Oh, I'm just so driven by the good sex, which is about the best I've had with a provider, but it's so close to wanting to stop with her.  She started out really nice, and we had a bunch of good times, but is now being kind of a pain, dissing me a bit by not responding to my legitimate schedule queries, is not as nice in person, etc.

Kind of like one of those sick relationships where an abused person stays with the abuser.  But not really, as there is no abuse.

What to do?

And, IMHO, if she's being a nasty little bitch, she is being, to a degree, abusive.  Ditch her and find a new ATF who will appreciate what you give her.  

Just my .02 cents.
Belinda

It's time to move on. Good sex isn't usually just about the purely physical. There is always some emotional factor, even if it's just friendship. If you are feeling like she is starting to hold you in contempt, then it's not going to be the same. To me it sounds like there is abuse, just emotional. I know it won't be easy, but you need to think of your own needs. Life is too short to put up with that.

This is a rule I developed during civie dating and have retained in dealing with providers.

You can summarize it as: "Have some pride in yourself, man."

In dating, I would call and leave a message. A couple of days later, I would leave another. NEITHER message revealed the existence of the 2-call rule. Both were just ordinary pleasant messages.

If, a week later, I had not heard back; my email client was programmed to delete her emails and my phone was programmed to reject her calls.

Yes, occasionally this was an over-reaction. I once came home to find a girl waiting outside my house who maybe I had been a bit premature about.

In modified form, this rule also applies to that certain subset of providers with whom you normally have daily or near daily phone contact for whatever reason.

I'll leave a message. Wait a week. Leave another and send a text and/or email. The next week -- all her calls and emails are rejected henceforth.

Again, none of these messages intimate in any way that the woman is about to be rejected. Don't warn about it -- just do it.

Those who know me likely see this as being very out of character. The rule came into existence because through sheer naivety I had allowed a couple of civie girls to take advantage of my good nature. Sometimes nice guys get taken advantage of, you know.

So far in 3.5 years; only one provider has been subject to the "johngaltnh 2-call rule."

So -- what this means is dump her. Time to find a new ATF. Leave a couple of nice "hey how are ya" or scheduling messages. A week after -- setup your phone to dump her calls and your email client to dump her emails.

Obviously there is a reason why she is behaving the way that she is- providers don't just refuse or abuse the attention of regular clients because they're fickle and stupid.

If she's not responding to your schedule inquiries and isn't being kind to you in person...then you're frustrating yourself and likely her as well by continuing to attempt to see her.  Sometimes providers just don't know how to say "it's over" so they'll begin doing anti-social things with the expectation that you'll take the hint.

Move on to someone who will enjoy your company and appreciate your business because she is clearly signaling that she does not- and much like real relationships, this isn't necessarily the fault of either party.  The relationship has simply run its course.

I always wanted to grudge fuck.

Sounds to me like you may be a bit fixated on the lady and she may know it. She may either have a bit of an abusive streak, want to take some issue of hers out on you because you have demonstrated a vulnerability, or she may be trying to distance you - not really wanting to chase away the money but wanting to hold you very much at arms distance.

How much experience do you have in this sport? Don't you realize that awesome sex is available.....all over the place in this little world of compensated sex?  Truly.....

It is simply not worth putting up with any lack of performance, appreciation or people skills from a provider. Move on.

As I stated, the 2-call rule only applies to "... that certain subset of providers with whom you normally have daily or near daily phone contact for whatever reason."

In my case, I never initiate such frequent phone contact with a provider. So this sort of thing is initiated by the provider if it happens.

And if it gets to be a daily or near-daily thing; she is laying claim to my time just as if she were a girlfriend. Unlike an email which I can get around to; a phone call is a real-time thing requiring my near-undivided attention.

In such circumstances, it typically occurs that the provider gains priorities in my time and attention; as well as access to specialized skills for which I would ordinarily charge a fee.

In other words, except for the fact a fee is paid for sessions; she is in a category in terms of my own personal investment of energy much closer to that of a friend or girlfriend.

I have certain very reasonable expectations of my friends -- romantic or otherwise. And these include being treated with the same level of dignity and respect with which they are treated.

I will not allow myself to be treated poorly by those who would call me "friend."

Ergo, the 2-call rule applies to a very very small subset of providers; and as far as I know at this point, to nobody actively associated with TER.

But when I DO apply it; I will admit that I do so pretty ruthlessly.

She has a reason for acting the way she is.  It doesn't matter if you understand the reason or not.  It happens to all of us.  Just recently a provider who I thought I was on good terms with and have seen multiple times, has decided not to return my calls.  C'est la vie.

Stick with her,if you don't,you'll regret it,trust me.I did this mistake and now i'm not enjoying the hobby as i used to.

This is the hobby...when the ladies start to blow you off, it is time to move on.  If you are hobbying correctly, you may have an ATF that you have a special relationship with, and you should treasure that.  But, never forget that though you may be special to her as a client, and maybe even a friend, she is a provider, and she has other clients.  If she holds you in high esteem, she expects that you understand her position, and will reach out when the time is right for her.

He's the man.

BUT, I'm a little more emotional when it comes to certain ladies.

Some I give a shit about, some I don't.

Meaning, some I'll give John's '2 call rule' to and others I'll let go after 1.

Actually, the '2 call rule' doesn't apply to my favs. The only reason they are my favs is because we're so fucking tight that they can get away with breaking a date with me for the most extreme of circumstances.

Meaning, they're donating a kidney. Or their kid is in the hospital. Or they have to sign their divorce papers, or some shit like that....

But John. You need to hook me up on how to make certain people 'exempt' in my email and on my phone. Cool?

I'll send you all sorts of shit from NM like I did mrfisher.

We'll talk!

I also know when to concede.


