With how much relationships have evolved over the years, I’ve been wondering do you think a relationship between three people (a throuple) can genuinely work long-term today?

It feels like people are way more open now compared to before. Things like non-monogamy, open relationships, and different relationship structures are talked about a lot more openly than they used to be. But at the same time, I can’t help but think about how complicated it must get.

Jealousy, time management, emotional balance… even in a relationship between two people, those things can already be hard. So, adding a third person does it make it stronger because there’s more connection and support, or does it just multiply the problems?

I’m also curious if it’s something that only works in theory for most people, or if there are actually more real, stable examples of it working today than we think.

What do you guys think, is it a modern evolution of relationships, or just something that sounds better than it actually works in practice?

It obviously requires at least one of the three to be gender-fluid.  I only know one of one of these in real life and it seems to be working because the composition is MFF.  I think there is a natural inclination among men not to be jealous of two women they care about having sex with each other without him, but there can be friction (no pun intended) when the guy is with one of the girls individually, giving the other one the night off, so the thruple I know gets along best when the sex is with all three of them at the same time.  

 
I have not personally met another thruple in my area that is MMF, and there seems to be much more drama in that arrangement because I understand that the girl goes ballistic when she is the one who is left out and the two guys are engaged without her.  I do P4P doubles with two providers, but I have no interest in being in a real-life arrangement like this.  I think the negatives far outweigh the positives in every aspect except the sex, so I confine my interest to paid partners only.

While there may be rare exceptions, it's not likely. Relationships between two people are hard enough. And many fight to make it work and are not necessarily happy. Adding a third further complicates it. Now, each of you need to figure out how to properly divide your time and attention. And, what's the dynamics? Is it two ladies into one man, but not each other? Tow men into one lady, but not each other? All one gender? Is the love being spread around equally? Is there an alpha? I can go on, but these are already enough questions to scare me away. I prefer a threesome with a couple of escorts who I owe nothing more beyond lusting with during a session.

Look up the word cuckold and you’ll see it’s quite common
I’ve been in one for close to twenty years
My wife started slowly with a local guy
Saw guys on our vacations and even travel with our local guy
It’s hot having your very own porn show love and in person
Then reclaiming my wife
Now she has a live in lover.  After 39 years of marriage and only 6” or so inches she needed more.  He’s ten years younger and like 13” and thick
He does things i never could do
Im in the hobby bc her being with O gets me so horny and it’s hot listening to them

… But I do think you might as well ask, “ can a relationship between two people succeed?”

The large majority of relationships between any two people will end in some way other than the death of one partner. Even within existing relationship relationships, how do we define success?

Relationships have evolved in general amongst couples that were once in a monogamous relationship.  

In my case, my wife and I were in a very happy monogamous relationship for more than 25 years or so. I started in this “hobby” about 10 years ago or so. My wife and I have been together for almost 40 years since our junior year of high school, we are married 35 years and we still love each other immensely. Our children are all grown up and’s moved out of the house and maybe we needed more than just our traditional monogamous relationship. We went for marriage counseling which really opened both of our eyes and helped us both realize that while we love each other and want to be with each other, we “needed more”. We agreed to be honest with each other and have an open marriage/relationship. We both started going out and meeting/seeing other people, but we also realized that we really needed and love being with each other. This might not make sense to everyone and at first it didn’t even really make sense to us. While we still see other people on occasion on our own…my wife is currently seeing and having a sexual relationship with a friend of mine/former worker and I often see and have a sexual relationship his ex-wife. We both have “significant others” that we are seeing fairly regularly, we also have a somewhat healthy sexual relationship with each other as well and usual sleep in the same bed at night. While we really love each other, many times we prefer to be with our “significant other” or with someone else all together. A mutual friend of ours introduced us to friends of there’s that go to sex parties/gatherings and they invited us to go along with them one night. We did, and while we don’t go to these parties often at all (I think we went maybe 3 or 4 times total over the past 10 years or so), we realized that we have much more fun and enjoy ourselves more when we are both participating together with a 3rd person and it’s usually another woman. She will very often join me to hang out and have sex with my “girlfriend” and I. It was strange and a bit weird at first, but now we bother/ask of us have a great time. I love to “hobby”, because I am able to see and meet many different types of women…I have my “go to girls / ATF”, but I still look to and love being intimate with other women and to have sex with women that I have never met before (sometimes I add them to my ATF list and see them more often when they come around). Fairly recently, my wife asked if she can join me when I see someone…At first I thought she was kidding or it was some sort of “trap” or something (Lol), but she was serious. I decided to ask one of my ATF’s if she would be interested and if it would be ok to bring my wife and she very eagerly said “hell yes”. We had an amazing and crazy time the first time she went with me…I realized just how hot and how much of a turn on it was to watch her deep tongue kissing, having DATY, and having crazy sex with another woman. She doesn’t come with me all that often, but from that point forward, she will go with me on occasion.  

The point is that while we really do care and love each other, we needed someone/something else to keep our marriage a happy and healthy one. It might not be everyone’s cup of tea, people might dislike or disagree with our ways, but it works for us and we’ve never been more sexually satisfied or happier in our more than 40 years together! We still have our “significant others”, but most importantly we still have each other as well.

