That's crazy. The faux attention I get from clients is just that...they don't love me, they pay me for sex. Everyone wants attention from the one person that means the most to them...hookers are no different. Be it a mother, father, sister, child, we want real and unconditional love. Then again, I do know many providers who stay alive because of this business..I don't know how they do it, because this alone would never sustain me.

-- Modified on 10/28/2012 11:12:23 PM

desire you and lust after you.  Now don't you?  I may be wrong but you don't have 1 bad review.  What does that say Ms London?  I'll tell you what it says Ms London.  That you secretly harbor a desire, a thrill, a rush that leaves seeking to control men thru sex.

Or at least that's what my shrink says.

Hey, since you have a size limit maybe next time you are in Cleveland we can to a doubles session.  That's a doubles session with my therapist.  

I mean that would be kick ass to have a provider sit there and hear me ramble on for 40 minutes about my kinky sex traits, eh.

I am cashing in the that hormone testosterone and the fact that guys have to get laid. They desire me...big deal. I mean they have to in order to see me. When they leave I get on with life...don't much think about it after that.

bingo..as Sgt. Friday once said..'just the facts mam"..i never read anything into it..neither should any one else..

-- Modified on 10/28/2012 11:21:17 PM

I think providers are happy that they can make more in an hour than most men make in a day.

I do think that providers do get some kinda ego boost or affirmation because they are desired in a way that perhaps they wouldn't be.  Of course, the incredibly attractive ones probably don't see this, but the ones that are more average who are commanding big prices might very well see an ego boost out of it.

I had brunch with a provider yesterday.  She is more UTR but a very pricey high-end provider in NYC.  It was just brunch, and she actually paid for brunch!  It was actually a very enjoyable discussion, and she admitted that she got a rush out of being desired and paid for it.

But that's her, and I can't necessarily say that she is representative of all providers.

I see what you are saying, but I think you get yourself into trouble when you end up trying to pigeonhole all or even just many providers into a stereotype, as you are wont to do.

Where else to learn the inner truths about life than the Lifetime Movie Channel? I also highly recommend Harlequin Romance Novels, The National Enquirer, and Penthouse Forum.

Jesusmotherfuckingcocksuckinggoddamnedsonofabitchingchrist. I have never seen another group of people with such a desperate need to pigeonhole everyone around them. Why the fuck do you need to psychoanalyze and label people, are you that afraid to just accept the fact that everyone has a history, everyone has different factors that motivate them, and everyone has different goals and aspirations in life?

There are as many reasons for women to become providers as there are providers, you dumb hillbilly. Many are probably similar, many are different combinations and percentages of the same factors, but in the end, WHO THE FUCK CARES? Pay your money and take your chances.

Ugh. I'm gonna go take a Xanax now. Or maybe a Midol

of paying his outrageous rates?  Believe it or not he actually kept me out of the hobby for close to a year.  Although he told me upfront that relapse was part of the process.

And boy did I ever relapse.  I saw that redhead Provider in NYC (the one with like 500+ reviews)  and let me tell you it was worth every FUCKING PENNY.  When I gave him the verbal review he had a look on his face like he would shit his pants and piss himself at the same time.  (i.e, he couldn't believe a woman would let you piss on her and spit Dr. Pepper in her face at the same time).  Told ya I am one kinky mother------.

And I haven't even met you.  Actually I think one CAN love someone but that is not always the same thing as falling IN love with someone.

-- Modified on 10/28/2012 8:35:23 PM

But Ms. London, WHAT IF a client came along that was willing to give you unconditional love, and some chemistry began to develop between you two? Would you allow yourself to be open to such a possibility? Or would you autumatically exclude him and any possibility of a relationship (beyond a special client /"friend") just because you had first met him in a P4P situation? But what better man than one who would understand your profession in order to accept you, whether or not you would continue providing or someday give up the biz to settle down for love when that right guy finally does come along? And if you automatically exclude all men you now see as clients, and close your mind and your heart to any such possibility (albeit perhaps a remote possibility due to the inherent nature of hobbying as primarilly for sex), then do you ever wonder if you may have closed yourself off to and possibly overlooked/missed your Mr. Right???

You probably convinced him to hobby.

Has he raised his rate?

A few things:

1. That I have made somebody happy and possibly improved their life even for a moment. On the opposite end of that is a sadness when someone was not made happy. If I didn't care about making someone happy, then I probably wouldn't care about making them unhappy either. So yes, there is a need in me to make others happy

2. There is a wonderful feeling that comes from knowing you are desired this much that men will pay to be in your company. This is something I wanted in my relationships, to be desired greatly and wanted badly. In this way, I know that every man I encounter, has been thinking about being with me, wanting me, desiring me. I love this feeling

3. The money is appreciated so much. I look at it as someone also supporting my dreams and goals. Maybe they don't know what my goals or dreams are, but because of their financial support, I am able to make my dreams come true and can take care of myself.

