to deal with your self-esteem & social phobias.
You might also wanna contact a good provider for a session that will help you overcome your shyness & anxiety toward women.

The rest is up to you, my friend.

Good luck with your future.

You have a major internal disconnect if you can say you love people, but are really anxious around people, which means you more love the idea of loving people, and that you have no friend/family support, unless you have somehow been totally removed from them. I'm not saying this as criticism, and their are plenty of people who feel much the same as you. You've got plenty of issues to work on, and it comes easier when you can work on them with someone who can understand you and respect you where you're at, and in whom you can learn to trust.

The Therapist Review so I know I'm not dealing with CL/BP newbies.

Stay away. This life will make you and your wallet empty. What you are seeking is a relationship from all that you post. You want pussy, don't we all. You lack self-confidence so you think this is a shortcut to intimacy, it's not. Now if you can get your head on straight, you'd have a lot of fun here, but I think the way you are now, some of the bad providers will take you for a ride and not in you 35k car. They'll loosen up your 100k bank account and call you Tim. That's short for ATM. You'll be a hit until your clinginess becomes stalker-ish. Find a lady, perhaps a woman in her thirties that can school you a bit or until you gain some confidence with women. If you start this life as you are today, they'll smell blood in the water.

I am Chinese as well -- at 55, much older -- but I feel for you. You are too young for this; you should spend your resources on a real relationship.

You sound like a smart person, you should go back too college. It is the best place for cultivating relationships. Fellow students are not as judgmental as for example colleagues whom you want to date. Get involve in extracurricular activities to make some friends, or volunteer in non-profit organizations with like-minded people.

Go here http://www.theeroticreview.com/discussion_boards/messageList.asp?boardID=20

and ask the Love Goddess. She might be able to help.

Do you want to meet other people? Are you lonely?

It makes me sad to hear you have low self esteem and anxiety.  (I actually have a couple of clients who have these emotional issues, so you are not alone.)
It sounds like maybe you know your anxiety and low self esteem are not actual problems with who you are, as a person, but rather you are dealing with depression/anxiety.
All people are equal in value.  We all have gifts and talents.  
I say this all of the time to depressed/anxious/lonely clients:   the TER world will not fix these emotional issues.  If you feel isolated, lonely, depressed, anxious, therapy is a better route for you.  Seeing an escort can put a Band-Aid on your wounds, but this is a "fantasy" world, so it's not going to help you in the long run.

As far as social skills go, I think you should do what feels right/comfortable for yourself.  There are no right or wrong choices, as long as your lifestyle isn't harmful to others.  (That's my ethical core belief, anyway.)  If you desire to be more outgoing, push yourself to try new situations, but don't do anything too jarring, of course.  Keep doing those "challenges" to yourself regularly, and I have heard that is a good way to reduce anxiety about certain situations.

If you feel okay with being a wallflower, that's not a bad thing, either.  There are a lot of amazing, great shy people out there!

Instead of "getting a girlfriend," maybe just start small?  Start with "making friends."  People are attracted to other people, who have confidence, so you have to work on your own self esteem, and then, friends/girlfriends will follow.

I wish you luck in finding fulfillment, sweetie.

XOXO,
Kim

I know it is comfy in there, but get out.  Go to a cafe with wireless at least where you will be exposed to at least a few social interactions.

Something you can do to get over some anxiety is do something strange like stand on a busy sidewalk somewhere and anyone who walks by just ask them to touch your nipple.  It is weird but you will get over some of your anxieties about talking with people.  Kind of weird advice and don't suggest you do anything too crazy, but some sort of thing like this might help.

Nevertheless, I'll give you my thoughts.

Self esteem and self worth come from achievement.

Achieve something.

Find a field that interests you, and then go back to college to get yourself qualified for the pursuit. Then pursue.

Try not to allow your self esteem to be tied completely to the estimation of others. Find your own values by which you can measure yourself; and constantly strive to be better by your own measure.

In this way, your achievements will have value to your self worth.

I won't make myself popular around here for saying it, but paying for pussy can be about as empty and meaningless as it gets unless you know how to set about doing it to achieve some other end. And when approaching it from a perspective of minimal self-worth; it will simply emphasize that for you. You WILL feel more empty. More worthless. It can cause you to become depressed.

