Ladies I just want you all to be careful when setting up an appt. with a prospective client:

I received an email from a gentleman last week, about meeting at his hotel room for tonight. He gave me his first and last name, and also the name of a provider that he had seen, while in town. I emailed the provider, and asked her if she had seen him?  If he was okay? I received a positive response back from her, so I figured this gentleman was "safe".

The gentleman calls me this past Saturday (like scheduled), and  he gives me the name of the hotel/room number. Well, we were scheduled to meet for tonight, so I decided to call up the hotel and reconfirm by leaving a voicemail in his room. I come to find out that there is no one in that room by that given name,  but the operator did tell me that there is a gentleman who is staying in the room. Bewildered, I had then called up the provider who had confirmed that she had met with this guy, and she admits that she could not remember him at all ((((((

Ladies, if you cannot remember who you have previously seen, I do implore you to answer truthfully. Please don't say that you remember a gentleman, when you don't. Remember that there is another person who is at risk for meeting up with someone who could be LE, or some wacko out there.  So really think hard before coming to a final answer. If there is something niggling in the back of your mind, and it's telling you that cannot remember a particular gentleman, please say so! I would rather have you confirm that you don't remember him, than to say that you do, when you don't.

To the gentleman out there: This is another reason why some of us ladies do have a 6 month cut off point. When contacting a lady, be honest and give your full name. Don't come to rely on ladies of the past to remember who you are. Remember that memories do fade, even the ones you would like to cherish forever lol

I hope that this is some good advice that we all can learn to use.

Thanks.

-- Modified on 9/30/2003 11:45:59 AM

My dear, your first mistake was in using a reference as part of your screening! References are NOT to be used as a screening tool, especially in place thereof! References are merely a contact of someone that you can confirm that their appointment time was safe, and that he behaved in a gentlemanly fashion, and that there were no complications (ie ripoff).
I could go on and on about references and how useless they really are, to a degree, but won't here. But, by the time I did, you'd discover yourself not to really use them any more. Most CERTAINLY, not to RELY on them. Rely only on YOURSELF, and doing your homework well.
All other screening procedures are ON YOU! Remember, you are identifying who he IS, who he's NOT, and then whether or not he's behaved safely and gentlemanly (references). But, the first two are yours.
Calling the room beforehand is absolutely essential! If it doesn't check out, you can call him (could be a mistake, so give him the benefit), or some ladies just 'don't show'. No matter what, if it doesn't 'feel' right, GO, leave!

There are things I can't say here, so feel free to either PM me or email me.

Sedona

But it does not help matters, when a provider is saying she's met a this person, and then comes around saying that she cannot really remember him. One of the biggest points that I am trying to make is if there are ladies verifying this way, please make sure that the information given to one another is accurate. If you cannot remember, say so. Please don't lie to save face. Also, it's apparent that references would not have worked out in this case, for the lady ended up admitting that she could not remember him at all! lol This goes back to a memory of a provider. How good is it really? That is why I do understand why a provider would have a 6 month cut off, and why men should not always rely on using a provider as a reference tool.

I do have an alternative and that is the employment screening that I use. I have used it as an alternative because I have heard guys complain that they would rather use another provider as a reference, than to give out employment information.This issue, I can entirely understand.  I know that there are providers who would only use 2 references, and they use this in place of employment info.  I am just glad that this outcome wasn't worse, where I could have gone to the hotel (thank god I called the hotel first), and met some wacko in his room. But, I will say as for now on, I  will no longer be accepting references, but will be using only the employment information. As much as I would like to rely on another provider's memory, I just cannot.

Sedona, thanks for listening lol

-- Modified on 9/30/2003 12:36:06 PM

In your first paragraph, you're so absolutely right, and this very thing is what caused one of our ladies to be arrested. She got impulsive, greedy (?), and didn't wait for her screening answers to get back. Instead, it got close (time) for her, so when she got back the reference, she went against her own policies, and took the short cut which lead to her arrest.
She used the reference in PLACE (or as) of screening. Can't do.
This has lead many of us to realize that you shouldn't rely on anyone but yourself. And, we no longer have much use for references.
I still ask for a reference (for other reasons) but they are regarded mostly as 'fluff' - no substance.

Employment screening is an absolute must. It is one of the first questions on my form. This is your business, and your butt, so you run it the way you feel best. Don't let them dictate to you what feels more comfortable for them. If they can't comply, move on. He's not happy, you're not happy..he can choose someone else, and so can you.
Do you have an appt form on your website? If they understand ahead of time what the expectations are, then it will eliminate some strained feelings. He'll either comply or pass..his choice.