4. Fills the void of being single. With no boyfriend or companion, I want company and to be touched. Human contact is very important for well being and health. I am not finding my prince charming in my personal life, and so my prince charmings are keeping me content right now.

5. Drama free. I love that a man shows up filled with joy and wants to just have as much fun as possible with me. We are not going to fight or do the things that happen in a relationship. We are both just happy to be with each other and then walk away carefree and with renewed joy for life. Or at least that is my wish.

In general, I have changed and not sure where that leads me when it comes to a real relationship. I do know that I avoid dating men who are not as good as the wonderful clients I have been with. I suppose I need now a man who has a combination of the things I admire most in my clients. Someone who lusts for me, is excited to see me, thinks about me when we not together, is giving and likes to see me smiles and in my best spirits... things like this.

Im sure you did learn a lot from your talks. Perhaps seeing us in the light you are seeing us in, now will help you in your own inner struggles. We are just human, with the same human characteristics as other women. I sometimes spot a random women in my town and observe for awhile, and conclude that she would probably be a great provider because of certain characteristics she shows. One thing I don't think its best to do this job when you feel weak. But then again, some women have been saved from going back into a destructive life or relationship because of getting empowered in this way. At the end of the day, what we all want is to just Heal. Heal from a bad day, a bad week, a bad year, or a bad life. Releasing a few feel good chemicals in the brain, feels good, and that is why it is addictive. Feeling good and trying to heal ourselves. My only caution is to not let the hobby make you a worse person then you were when you started. If you start to look in the mirror and not like what you see or have become... then time to back off or you will lose yourself. But if you see a stronger person, a person who has learned to love others more, has become less judgmental and more patient... other positive qualities... then this has been a very good thing for your life.

Lots of love to you and your quest for truth. Cameo

Part of me agrees with you...
The other part knows that there more into it as well

I'll admit that my turn on is feeling desired... and part of that desire is provoked by the power I have to turn them on... vicious circle, right?

Now, this doesn't mean I have to go therapy, right???  LOL!


LDL

If I have a need to be desired here, it is for money not for approval or some long term love fest. I mean I don't want the guys I see to think I am butt ugly, but if they do...on to the next one. The clients I do see of course, I care about pleasing them, but not for the reasons you might think. Tell your shrink I said hi, but I think I will pass lol. I do enough therapy during my dates.

-- Modified on 10/29/2012 3:46:27 AM

It is what it is I suppose. I will never date a hobbyist.

but falling IN love is another thing.

My dear London. Do we have to go into another love lesson? How can you hope for someone who doesn't hobby, and that be your only possibility? It seems the mirror is getting fogged up again.

Remember, love is something you GIVE, not how someone makes you feel. If you don't possess the quality to love someone regardless of what they have done, you will always chase the dream, and never realize it.

Find someone that is unlovable, and practice.

All it means is, Your not afraid to be totally honest. You don't have to hide behind some B/S...

You are right about that...  Honesty is not problem for me.  And I'm not a very good friend of BS either...I neither have issues with myself, and those who do, are welcome to walk away or simply pass.
I wish we all were like that...  (sigh)

THIS is what I see over my morning coffee??????

Why do some people (and a shrink of all!) try to one-size-fits-all something as complex as escorting?

Do some ladies enjoy being sexually desired?  I expect so, especially when compaired to being sexually ignored or worse.

But is that true for all of them?  Absolutely not.  There a re a lot who tollerate it at best.

Is this WHY ladies do it?  Again, that may be the case for a few, but not for most the ones I have gotten to know.  Reason #1:  money to support their family (sometimes the family is just themselves, but most the time it's a single mom thing).  Reason #2:  money to get through school without absurd debt or flipping burgere 20 hrs a week.

As to sexual power, I'd say you & your shrink have that wrong in most cases.  If you said insecurity, I'd believe that more.  Until I got to know a lot of the ladies I never would have imagined so many beautiful, intelligent ladies could be so insecure about themselves and about whether they are likeable.

If that's what your shrink really says, I'd really question his quality as a shrink.

As to your closing question:  I'll believe what I've seen 1st hand with the ladies, and most of it says your theory doesn't hold a lot of water.

They also say you are bright, interesting, sexy, and very enjoyable to be with.

You can fake stupid, but you can't fake those other qualities.

I totally disagree with the premise expressed by the OP.  i suggest he seach for a better therapist.

Oh...people do a lot of stuff for approval.  But the ladies in this biz??   Pleeeeze!