My advice on this is the same I would give to any virginal male, but goes double for you: avoid p4p. Avoid, avoid, avoid. Did I mention avoid? It will likely do you more harm than good unless you are extremely lucky.

Go get a copy of a book called "Man's Search for Meaning" by Victor Frankl.

Victor Frankl had some very worthwhile insights on finding something greater than yourself as a way of establishing meaning in your life.

While I don't agree completely with the universality of his views; I think in your case they may be worthwhile.

The book is small and cheap. You can skip the first half which is about Frankl's survival of the Holocaust. Just get to the meat of the matter -- what he calls logotherapy -- in the second part.

And it will assist in the mindset for establishing meaningful direction for the aim of your achievements.

Along the way, you WILL find a woman who will see the value you have established for yourself, find you attractive, love you for who you are, and willingly pursue sex with you that will be invested with meaning.

Do what is right; and goodness will come to you.

I know a lot of guys like you in my line of work.  The ones I know, however, have more "direction in life" where you have admitted that you do not.  Please allow me to suggest some directions.

I think you need to unplug yourself from social norms and do what you love.  

If you are naturally introverted, stay introverted!  It's okay, you will be okay for the most part.  

Don't succumb to pressures of "if I'm not social, I am not cool."  Nonsense.  

Use your brains to do something great.  Start a company/business. Build a useful service/product. A sense of accomplishment will build your self esteem.  

I disagree with making investments with your time on askmen.com or "The Game".  I honestly think these things will do more harm to you than good.   To be blunt, they were not designed to help guys like you.

Don't feel like you have to go out of your way to help people in order to get them to like you.  In my experience, that strategy backfires.  

With regard to P4P, I say if you can afford it, go for it.  If I knew about this at your age, I would have done it.  

Work on projects and join clubs with constructive endeavors even if the people you meet aren't "cool" in the classic sense.

If you are shy and lonely please be mindful that seeing escorts is strictly pay for play. While they may enjoy you and the time you spend together, don't let yourself think they are into you and looking for more.

I have deflowered a few men in my time as an escort and they tended to get the idea that I was girlfriend material.

The good/ethical escorts will let you down easily and may stop seeing you. The unethical ones will play you until you spend all your $$ on them then drop you when the well runs dry.

Just go in with your eyes open.

Good luck to you.

Your situation is exactly what they are for. Of course, you'll probably have to go through a few before you find one who is a good fit.

IMHO, you should definitely stay out of this hobby. If you're confused and lonely, you're likely to end up more confused, just as lonely, and poorer.

I can identify with many of the "problems in Cliffnote" form you provided. I'm older than you and have experienced 80% of what you detail.

You apparently have the money and means to afford top quality mental health therapy. Think of it as an investment in your future happinness and success. I recommend you see a psychologist, not a psychiatrist....one who will spend the time to talk with you and someone you feel comfortable revealing your inner self. It might take you a while before you find the right therapist but, once you do, you may find it to be the best spent money in your life. Remember, seek a psychologist who may be able to work together with your MD if meds are needed.

With all due respect to the great providers, P4P does not seem to be what you really need at this time.

Disclaimer: I'm not a licensed therapist or MD. Get some help, feel better and enjoy your life!!

First, I have to say that I am overwhelmed at the outpouring of excellent advice from so many of the people I've come to know and love on this board.  I don't recall when I've ever been so proud of all of you.

I am now 57.  About 35 years ago, your description of yourself would almost have fit me except I am Jewish, not Asian; and I can't play cards for shit, but that's not important.

What is important is that friends of mine had a mini-intervention and got me to see a therapist who was a Zen Buddhist (From Texas, but spent five years in Japan and had transmission from the veneral Roshi Hakun.)

His main advice to me was to do sitting practice, at least twice a day (first thing in AM and last thing at night) for at least 15 minutes (I started at ten minutes and worked up to 30 minutes after a year.)

We met and talked an hour each week, and also I attended a group session with his other clients one evening per week.

At the start of the session he asked me what I wanted.  I said a girlfriend and money.  He told me to be careful what I ask for because I would get it.  Six years later I was married and had enough money to buy a house for cash.

Warning:  It is difficult, mainly because you don't have to do it.

