I've been in the hobby for 10 years now. Have made some amazing provider friends that have come and gone from the business over the years. I am married and have a happy content home life. I've always been able to compartmentalized my hobbying and have a healthy back and forth with it.

About 10 months ago I met a new provider, she was new to me at least. The first encounter was fun, but nothing unusual and I was simply excited to meet someone new. I saw her for a few other 'dates' over the course of 4 months. Then something started to happen. Over the last few months, I've started to develop feelings for this person. All the warning signs are there...can't stop thinking about her/ go in to semi-depression in between visits/ now when I see her I just want to be with her and the 'date' part of it isn't even on my mind.  

I think this became personal when she started inquiring about my profession and how I could be of help to her in her own professional aspirations. The conversations turned to more life topics and career oriented things and much less about our hook ups. I feel at times like she may actually have feelings for me, which is why the lines have become blurred. But the reality is that I'm a client. The problem is that I no longer like being that label.  

Basically my emotions for this person are becoming overwhelming and I feel as though I'm losing grip on the reality of the situation.

I'm not looking for an answer here as much as I'm wondering if anyone else has gone through this experience and what was the outcome? Would love to here from a provider here if you have any word of wisdom since you're probably the only person who can give a perspective I can't get from anyone else. Any advice to quell these emotions or would you say I need to pull the plug, however painful that may be, on the relationship because there is no good ending to this story?

I doubt this answer will mean a thing to you, but most of the long time members should get a chuckle.

This also happened to me.  Fortunately, I was foot-loose and fancy free at the time, so I indulged myself and went whole hog, eventually marrying the gal.

You, on the other hand, need to decide what to do.

I would advise you to stop seeing this gal, as hard as that may be for you and her.  There's no other way.  Be upfront and very nice about the reason.  With any luck she'll understand, but also be prepared to dodge heavy objects.

Isn't this the second time this week we've heard this story

The first problem is these gals being too good at their job. They really need to scale back all this GFE crap for guys like the OP who just cant handle it. (Rayne, where are you when I need you?)

In addition, calling us "clients" is also problematic. To the OP, she should have referred to you as her "trick." (H+T, where are you when I need you?)  

Be honest, don't you think you would have been much less likely to fall for your hooker had she called you by that old school name? Of course.

But I am a man of hope. This is nothing new to my fine professors at Jack Dunphy University. We see sad sack cases like yours all the time.

There is an "immersion/aversion" technique we like to use. I cant go into all the specifics for proprietary reasons but essentially what we do is remind the student trick that his new love is fucking other men. MANY MANY MANY other men. And per the reviews (and who would doubt those?) we show how all of them are satisfying her every need, both carnal and fiduciary.

In no time you will go back to viewing these gals as cum dumpsters or your money back.  

But hurry as enrollment ends on November 1 for the spring semester.

See you on campus. :

Your life.

tell her you have some financial troubles and would need a few months to get things back on track. Ask her if you can still see her during these months and then start paying again once you get your finances on track.

If she gives free sessions for a few months, ditch your wife...

Whenever human beings exchange intense emotion, and I believe this IS possible in rare hobbyist/provider sessions, we must try to keep things in the proper perspective.

Yes, she is probably satisfying one need you are not able to satisfy at home (or else you would not feel this way).  But, it is important to ask yourself, what is the absolute best that could come of your experience with this "wonderful" lady?

Why screw up a good thing?  You have a great home life.  And now, with this amazing lady, your "other" needs are being satisfied as well.  Why not tell her and show her how much you appreciate her and remind her and yourself, just how amazing your "other" life is and that you have no intention of changing that.

I have this amazing restaurant I frequent.  I am a regular, they know me by my name and I know everyone who works there by their names.  We are always genuinely pleased to see each other.  Often the chef will make something special for me that is not on the menu.  I tip well beyond what any of their other customers tip and never miss a chance to let them know how much I enjoy their service.  But, I have no plans to marry them or make any lifestyle change.  I am quite happy with our mutually beneficial relationship.

Hope this helps.

