I need some help and advice from you lovely providers out there!!

I had an experience yesterday that left me feeling down, and put upon, quite frankly. It bothered me so much that I had intended to go to the web and tell all, but after I slept on it I decided that I really did not want to be that way about, since I am not that kind of person.

But I did not think that what happened was right, So I will share with you all the particulars of what happened, leaving out names, and I would like you to tell me if my reaction was wrong.

Many months ago I discovered a hot provider with stellar reviews and I was intrigued. I made several attempts to contact this lady via e-mail and phone, to no avail. Sometime later I finally received an e-mail response, so I contacted her to set up a date. When I called her back to confirm she abruptly and somewhat rudely told me that she did not have time to talk to me now and that I should call back. I really did not like her demeanor on the phone, and because we all know that first impressions can mean a lot, I decided that perhaps I would let this one go and stick with my wonderful regulars.

Well, as the months went by I would receive unsolicited e-mails from this lady. They were just automated advertisements that she probably sends to all the guys in her address book. As they would come in I would just delete them. But recently I got one that indicated that she had some new photos. So I went to her site to check them out. This lady was really REALLY hot and I thought that perhaps I had judged her a bit too hastily. So I contacted her a second time.

I wanted to see her that day if I could, but she really wanted to do some research on me, check my references, etc. I did not think that was a problem at all, so I provided all that she wanted. We then agreed that we would get together the next day.

Now I know that you ladies could never really know what it is like to be a guy, but I will just tell you that sometimes we really look forward to these dates with much anticipation. I was feeling it with this girl more so than with some others because she was so much my type and because of what I had read. So much so that it was hard for me to keep my mind on work all day.

I talked to her around 11:00am in the morning, and she had told me that she had not yet heard back from the providers I listed, but that she thought that it would be okay anyhow and that she would see me at 3:30pm. Even gave me the general location, and told me to call her back when I arrived.

However, at the last minute, as I was getting ready to leave, she called back to say that she still had not heard back from anyone, and that she would not be able to see me as a result. She apologized and offered to reschedule. I told her that I would have to get back to her, as I did not know what my schedule would be like the next couple of days.

But that was a lie. The truth was that I was hurt and upset that she allowed me to burn with passion all the live long day, only to yank the carpet out from under me at the last minute. So, I wrote her an e-mail to let her know that I was hurt and disappointed, and that I would just be moving on.

I did not expect to hear from her again but the next day she replied, essentially complaining to me that I had no sensitivity over her concern for safety. That comment also bothered me as I have always done my dead level best to make these encounters fun for the providers too. I care deeply for the safety of you lovely girls and some of you that know me and have been with me can attest to that.

And I am just as concerned for this lady's safety too. What bothered me, what seemed so unfair to me, was the fact that she had told me three hours earlier that she had not yet heard back from anyone, but that she did not think that was going to be a problem. I took that to mean that she had not yet heard back from any of the providers I listed, but that she had checked my work credentials, perhaps had seen my posts or picked up something in our phone conversations that suggested that she felt okay with seeing me.

Yet, at the last minute, she pulled out saying that it was nothing personal, but that it was 'policy'. I feel that if that policy were etched in stone, that she could have told me that at 11. I would have had time to make alternative arrangements with one of my beautiful regulars and I would have rescheduled with this lady later. In my view, that would have showed me a lot more consideration and respect then allowing me to think that everything was okay, only to leave me hanging with my dick in the wind, so to speak.

So obviously that first impression I mentioned above was certainly a negative. So much so that it really soured me on the idea of ever seeing her. I think we both wound up losing here, unnecessarily so. I missed out on what I thought could have been one of the best providers around and she missed out on having an extremely steady, considerate and generous client. A pity, I would have really liked to have gotten to know that girl.

Now my questions for you providers. Am I the one who is in the wrong here? Did I overreact to what happened? How important do you think first impressions are? If I was wrong, what could I have done to have prevented it, and what changes should I make to prevent this from happening again with someone else?

Any help you can give me would be appreciated as I pride myself in having great relations with my girls and a deep desire to keep them happy.

I do think that you have a right to be upset.  She should have told you at 11 a.m. that it was a problem and not led you to believe that it wasn't going to be an issue if she did not hear back.

If a lady is well reviewed and popular, then contact should be made at least a week prior, especially if meeting for the first time so that these uncomfortable issues can be put out of the way first.  I have some clients that will screen and then book with me a month later in order to be able meet with the shortest amount of notice.

