I have always enjoyed strip clubs, and massage parlors and felt like that curbed my appetite for other women.
Here is the question. I have been married almost 10 years we have a healthy relationship for the most part but now my curiosity of experiencing other women before I am dead has become heightened. I am 90% sure I want to have my first FS encounter with a provider on a business trip in a couple weeks? Your thoughts on keeping a healthy marriage while hobbying? Your thoughts on the moral difference between FS hobbying and stripclub/massage parlors
So only you can decide about "moral differences" and what they mean to you. And since I have only played this game between marriages (between marriages 1 and 2, and again since marriage 2 ended) I really can't say what effect it has on a marriage. Personally, I'd find the lack of honesty hard to swallow. Plus, I'm a really lousy liar and would probably get caught. I don't judge the choices of others.
So my advice is to read the Newbie Board and seek advice about burn phones, how to siphon $$$ without getting caught and the innumerable other tricks you'll need to perfect (some so arcane as being sure to shower in your usual soap before leaving her incall so a new scent isn't detected, while making sure none of her makeup is where it'll be seen. And on and on.
Marriage makes even less sense to me.
Could you define what a healthy marriage is (thanks) 
Here ya go!
Not to judge, but although I have been in P4P for the best part of 40 years, I never stepped out on my wife when married, not even a single time, nor do I monger when in a "committed relationship" so I guess I am the wrong guy to ask about cheating and still feeling good about it.
That said, I haven't walked a mile in your shoes, so I am in no position to judge you or your motivations to get a little "strange. You are the only one that can answer that. You are the only one who knows if you can try this, write it off your bucket list and move on with your marriage as if it never happened. It's not our thoughts that matter, it's yours, and your wife's of course. What do you think her answer to the question about the moral difference between actually sticking your dick into another woman or simply fantasizing about it will/would be?
Good luck, it sounds like you are going to need it.
to feed your appetite for seeing another is more immoral due to
actually feelings involved.
I did not know how I would feel either.
I loved my wife just as much while enjoying providers.
It had no negative effect on my marriage.
I say try it and see how you feel afterwards.
Just like hookers will pretend to have feelings to get what they want "money" Guys have been pretending to have feelings since the beginning of time to get what they want "pussy"
I don't know what your, or his wife would have to say on the subject, but I am sure her view would be different than yours. or mine for that matter.
Well, "Personally" I need to have that loving feeling with a civie girl friend
before having the actual Girl Friend Experience.
Finding a slut in a bar just to take her home and fucking her does not appeal to me.
Paying a provider to do that does
Some of my best friends are sluts, the rest are hookers and the best are both. lol
Some of you morons really need to learn the pleasure of having a FWB. It's the best of both worlds. Too bad I am a pig who loves variety, and there are only so many great looking sluts willing to bed an old fucker like me, despite my great looks and charming personality. lol
This is another good point for the OP.
Not many Hot Sluts in a bar that are 23 want to see me
but there are many Hot Providers 23 that do. LMFAO
having strange ass.. Ass is ass.. I don't get the people who are morally opposed to full service but OK with strip clubs.. In their mind, they are doing it all the time, but they just don't have the balls to go all the way, even though deep inside they are doing it..
How far you want to go is entirely up to you...
You can keep healthy marriage two ways....Tell your wife that you want strange ass, or hide it from her and hope not to get caught...
You only live once, so might die whilst fucking a woman, rather than wishing you had fucked more...
hi there
its different markets and you just cant compare them
happy hooking
xo
f you want your marriage to remain healthy you'll get this crazy notion out of your mind right now. Just stop and think for a minute...would your wife be hurt if (and its not if...its when) she found out? Do you have an open relationship? I doubt it. As to strip clubs, women have different opinions on this, but my experience has been they think its funny to talk about OTHER WOMEN's HUSBANDS going to them, but don't appreciate their own doing it. Massage Parlors? Are you talking about happy endings? If so, its no different than hobbying. I'd love to be a fly on the wall when you try to explain the difference to your wife. Take it from a guy that lost his wife of 25 years and his family-neither child has spoken to me in 4 years. IT AIN'T WORTH IT!!!!!
