justdontgetit, How old are you? and are you married?

The vast majority of the people on this board think your solution stinks I am sure.  They are not laughing at you.  They share your pain and your frustrations in finding good providers.  We complain about false reviews all the time just like you.

Sometimes we look for the help we need in the wrong places.  This place does not sound like the solution to your problems.  I have been in 12 step and counseling as well.  They didn't work for me very well either initially so I had to find a different source, friends ro make it work.

I am still trying to deal with my ATF as it is an ongoing process.  I would hope before you "quit" you talk to your SO you mentioned in your 10/1 post.

Solutions as permament as yours are never good.

will make you realize how lucky we all can be.

Unlike many others, I believe people can choose what they want to do with their lives except when their actions affect others in a harmful way.

I don't particularly want to reveal the following again but I take your post seriously and I hope you will repay me in kind by reading it carefully and reconsider.

I had a nephew who killed himself around this time last year.  He was only in his mid-20s with lots of potentials.  He had many talents which were recognized by his peers.  He committed suicide after his older girlfriend decided to end their relationship because his continued depression after his mother (my older half-sister) passed away one year earlier.

I was at his age when I chose a different path.  Instead of making the ultimate decision and avoiding the sometimes painful experiences life threw at me, I chose to enjoy life to the fullest entent.  Instead of having many, many other material things like my other siblings, I spent my money on this hobby - enjoying the company and sometimes helping ladies who gave me some of the most amazing experiences.

There are a number of embellished reviews in TER but there are also many reviewers who discovered hidden treasures and showed others the path to happiness.  You just have to find a reliable members of TER board, looked at his reviews and ask for suggestions/advice.

Over the years, I have been ripped off many, many times.  In the 20 months of becoming a TER member, I have followed a few raved reviews and found that they were greatly embellished.  That was one of the two major reasons I had put in so much time and effort in TER boards to expose B&Ss and spent many hours writing detail reviews.

However, most of the times when I followed up on trusted members' reviews, I had great times with the lady.  I am still grateful for those who showed me the way - filmproducer and beef.  This is another major reason why I still continue to actively involved in TER.

There are many risks in this hobby, most of them are just monetary ones.  In fact, in less than 20 minutes of time somewhere in a hotel in NYC, I am going to meet someone whose pics are in the 9s and 10s but who might also be a B&Ss or someone who is an eye-candy but with lots of restrictions.  She is going to cost me a bundle but I believe it is worth the risk to find out.

I hope you would choose to participate further in this adventure instead ending it prematurely without meeting someone wonderful along the way.  Actually, you sort of owe it to yourself to see some truely beautiful and amazing ladies.  If you would tell us where you live, others might have some suggestions for you.

Good luck, take care and please stay in the arena,

GC

Concerning the hobby...

Congratulations, you are now a seasoned hobbyist!

Unfortunately, the problem with most reviews is that they are written to impress the reviewed provider and rarely offer useful info to a prospective client.

Moreover, bad experiences are rarely reported because the fear of repercussions and/or character assassination on the boards. Unfortunately, if one is posted on the boards, the guy will use "a well known reviewed, respected, and top provider did this to me"... which means you can narrow that down to about 100 ladies in your area.

And there is chemistry (not to be confused with YMMV), even if a provider has genuine 8-9' in her reviews, it is no guarantee your experience will be the same. Before I booked an appointment with a new provider, I always talked to her on the phone. And if she cancelled out on me...oh well it's her loss.

Nevertheless, my advice is if you plan to end anything is your involvement in this hobby. I doubt you will find any satisfaction, salvation, solitude, or escape to daily stress via this activity.

Trust me, it's a hard thing to stop contributing let alone reading these boards (pointing finger at myself). I know justdontget you are reading this along with dozens of other so called "retired" people ... I am trying to find a solution and/or a place for "retired" people to participate and eventually move on to other things.

Concerning your final solution...

I'm not going into alot of physco-babble. If you are truly SERIOUS about this and "trying to figure out how to explain this to your family", how will your family explain this (your final solution) to their friends, neighbors, co-workers, YOUR friends, etc etc. etc... not to mention, they will learn about your hobby activities. Things maybe bleak right now, but a proper solution will eventually present itself.