-- Modified on 10/29/2012 8:54:33 AM

women who come to this business or stay in it for approval and adoration they are not getting anywhere else, and they are easy to spot. They tend to be the ones that always say what the crowd wants to hear, beg for business on every ISO put out, and act as if their only happiness in life is brought upon by the next d*ck they get to suck. So, he does have a point right there and I know a few just like that.

They have nothing else going for the in them real world and seek that approval here. The bad thing about being that way, is one 7/7 review will probably have them slitting their wrists, because OMG that guy who paid them did not think they were a 10. When your self esteem depends on what other people think of you to feel ok about yourself, well, it's just not good. People are miserable in their relationships all over the world because of what that "other person' did not give them.


Happiness comes from within, not from the approval of others. I am hated far and wide and do you think I give a fk? Nope....I think that shit is funny that people spend that much energy hating a hooker they have never met, and likely never will.







-- Modified on 10/29/2012 4:28:26 PM

So keep on keeping on.

London,

Yes, I agree there are some.  How many, I certainly don't know, but they are there.  I wouldn't say they have nothing going for them in the real world, but they do have something missing in the real world.  And I agree this is not the right place to find it most the time.

Just talked with a lady this morning who is an absolute sweetheart.  Good looking, educated, and brightens people's spirts by just walking into a room.  But she refuses to think people like her.  Escorting was killing her--litterally--and now that she is retired she's working on the long road to seeing herself in a positive way.  Sad that she was browbeaten by her family to think so little of herself, but good to see she is making progress.  I just hope she stays away from this business, it isn't good for her on any level.  Some ladies can handle it, some cannot.

PS:  Completely agree that some folks get far too emotionally involved in hating people they have never met.  Though a few of the macho guys on here work hard to be disliked.  I really think for some of them it is their goal on here.

London,

Yes, I agree there are some.  How many, I certainly don't know, but they are there.  I wouldn't say they have nothing going for them in the real world, but they do have something missing in the real world.  And I agree this is not the right place to find it most the time.

Just talked with a lady this morning who is an absolute sweetheart.  Good looking, educated, and brightens people's spirts by just walking into a room.  But she refuses to think people like her.  Escorting was killing her--litterally--and now that she is retired she's working on the long road to seeing herself in a positive way.  Sad that she was browbeaten by her family to think so little of herself, but good to see she is making progress.  I just hope she stays away from this business, it isn't good for her on any level.  Some ladies can handle it, some cannot.

PS:  Completely agree that some folks get far too emotionally involved in hating people they have never met.  Though a few of the macho guys on here work hard to be disliked.  I really think for some of them it is their goal on here.

-- Modified on 10/29/2012 2:52:31 PM

Nice to hear some very honest and truthful answers.

Not every provider has "daddy Issues" or problems. Some of them just love sex,
and everything about it. I have seen many ladies, and only 3 of them had their head on straight without issues, or problems. Just plain happy with out the shink.

I saw the same red head in NYC and you aren't kidding she is incredibly awesome and worth more than every penny, I still watch the video every now and then, unbelievable woman. It bothers me though that some providers have a problem with her because she does just about everything. I respect each providers limits, it's just that G doesn't have any that I know of other than no marks or bleeding and for the life of me I can't imagine why anyone would want to hurt an absolute gem like her anyway.

We are two of many very lucky hobbyist's that we got to spend time with her.

Cameo,
That was absolutely the most mature, honest, well thought out and articulate posting I have ever seen on any TER discussion board. What I read into your post was not only what a strong willed person you are but also that you revealed your vulnerable side. I immediately linked to your ad page and made you a favorite. I already can't wait to meet you, although I'll have to. I have a few favorites and I can say the same thing about the both of them that I can almost guarantee I'll be able to say about you, and that is that I'd pay to just be in their company. They both have made made me happy and improved my life if only for a moment in time. I was told by a very wise man once that the measure of ones life is how many people can say they are better people for having known you. It was a very dark period of my life when he told me that and I did not like me, so it was impossible for anyone else to (except for Mom, unconditional love). But that one comment woke up my soul to change who I had become into who I really wanted to be. I shed my jealousy, prejudice and most of my anger over a period of time to become a person who I do like and do want to be. I feel that spending time with you will help me along this long, never ending path of becoming a better person than I was yesterday and of course fill that human contact need that we both have from being single and really great sex is always good too. I still suffer from impatience and likely always will to some extent, but I do see a stronger, more forgiving and less judgmental person than before. I guess it's not difficult to read between my lines and see that I am very impressed by you.

That is so sweet of you. You are very kind and i appreciate that you understand me. I would love to meet you too. Yes this world can be like a labyrinth, where you can either become lost and confused, or you can find your way by following with your heart and intuition.