(Looking through the peephole). Oh, god. Is it a "no-call-no-show" if you tell him to go away?

Yeah, you look like your photos, too.  Emailing me photos of your junk was a classy touch.

Wonderful. Another bottle of Riesling. Year 2015. Probably vintage last week.  

Yeah, kiss-kiss to you, too, fuckface. You squeeze my tits any harder and I'll rip your nuts off. Bite my nipple again and you won't have teeth.

Nice gut, asshole.  I'll bet the last time you saw your feet there were platform shoes on them.  

You call that fucking? I've had bedposts do it better. Now I know why you have to pay for it. Your wife probably got her vagina stitched shut to keep you out.

Great. Now I have to suck on that thing. I'd rather suck on a turd.  Gah! Is that  a mole on his leg or a blob of chocolate from last Christmas?

Fantastic. You gotta do the "DATY". Thanks for shaving yesterday. I give you a blow job and you get to look at my eyes and lips. Now I get to look at the top of your little bald head. Looks like a cantaloupe with a vitamin D deficiency. Fuck! Does he have hair on his tongue? Feels like a fucking nail file on my clit. If I had a hammer he wouldn't have brains. Douchebag.  

I gotta suck on that thing again? Shit. I should get a month-old piece of kielbasa and show him what it's like. Ugh. He wants to come in my mouth? I should piss down his throat. Blech! Tastes like limburger cheese! Where's that Riesling?

Yeah, I love cuddling too, mush butt. So you were state champion on your high school wrestling team. Who gives a fuck? Was your opponent Michael Moore?

Oh, Christ. Don't bring out the pictures of the kids. The doc should have taken pity on the world and given you a vasectomy when you were born. They look like they're from "The Wizard of Oz".  Oh, whoopee. Your wife and her dog. Which is which?

Hey, you see that thing over there? It's called a "clock". C-L-O-C-K. Your one hour was up five minutes ago, you cheap bastard. I can't believe you tried to get an hour for $150 out of me. I spend more than that on FDS.

Yeah, I had a wonderful time, too, ferret face. Do me a favor and don't tell your friends about me. One fat shriveled-up Shriner is all I can handle in a year.

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Rotflmao!  
No, I think of how to liven things if it's dull.
That list is cruel. Funny though.

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That is freaking hilarious! thanks for the laugh

...now I have to cancel my date tonight...

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fat, old dude  :  (

If that's what they really think then I need a new hobby. How about stamp collecting? Nope. Too many upsells and fakes there too.

I'm thinking it's only the 20 somethings thinking those thoughts. The more mature ladies have usually put on a few pounds, stretch marks, extra hair color, and wrinkles themselves, and are a little more understanding.  

You know all those ladies in the world who can't stop talking? You know you're in trouble when you go see them, and they tell you all those thoughts. Been there!  

I was thinking of all the "are you kidding me" thoughts that run through my mind when seeking out the next lady. Unlike the ladies, I'm lucky. Instead of making a date, I get to just keep on scrolling

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I get fucking nasty if a trick is a douche bag but just for being an unattractive but very sweet guy, hell no. He does not deserve that. Not to say that really bad sexual technique can literally make me cringe and I have no issue telling a guy to quit it, I am not an asshole.  

Arrogant and rough, I will be a complete ass and hope the guy leaves.

-- Modified on 12/19/2015 8:47:06 AM

To make hookers feel less than good. I call it all's fair.....

Of course we all know "it's someone else they are talking about" not me.

Any one that would let something posted on an anonymous fuck board lower their self esteem, already has esteem issues too serious to be fixed by any of us here. There are of course a few kill joys here that try to "suck all the fun out of the room" but they too serve a purpose here. After all if everyone here was smart, witty and fun, who would we make fun of?

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For example, I really am rather good at math. lol

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I am guessing though, that the main thing that would run through your head if I were your client ...

"When is this guy going to shut up? Is he really talking about [insert totally stupid topic] now? Wasn't he just talking about how he hates squirrels and Canadian Geese? How the fuck does he go from annoying rodents to [insert other stupid topic] in the same 10-minute timeframe? Fuck. Someone please kill me."

You mean you didn't see the C-Section scar in the pics?

that are biggies for my ATF:  the infamous "brown streak" on the sheets, and pushing for services that aren't on the menu.

Funny writing. It does sound kinda like me during my agency days, when the revolving hotel door offered up one jerk after the next. But that was when I was younger, brattier, and didn't know how avoid the assholes...

These days, I'm never that bitchy, unless someone gives me a reason to be (see biting post a few threads below). Most of the people I see are very nice, and it would be hard for me to have such a cruel and cynical attitude about them.

I like to feel that I've made someone happy, or served some positive purpose in his hour/day/life. Or at least, to know that I did fairly adequately what I was paid to do.  

I do like to get to know my clients, most of whom are extremely nice and very interesting, intelligent people. To learn from them, I need to be open to them as people.  

I'm not critical of their looks, or technique...unless, they are mean. Then all bets are off.  

When you see someone walking down the street, do you ever think, 'Nice gut, asshole.  I'll bet the last time you saw your feet there were platform shoes on them. And your bald head? Looks like a cantaloupe with a vitamin D deficiency.' That's just plain nasty. I hope I never meet anybody with that attitude.

-- Modified on 12/19/2015 3:22:36 PM

I'm more critical of me than of anyone else.

I've often thought about what providers actually give, which is happiness. There's very few people who provide happiness in their jobs. Entertainers do, but aside from them and providers, I can't think of any other professions off the top of my head.  

The people who put down providers can't say that about themselves. A lot of them are paid to make people miserable.