Richard - the hobbyist formally known as cheesewiz (and 60 or so cheesey aliases on TER)



-- Modified on 10/25/2003 3:06:28 PM

I am terribly sorry you have experienced such terrible luck with certain ladies of lesiure. I am completely aware as a provider of the fact that several reviews are embellished. Then to I am aware of the fact that there are several women who are in the industry purely for the money. I think the key is to find someone who truley loves this job. I am not sure where you are located, but I would be happy to try to change your mind, if you are local. I would love to show you what a women who loves life is all about. Don't worry this is not a ploy to drum up money... I just Love what I do.. and how I do it...

 Now on to the more urgent of the two matters. Your life... I was extremely distressed to hear you would consider taking your own life as a means of resolving issues you were having in your life. I hate to see anyone go through such pain. I want to suggest that you look at the matter from a more objective approach. I know this may be difficult to do when you are having such vivid emotions.
  People can only deal with so much before they come to such a conclusion as you have, but you need to find a way to release some of these emotions. I do not mean something harmful to yourself or to others I mean something theraputic. Maybe you could take a vacation to a serene area near you or perhaps scream outloud, hit a pillow, heck even write  a letter about all your frustrations and feelings. If you know what you are feeling then you can examine what the feelings are caused by, and if you know what they are caused by you can find a solution.
 Please notice I said SOLUTION and not conclusion. Death is a conclusion. The end, finite. You seem to be a very sensative and caring person in regards to your family and friends, think of the negative impact your death could have on these people. I know that if you care about them in any way they care about you too.
  Please be aware that you are not alone in this matter and that there is someone there for you. If you don't believe that then I want to let you know that if you ever need to talk to someone I would be more than willing to take some time to listen to you.  
  I also want to remind you have a higher purpose in life... wether or not you ever realize what it is not up to you. Just know that when a person's time has come they will be taken to a better place. It is not your job to try to take yourself to that place, but to remain here on Earth and to live your life to the best of your ability. There are no trials that you will suffer that you cannot handle... I just know you will find a way.

I have faith that you will do the right thing and remind you once again I am here to talk to if you need to talk at anytime day or night 24/ 7  

XOXOX
Arizona Angel AKA Lynn Taylor

Phoenix, Arizona

I'm going to get clinical here.

There are thousands upon thousands of patients who were in the sad state of depression such as yours who got help and are here today because of it.  The stories they tell are often similar.  Many years later they look back on successful happy lives which would have never been had they carried through with their plans to end their lives.

Think about those you will leave behind and who count on your love.  You know that there are solutions other than this and you also know that this is, in some ways, the easy way out.

Seek professional help and do it now.  Don't try to manage this alone.  I will also stress that if you do not click with the first professional get to another quickly.  Not every Dr. patient pair is a match.  Keep trying.

You will find someone with whom you can open up the angst in your head and who you can trust with your "secrets".  That can be a big help in itself.  There are nonjudgemental professionals who can help you get through this.

TRUST ME ON THIS!  IT WILL BE BETTER SOME DAY.

and I am glad it didn't work.  I was in the eight grade, and did what I at the time seriously thought would accomplish the task (but now know just made me throw up A LOT!).  My father, who was not a positive person by any stretch of the imagination, spent the next day talking with me, making me understand that no matter how many bad things happen to us in our lives, it is those occasional moments of joy and fulfillment that we experience, and creating a life that facilitates those moments happening with as much frequency as possible, that make the journey worthwhile.  

Yes, we have responsibilities to others, and yes, our actions (like the one you are contemplating) have effects on others, but if you look at life as "in the end, we are only accountable to ourselves", opting out of the experience accomplishes nothing.  Are the problems in your life so insurmountable and help so unavailable that it is truly the only option?

If you have had the money to spend on this hobby, there are already so many other people in the world that are suffering past your (or my or anyone on this boards') ability to even comprehend, but who have not given up on life.  This is because their expectations and environments are different than ours, and it gives them a different perspective on life.

No matter what we lose in life, the beauty of the human mind is that it can always adjust.  People have lost everything, and still been ale to make peace with their new place in the world.  If you give yourself to what is true in your mind, and accept whatever life gives you in response to that, even if it means that you are not cut out to be a faithful husband and have to get a divorce because of it, at least you will be true to yourself.  This is one of the foundations for inner peace, and is just one of the things you can consider as an alternative to letting what we think the rules of life are defeat our ability to find a place we can live in this world.