Why won't the kids talk to you?
Your ex shouldn't dictate whom your children talk to.
yet I have refrained from being judgmental, just like so many others he, you can't seem to refrain from projecting your failings onto the OP. His situation could be completely different than yours.
So I take it you are here as an "unhappily divorced" man, as opposed to a "happily divorced" man, that would explain the bitterness in your post and the lack of judgement and bitterness in mine. Sorry your life sucks, but from the tone of your post it appears that you have earned your own unhappyness.
Now lets let the OP make up his OWN mind as for what's best for him.
This is a line that each person crosses based on his individual judgment which is in turn informed by his sense of right and wrong, his sense of balance and his willingness or unwillingness to compartmentalize. Humans can convince themselves of the rightness of a great many things. The question is whether you are willing to do so and can you live with the decision (and the posible consequences) once you make it.
If you want to get away with this it has to be a one shot only deal. Do this more than one time, and you will eventually be caught. Not a matter of if but when. I've seen this, I've done this (catching cheaters), you don't want this. Then again some ladies are forgiving to a suicidal level. My last client ended up back with her man after I discovered some very bad things and we emptied out her house together while the boy was out for an hour.
because what can be morally acceptable to you, may be immoral to others, providers a a great way to keep your needs satisfied (mentally and physically), and minimize the drama of an extramarital affair being that no strings are attached. We never cross unnecessary boundaries or risk your marriage. I guess the major difference also relies on the quality of women and what you are going to get from your encounters; I am not implying that you can not find gorgeous women in the massage parlors or strip clubs but technically with an escort, you can read reviews, see a variety of pictures and decide from there, perhaps the strip clubs and the massage parlors have different dynamics compared to the world of escorts. As other have stated, it is in your best interest to read the newbie board in order to get acquainted with the tricks and practices that will keep you safe from getting caught or getting in any type of trouble.
Good luck to you!
Wife a new dress , shoes etc.... have a nice dinner , look into her eyes when you talk to her , talk a out when you first met her , tell her why you asked her to marry you .... get reservations at a restaurant in a hotel , after dinner go to the lounge , dance with her , hold her close to you then bring her up to your room and make love to her like it was the first time , tell her your wants and desires , go down on her like she's a buffet and you haven't eaten in 6 months . Place soft music .shell think you have a guilt conscience but no you just want to have things like they were cause your in a rut . Hell tell her to change her hair color and start being sexy again cause she is sexy ..... stay the night then make love in the morning . Go home and tell her certain days of the week are for you and her . Plan a trip and buy some new clothes for you too... then come back here in 6months and tell us how things are .
Good luck and a couple hours of false fun are ant worth a lifetime of memories ! So start making some fucking memories that will last ....
Here is the question. I have been married almost 10 years we have a healthy relationship for the most part but now my curiosity of experiencing other women before I am dead has become heightened. I am 90% sure I want to have my first FS encounter with a provider on a business trip in a couple weeks? Your thoughts on keeping a healthy marriage while hobbying? Your thoughts on the moral difference between FS hobbying and stripclub/massage parlors?
A lot of stressed out people , lifes hard today careers , house bills all kinds of things and quality time at home is often hard or almost impossible . And little things become big things and what's this really about ? Forgetting ones troubles , stresses , responsibilities if only for an hour or two. So, what I'm saying to anyone out there try to word on ones personal life , give it a shot and get the fuck out of the house , a lunch , a movie , hold hands , cuddle .... and maybe fall back in love ...I will never judge anyone here but if one reads the threads its really love that many are searching for so try to rekindle it if it is gone ...and if a tryst is what it takes to feel like a man then afterwards take what went on in that session an apply it if whomever has a SO... ya know sometimes a guy has to see that the grass isn't greener on the other side to realize the garden was in his back yard all the time just needed some TLC . I think I read that in a fortune cookie once ?? Nah , I invented it too.
Thanks again , have a nice day ...