What stands out the most is that it wasn’t something you jumped into randomly, it sounds like it came after a long foundation of trust, communication, and honestly understanding yourselves as a couple. I think that’s the part people often underestimate when they talk about open relationships or adding other people into the dynamic. It’s not really about the “extra person,” it’s about how strong the original connection is and how well both people can handle honesty at that level.

Also, what you described feels a bit different from what I was asking originally. Yours seems more like an open relationship with flexibility and shared experiences, rather than a fixed three-person emotional structure where all three are equally involved all the time. And I think that distinction matters a lot.

It’s interesting that, for you, bringing other people into your lives didn’t replace your relationship, but actually reinforced it in a way. Almost like it removed pressure instead of adding more. At the same time, I can’t help but wonder if what makes it work is exactly the fact that it’s not rigid. You’re not trying to force a “perfect triangle,” but allowing things to flow depending on what feels right for both of you.

Do you think it would still work if it had to be a closed throuple, where all three people are equally committed and exclusive to each other? Or do you feel like the freedom and flexibility you have now is actually the key that makes everything sustainable?

That’s an interesting take, but I’m not sure I fully agree with the idea that it requires someone to be gender-fluid. From what I’ve seen or read, it seems less about gender identity and more about emotional capacity, communication, and boundaries. There are definitely MFF dynamics that look smoother on the surface, but I wonder how much of that is just perception versus what’s actually happening behind closed doors.

I do think you touched on something real though, which is the “being left out” factor. That seems like one of the biggest pressure points in any three-person dynamic, regardless of the gender combination. Whether it’s MFF, MMF, or anything else, the moment one person feels excluded, it can quickly turn into insecurity or resentment if it’s not handled really carefully.

The questions you raised about dynamics (who’s into who, how attraction works, whether there’s an “alpha”) are exactly why I wonder if a lot of these setups fail not because of the idea itself, but because people go into it without really defining expectations early on.

And yeah, I completely get your point about keeping it to something like a threesome instead of a full relationship. That removes all the emotional responsibility and keeps it simple, which is probably why it appeals to a lot of people.

I think most relationships don’t define expectations. For those who seek marriage counseling, this is often what a therapist attempts to do with couples. At that point, it can be hard to hear expectations you may not be okay with too. And, even if you define them early, feelings change. When young and in love, it’s easier to be cool and believe you can tolerate things. As you get older, being cool and tolerant gets harder. Relationships require work from all involved. A third just adds more complexity to the equation. Nothing is impossible so of course some work. It’s just harder.

partial credit for saying something you agree with.  It means a lot to me to have your approval.  

Communication - discussing boundaries & expectations is essential.  

Jealousy on occurs when someone is unhappy.  

Sister Wives, Polyfamily & Big Love are based on polygamy it's a real thing that actually occurs.

If you have an open marriage, or understanding with your SO that's totally awesome! 👏🏽 Do you!

Everyone has different lifestyles & desires. No judgement zone.  

Couples who hire professional escorts are so cool!

-- Modified on 4/7/2026 12:36:57 PM

Yes--of course a 3-way relationship can work.  There's great variety in humans and in their sensibilities, their views of life, their preferred source of emotional sustenance, and their ability to give of themselves. So, as QB and others have said, the right people, with the right level of communication, with the appropriately diverse emotional makeup, can certainly throuple.

No--I don't believe human relationships have evolved that much lately.  For all the talk about internet borne anomie and rootlessness, the state of things today may well reflect an unchanged desire for human connection.  Accompanying all the stories about people who live their lives on Zoom or Tik-Tok are multiple stories about people disconnecting from the wire to reconnect in the real world.  We're not that far removed--evolutionally--from the simple creatures who first stood on two legs not so long ago.  Modern encumbrances and cleverly programmed systems are no match for an amygdala that harkens back to Homo Habilis.  The emotional learning and programming in your amygdala is not about to be outdone by even the smartest motherfuckers at Facebook.  To the contrary, they make money betting on that desire for connection.

No--I don't believe all the "talk" about different types of relationships means much without the data to suggest that it is affecting the actual behavior of more than a right-of-decimal-point percentage of humans.  We humans talk a good game, but those hearts are still of passion, jealousy and hate.  I've had the misfortune of hearing 20- and 30-somethings talk to each other (fucking painful!) and they may talk openly about porn, be willing to live the life of a digital nomad tramping through Asia,, forego many of the material trappings of capitalist success, and explore their own personal spectrum of sexuality.  But I also hear them talking about relationships--the kind where two people get together and form some sort of bond; maybe not marriage, but something that feels concrete and committed.

Yes--I think there is still a "most people".  There's always a pathfinder group willing to try new things.  We've had communes, Westernized ashrams, nudist colonies, swingers, love-ins, and about 300 different types of societal -isms in recent human history.  But the arc of change in the human brain takes a lot longer than a few decades of experimentation.  I hope we all keep open minds and hearts and continue to test and dream and explore, but let's not kid ourselves about any of these changing base human nature anytime soon.

Gotta remember that comeback!

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