-- Modified on 10/21/2016 11:10:18 AM

Totally agree. Ask for some  OTC time and your fantasy will shatter. I  had a good "relationship " with 2 top rated ladies. Asked both for lunch.  Both said sure. $500. I thank them because they gave me a reality check.

Right now you are highly infatuated with her and more importantly your are highly infatuated with how she makes you feel when you are with her. Infatuation involve  chemical reactions including the pleasure based chemical dopamine! You feel a rush when you are with her and crave the dopamine rush when you aren't with her. Try to keep it in perspective if you can. in other ways to find pleasure in your life that don't include her. IMO this is really important!!!

If you can somehow get a grip and not let your relationship with her mess up what you have at home, you could have a wonderful "thang" with this lady. Do you know how many men are in love with their mistresses but choose to stay with their wives? No she's not your mistress at this point but my point is this kind of thing have been going on since the beginning of time. There are many friends I have here that I know more personal things about like their careers, kids, and just in general what going on in their world ad vice versa, so IMO that kind of conversations with your lady isn't all that uncommon.

My advice to you is to first of all is to see another lady in the biz asap. And see how you feel afterwards. You need a distraction right now. Understand you can have special feelings for the lady in question without disrupting your home life *IF* you can understand your feelings, not panic about them, and keep them in perspective and enjoy yourself. If you can't do this then take a break from seeing her. It doesn't have to be forever but a break would be needed.

Understand the difference of infatuation and long term sustaining love you build a life with.

Steph xoxo

 

-- Modified on 10/21/2016 6:08:04 AM

-- Modified on 10/21/2016 6:15:19 AM

I think it is completely normal for a man and woman who enjoy sexual pleasure to become attached to one another.  The answer is not to become overwhelmed with the dopamine high.  Recognize it for what it is.  Approach the girl and tell her you would like to become a regular on some agreed upon basis.  Men have had mistresses throughout the ages. If you can afford it, do it.  Savor the enjoyment.  Know that it will, inevitably and most certainly, end in a bad way.

"Yes, she is probably satisfying one need you are not able to satisfy at home (or else you would not feel this way).  But, it is important to ask yourself, what is the absolute best that could come of your experience with this "wonderful" lady?  
   
 Why screw up a good thing?  You have a great home life.  And now, with this amazing lady, your "other" needs are being satisfied as well.  Why not tell her and show her how much you appreciate her and remind her and yourself, just how amazing your "other" life is and that you have no intention of changing that."

^ I like this 😊

Sounds like your brain knows the above, but alas the heart has a mind of it's own.

Taking a break to put a little extra in at home might be best. A good clear discussion with her explaining you're not taking a break because of anything wrong, but rather the opposite.... It's so good, you need to take a break to regain your balance... because she makes you crazy happy.

Remember, there's a reason the saying "the grass isn't always greener" exists.
The bonus is when you come back to visit, you can plan them as more quality extended time encounters,  like a weekend escape before returning to work/life/reality 😊

Best of luck

This happens to a few people. I'm a very male person in the sense that I compartmentalise everything and rarely do I feel any more for a client than fondness and liking in a friendly way, and I think many providers feel the same. The problem is that when you are too friendly with a client it can be taken the wrong way and men have a tendency to forget that they're not the only guy you are seeing/spending time with and being nice to. It's our job to make you feel special and wanted and liked for as long as you're with us - and with many guys this isn't an act, we really do like you, value your time and advice and affection and look forward to seeing you.
I had an exclusive arrangement with a lovely man in the UK for a few years, but it became very stressful because he gradually wanted more from me than I was comfortable to give. I can't fake being in love, nor would I want to. I'm a Sagittarius and honesty is important to us.
I can't say for definite that this will have an unhappy ending for you but I suspect it will end in someone getting hurt if you're not careful and can't control your feelings. Can you talk to her about it?

because she asks about in and outs of your profession which she seems to be related. She needs you like college student needs a professor. I just hope you don't pay her money sharing your experience. If you do you are fool. Ask her out to share all perpexities in the thing you both interested. But be prepared to lose her as well. That's ok. Separate your emotions and that thing you are actually paying her for. She is not paying you for your guidance and advice and nothing in this world is free, well only cheese in the mouse trap you seem to fall. Best wishes to figure it out on your own and good luck overall. xo

My situation is similar, though I've seen my ATF for over 9 years. We both know it's beyond infatuation. We are friends, and discuss a lot of different things, with almost no topic off the table. We have really good chemistry, and there is emotions that flow when we're together.