I would recommend finding a Zen ashram in your area and joining them for sitting practice.  It will only cost you whatever you feel you want to donate to them.

I know it will work.

Best wishes to find your dream.

Nobody has brought in popcorn, beer, pretzels or nothing. Just keep giving advise to an obvious troll, looking for action to which he/she got. Geesh

PUUUUULLLEEEAAASE

I have read the good advise you've already recieved.  Yes, the group has been very thoughtful today.
I think tattooed_asian's suggestion for massages is a good one & you might want to evolve that into a FBSM...  that's a good way, in my personal experience, to gain some intimate experience with females.  Eventually I'd think about a FS Escort.  I'd suggest the Virgin Treatment...  ie ask them to teach you how to please a woman as well as yourself. There is nothing like the confidence of knowing you can please a partner.  (Do remember, that women are individuals & individual preferances vary.  That's part of the beauty & joy of sex.)
A word of warning.  It is very easy to fall for a beautiful woman you have great sex with.  The providers are great actressses (should get Oscars)...  and then the sex hormones (designed to have the cave man protect the cave lady from maurading dinosaurs) kick in.  We've all done it.  (Ask my ex-w).

The last should not be done in a vacume.  You do need to find yourself.  You need to get out.  Even if just for coffee or a snack at the local eattery.  Be around people.  Interact with them.

You need to look inward, to determine what you like.  Who you want to be.

Yes, you should want a GF.  The confidence mentioned above will help you overcome one fear.  You need to be open to a relationship.  Do not lock yourself into a closet by being exclusively with providers.  Generally, they are not available as GFs & brings a truckload of baggage.  The few that succeed are in spite of the difficulties.  I suggest not "looking for a GF"...  meet women who like the same things you do...

You should plan an option or 2 for the next phase of your life...  yes, you shuld want a carreer.  But what credentials will you need?  What knowledge?  You need to pre-position yourself to succeed at "your next job".

I remember this phase of my life...  it's not easy.  Look ahead...
Best Wishes,
skb

I will second most of what johngaltnh has posted here, as well as add four specific recommendations:
1) Therapy with an eye toward Cognitive Behavioral modification will give you some benefits in short-term (6 months or less) that will pay you long-term benefits. Find a therapist who bases treatment upon these principles and with whom you connect.

2) Get out in the world and meet people. One of the best options might be via MeetUp -- check to see if there are some groups of potential interest to you in your area. No pressure for the most part, just find a group or two that sounds like fun and give them a try.

3) At age 23, you still (hopefully) have plenty of time to make mid-course corrections on your path. What has happened in the past -- well, acknowledge it, deal with it and use it as a guide for what NOT to do with the rest of your life.

4) Avoid p4p for now. It's a fantasy, not real life. You need to get your real life together and then, if need be, have some fun playing in the candy shop. But if you get your real life together, you will find less need for the candy -- you can be more selective.

Best of luck --

THX ALL

I was feeling pretty shitty last night so I needed somewhere to vent. Thanks for your all your input. I'm really taking them in. Don't mean to take up the front page of your discussion board. Apparently some don't like it! Thanks to all who helped. I will re-read the comments and take everyones advice...

Become involved in an activity, organization, or group that facilitates your helping others.  It will allow you to focus outside yourself, gain fullfillment, and meet new and potentially exicting people.

Sounds like a huge case of anxiety and low self esteem. Seeing a provider would probably help but you would have to be very careful in chosing one that understands upfront your issues and will take the time to be patient and understanding. The risk here is crossing the boundary between a service and emotion.

Think carefully about what you want at the momemt, then down the road and how you can separate wants from needs and don't overburden or overthink what could be an terrifically uplifitng experience. Spend some of the cash, live in the moment and enjoy life each day and don't worry about what you have, worry about the quality of your life and how you can enjoy each day 1 step, 2 steps breathe.

