It is good to be a  woman:
1. We got off the Titanic first.
2. We can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses.
3. Taxis stop for us.
4. We don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing.
5. No fashion faux pas we make could ever rival the Speedo.
6. We don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves.
7. If we forget to shave, no one has to know.
8. We can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end.
9. We never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there.
10. We have the ability to dress ourselves.
11. We can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.
12. If we marry someone 20 years younger, we are aware that we will look like an idiot.
13. We will never regret piercing our ears.
14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all your problems..
15. We can make comments about how silly men are in  their presence because they aren't listening anyway.

And you are one beautiful, intelligent, wonderful lady.
Thanks for the memories...

No, women did not get off the Titantic first. First class women got off the Titantic first. (Actually, many if not most of the inadequate supply of lifeboats were launched nearly empty because passengers were not told the ship was sinking. They were told it was a drill.)

At the inquiry the White Star Line swore that the gateways that would allow third class passengers to get to the boat deck were not locked. When the wreck was explored by submersibles a few years ago they were still locked.

Also, most of the crew of the Titantic were not there to sail the ship. There were there to wait on the passengers (and in fact outnumbered the passengers on this initial trip). Without checking a reference I'm not sure what fraction were women but I believe that almost all the crew--except for the few crewmen put in charge of the lifeboats--went down with the ship.



-- Modified on 3/15/2004 5:43:49 PM

It is good to be a man:
1) We get to look at beautiful women like you and have an immediate reaction!

Darling, let me share some lessons I have learned in my 40+ years of entertaining!  

Unfortunately, the sad fact is that the ladies were only there to entertain the wealthy men and keep them company! And they were totally dependent upon the man in that day and age.

And when the Titanic was going down, it was every man 'and woman' for themselves, unlike the movie portrayed. And, the rich and spoiled men don't lose all their money and commit suicide either (as was also depicted in the movie). They earn money the old fashioned way.....they inherit it, invest it....cash out the initial stake at an opportune time and.....play with other people's money to make even more.

Another sad fact is that some (not all) women think that they are very smart and elite. But when the pharmacological induced euphoria wears off, they can go to the cleaners, check out the prices they pay, then go search for a job that will help them afford their fantasy based lifestyle and realize that they will still only make about 75% of what men do.

In addition, when a woman thinks she is smart enough to manipulate a man to do anything she desires at her whim she'd better be careful! Sooner or later, men get wise, tire of the lack of respect and are disappointed in the lady that is so shallow, self-centered and arrogant to think that she can continue to get away with this behavior. They move on!

Finally, women that think like this usually find a man that they classify as intelligent and confident had better watch out! Those are the men like the Titanic character that will always come out on top and turn the tables and manipulate the lady!

Then, the lady should be smart enough to realize the reality that it is still a man's world......wink!


     

It is good to be a  woman: (Followed by why it is good to be a man)

1. Women got off the Titanic first. -- Men can get off in bed (with the right visual and physical stimuli) in 4 minutes flat when pressed for time

2. Women can scare male bosses with mysterious gynecological disorder excuses. -- Men can scare spouses out of making us do chores by performing them SO badly that our "ineptitude" prevents them from asking us to do it ever again.

3. Taxis stop for women. -- Waiters/Waitresses stop for men (We can do it with a look while women have to trip them with their Blahniks to get their attention)

4. Women don't look like a frog in a blender when dancing. -- Men dance badly on purpose..... so you won't make us do anything but slow dance (which we like).


5. No fashion faux pas women make could ever rival the Speedo. -- The whole pastel legwarmer, sweatband, Tammy Faye makeup combo look came close though...


6. Women don't have to pass gas to amuse ourselves. -- Ah, but men can amuse themselves easily in much better ways (Remember Mrs. Costanza's "Treating your body like an Amusement Park" line?)  If men get old enough, we don't NEED porn for stimuli.... Charmed on the WB will do just fine (C'Mon.... Alyssa Milano forced to be a genie in a harem outfit and say "Yes, Master!"..... Thank God for Tivo)

7. If women forget to shave, no one has to know. -- Ah, but Men can go two days without shaving and be thought of as "sexy".  Women go two days without shaving and are mistaken for Europeans (What?  Is that 3.5 grit sandpaper on your legs?  Won't need a loufa tomorrow.... Ha! That was another joke, we don't EVER need a loufa.)

8. Women can congratulate our teammate without ever touching her rear end. -- Men don't care about that... they know they will making "the beast with two backs" with a cheerleader within a few hours......  Or for those "amateur" players, they will sit next to their buddy at the "bar" while "Tiffany" invites the men to touch HER rear end.....

9. Women never have to reach down every so often to make sure our privates are still there. -- Unfortunately, men have zippers.  Strap a cheese grater to YOUR hoo-ha and then see how often you adjust things down there.....

10. Women have the ability to dress ourselves. -- We CAN dress ourselves.  It's not OUR fault you don't like the look of 20 year old faded Def Leppard TShirts and blue jeans with more holes than OJ's alibi.  Besides, after spending $2000 on Fendi/Gucci/Versace for you, we can't afford Armani.

11. Women can talk to the opposite sex without having to picture them naked.  -- mmmm.  Carmen Electra.  I'm sorry, what was the question?

12. If women marry someone 20 years younger, women are aware that we will look like an idiot. -- Those who CAN, do.  Those who CAN'T, bitch about those who CAN.

13. Women will never regret piercing our ears. -- Men will never regret women piercing their tongues. (ooh, THAT feels different!) That is UNTIL they try to talk and sound like Syl-vethter the cat.  

14. There are times when chocolate really can solve all of women's problems.. -- Men feel the same way about wild, freaky swinging from the chandeliers sex.  We'll get over you sleeping with our best friend....  Just arrange for a threeway with YOUR best friend and we'll call it even.  

15. Women can make comments about how silly men are in their presence because they aren't listening anyway. -- Punch Line #1: What?, yeah I'll pick up bread on the way home. Punch Line #2: Men aren't listening because our ears and brains have become numb from listening to a woman speak 10,000 uninterrupted words without a break.  Here's a fun test.  The next time a woman's cell phone drops a signal (Can you hear me now?), count how many minutes until she realizes you aren't on the line anymore.  My record is 18 minutes.  

Once again...... Exercising my inner comedian.  No flames please.  It's comedy, folks.

some women look worse than a frog in a blender when dancing - Just because your a woman doesn't give you rhythm.  For example, Madonna has been ``dancing'' for years yet that woman can act better than she can dance.