The spelling thread is further down the page ! So I mispell , fuck
Me already ! Geez , y u being mean 2 me
As for myself, I never cheated on my ex wife. Although I guess I should have as I was accused of it often enough. I started my hobby after our spit and I haven't looked back. But this is my morality and I cannot impose my integrity on you. You probably already know this, but you need to decide for yourself what is right and wrong. The only thing you have to consider, that I didn't, is that your actions may impact someone else.
happy soul searching.
In case you aren't familiar, I am a SO who gets her husband a special birthday present. But this is something I choose and is no way anything that any other wife that I know would do. Because of this and the fact that we were regular spouses for most of our marriage, I can speak with knowledge from a SO side of things.
Strip clubs and massage parlors will get you in trouble with the wife. But escorts will get you the dreaded D word. This is a gamble you are taking. Look at it this way. If you go to the casino and gamble your mortgage payment, you are in trouble. If you gamble the whole house, that's another matter. If you want to play the game, make sure you bet only what you are prepared to lose. Good luck with your decision.
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and that is your own.
Regardless of a thousand people give you their good (or bad) reasons for seeing providers it makes not a whit of difference if you don't think it is the right thing for you.
I wish you success in making your determination.
His wife's opinion matters in this one. OP has a healthy marriage. This is a major life-changing decision. He obliviously knows her view. The question is if he is going to ignore it.
I can understand men in bad marriages where the wife doesn't care about his happiness. I can understand the single guys. What I don't get is a man from a happy home. I've seen lonely GROWN men who felt so blessed to have found the right someone to share their life with. Most of them would never dream of risking that rarely found happiness. Believe me, I get it... men like variety. But when you weigh the up and down sides, it just doesn't seem worth it to me. It is just too hard to find, recognize and win the heart of the right woman. In my opinion, he is a on a fool's journey.
Of course he could be delusional and really believe all is great at home with his family. Hence he felt comfortable spewing his bullshit in his OP.
But since he's out at the clubs looking for ass...this is nothing but a progression towards fulfilling his interests.
He's on the same journey that millions of others have gone before him...and that millions will go on after him.
If his relationship is so rock solid...maybe he should man up and tell the wife he wants to fuck prostitutes? Or if he's not comfortable with that...maybe just divorce her? Or simply go for it...keep his big mouth shut and see what the cards read.
Hint...telling the wife is a really BAD idea. All it will do is make him feel somewhat better about being a scumbag. No upside for her, other than confirm he's a scumbag. Of course the OP's argument is that "she's a great wife...wonderful family...but she's lost her sex drive". Hmmmm....as BIB wrote if the OP gives it all he can to reignite that flame and it doesn't work...OK. But this is the easy way out.
Yep...a fool on a fool's journey
I can understand men in bad marriages where the wife doesn't care about his happiness. I can understand the single guys. What I don't get is a man from a happy home. I've seen lonely GROWN men who felt so blessed to have found the right someone to share their life with. Most of them would never dream of risking that rarely found happiness. Believe me, I get it... men like variety. But when you weigh the up and down sides, it just doesn't seem worth it to me. It is just too hard to find, recognize and win the heart of the right woman. In my opinion, he is a on a fool's journey.
That will keep your "healthy" marriage "healthy" (If that's the word that you want to use).
As far as the question about moral differences, I am not even going there. You already know the answer anyhow.
Would you enjoy it if the tables were turned ? Probably not but that is exactly what your doing and have been since the beginning.
You stated you visited strip clubs and massage paroles from the beginning .....when a lifetime connection is made and then a commitment given these actions or thoughts would not be present . They have been , so the commitment and true love was never where it neede to be to begin with - your fault , not hers.
Go full service dude ..... You already entered a marriage with a single guys attitude. Trash the bitch and see hookers - who fucking cares !!!
It's all about you , what you want , when you want it and fuck some bitch who said"I do" at the alter . You didn't mean it why should she ???
Now you've come on a fuck board to find others to justify breaking your wife's heart ?
Yeah , fuck that whore -DO IT !!!! Make your momma proud !!!!
What a fucking hypocritical loser who is self absorbed and could care less about others !?!?!?
Dude , be a man.... End one thing before starting another !!!
I said the same shit...maybe not as nicely as you did though!