It is a very unpredictable time.  There are times that a lady, no matter how popular is going to have an open schedule and times that she may be booked at least a week in advance if not more.  Gents should consider this and plan for the possibility if his heart is set on seeing her.

One also has to give a reasonable amount of response time for the referenced lady.  I tend to look for reference emails first when going over my email, but there are times in which I am so busy, that I may not be able to respond as quickly as I would like or one never knows if the lady is off vacationing or the like.    

It is a two way street and both parties needs have to be met.  With a little common sense and patience there shouldn't be a problem.

Lauren

P.S.  You do not have a problem with unsolicited emails from ladies?  This struck me as odd...Your thoughts?

I'm only going to address one small line in your column:

"I was feeling it with this girl more so than with some others because she was so much my type and because of what I had read."

I too have gone through numerous dissappointments with providers for all kinds of reasons. The one thing that I must continually remind myself of is that the part I know of them through advertisement or personal contact is probably the smallest part of who they might be. That is not to say that by nature providers are anymore disingenuous then any other person in their job. But the point of it is exactly this; It is their job not only to provide but to allow themselves enough privacy that they don't end up depleted for the next day at work. I don't think any of us fully reveals themselves in their  occupations. It would just cause too much collateral damage on the home front, not to mention possibly get us fired. But this is only the smaller point I'm making. I think we as hobbyist often allow ourselves the fantasy of making these providers exactly what we want them to be. Part of their job is to allow us that silly little excess, all the better to fill our needs. And when we become dissappointed in their real life intruding in upon our fantasy (such as trepidation and fear of safety) it can feel mortally wounding in some instances. But the part of this that has cut the deepest is most likely the part we made up about who they truly are in our minds. When my marriages fell apart, it was the surrendering of the dream that became the hardest part to live with. I sympathize and empathize with your pain, my brother. But consider that you might be investing too much emotional effort into someone you don't really know. Admit she's human, surrender the fantasy and move on.

I generally do not have a problem with spam, since there is not much you can do about it anyhow. Anyone can send me whatever they like. I can always hit the delete button.

Thanks for your input- it's very useful!!

Unfortunately, too many Men are so taken by a women's outside, that they continue to over look, inconcideration, rudness, tardiness, and in some extreme cases, unconciousness, in order to see a Provider. By doing that, the Provider never deals with any consequences for her bad behavior....She was out of line and totally self-absorbed and you were right to move on. By giving her the benefit of the doubt more than once you send her the message that it's alright to treat others this way...And it's NOT..!!! You deserve better, Trust me, "All That Glitters Is Not Gold", so don't settle for "Fools Gold". Good Luck Sweetie, Robyn

I know what you mean about 'investing' to many emotions in the providers. I realize that these relationships have business transactions at their heart and as such, there is no way to generate any real kind of romantic feelings there.

For the record I never do, simply knowing what my place and purpose is in these encounters.

However, there are some girls that I have known and seen for a long time and you just cannot help but to become friends with them. So that is genereally the way that I think of them- as friends, with benefits who occassionally need my help to meet their expenses.

And when you meet one that kind of digs your looks as well, well, that is all the better:

An excellent way of looking at the hobbying relationship.  My sentiments exactly.  The previous poster- Mistershow(?) - offers some astute comments.  
I learn so much from these discussions.

tennislover

 And I would be VERY concerned about anyone that spams you months later with cards or announcements..she's not deleting email..no discretion...AVOID!

Yes, at this point you should move on. However, I think it would be appropriate to post a "review" of your non-encounter. As pointed out by another poster, when someone behaves this way IN ANY PROFESSION, they should be called on it. She should have told you straight up that she couldn't accept an appointment until she verified your references.

"References" can be difficult. People change e-mail addresses, move, etc, etc.  In my own case, I'm only seeing one provider. She is a VERY well-known dancer/porn-star. However, her husband answers all her e-mail and he's terrible at getting back to people. If I gave this lady's e-mail address, I doubt that a response would be given.

she at least had the courtesy to call before I left to give me the disheartening news. Many others would have just stood me up- it happened to me a bunch of times before I discovered the web. To name the provider in light of that fact would have been unfair to the lady. My purpose in bringing this to the boards was to get some insight from the community, not to trash this lady's reputation unfairly. And my sincere thanks to all who have chimed in with their thoughts- you guys rock!!

I wish you had contacted me..Sweetie You did not overreact but apparently waisted your time.

Ruth

sounds like she's a beeotch