Deja vu. HA HA

Forgive yourself for stupidity and move on.

Happened to my current ATF too.  She decided not to respond then said "I lost my phone" but got it back. Providers also have a 'burn out' rate. I think she felt I'm seeing her to often.
For us, it's easy to say "enough".  
For them, they probably do this by not responding to us if they get burned out. I guess when they feel the client is getting attached, some of them back out.

There is a lot of wisdom in this thread...  If there was as clear a way to sort Favorite ladies...    
skb

as the old saying goes.  Are you sure that you are not somehow complicit in this turn for the worse?

While I haven't had the situation you describe exactly, I had the converse (Or is it reverse, or inverse?  I'll never get the difference between those terms.)  situation develop with a long time favorite where she remains as always as charming as ever, but the sex sort of degenerated to "I'll lie here and let you do your thing, then we'll go out to dinner." type of sex.

I spoke to her about this and said that I wanted the sex crazed maniac that I remember from our first dates.  She was surprised to hear this because she thought I liked the kind of lazy sex we'd been having, because I didn't speak up when things changed.

Now all is back to wonderful sex with a congenial gal.

Like our mommies told us back when we were three:  "Use your words."

By the way, I also had one or two situations develop where a gal became a bit of a bitch to me and I cut off contact, and in fact, I've gotten dumped a time or two; but, C'est la vie.

GTM has several valid sugestions: she's trying to distance without clearly communicating, she may have some issues that she is taking out on you, there are others as well.

DO NOT try to figure out which it is to try to fix things. simply take your envelopes elsewhere. give her 6 months or a year off at least. hopefully in that time you'll never want to return.

All of us have things happen in our lives that could cause a temporary cessation, or a delay, in communication. She may not have decided not to return your calls. She may just need some time out, for personal reasons. She could be in the hospital. She could have been in a wreck. She might be caring for an elderly parent or a sick child. Who really knows? I hope you would not just assume she has turned you out in the cold. Whether it's only for the money, or for your continued friendship, she would be a fool to just cut you off. I am also assuming that you always treated her well. You don't sound like a man who would be self-centered and thoughtless.

I kind of figured the group wisdom would be to move on, but it kind of bums me out--feels a bit like rejection.  Yes, frankly, I was a bit fixated for a time, but after calming down a bit, I'm in the role of just an enthusiastic fan--at least from my perspective.  Does that have to be a problem with ladies?  I figure most would be appreciative of someone who they know and trust and keep coming back--repeat customers are the lowest cost of doing business.

I'm moderately experienced in the hobby (even if my review history does not indicate it), and I haven't experienced the sexual intensity with anyone else.  So, I'm kind of feeling a withdrawal syndrome (there's a double entendre if I've heard one, lol).

If she is treating you this way she has no business being in the biz and you deserve so much more for being a very wonderful and loyal client. I would leave and find someone who appreciates you and all you have to offer.

I'd move on. As she is your ATF, you can always ask her what's up, but that's about as far as I'd go.

I would agree with some of the others that maybe you're more into her than she is into you, and maybe she's feeling too crowded emotionally, which can happen even if you don't call all the time.

Yeah sure - personal reasons may prevent her from communicationg. However,  no cancellation, no show, no communication "silent treatment" can be the worst experience for a client. If it happens twice or a third time, not so many clients are that understanding. For me, I won't destroy the bridges but say "I'll see you in a month or so".

For what it's worth, several women who where giving me "the best sex ever" have come and gone during my time in the hobby. Someone just as amazing, or better, always came along.

It's paid sex dude, if you are not happy with the experience then you should not be paying for it.  Move on.

ATF's are like buses, there's always another one coming. Quit being lazy, do your homework and find another escort who's reviews are what you're looking for.

There can be all sorts of reasons for her behavior, but you won't know unless you address it. Do it in person, and just say, in a non-accusatory way, that it seems like her attitude toward you has changed. Then, just see what she says. Some people are not always aware of how they're coming across, and she can be experiencing issues totally unrelated to you. On the other hand, consciously or unconsciously, she might be wanting you to move on, so be quite prepared to do so.

-- Modified on 4/18/2010 11:49:39 AM

you ever had sex with?  You think no one else can be that good?  How is she dissing you, laughing when you get in asking when you are going to start?
Calling you a needle dick bug fucker?  As sad as this story is, look up, Downboy.  Team Mangina always has room for one more, and you certainly fit the bill!  






Power to the females!  We aren't worthy!

You do not have to burn the bridges.  You can always say "I'll call you next month or two".  Don't say bad words to her. Just let her be and give yourself time. It ain't easy, so distract yourself by looking at other providers. Keep on distracting yourself and take your mind off her. Go buy porno and jack off as many times so you can forget her temporarily.

-- Modified on 4/18/2010 5:17:26 PM

I agree. Leave her alone. But I believe there's more to it than what you're saying. True, I believe that her continuing to see you when she's really not happy with you shows a lack of maturity or desperation on her part, but you're not totally blameless.

Sometimes, people forget the basic principle of understanding issues between two people: look inward FIRST. I bet you're the heart of the problem, and her not having the guts to either appreciate you despite your shortcomings, or telling you how she feels and moving on is not helping.

when you have an ATF, you can always dump HER when she gets nasty and becomes a pain in the ass.

My former ATF, after having seen her several times, did a 10 day road trip, several 3-4 days trips and visits, TM's me one day and said she was indignant that I was trying to get something free from her. I wasn't, I told her she misread the emails. She agreed, but I was now pissed. Then she said she was under no obligation to respond to me, so fuck it. I figured that was a dump. Like what I did to my ex years ago, and second ex did to me a few years back. Now, I just move on, no contact, no lawyers, no bullshit. I have now found a new and improved ATF.

Until she decides to dump me, that is.