You stated you visited strip clubs and massage paroles from the beginning .....when a lifetime connection is made and then a commitment given these actions or thoughts would not be present . They have been , so the commitment and true love was never where it neede to be to begin with - your fault , not hers.
Go full service dude ..... You already entered a marriage with a single guys attitude. Trash the bitch and see hookers - who fucking cares !!!
It's all about you , what you want , when you want it and fuck some bitch who said"I do" at the alter . You didn't mean it why should she ???
Now you've come on a fuck board to find others to justify breaking your wife's heart ?
Yeah , fuck that whore -DO IT !!!! Make your momma proud !!!!
What a fucking hypocritical loser who is self absorbed and could care less about others !?!?!?
Dude , be a man.... End one thing before starting another !!!
Either , they can be worse than wives ! Kinda , I think ????????
This poor guy , the op know he ain't even gonna whack off for fear of going blind !
You stated you visited strip clubs and massage paroles from the beginning .....when a lifetime connection is made and then a commitment given these actions or thoughts would not be present . They have been , so the commitment and true love was never where it neede to be to begin with - your fault , not hers.
Go full service dude ..... You already entered a marriage with a single guys attitude. Trash the bitch and see hookers - who fucking cares !!!
It's all about you , what you want , when you want it and fuck some bitch who said"I do" at the alter . You didn't mean it why should she ???
Now you've come on a fuck board to find others to justify breaking your wife's heart ?
Yeah , fuck that whore -DO IT !!!! Make your momma proud !!!!
What a fucking hypocritical loser who is self absorbed and could care less about others !?!?!?
Dude , be a man.... End one thing before starting another !!!
Hope he gets the opinions and smartens up . Hell , he needs to get her more than a new dress , he needs to start being her guy for a change .
Yeah kinda fucked up . L8r.
You stated you visited strip clubs and massage paroles from the beginning .....when a lifetime connection is made and then a commitment given these actions or thoughts would not be present . They have been , so the commitment and true love was never where it neede to be to begin with - your fault , not hers.
Go full service dude ..... You already entered a marriage with a single guys attitude. Trash the bitch and see hookers - who fucking cares !!!
It's all about you , what you want , when you want it and fuck some bitch who said"I do" at the alter . You didn't mean it why should she ???
Now you've come on a fuck board to find others to justify breaking your wife's heart ?
Yeah , fuck that whore -DO IT !!!! Make your momma proud !!!!
What a fucking hypocritical loser who is self absorbed and could care less about others !?!?!?
Dude , be a man.... End one thing before starting another !!!
You do realize 80% of hobbyist ate married? Try 30 years of marriage and you get cut off after menopause then post that.
You stated you visited strip clubs and massage paroles from the beginning .....when a lifetime connection is made and then a commitment given these actions or thoughts would not be present . They have been , so the commitment and true love was never where it neede to be to begin with - your fault , not hers.
Go full service dude ..... You already entered a marriage with a single guys attitude. Trash the bitch and see hookers - who fucking cares !!!
It's all about you , what you want , when you want it and fuck some bitch who said"I do" at the alter . You didn't mean it why should she ???
Now you've come on a fuck board to find others to justify breaking your wife's heart ?
Yeah , fuck that whore -DO IT !!!! Make your momma proud !!!!
What a fucking hypocritical loser who is self absorbed and could care less about others !?!?!?
Dude , be a man.... End one thing before starting another !!!
That's cool .......you gave your heart , you gave your soul .... She did the same .
Life happens , people change .... I get that .
But to start out knowing ( or blindly visiting strip clubs and massage parlors) before saying "I do" is setting ones self up for failure !!!! I mean , come on man ..... You knew "something" was keeping you from a vow of eternity but you ignored it and went forward anyway !!!
at least incy has integrity to finish what he started before entering this realm .
No judging but damn man , finish what you started , finish it like a man with respect and dignity ,then move on to some fine dick sucking whores !!!
You do realize 80% of hobbyist ate married? Try 30 years of marriage and you get cut off after menopause then post that.
You stated you visited strip clubs and massage paroles from the beginning .....when a lifetime connection is made and then a commitment given these actions or thoughts would not be present . They have been , so the commitment and true love was never where it neede to be to begin with - your fault , not hers.
