I rarely get upset, but this weekend I was stunned by a would-be client. After making an appointment and exchanging several emails about his desires, he canceled the day before the appointment. However, that's not the issue. This email is.
"Sorry I haven't gotten back to you sooner, a day trip to NYC turned into the week. Worse than that, while I was gone, my wife discovered our e-mail traffic. Stupid me left w/o taking my laptop with me and also left it in standby. Long story short, when she opened it, your last e-mail was on the screen. So, unfortunately, you will not be hearing from me for a while, but if things continue, you could hear a lot more from me in the not too distant future."
Joe
My reply:
Dear Joe:
If that was indeed what happened, you have been careless with more than your own behavior-- you have compromised my security as well. I don't need vengeful wives knowing my email and website.
There is more than one party at risk here. If you do hobby in the future, I would urge you to consider your actions a lot more thoughtfully.
Unfortunately, I won't be able to make your acquaintance at this point. I hope you understand why.
If a client wants to get caught by his wife-- leaving hobby-related email on the screen of your computer at home?-- I really don't care. But don't use me or any other honest escort as the weapon of your self-destruction.
An escort's job is risky enough. Cops, stalkers, thieves, rapists-- they're all among the lovely folks we have to guard against. But when self-absorbed clients add themselves to the list...
When I hear a woman's voice on my phone today or next week, I want it to be another escort, calling for a reference. Not Mrs. Joe.
This weekend, I had to remind myself that my smart and discreet clients are the joy of my working life.
The guy made a mistake, what do you want? It will almost certainly hurt him more than it will you. Don't use e-mail then. There's somebody pretty self-absorbed here, but it isn't Mr. Joe.
How is it self-absorption to be angry that a would-be client compromised her contact info? Are you saying that you have no problem with a provider leaving your contact info in her date book, rolodex, or computer?
You don't think that vengeful wives are a problem for providers in this hobby? What are your views on the value of discretion in the hobby?
I agree with you, he will probably suffer more than she in this particular scenario - but how do you know this isn't one of those minority instances when the provider will get stalked, attacked, outed to teh police or general public, etc? How do you know the wife in this case isn't a Glen Close fan?
The guy made a mistake that cost him a lot, what do you want people to do? It's not like the guy was careless about her and not himself. She shouldn't use e-mail if snooping wives are that much of a threat. In this business, you take risks and it doesn't sound like this guy did anything outlandishly risky to me. I don't feel sorry for either one of the, actually.
I once gave an expensive present to a lady in another country with whom I'd had a brief but intense romance, but left the receipt in my suitcase, where my wife discovered it. Since it was shortly before Christmas, she naturally thought it was for her and was pleased. When it didn't show up under the Christmas tree, she was not pleased. Eventually we did divorce, but this incident was not the trigger, although it didn't help matters. There were more deep-seated issues of disagreement. Nevertheless, we were both sad at the end of what had started as a great marriage, and maybe somwhat chastened, although we have both remarried more or less happily. Today, all are reasonably good friends. Time does heal. I mention all this, because the wife or husband who makes the discovery is not necessarily justified in charging off to the lawyer. Strong relationships will survive (albeit with dedication and hard work) and maybe even thrive, but it isn't easy. Other relationships are probably better off ending as amicably as possible, because they won't get better even with good will on both sides. Just my opinion.
especially when it comes to my personal safety and peace of mind.
One of the reasons I was particularly upset by this occurrence-- not the first one, mind you-- is that in this fellow's blithe little note, he showed NO remorse and NO recognition that he put me at risk as well as himself.
And this is where you come in. But because some people can't be trusted to use the brains God gave them, you suggest I should give up using email.
I guess notebook paper is out as well-- last year, I had a wife call me and threaten to spray-paint "Whore" on my front door-- after she found directions to my incall in her husband's pants pocket.
So let's see-- I guess that leaves the phone as a safe option. Unless you count the fellow who recently left a message for me to call him right back... and when I did, his wife answered. Yes, he was at home-- with wifey in the next room.
Until some clients start thinking defensively, I really don't think that escorts should be expected to give up all forms of normal communication to keep them safe.
Oh, wait-- I've got it... smoke signals! Maybe that would work. One puff for "Yes," two for "No," three for "I'm an idiot."