But the grass is t always greener on the other side.

We decided to maintain the lives we currently live, and just enjoy what we have - free of obligation, free of daily things that drag us down.  In essence, we become each other's fantasy to just get away and be together for a while. And that's good enough for us.

I do think this happens in some circumstances. Keep everything in perspective, though, and ask yourself - why ruin two good things? Just enjoy what you have.

but if you keep your eyes wide open there is no necessity or inevitability for things to end "in a bad way" things will certainly end at some point, but they don't have to end badly. My breakups with hooker GF's have been much less drama filled than my breakups with other GFs

That's the topic worth discussing.

My breakups with a hooker GF almost always seem to have less drama to them than the breakups with non hookers. I have had very few hookers turn into "psycho bitch" after a break up, I can only wish I can say that same about all of my non hooker GF's who have gone off the rails after a breakup.

Recognize thats not love but lust.  That fades

Good point paid lust not love

END OF MESSAGE

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Your paid escort.Your not doing paid sessions for free. A lot people get lust mistakes love.

END OF MESSAGE

This happens a lot. More than you would think. Happens to these hard-hearted fellas that say bang 'em and forget 'em too.

Its bound to happen once you realize she is more than a cum dump. That she has aspirations and a heart. Not many can resist falling for a hot broad your they are banging regularly and she rocks your stones every time. Don't we all want that?

Happened to me. My advice is different. You gotta get your emotions in check. Accept there is no future beyond her draining your sack and you loving it. If you can't do that, stop seeing her. If you can, let her keep draining your sack until the relationship fizzles naturally. They all eventually do. I knew deep down there was no future. But, I enjoyed the mind blowing sack draining until she quit the biz and moved on. Yes, I went thru withdrawals. But it was worth it.

END OF MESSAGE

END OF MESSAGE

This is a great point, thank you for bringing it to my attention. She definitely has been seeking advice/ guidance on profession. She will email me asking about this or that and would I be interested in collaborating etc. It's sending me very mixed messages. We've had a few sessions where a 'date' would happen around a career advice hang/ chat. With me paying for the 'date' portion of the session. You're right that I should found out where she stands by asking her for a free date in exchange for any career help.

This is amazing, thank you all for taking the time to reply to my post. It's somewhat cathartic to share this and read all your replies.

More details to this is that I recently spent a weekend with this provider, two weeks ago. It was a Saturday through Monday morning together and it was probably a big mistake in hindsight due to the withdrawals that have happened...It's thrown my perspective completely out the window. Since that weekend, we'd been emailing daily about this or that. Some of the career seeking advice on her end starting to come up again and with specifics of me advising etc. I'm confusing that for actual affection. I realize it's all me. I've been struggling with telling her about this mess of feelings that have come about for fear that it's going to ruin/ end things.  

But I think the best advice I've seen here is to do exactly that. Maybe asking her for a free session at this point will give me the reality check I need from her. I don't want to leave my family at all. I want things to be SIMPLE and as they are when I'd see other providers.

This is amazing, thank you all for taking the time to reply to my post. It's somewhat cathartic to share this and read all your replies.

More details to this is that I recently spent a weekend with this provider, two weeks ago. It was a Saturday through Monday morning together and it was probably a big mistake in hindsight due to the withdrawals that have happened...It's thrown my perspective completely out the window. Since that weekend, we'd been emailing daily about this or that. Some of the career seeking advice on her end starting to come up again and with specifics of me advising etc. I'm confusing that for actual affection I think. I realize it's all me. I've been struggling with telling her about this mess of feelings that have come about for fear that it's going to ruin/ end things.  

But I think the best advice I've seen here is to do exactly that. Maybe asking her for a free session at this point will give me the reality check I need from her. I don't want to leave my family at all. I thing to be SIMPLE and as they are when I'd see other providers. Totally compartmentalized.