Go full service dude ..... You already entered a marriage with a single guys attitude. Trash the bitch and see hookers - who fucking cares !!!
It's all about you , what you want , when you want it and fuck some bitch who said"I do" at the alter . You didn't mean it why should she ???
Now you've come on a fuck board to find others to justify breaking your wife's heart ?
Yeah , fuck that whore -DO IT !!!! Make your momma proud !!!!
What a fucking hypocritical loser who is self absorbed and could care less about others !?!?!?
Dude , be a man.... End one thing before starting another !!!
Sanctimonious prick, who are you to act the arbiter of morality, on this board of all places? I fucking hope you're just a sad troll in your momma's basement, otherwise per the other response walk a mile in most hobbyist's shoes before you lay out your naive bullshit!
I only can give my opinion on what is given on any subject.
I agree that every marriage or "case" is different.
BUT......
A true man , a true intelligent gentleman enters and honors his vows on his wedding day . To stand there full knowing its a lie is being a fool !!!
Remember I said a true "man ". A boy, I can't speak of either as its been a while ..
I cant speak for every failed marriage or relationship .... But, I can say a person with integrity does not start or finish something under false pretense .
To enter a lifetime commitment and relationship KNOWING you enjoyed a hot stripper is not TRUE love that a marriage is based on . I can be turned on by a stripper but can't wait to get home to my lifetime LOVER !!!
What a load of scruttocks. You can't really be so narrow minded that you think everyone's morals are based on the Sam value system you have?
You stated you visited strip clubs and massage paroles from the beginning .....when a lifetime connection is made and then a commitment given these actions or thoughts would not be present . They have been , so the commitment and true love was never where it neede to be to begin with - your fault , not hers.
Go full service dude ..... You already entered a marriage with a single guys attitude. Trash the bitch and see hookers - who fucking cares !!!
It's all about you , what you want , when you want it and fuck some bitch who said"I do" at the alter . You didn't mean it why should she ???
Now you've come on a fuck board to find others to justify breaking your wife's heart ?
Yeah , fuck that whore -DO IT !!!! Make your momma proud !!!!
What a fucking hypocritical loser who is self absorbed and could care less about others !?!?!?
Dude , be a man.... End one thing before starting another !!!
What a bunch of fucking "classless" morons these folks are lol.
Wouldn't let even ONE of these. Brain-dead wannabe Gypseys in my home
Wouldn't let even ONE of these. Brain-dead wannabe Gypseys in my home
For me, the interaction I have with a provider does not feel like cheating. I definitely wouldn't like my wife to know - she would probably feel very hurt - but I could probably explain it to her and avoid permanent damage to our relationship. The reality is that while our emotional relationship is great, my sex drive is far higher than hers, and I have the choice of either being sexually frustrated, having a fling with a girl I meet in the real world, or seeing a provider. The first option is difficult, frustrating and very stressful to me, and hence I have almost had a affairs with women I work with a couple of times - enough that I know that if it keeps happening I will probably actually do it at some point. I feel like having an affair would be far more problematic - the risk of emotional cheating (falling in love or similar) is much higher - both her to me and me to her. I rationalize seeing a provider as like having a new friend who happens to also fuck, without the risk of damaging emotional tangles. The real difference is that to have sex with most women you need an element of romance, whereas with a provider, you just need to be screened, safe, and civil.
The only thing that I struggle with is that I love people and would love to spend time with some of the providers I meet as friends rather than just in session. But I can't afford to / refuse to spend money on someone to be my friend, and this world really doesn't lend itself to easy friendships outside of the bounds of a session.
Let's add something to this:
Anyone who is judgmental on THIS board can piss off.
For those that provided good advice. Thank you.
I will add a twist to this dilemma of mine. Married young. Never been with any other partners and until earlier this year neither had my partner. She had a girls night out and hooked up with her friend(told me the next morning, some say that's not cheating). My initial thoughts where
1-damn I might be able to do a 3some...
2-wait you had sex with someone else?
3-wait I haven't had sex with anyone else and now you have.