If other ladies in your area only go by references, that's their perogative. If it works, fine, but I guarantee you, one day it won't.

Check out the request form on my website. Again, if you have any more questions, PM me or email me as some things I don't really want to go into here.

Hope this helps. Be safe, be smart.

Sedona

First, the provider who was used as the "reference," did you verify her phone number? Did she have any reviews? When she called you back, are you sure that "She" was the one who called you back?

I always like to use email to verify a reference. That way if I get an email back, with my original message attached, coming from a verified email address, of the verified provider with the reviews. Then I know I'm half way there. It is very important to verify all the information, especially employment. And LE can and does make that part up too. So do your homework.

Now that I write it all out it sounds very complicated.  And of course, regrettably there are some of our sister providers who are Vipers, and don't give a rats ass if someone else goes down. It's just eliminating the competition to them.  So you really have to rely on yourself, do your homework, follow your instincts and keep a rabbits foot for good luck.

Play safe and have fun,

Megan Riley.

Then I learned screening and after I got good at that, there was an ugly chapter in my area that made me very aware that references count for "ZILCH, NADA, MOOT POINT".  

Ladies have in the past and will in the future work as informants for the police.  

They're not going to look like mean people while doing so, either.  They'll blend in and act sweet and caring while doing their dirty work.

IF I ever date again, not only would I not ask for reference, I won't supply them.  No lady can vouch for what a guy will do in YOUR presence, only what he did in hers.

There are many ways to verify who a guy is without actually going for his employment, although employment is a very good (platinum standard) in some cases.

If he's not listed in google, the public library has several lookup sites, including phone directories from all over, just get that library card and go for it.. online!!

No need to bother the secretary at work, wait for after hours and dial the number, most phone banks these days have an option to dial by the last two numbers of the person's name.

Certainly, calling up that hotel and asking for the gentleman by his name to make certain that he's checking into his room number is the 2nd to last verification.  You're always going to look at his driver's license number.  I've gone so far as to ask the guy to bring his vehicle registration to the room.

I was deemed paranoid for going so far, but I never was arrested!

Flight documentation is another verification that they should be able to show you.  You'll be able to ask them the flight numbers they're taking (so you can just check on the status of their flights in case the flight is delayed, you'll know without them having to make an extra call to you.)

Woman's best friend is her gut instinct.  Never ignore it.  And don't get desperate or greedy.

Elise [email protected]

I agree with everything you said, especially the part about references. I neither ask nor provide references under any circumstance. The main reason being I feel references are an absolute breach of privacy. I don't want any of my clients telling ANYONE that they've seen me. Clients ask for discretion and privacy, yet they sometimes don't honor my request for privacy and discretion when providing a reference. Additionally, there was a major sting operation in Florida last year that used the reference system over and over to arrest clients and providers alike. There was a provider who was known for her reference checks. That's the only way she screened. She'd been arrested before, and apparently she felt references were a foolproof way of avoiding trouble. It just so happens there is still a warrant out for her third arrest. Besides the privacy and LE issues, I actually want to know something about my clients before I see them. I like knowing what they do, where they're from, and other little details for which I ask. For me, it makes our date much more comfy and enjoyable.


Ahhhhh...and Elise is so right about the library! Use it! It's a wonderful resource. If you aren't able to perform your research online or don't know where to start, call the librarian. Almost every public library in the U.S. has an Ask a Librarian telephone number. If they don't, just call the library and ask for reference. They need not know why you need to find this person, and they really don't care. 99.9 % of librarians will go to great lengths to find you any information you need.


Lastly, Elise is right about intuition. Your intuition will never fail you, but there are times when you may fail your intuition. When I first began in this business, I would have second thoughts about clients when we were corresponding via email or telephone. Every single time I saw one of those clients, I thoroughly hated the date. It proved to me that I must trust my intuition every single time. To this day, I can instantly tell on the phone or through email what kind of date I am going to have with someone. I've recommended this book before, and it's been mentioned in this forum. The Gift of Fear by Gavin DeBecker should be required reading for anyone, clients and providers alike, in this business. No amount of screening can replace the trust you have in yourself. Trust your intuition. Trust your intuition. Trust your intuition.

Generally, I ask for verification by emails, 90% of the time. yes, I had initially emailed her, and then I had followed up with her by the phone. I am not here to knock how a provider does her screening, for we all know that everyone is different, indeedy lol But, as I stated before, I won't be using references anymore, and will only use the employment verification (plus, also some of the other options that you ladies had suggested, thank you) for now on.  If the men cannot understand that, then I will explain why (being what had taken place earlier today), and if they cannot accept my reason, then that is tough cookies.