He was kind enough to let you know the situation when he didnt have to and you react with a selfish response !!!!
Look within yourself - hatred and rage breeds cancer among a host of other maladies .... even if for your own health ... considering the promotion of love - it is your business ... ISN'T IT ... OR IS IT ?
Unfortuately, there's more than one way that a guy can get skun alive.
In my case the stupid hotel decided to send the bill to my home address. My wife opened it and found a list of phone calls made by the provider to her home while we were there.
One of my long time regulars, made a HUGE mistake that might cost him his "happily ever after" marriage.
His best friend is going thru tough times, family issues of the medical kind.
They are long time friends, since college years...so my client thought he was doing a good deed giving my name & site to him, so he could forget his problems for a while.
So, because it was a special request from one of my trusted clients, I did correspond with this gentleman for a while, to set an appoitment.
We did exchange lots of e-mails, he was a newbie so I went the extra mile, explaining things over and over and answering questions I usually don't do thru mails but, I did this time just because my client told me I could trust his friend.
I did set their appointments in the same day, my client loves the early mornings, so I saw him at 9 am and I was suppose to meet his friend at 3 pm.
Well, my client came in, we had a great time and he left for his meetings.
I went down to the hotel restaurant to grab a quick breakfast and, when I returned, there was 5 frantic calls from my client.
I looked around my room, thinking he forgot something important then I called him back.
He was pissed and cursing at his "trusted" friend and asking me what did we discuss in those mails.
He was asking me over and over if I did mention his full name in any of the mails...I told him NO because I don't like to discuss private info, even if is with a trusted person.
Well, it turned out his trusted friend used his home account, the one he shares with his wife, to correspond with me.
My client told me the wife found the mails, read all of them and the last 3 was her writting to me...the ones where "he" (she) was asking the initials of my clients name "for security & discretion purposes, just I know we can trust each other". Of course I did play dumb and didn't reply to these questions, I thought it was strange and I just ignored them.
This jerk of a friend, not only got himself in deep doo-doo, but also dragged my client into his mess.
Their wives are close friends and my client now has lots to explain to his SO, just because he felt sorry for his best friends ordeal and wanted to help him to release his stress a bit.
My client was making up excuses and telling me to say this and that, but I told him just to deny, deny, deny...there was no mention of his name at all and - unless his friend opened his big mouth - he would be safe in just simply say nothing to her.
Some guys are so careless in how they keep their stuff, they think their SOs are naive and not computer savvy...well, like I always tell them, never understimated their SOs hunting abilities.
Also, NEVER tell anyone about your hobby. More than you want to share your great sexual experiences with your best buddies, remember that anything you say can be used against you.
My client found out the hard way. He thought he could trust a friend of 30 years. NOT!
BDG, I couldn't agree more. Since I started hobbying there are a couple of long time friends who I considered sharing my experiences with as well as suggestions that they experience a couple of the wonderful ladies I have met. But the need to keep my activities absolutely secret outweighed any desire to share even with a 20+ year trusted friend. When I fill a need to discuss the hobby I do it with providers who have become "friends" and no one else.
Sorry to hear about your troubles, and I always enjoy your posts feel free to drop me a PM sometime
the wives won't be calling and harrassing you! I've been at the butt-end of a few wives who found out...or were at least suspicious. I got an e-mail from one who wanted to know the particulars about my impending appointment with her husband...needless to say...not an e-mail I answered. Fortunately, I never heard from her again. I've also gotten a mysterious out of state phone-call from a woman asking to set up a hair appointment. Told her she had a wrong number but she called again a few minutes later asking again to set up an appointment. I told her again, she had a wrong number and had reached a private cell phone. I figure she found my number in hubbys cell phone. Anyway, I never heard from her again. So, you're right...deny, deny, deny....and keep the e-mails as detail free as possible.
It amazes me that some of you gentlemen are so unwilling to recognize that the lady has as much to lose as the idiot that left his laptop on and went on a trip. Sorry but that is not just a simple mistake. I've been doing this for a while and I see mostly the same gals on a repeat basis. We are as responsible for protecting their privacy as we are for protecting our own. Stupid behavior puts both sides at risk. As customers we whine incessantly about ladies or agencies not keeping our information on file and yet some of you don't see a problem with what this guy did?
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Sara