This may be the exact thing I need to do. You're right. Will give me clear perspective from her side of the relationship. Thank you.

Thank you for this.

This is very helpful, thank you. It's on me to control those emotions and keep all in perspective. Trying to!

Thank you, Steph. I appreciate a provider's view point! Is it still infatuation if I'd had this feeling for months? Yes it's intense at the moment unlike before but I'm trying to quell those tendencies. Trust me, I want nothing more than to keep things cool and continue with a good thing. So I guess I may need to take a break for a bit to try and get my thoughts/ perspective straight.

Thanks for this. You're so on point. She is super hot and totally personable, funny...all the things you'd want in someone. Yet that fact that I pay her for her time has gotten completely lost on me recently.  

How'd you handle the withdrawals once yours retired or ended? That's where I could use some help. Trying another provider hasn't helped.

Going a little further.  Ask her to support you for couple months. LOL
Seriously, not worth it IMO and be careful

Thanks Brooklyn, great advice

What is your priority?

1) ...you don't want to leave your family at all OR
2) ...you still want ask for a free session....

if it's 1, keep on paying her no matter what..

My priority is how to best continue the relationship without the unhealthy emotional attachment that has developed on my end. I saw asking her for OTC session would possibly a reply of "no" and hence give me a perspective/ reality check that she does not have those same said unhealthy emotions that I do and help me get over them. Not trying to be contradictory here...just trying to get things back to simple place.  

Did what most do and saw others. Searched for a new hottie to rock my stones in the same hard on on sight way. Never found her. Realized and accepted no 2 women are the same. Sometimes time is the only fix for withdrawals.

Eventually found a new flame. Her mission was to make me see stars and she did getting better each time until she had it perfected. Different personality altogether than the first. Withdrawals passed faster after this one.  Don't hobby much anymore. Don't want to. Seek more organically occurring thrills elsewhere. Those 2 hard to top and I've grown. The whole cycle of high and low wears on you after awhile. At least it did me.

have something that feels so good.   Easy for any red blooded male to allow his emotions to run out of control.  We just must remind ourselves how great things are, all around.  No need for us to mess it up.

Makes sense to communicate on both counts and let BOTH of those ladies know how much we appreciate them!

"I am married and have a happy content home life. I've always been able to compartmentalized my hobbying and have a healthy back and forth with it."

Its easier to compartmentalize your feelings about things when you have no reason to be anything other than numb, comfortable and in control of predictable situations that you have helped create. No judgment in this statement. It is what it is and we have all done it or do it.

".... over the course of 4 months......"

4 months is plenty of time to feed an infatuation but not enough time to develop an authentic sense of knowing someone if your relationship is built on an absolute separation of my life, your life and the exciting, sexy dates we have together in between. What you have together is a controlled encounter with very clear boundaries and division between what you will and will not deal with because there isn't enough time to bring it to the table to see how it changes your perception of each other.  

This is why you see providers. Time in with someone where you can be the Big Man, Mr Sexy, Big Daddy or whatever else you need to feel without the other person knowing enough about you to see where the fact and the fantasy don't meet. In this time, she plays out the role you have carved out for her in your fantasy life and leaves her personal self and all the other sides of her personality and life that don't meet your immediate needs outside the door. The ease with which we fall in love with the feelings we have with someone is made even easier if the other person is still inexperienced enough to not recognize the warning signs of transference and be able to detour that oncoming emotional train of yours subtly and gently, in advance, or worse, symbolizes something we feel like we missed out on somewhere in our lives. (Example: An older girlfriend (50's? 60's? I don't know exactly) of mine turned up her nose at a man who was practically tripping over himself when he saw her (he was on a date with me and literally was hit by romantic lightning bolts when he first laid eyes on her and no, she is not the kind of "hot" that this happens to her all the time, if ever - and no, he wasn't ugly. This was long before I became a provider and I don't date ugly men).  

The reason she turned her nose up? Her current boyfriend (who was married to someone else, btw) was like, quote: " (he) is like the prom King that I never got to date in highschool because he wouldn't have given me the time of day" - end quote. The power of what someone symbolizes to us is a lot more intoxicating than people realize. People who represent everything "we always wanted and thought we could never get" are typically not who we think they are at all and always a rude awakening waiting to happen.