okay, i apologize ahead if these things have already been said, but i really didnt want to read every post.  Dude, as a younger fellow asian, my best advice to you would be to go back to school and join some clubs and fraternities you find interesting.  I've always said to people that the true value of high school and college is not so much the things you learn about history and flora and fauna, but rather the social skills you pick up.  Clubs and business/association fraternities are non-threatening and they welcome everyone.
Stop worrying so much about what people think (a lot of self esteem issues derive from this I've heard) and just be you.  Don't worry about impressing people with your material things or your earning power - just join a club, talk to people, and watch how everything gets easier.  And don't worry about rejection - it's a part of life.
Personally, i think you should get some professional help (social anxiety).  but that's up to you.  i know people in that field, and i have lots of confidence in them.  As far as the hobby goes, STAY AWAY for now - concentrate on building a normal relationship, as you'll need these skills the rest of your life.  Now, if you're 30 and still haven't, then maybe.  But til then, work on real life, as the hobby will always be here.  Set a goal - like having a gf by age XX and work towards it.  If by then you're still uncomfortable with women, get a few HIGHLY rated older providers not just for "it" but to talk to and pick their brains.  Hope this helps.  take care and good luck.

Life is too short my Asian brother!  
I got married at 23 and my wife had our first child the next year.  Was not able to enjoy being young and irresponsible, when you're raising a kid, starting out in marriage as well as career.  You're 23 years old have tons of money in the bank, kick ass poker player and probably driving a BMW.  You are taking care of your parents as most Asians do as they respect the elders as they should be respected with dignity.  If a provider is going to be your first, make it worth your while!  If you fancy Asians select one that offers a GFE. Perhaps there are groupie poker chicks !  Not saying to love them, but just have fun with them.  If you were not seriously considering TER, why are you here?  Don't wait around for the perfect GF.  It's not going to drop in your lap! If you blow tons of money, your skill is poker, win it back and you'll had the pleasure of being with all sorts of women.  Do you notice that some porn star work some circuits usually in Vegas.  Because there are mostly old guys that have disposable income that would pay $1g to say that " I banged a porn star." Point is, we don't know when are time is up, so you need to live now not later!  Just do it, Like TIGER!

You can't enter the TER lifestyle hoping to be fixed or fulfilled. You can enter it with the intention of having fun and exploring, and maybe in the meantime something meaningful might happen but life comes with no guarantees.

I agree seek counseling. Not because there's something "wrong" with you, but because a third party that is unattached to your life that you can say ANYTHING to is a good sounding board.  But not any counselor will do, you'll have to shop around to find a good fit for you.

However, I think hobbying can be great for self discovery.  Like a counselor - it's a safe space. Unattached to your life, where you can sort of test out who you are, explore yourself and your partner, without any repercussions to your life as long as you don't do anything incredibly stupid.   I would suggest researching carefully and selecting independents that are known to have a kind and warm nature.  If you find someone you really enjoy, who also really enjoys you, become a regular. It may really be good for your self esteem and make dating outside of this life less frightening.  However liking her isn't enough, you really have to try and get a read to see if it's mutual.  If it's a one way deal, it's not going to help much.

Yes, finish college. Don't go back until you know what you'd love to do. Certainly there must be subjects or areas in life for which you have great passion - explore them, pursue them, and when you find something that clicks for you. In the meantime you'll have to go out, meet people - and people with similar interests.  Then go to college get the paper work and build a career. There are plenty of jobs that aren't 9 - 5: there's a million ways you can be a freelancer, a consultant, and independent contractor.

All you need to do is learn to love yourself, not give a damn what other people think about you, and let go.

Look Dude, you're a virgin at 23 ? No Girlfriend ?

Side aside $10K of your cash and do something -  pay an escort., give a girl a gift, or just go out and spend it on women.  Be BRAVE and pull the trigger! Call some girls and meet up with them.

I've gone out with girls taller than me, so 5'7" is not a problem.

Think of someone else for a change!

Seeking Advice from the Wise about Life

The best advice I could give you, is try your best to find a close friend, that you can be real with.  You may also want to go see a therapist, because you sound like you have deeper issues going on, that a simple blog (this blog) can't solve.

With seeing escorts, if you're this inscecure about yourself, being around people the providers you see will pick up on this. And it may turn them off, and they more then likely will not want to see you again, because you'll come off as clingy.

Also keep in mind, since you never have had a relationship, understand that these women are providers, and will not be your girlfriend. Having never had a relationship before, you may start getting feelings for a provider. If you decide to start seeing providers, limit the amount of times you see a provider on normal, becuase in your mind you'll start to think it's a relationship.

But I hope you do well

Where are you located? If your in Atlanta I will show you the way