I am still seeking my own personal place of peace, twenty five years after trying to end my own life.  However, there ha never been a day that I wasn't thankful that it didn't work.  I have been able to affect too many other peoples lives positively to think any other way, and there have been moments along the way that still make me weep with the intensity.  It may sound like a cliche, but there is no problem worth dying for...ever.  It may change your world and your vision of your life, but when you are able to change, you are always able to eventually find joy and peace.

I sincerely believe that you wouldn't have posted this on here if you didn't want to hear what people said in response to it and consider those statements.  I hope this is the case, I hope that you talk to many, many more people about what you are considering, and I hope that you are able to take a step back from the cliff.  I remember watching "Hannah and Her Sisters" by Woody Allen, and he was attempting suicide, and the thoughts he gives after his failed attempt, no matter whether one loves or hates Mr. Allen, are worth considering.  Step back, breathe in, and realize that the only power despair has over us it the power we give it.

Peace.

    As soon as he jumped into what he called a "boiling hell", he regretted it; looked into the eyes of death and lived to tell about it. If you looked into his eyes, you knew this was not just a publicity stunt; as he looked like a man haunted already
by something few live to talk about.
    Trust me, most of us who have done this seriously and are into "visuals" are disappointed most of the time with our fellows assesments. Most of us feel exactly like slanteater, believe me. So the thing to realize in all this is that you have PLENTY of company.
      Perhaps the women sense your feelings of shame because you are doing something you don't really want to be doing anymore. What Jacqueline calls "the bitter pill." Being a sex addict is no fun if it is no longer something you want and involves more pain than pleasure.
    But no matter what, it's better to lie in the cool green grass than under it.
     On a final note, as someone who has dated several "providers" outside the "business" and lived to regret it every time so far, if you could live inside most of these girls chaotic hand to mouth and often troubled lives, you would both forgive their flakiness and kiss the ground of your family's home every time you got there.
    Enjoy the warm sun while you can, for only too soon will it be gone.


-- Modified on 10/25/2003 4:48:15 PM

Dude,

I'm 26, live at home, and my business sucks. I've never kissed a girl or gotten laid - too damn shy. Have been lurking but too pathetic to make the leap to just pay someone a couple $$ for a fuck. Dude, we all have problems, but the thing that gets us through it is figuring and hoping tomorrow will be a better day. I don't know what to say.

Maybe as one guy suggested, just take a few grand and have a blowout. Then see if you're still there. Or maybe even better, at least see a shrink once or twice. There's gotta be a better solution than ending it.

try helping others...

there are so many people in such dire straigths...take whatever money you have, your energy and your resolve, go down to a poor part of town and help the homeless, work in a center for abused children or women, go to Afghanistan and help people get clean water and basic needs-these people sell a child (usually a daughter) into slavery to feed the rest of the family...see how damn lucky you are to even know how to use a computer much less spend the equivalent of a whole year's salary for some on a bad provider!  When I was a kid, my parents took me to a home for severely handicapped children where my mother volunteered once a week...set me straight and the thought always comes back to me when I am feeling low and sorry for myself...sorry to sound preachy...but suicide is just not the answer...for this evening though, rent the original version of M*A*S*H...it will at least make you laugh and might strike a chord.

You're disgusting.  You're weak and selfish.  You obviously don't care about your wife or your children.  You would force upon your family the greatest pain they will ever know just to save yourself a little embarrassment.  It's good that you don't expect pity, because you will never have mine.  You haven't found a solution.  You will turn a problem into a tragedy.  What really gets my goat is that you don't seem nearly as upset about your sex addiction as your inability to find a good provider or nearly as worried about your family as your pride.  Sickening.  By the way, the only time it is too late is when you're dead.  Talk to your wife.



-- Modified on 10/25/2003 4:42:11 PM

even if you really don't want to live anymore, think about what that would do to your friends and family, it will be traumatic for the rest of their lives.  don't be so selfish to the people you care about.