Thanks ladies

Reoublechecking references

As I am new to this hobby (so forgive my ignorance) but would services such as Roomservice2000, Date-Check, Secret Keeper be an excellant source to achieve verification.

I got busted last spring in San Diego....I am an independant provider.  I broke my usual routine of verifying someone through thier "Listed" employment source, and booked an appointment on a positive referral by a female cop, with a dummy page at SDExotics.com.  Once I paid bail, met with a lawyer, ya dee ya....I began studying like a star student.  It has been well worth the education.  If you don't have three points of positive verification.....don't go there EVER.  LE does not seem to be able to pull this off.  The very LAST thing I use is a referral.  www.escort-watch.com is a very informative site for independant ladies and only costs $30.00 annually.  The first thing that is said there is REFERRALS are the very worst place to start.  I have a small group of friends and we do referrals for each other all of the time, but I still do the same screening process regardless.  It has been smooth sailing ever since.  As for the gent who was obviously lying to you, I will say this......the very best and most pleasant (and fun to be with) are the guys who cooperate with your safety precautions because they have the confidence and compassion we want anyway.  I am glad you got away from that one, be it LE or a person who could potentially hurt you very badly in other ways.  I understand there are those out there who are simply new to the hobby, a bit scared and try to hide thier personal info because they don't want to get caught, but what they need to understand is that a good provider that screens, is alot safer than a COP or a RIPOFF that doesn't screen........they need an education too.  Hopefully this will open a few eyes of newbies and put you at ease.

so very true sedona

Obviously everyone has her own screening methods, but for myself I find provider references invaluable.

I'm fortunate to live in a city with a close circle of women who know each other and are comfortable giving references (and yes, they will admit if they don't remember a person.) LE is not a problem like Florida or San Diego.

The worst client experience I ever had is one where I did not ask for a reference. He was highly educated, had 2 degrees, had verifiable employment and phone numbers, etc. On the surface he seemed acceptable and respectable, so I didn't ask him for a provider reference.

Then, at our meeting, he turned out to be very odd and creepy. I kicked myself for not asking for a reference because I would have been warned of his unusual personality.

When another provider asked me a month later about him, I let her know my experience.

Based on provider information given to me in reference emails, I have NOT scheduled appointments with certain clients (i.e one was a potential stalker who was becoming obsessed with the girls he saw).

How else do you find out stalker and creep information if you don't ask someone who's met him in real life?

Reason being..

I don't think the guys realize that we ladies (apparently, Phx is the exception) do NOT discuss anything at all in a reference.
It's usually this:

Yes, I saw him. Yes, I would see him again.

AND THAT'S IT!!!
Nothing more! Then, you accept the date, and EXACTLY as you say, you experience 'something' that you would've liked to have known BEFORE! Whatever that 'something' may be. And I am amazed, that, as 'chatty' as women reputably (?) are, this is one area where we are as tightlipped as a bank vault!

I, personally think that some things could be very helpful, remembering that YMMV, of course. Example, one of our ladies reported on a Private Provider website that a particular client
had, in a fit of rage, lunged at her, and she was quite shaken, no doubt. But, the others had responded that they found him to be a good client, and no problems of that sort! (we later figured out what was the deal). Anyway.. I'm getting off subject sort of..

Anyway, good post. Thanks.

Reoublechecking references

As each of the ladies has her own way of going about the process of screening, so do the guys in the things they will & will not respond to.  That's all well & good..all parties concerned should feel comfortable.  That said, I would not submit any of my information to roomsevice2000 or anything similar...I don't want to become part of someone's database.  Some guys apparently don't mind, but when this particular subject came up on the board some time ago the responses indicated there were quite a few others who shared my objections.

BEFORE they solicit your business, not after.

If you have a bad experience with someone TELL at the TIME of the bad experience if you feel that strongly about it.

No guy is going to use a lady as a REFERENCE somebody that he CREEPED OUT or CHEATED or had a HORRID time with.

True BAD GUYS aren't usually IDIOTS.  I'm MOST CERTAIN that I'm not the only person that's heard of cases of guys that treat one provider or several really well and then treated others like DIRT.

There is no substitute for a clear head, practice of security details, knowledge of self defense, always keeping your wits about you and staying out of the mindset of a VICTIM.

Stay Safe.

Elise [email protected]

I HAVE had TWO conversations on the phone with one (same) local provider that was a conversation of many topics, but which also included a reference for a gentleman, and that was more in depth than the 'yes, I've seen him; yes I would see him again'.

All else remains as posted.