You don't know her. You DO know how you feel and what she "represents" is symbolic of what is really missing in your life and needs to be examined. You have kept everyone in your life in neat little boxes for 10 years because it worked for you. That doesn't mean the original problem that made this a viable solution ever got fixed. She isn't the answer. She may end up being the catalyst that lands you in counseling to sort yourself out or getting divorced and being a bitter, resentful waste of human life that blames the women in your life for all your problems instead. You know those guys. You really want to be one of them?

"I think this became personal when she started inquiring about my profession and how I could be of help to her in her own professional aspirations. The conversations turned to more life topics and career oriented things and much less about our hook ups. I feel at times like she may actually have feelings for me, which is why the lines have become blurred."

Yes, she probably does like you but affection for you is not the same thing as falling in love with you. Women can like men without wanting to have sex with them. I am sure you are aware. Men, on the other hand, all seem quick to remind us that liking a woman and wanting to have sex with her are pretty much the same thing unless she is older and uglier than their mother. Then, they just like her. No sexual interest involved. But since you guys have the reported ability to enjoy sex with women that you do NOT like, I would imagine that liking a woman and wanting to have sex with her seems a lot like having deep feelings for her. I am guessing here based on what I have heard nearly all of you say over the years. So.... consider that (1) she can like you and not be in love with you. Doesn't make you less valuable. It just makes your role in her life as limited and specific as YOU signed on for when you decided to meet her in this way and (2) You may be falling in love with the feelings you are having, and not her because she symbolizes some lost part of your soul that is finally alive again in this fantasy based relationship. This doesn't make either of you bad or faulty people. It makes you human and needing to get real honest with yourself, first and fast

But the reality is that I'm a client. The problem is that I no longer like being that label."

If you want a different relationship, then you have to be a different person. You engaged a sex worker because of the easy escape from real responsibility for another person's wellness and the "clean exit" clause built into the relationship. If you can't identify why that was important to you, you will never get the relationship you want with anyone.  
 
"Basically my emotions for this person are becoming overwhelming and I feel as though I'm losing grip on the reality of the situation."  

Because you are. Fantasies will do that to the strongest, most intelligent of people. This is why extramarital affairs are so powerful and hard to walk away from for some folks. It isn't the other person that holds the magnetic draw. Its the fantasy built into the relationship (and its limitations that keep it safe from reality for as long as possible)
 

"Would love to here from a provider here if you have any word of wisdom since you're probably the only person who can give a perspective I can't get from anyone else. Any advice to ..."

If you really care about her as a human being; simply as a human being, at all, then do her (and your wife, and yourself) all a favor and take a break and use that break to get really honest WITH yourself ABOUT yourself; what you have been avoiding and who you really are at this place in your life, career, marriage, everywhere.

Some folks think seeing providers is a show of cunning and financial power; being able to get pussy without the cost of headache or actual invested effort and avoiding all the imaginary dangers of dealing with women's wiles. Other folks think seeing providers is the absolute statement of being a loser because you can't charm, connive or otherwise motivate a woman to get naked with you without offering tangible reasons. And still other folks know that seeing a provider is a pragmatic decision where her needs are met in ways that make sense to her and your needs are met in ways that don't require social power dynamics negotiation, emotional resistance or being shamed for wanting something different than he/she wants.

At the end of the day, this relationship between provider and client is like any other kind of relationship, it only works well when everyone is honest with themselves first, comes to the table with respect and appreciation and everyone is clear about where this relationship is (and is not) going to go. Anyone who tells you that providers should be treated and regarded like hollow blow up dolls to be used and discarded are also the same people who typically have very little power in real life and use this opportunity as the one, sad little way left to them to feel powerful and in control of anything in their life ... and publicly lauding this behavior is only an attempt to get other people to pat them on the back and congratulate them for, well, anything.

Successful people don't punch down.

Be careful with the free session request. Might backfire on you and dig you in deeper.  