I don't think strip joints are cheating, massages with HE are cheating but not sex etc. I do think picking up a bar slut (which I could do) would be more cheating than a provider.
I appreciate the feedback.
Guess that you're wifey has blown her shot at wife of the year. Hey...maybe her BF will nominate her for slut of the year?
So now you're pissed that she's off having fun with strange...funny how that happens LOL
Well...not to be judgmental or anything...but do either of you talk with the other about your degrading marriage?
Sure hope there's no kids involved...that will be a bummer.
Seriously...good luck to you. I trust you're going to need it.
BTW...is she hot? Maybe you could get her over here and run some ads?
Oh...and I'm glad you've sorted out which type of cheater you would fall into. But it doesn't matter anymore...does it?
Anyone who is judgmental on THIS board can piss off.
For those that provided good advice. Thank you.
I will add a twist to this dilemma of mine. Married young. Never been with any other partners and until earlier this year neither had my partner. She had a girls night out and hooked up with her friend(told me the next morning, some say that's not cheating). My initial thoughts where
1-damn I might be able to do a 3some...
2-wait you had sex with someone else?
3-wait I haven't had sex with anyone else and now you have.
I don't think strip joints are cheating, massages with HE are cheating but not sex etc. I do think picking up a bar slut (which I could do) would be more cheating than a provider.
I appreciate the feedback.
Seriously both of you need to grow up . Yeah , she's a freak and your running around to titty joints , ummmm what are you missing here ? Grow and explore each other. Ummm together ??? And did you mean hj ??? And tell your wife girls night out is bullshit ! Lunch with the girls , spa day , hair nails shopping okay but your doomed ! So you want revenge sex ? Because she went down on a girl ?? Cause if it was a guy you should have kicked his ASS !
Anyone who is judgmental on THIS board can piss off.
For those that provided good advice. Thank you.
I will add a twist to this dilemma of mine. Married young. Never been with any other partners and until earlier this year neither had my partner. She had a girls night out and hooked up with her friend(told me the next morning, some say that's not cheating). My initial thoughts where
1-damn I might be able to do a 3some...
2-wait you had sex with someone else?
3-wait I haven't had sex with anyone else and now you have.
I don't think strip joints are cheating, massages with HE are cheating but not sex etc. I do think picking up a bar slut (which I could do) would be more cheating than a provider.
I appreciate the feedback.
You do realize that this was the perfect opportunity to start a discussion with your wife on opening up your marriage?! Instead of sneaking around, you two could negotiate some ground rules and take a few cautious steps out in exploration. Ever read advice column, Savage Love? Write him if you need advice on how to proceed in this vein.
then I would not hobby. Simple as that. But I'm married to someone who has no interest in sex... in fact has not through out our marriage. YES, I got snookered, & not in a good way! After way too many years, I realized that there were some experiences I'd never had... & would never have... unless I took my business elsewhere. Sorry to say. So I did about 5 years ago.
I disagree with the poster who said "You will get caught!" There are some who have, yes it is a risk. But if you use all available precautions...
A separate hobby email, a separate hobby phone (ask Tiger why), and several more you can find on the newbie board... You MUST launch at full security. There are guys who got caught before they could meet the girl. One I know used an email the wife could access!! You can never get sloppy! NEVER!! Sloppy gets guys caught!
There are lots of guys who only hobby on trips out of town... or when she is... It's not a bad thing.
I had the opposite for years. Absolutely great sex. I'd take motorcycle trips alone, and my wife trusted me to be faithful because I always was. I'd tell her about days when I'd pass brothels in Nevada like the Mustang Ranch, and she'd say "you should have stopped in". (Wife trap).
To the OP: this is all your business of course, but be sure to take a close look at your marriage and see if your needs can be met there with some doable changes. As hot as the providers are I've seen, I'd still rather have my wife of 20 years ago back again.
For granted and alone in their homes , and the dumbest fucking reasons from their wives . Don't know why they stay , several said the house , I said what good is the house if its not your home . Sucks but , I respect you . Yes , I really do.
I disagree with the poster who said "You will get caught!" There are some who have, yes it is a risk. But if you use all available precautions...