Justdontgetit; I too can't find other forms of enjoyment to match the hobby. As my post that you included a link to mentions I can't hobby for fiscal reasons. I'm a(was a)working man and getting back to the point of affording my only joy in life will be long and difficult. You make no mention that anything is holding you back from the hobby just that a string of bad providers has soured you.
    It would be a poor commentary if I were to pull the pin just because I can't currently afford to hobby. You too have a rather thin case for checking out. I'm sure you have other issues eating at you that you have not mentioned and Brother so do I. What you propose though is VERY final and success at it means no way back.
    I'm no tower of strength or resolve. When I lost my job 3 weeks ago I thought also of "giving up". Silly as it may sound Lotto tickets keep me going. 2 times a week I buy a ticket and HOPE that it will free me to hobby to my hearts content.
Keep hobbying my friend with the HOPE that you will find that special provider that is better than her reviews, prettier than her pictures, throws out the clock and makes you her BFE/ATF.      
     

I agree with the other person who suggested that you seek professional help. Not a "therapist", but a psychiatrist (a medical doctor as opposed to a psychologist).

There are many medications that can help.

Justdontgetit,

I understand that sometimes life is not working the you want it to and happiness can seem like an impossibility. You are struggling with wanting so badly to make all of the negative stuff stop and you haven't figured out a way to do that yet.

Think of the people who are fighting to live right now. They have an appreciation for life that you are lacking right now. Think of all of the contibutions you can make to society in your lifetime.  What is the worst thing that can happen to you if you stick around?  There are many people in this world who feel the same way you feel right now. They may be thinking the same things you are thinking.  They may not be able to think of the domino effect of suffering that they can cause.  Before you make your final decision, will you try to find some other people, children, animals, etc. that you could help in some way? Will you consider making some positive contributions to society?  Doing so will help your self esteem and you will see that you are an important person and ending your life would be the worst choice you could ever make.  It is a mistake that you could never fix.

Remember that choosing to live is a choice that you make for now that can be changed at a much later date. The odds are good that you would not want to give up a few years from now though.  When you make it past this funk, you will be stronger mentally which will affect your self-esteem in a good way and will probably affect you overall happiness with life also.

Do whatever it takes to not give up.  As LilyJune suggested, call a hotline.  You can also look for a support group, write down your thoughts, problems, solutions, ideals for how you would like your life to be.  If you need someone to talk to please feel free to email me at [email protected] I'm not a professional, but I am a person who recognizes the value of life and I can help you see the value in your life too.    

Kelly

Dear "Just Don't Get It".  I read your message last night and have been upset about it all night.  You've obviously been though a lot, and I commend you for writing us your feelings.  None or few of us are therapists, but we feel for you and would like to help you.  If our little group is the only place you can turn: then I'm very glad you turned to us.  

You've already shown a lot of courage and resolve in deciding to try this hobby once in a while. Most people don't have the courage to do that.  You've shown the strength of character to overcome conventional views, and we admire you for that.

Since you can't phone any of us directly, why don't you go ahead and give a try to calling one of the hotlines given in a previous reply?  They've talked to many, many people who have felt even worse than you do, and they've helped people save themselves and move on into the future.

I know you feel your future looks impossibly bleak. But there will be other, better days.

It might be useful to dwell a bit on what you visualize will happen after you've killed yourself.  That will really show those inconsiderate providers, won't it!  They'll feel sorry for what they did to you then, won't they.  Well, think about this: what you visualize is wrong.  The inconsiderate ones could care less whether you live or die.  That's NOT the way to get back at them.

The way to get back at them is: take a little step, just one little one, towards building a better relationship with your family.  If you can't do that, write us more about your feelings.  Are you unemployed?  If you're working, do you hate your work?  What's your family live?

Within our mutual hobby: what are you looking for?  Maybe, if you'll give us a clue about your general locale, we can suggest someone who would give you a good experience.  You'll feel a lot better after just one good intimate experience, and you've got to keep yourself alive, so that you can enjoy that!

We're all routing for you, and we're here to help you, when you ask.  Many people in life are selfish; you're not wrong to feel discouraged.  But not everybody's that way.  Many of us want to help you.  Please give us the chance.

Thanks very, very much for having written us.  You have paid us a high compliment by writing us about your diffcult feelings.  Let's keep talking and writing.

Hope to hear more from you soon, "JDTG".