What's been your experience holding a relationship with a provider that moves beyond the escort/hobbyist dynamic? If there is a genuine attraction and mutual feelings, can it work? Pros? Cons? Just beginning something and looking for some guidance based on experience both the guys and gals. Thanks!

-- Modified on 3/4/2017 9:33:43 AM

I met someone that I liked so much we dated and after almost 10 years we got married.

Aim higher Fancy!

DrHunter, is this something where she said yes to OTC time or did she actually say she wanted to date you? Being friendly is different from wanting to date, just so you know.  

I have no interest in a romantic relationship with any provider due to my personal circumstances, plus many providers I know are married or have an SO. But I've developed friendships with a couple of providers, and I consider one of them to be a very close friend.  We've each told the other we'd like our friendship to continue after she retires.  

Been there, done that and once was enough.  Any relationship requires trust, honesty and open communication.  Anything less than that and it's doomed right off the bat. I will not go into all the details, but I learned more about her after it ended. They built a house of cards of lies and deceit that came crashing down quickly when things didn't add up.  I learned the ugly truth about a lot of things. Talk about a walking waste of a human life, she was and is it.  I'm glad I'm nowhere near her now, cause when life finally catches up to her, she is in for a rough time.  

What's the issue? If she is still seeing other clients.. that may be an issue.. for you.. not her.. and if you see other girls and she knows about it.. the same thing may be true..  

I started thinking about this subject about a year after getting into hobbying, but as a theoretical. I purposely date women so young that there's no chance of a real relationship forming.

I was three years out of a divorce, and thinking that marriage and committed relationships with women were a suckers' game.

for 2 years.. but got burned big time.  
Not sure if I would do it again....

Veronica, I am just thinking when first dipping your toe into this foray you always wondered if it limited you to the type of men and the pool of men that you could date. I say this because there are very few people much less men that could accept what you do and the next question is how would they explain it to family and friends.  Then in the event that you do meet someone how long to you wait to reveal what you do and then you are apprehensive as you await his or her response and how he would feel about it.  This is a conundrum that you and several other practitioners of the companionship demimonde have to come to grips with when finding happiness for yourselves.  
  With respect to this, this is where you tend to look for men who have experience with women who have worked in the industry.  This is a typical avenue because at least the success rate of a relationship tends to go up because these prospective mates have had experience with the lifestyle and know what to expect and usually tend not to overstep their bounds. They also would realize that you tend not to have traditional hours and that they would anticipate you not being available during traditional time periods during the day. Thus this is a type of person where one would have a viable chance of succeeding within a relationship.

In my experience, it hasn't worked out, not as long as the girl still intends to continue as a provider.  And does the guy still intend to continue as a hobbyist?  Complicated.  Humans are typically intrinsically jealous, and as much as we think we will be okay with having our significant other having sex with others, that usually isn't the reality.  
If you keep playing she could be upset you are still seeing girls, or at least that you are paying to see other girls.  If you stop you could be resentful that she is still in the game but you aren't.  If she stops she could blame you for the major life change, etc.  

did you deal with any jealousy? Or was there none?

Marriage is ify in any case.  Regular civie marriages fail all the time.   Like 50% of the time over the long run.

I recently tried it too & crashed & burned...   I don't get the jealousy part when he met me in the line of work I did... Good thing it was short lived before emotions were involved!!!  Waste of time!!!

and she understood my needs also.  
We've been straight with each other and have been there for each other when it matters.  

You are one of the most remarkable people I have ever met: rational, open, considerate and (as I learned after having dinner with you and a lady I adore) very attractive to women.  
You have succeeded where many others might fail and --while I have never met her-- I am sure your spouse is as remarkable as you.
I would never leave my wife, but if I did I might hope to be able to have the same kind of rich and satisfying relationship with a provider as you have managed, but I am not sure I could.

plenty of stories about this topic in the archives but I would assume the arrangements between client/escort that turned in to a real relationships were with people of similar age.

Meaning we would both have to quit "hobbying."

no such thing as a $1500 car, only a $1500 car repair.  

work after the marriage?  I think that would be a sticking point for me.  I don't have a problem with a girl with a past.  It doesn't mean anything unless you want to live there.  But I think a girl that still wanted to work after becoming my wife would be a problem, not from a jealousy standpoint as much as the physical toll it takes on their bodies.  I wouldn't want a wife that was tired all of the time and just wanted to sleep.

This is why I said what I did above. A strong percentage go into it expecting her to change. Wrong thing to do.

that what you are thinking is most complicated with the odds overwhelmingly stacked against it working out.  Most would advise against it.  MrFisher's example is one of hitting the long shot and even then it was 10 years in the making with I am sure an incredible investment of emotions and communication to make it work.  

In my experience, it's been bad news all around. It's easy to fall into emotional hijackery. My assumption is a client is trying to manipulate me somehow when this arises. Occasionally, however, I have been truly dickmatized or had a mutual feeling thing. Too many issues though.
And, of course, the cliched 'the minute there is a problem, your a whore/can't be trusted.'

Unsolicitedly mentioned that she did date a client. She ended up breaking up because she said it was exhausting being a different person around him.

Probably the best advice I've read on this subject in many years. Thank you for your insights.

I have had LTR's with many hookers/ex hookers and the one closest to my age was 34 when I was 48, Most of the relationships have had a much greater age difference than that, my longest relationship, lasting several years on and off was with a girl almost exactly 30 years younger than me. Her father is about ten years younger than me and even he grudgingly accepted it after some time. (ok, quite some time. lol)

Thanks all. Some very sound advice and really appreciate the feedback from those who have attempted and both failed and succeeded.

Any marriage is hard. You build a life together, so the marriage is hard, but the divorce is even harder. It's very devastating for many. Your whole life gets shaken apart, and you have to start all over. And deal with "did I do the right thing?" for a long time.

Most hookers have or have had an SO while working, you are hardly blazing a trail here.

What makes it great also makes it suck.  As a provider, dating normal guys is kinda tough because even if you quit the biz, you'll always have to have a secret from him.

I have dated a lot of providers and former providers and while I have my faults, a LOT of them, I have NEVER thrown the "well you are just a whore" thing at any of the women I have dated.  

It's best not to get involved. I've been a provider for just over a year now. One of my first clients and I became closer and I found myself time zapped and not taking care of my business. When I fall, I fall hard. I started with the business as a single and carefree girl looking to make money and find fame in the hobby world. It's best for both parties to keep it professional and allow everyone to win-win.