For those hobbyists out there with SOs (wives and such), I hope you find this list as funny of a read, as I did writing it. And yes, before you ask, all ten items in the list HAVE happened to me.  I realize that my experiences are closer to a traditional "affair" than a hobby, but I hope you find this humorous nevertheless.

SpaceGhost's Top 10 List of Close Calls
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#10 The FFL (The Freshly Fucked Look) - Coming home a little later than expected, and even though I took a shower (well, most of the time), I still have that eyes-glazed-over, shit-eating-grin on my face look that cannot be mistaken for anything else but the FFL.  Go to bed, go directly to bed. That does not mean, however, that I can sleep...

#9 Various items occasionally left in my car - Car keys in the cup holder (whoops!). Cell phone lodged between console and passenger seat... must have fallen out of her purse. It has an unfamiliar ring to it... It rings right as I pull into the garage. I hunt and hunt to find that noise, only to find the cell phone seconds before my SO comes out of the house... "Honey, who's cell phone is ringing?"

#8 Shreding of the cell phone bill... just minutes before the SO comes home and decides to help out with the pile of bills... When has she ever wanted to help with the bills before?? Immediately change the cell phone bill to electronic (email only) the next day!

#7 Explaining the occasional stuffed animals brought home - Dang it, she got those for me, and I treasure these little gifts. Oh, and let's not forget my Christmas present which is a Christmas Moose that plays jingle bells when his belly is pressed. Now, where exactly did that come from? The office gift exchange, yeah, yeah, that's it,... that's the ticket!

#6 Lots of strands of long brown hair on the floor of my car - Likely got their from my brushing her hair. I love to do that! Luckily found and disposed of shortly before the SO and I take the car shopping. Could have been very unlucky, since my SO has shorter blonde hair!

#5 Smoke on the clothes - Neither I or my SO smoke. Hmmm, doing laundry a bit more often than normal, and at some fairly strange hours. Luckily I work out nearly every day... It's those dang gym clothes, they really smell. Yeah, Yeah, that's it!

#4 Explaining my new silk underwear from Fredricks of Hollywood, and why they're in my gym bag. Don't ask.

#3 The Unexplained Cell Phone Call - Ok... I'm expecting a call from her, and I have my cell phone with me, more like attached like an umbilical cord to me the entire day... except only for the 5 minutes while I'm in the shower. Guess when she calls? Talk about Murphy's Law! The SO hears the phone and answers... hmmm, no one there. Imagine that! "Honey, what does restricted mean?" As I dry off, I wonder if my SO can hear my heart beating out of my chest?

#2 The Leftover Bag-O-Toys - After an extended stayover with her, I realize as I get home that she left her bag of playthings (various vibrators, dildos, strap-ons, lube, condoms, and a few things I have no clue what they are...) in my trunk. I have to hide it in the garage for a couple days, until I see her next time. I have no idea whatsoever, how I could/would ever explain this bag, if found. I start to invesitgate inexpensive hotels in the area, just in case...

And now, drum roll please - The Piece De Resistance ...

#1 Dried Cum on the outside of the drivers side car door - Undoubtedly got there from her "spitting" after an unusual yet extremely hot session in the backseat of my car. Discovered the next morning (luckily by me), minutes before the SO was going to borrow my car. I may have had a straight face on the outside, but I was LMAO on the inside. Oh, and NO, I am not telling where it took place, but the couple getting into their car next to us certainly got an eyefull !

Very cute! LMAO

I found a solution to some of these dilemmas years ago which I share here.

If you are going to be late (and already know that you are in BIG trouble) - - make sure that you are VERY late in arriving home.

When you pull into the driveway, gun the engine several times to announce your arrival home. Then proceed to open the front door with as much noise as possible and as you step inside, yell out in a loud and feigned drunken voice "Who in here wants to get laid?".

I guarantee, you won't hear a sound and the wife/so will pretend to be quietly asleep in bed for the rest of the night.

-- Modified on 1/22/2004 3:11:37 AM

I would agree that renting a car would be a great idea for you.  Many of the "situations" you describe involve a car.

The other thing to do is merely have a mental checklist in your head whenever you finish a session.  Things like checking the trunk for leftover items, the seats for fallen items, etc.  

Since I personally abhor cigarette smoke, I do not have to worry about it simply because I never see people who smell of smoke.

As to the cell phone, Cingular has a non-detail option that does not include the detail of the phone calls.  Might be a good idea.  I have a company phone that is paid for by the company, so I have it luckly there.  In your case, think pre-paid.

How do you get away with "extended stayovers"?  In my case except for an occasional hour ("well, I am in Boston at the other office, so I will be late"), I could not get away that long.

AS you enter the bedroom, bellow, "the MOON is right for some BUTT-LOVE you LUCKY GIRL!!

If you reek of beer, the effect is total....

And she took me up on it!

Damn! I couldn't get up the next morning, I was exhausted.

I didn't try the "BUTT" thing though. lol! That definitely would have got the snoring effect, maybe I'll try that.

Holy sh*t!!!
Man, have I ever been there!
I feel your pain, I feel your pain!
HaHa!
Cheers to the brave guy who's not afraid to admit he got caught too!!!!

I know I've lost jewellery, lingerie and stockings, and a blouse once at different times in people's homes, and I've always wondered what happens to those private pictures and videos that people take..

-Anya

Hmmm.  A visit always gets my frisky factor up- so i like to get the SO involved.  But then I pretty much have to hobby at lunch, so the after dinner drive to the rack is usually later than the hobby action by a few hours.  I like that two ladies in one day feel- reminds me of college!

I sell them on e-bay! LoL!  

Sorry couldn't resist!

I have an interesting close call I might share with the group in a month or so - assuming it still remains a close call. So far, so good.

Guess my soon to be ex was a lucky man.   He never had to hide anything from me.   We were pretty open, hell I'd even get the hotel for him.   Seriously, he could go meet and be with whomever he wanted to whenever he wanted to.   We both could actually.   We just always was sure that it never interfered with family things and we always let each other know when we were gonna be away etc.
NOT the option for most couples, but I am my own breed that I think they broke the mode on when they made me.