A separate hobby email, a separate hobby phone (ask Tiger why), and several more you can find on the newbie board... You MUST launch at full security. There are guys who got caught before they could meet the girl. One I know used an email the wife could access!! You can never get sloppy! NEVER!! Sloppy gets guys caught!
There are lots of guys who only hobby on trips out of town... or when she is... It's not a bad thing.
I've been single since starting the hobby. I'd always like to think if I did get married or had a steady gf who I really liked I would not hobby anymore. It helps in a way that my sex drive/functioning (with age maybe), has been severely diminished so that's it more like a once a week or every two weeks.
But it goes both ways. Sometimes a few providers are critical of me of not having a gf or significant other that I'm "cheating" on. Doesn't make sense, but I guess some part of society feels that I'm not "man" enough to have a SO that I'm cheating with which makes no sense imo. I "refused to settle" is really the only answer I can respond with
If you wife has no interest in sex and never has then she should just tell you to go get sex on your own. I mean it's not like she can get a STD, she isn't having sex with you. And I'll bet she gives you a hard time when she catches you jacking off. Ladies, please explain how women think it's OK to be in a marriage and deny their husband sex?
I disagree with the poster who said "You will get caught!" There are some who have, yes it is a risk. But if you use all available precautions...
A separate hobby email, a separate hobby phone (ask Tiger why), and several more you can find on the newbie board... You MUST launch at full security. There are guys who got caught before they could meet the girl. One I know used an email the wife could access!! You can never get sloppy! NEVER!! Sloppy gets guys caught!
There are lots of guys who only hobby on trips out of town... or when she is... It's not a bad thing.
I have rarely seen this where a woman never wanted sex with her husband for the duration of the marriage. In these cases, there was strong evidence of sexual abuse as a child. I honestly feel that they were not intending to trap their husbands. They are just damaged when it comes to sex. I can't speak for all women like this but this is what I have personally seen.
I have also seen women who reach menopause lose their interest in sex. It is a medical issue that needs to be addressed with their doctors. Unfortunately, that is not usually done. I too lost interest for a while during that time period. I never thought to talk to the doctor. Just thought it was nature taking it's course and it would get better. Luckily it did but I have a strong sex drive.
In no way am I an expert in these matters but this is what I've seen in my experience.
Menopause was the major cause of the loss of my married sex life. Diminished sex drive and even more weight gain. My wife didn't ask her doc about it, but just expected me to live with it.
That doesn't sound like the OP's problem, though.
Some would say that strip clubs are just as bad and that cheating is cheating. Others say that it's not until you've had full-service that it counts. You know what you feel and how your wife feels. I suspect that nether would be okay.
I was married for 12 years and started to see escorts in the last 5 years. I went the last 7 years of the marriage with sex only twice and no sex in the last 5 years. It was minimal before that. She never found out about my hobbying but I was very careful. We ended up getting a divorce and it was the right call.
I think that keeping the marriage "healthy" while hobbying is going to be a challenge. I found that once I stepped out on her I was less interested in sleeping with my wife. You might be different though. Good luck though and happy hunting, if you go that route.
Go ahead and do the deed on your trip. At the very least you'll get it out of your system, and if you feel bad then it's an easy experience to simply lock in the vault and forget about. Ideally, in proceeding you would want to negotiate permission from your wife, but hobbying doesn't have to wreck your marriage. If you are not having your needs met at home, then you may discover that you're a better husband by knowing that your pent up desires have an outlet.
The key is to determine for yourself the personal boundaries that will prevent you from getting carried away (physically AND emotionally) and neglecting your wife in favor of providers. My last tip may actually be the hardest part: don't tell a soul about your encounters. There are some mind-blowingly amazing providers out there and you will be so tempted to tell...someone. But remember, loose lips sink ships buddy!
As for the moral question, most expectations of strict monogamy are bullshit based more on insecurity (i.e. "you might leave me for someone better") and the perverse need to possess someone, than a true promise of devotion. Especially so if you got married early before you really knew yourself. If you can't give your spouse some room to grow and explore (within negotiated limits), then all you're doing is creating a prison that person will try to escape.