I never asked for a free session the first time I fell. But, we spent OTC time frequently. We'd go for a bite to eat and/or drinks before or after plenty of times. We did OTC before once and went back to her incall. I wanted her so bad I was near blue balls but didn't have cash on me. I told her I didn't have the donation and she said just leave whatever you got. By this time in the relationship roses up front wasn't the practice because there was trust. We went at it like wild animals. It was the best ever. She felt better than ever and I know it was because she let me know it wasn't all about the money. I didn't leave a dime and she never said a thing. I had fallen long before that day, but now I knew I couldn't get up.  

"Free sessions happened randomly after that time. BTW I would more than make up for the "free sessions" with extra other times and sometimes just throwing her a few hundred roses just for the hell of it.  

Anyways...If you can't handle your emotions. Just go cold turkey dude. Otherwise, she might have you leaving your family if she grants that free session.

You are in for a world of hurt. Don't do it. Not because of what she does for a living, but because you are screwing someone for money, your feelings are crossed up, and you are not thinking clearly.  

Does she really feel the same about you or are the feelings yours and yours alone? Take three months away from her, NO CONTACT WHATSOEVER. Even see another provider or two.  Clear your mind.  

Reevaluate after February 1st. The key here is NO CONTACT.
 Hope things go well for both of you. There are some amazing women in the hobby. It's complicated when both parties have been involved in the hobby.

If she reciprocated on the offer, what will happen to option 1?

bath and a razor blade.  If that's too drastic and you want to be snapped back to reality, then TELL her you are in love with her.  If she's a true professional, you won't be able to get another appointment unless she loves you, too.  If she loves you, too, then you won't have to pay.  If you have to pay anyway, then she lied about loving you, and you are just a customer, the same as you are at the tire store.

Thank you for the reply. Rocked my world and has given me a lot to process.

But, end of day, you need to maintain perspective.  I would advise that you take time off from seeing this lady, and let your head settle.  This may take a while, but time will allow you to think things through.  No need to stop hobbying...meeting new ladies will help you defuse things, while still taking care of your needs.

I've been married once.  I'm not going to do it again.  I don't want to "own" anyone, and I don't want anybody "owning" me.  I just want girlfriends.  Girlfriends who I love.  And some of the providers I have met share enough chemistry with me to qualify as girlfriends.  But I'm not going to ask them to quit the escort business or be faithful to me.  And I'm not going to stop loving (and fucking) other women for them.  It's called polyamory, and it's a beautiful thing.

I've had two ladies that I started to think about too much between sessions. I took a break from them and spent time with other really beautiful ladies until got back to a proper frame of mind.  And yes, I am able to see them now from time to time.
Others may have made the transition from hobby to real relationship but I do not believe that is possible for me.

Did you tell the two ladies you were taking a break for that reason and if so, what was the reaction? Or did you just stop booking them all together and kept the 'too much thinking about them' to yourself? Thanks for the reply, was helpful to hear.

A tall young lady with beautiful long legs willing to suck my dick.  She never said no to any of my requests...during paid time.  I was ready to walk out on the wife and two daughters who were in elementary school at the time.

Started seeing the lady off the clock after appointments.  Took her out to lunch a few times.  Took her to the MSPCA because she wanted a rabbit.  But during the time off the clock things were different.  She wanted this...she wanted that.  Instead of doing all the things I wanted, I was now doing all the things she wanted.  Stopped seeing her for a while and slowly it sunk in how much l liked being with her while she was on the clock, but things would work differently off the clock.  Enjoyed a few more visits with her before she retired, but never had the urge to run away with a provider after that.

In my personal life I married the first person I boned, after the divorce I married the second one I boned, after that divorce I noticed a pattern. My dick is the one that falls in love and I'm just a helpless victim!  

I love the feeling of falling in love that's the fun of it for me. And I truly love these ladies! I've met some of the smartest well balanced people I've ever met. We just have a friendly divorce after each session. Unless my ATF is reading this you know I'd never betray you!

For you tone, don't blow up your life my friend. Pull the plug and bite the bullet IMHO.

You're welcome.  

Be well.

see another escort.

and IMO telling her how you feel is a mistake. just limit your frequency of visits with her.  

Also, you don't owe her a response from her "career seeking advice."