Number two in a series of anecdotes about why the advice on this site is worth paying attention to.

There is another board on this site, called The Erotic Highway. It's for discussing the more 'emotional' aspects of this hobby. It used to be moderated by Dr. Christine Milrod, a wise (and dare I say it quite good-looking) sex therapist. On the board, she went by the name 'Love Goddess'.

One of LG's most frequent pieces of advice, to both hobbyists and providers, was 'Don't get emotionally involved'. According to her, it was one of the most common and deadliest mistakes in the 'pay for play' (P4P) game. She used to call it the 'I've fallen for a provider and can't get up' syndrome.  

Of course, I wouldn't be telling you this unless I were about to tell you how I managed to screw up in that area too.

There was this one girl who cried on our first 'date'. I don't really know how we got to that point. We just sort of hit it off really well and talked and talked way over time, and eventually she is crying and apologizing and telling me how that sort of thing never happens. Besides the fact that I am a complete sucker for tears, I actually liked her too. It was awesome. Over the next couple months, we hung out together pretty much whenever we had the chance. I helped her pick out 'work' clothes. She told me all about her dates (yea, guys, I heard about you). And eventually she lost interest in work altogether.

At the same time, I began to realize that she was a desperate crazy young woman who really wasn't my type at all. She was a party/club girl, which is great at first, but, really, every other night? And do you really need so many shoes? And after a while the good looks do not make up for the fact that she really didn't have a whole lot going on intellectually. There was a reason that escorting & web shows were a great career option for her.

Which leads to my modified version of Love Goddess' advice. I am not so cynical as her. I think it's OK to consider relationships. We're all real people, right? But...

Ask yourself, before you stay over time or consider OTC activities: Is she really the type that would be your girlfriend/wife in 'real life'? There is a big difference between an hour of fun with a fantasy and dealing with the real person.

So that one ended with her calling me at all hours, writing endless emails, and making weird vague threats if I didn't call her back or meet her. I had to block her number, send every conceivable variation of her email addresses (personal and professional) immediately to trash, and I still avoid places in the city where I think she might be. Part of the reason I don't hobby anymore is her, actually.

But before all that, there was a time that I got hooked on a girl who was way smarter than me. She was always just a little out of reach. Always teasing. Always hinting that maybe we could be more. And I liked the idea. I got to seeing her almost every freaking day. And, crazily, PAYING!  I became obsessed with her. Five weeks and $17,000 later, I wizened up. I saw her at a bar about a year after all this, and she looked great, and we chatted briefly, and she told me about a new place she bought, and asked me whether I wanted to see it. I said sure. She said 'But of course you must pay...'  I laughed and walked away. (see, I do learn!) I saw her again a few months after that. We just looked at each other, and smiled. She winked, as if to acknowledge the game.  ...and then she turned back to the poor sucker she was with.

Another time I saw a girl for about 4 months. We had a good relationship, at first on the clock, eventually off. Wow, we laughed. And then I had to leave the country. We both knew it wasn't going to work long term, and said goodbye, but I actually cried on the way home. I still miss her. I facebook stalk her. I toy with the idea of contacting her. But it's stupid. My own advice says no. I am such a creep. I am such a dork.

Don't get emotionally involved

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I do get emotionally involved once or twice a week one hour at a
time. Is that Ok in the hobby? Wait..... "My Hobby"

Then just post the link here

if I ever became single (we both know it would only be through some unforeseen tragedy) that I would consider a LTR with her.  That is until her had a total melt down with a neighbor while I was there.  She acted stupid...  and furthermore drew attention to her location & thus to my presence there.  
LTR??  Nope, not happening...

Shame on you! LMAO!

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A little cynical, but probably not uncommon...

Being on the other side, it's hard for me to understand WHY guys fall and can't get up, when they know the deal going in. I have strong fondness for my nice clients, and even gratefulness in a few cases...gratefulness because I feel grateful not only to have them as clients, but to have known them as people. But I couldn't stand to be with most of them as a gf...and I'm sure that, if they knew me better, they couldn't stand to be with me as a gf, either. I'm not knocking them or saying I don't like them...it's just how I feel about most people on Earth (I personally wouldn't date or fuck most people on Earth). It's how I feel about my best friend. So... do guys really confuse our profusely accommodating, sexed-up escort personas with who we really are? Understandable, BUT...in normal life, dating is more about give and take...a guy (a normal one, anyway) will try to gauge a woman's true feelings BEFORE making any assumptions...because it's understood that an unwelcome or premature overture can be considered not only inappropriate, but kind of sexist. Sex blurs the rules for the client...but not for me. Because they forget that they didn't have sex with me...they paid to be with an escort. Big difference, and outside the date, we should be treated as if we'd never touched...because in a sense, we never did. That's one of the many reasons escorts use stage names.

The other day...I left a client after an extended date...he was SO incredibly nice and the date was a very enjoyable one. I've thought of him since and they were very GOOD thoughts...but man, when my time was over, was I ever ready for it to be over. Again, not knocking him...it's my reaction toward most people...even family!! So for me, time with client = paid date. Then the sweatpants go back on and socially I'm like Algernon after the medicine wears off, lol. And I'm genuinely baffled that the guys I see aren't itching to get back to their lives, reading, pets, families, couches, TV's...and just DECOMPRESS.

It's impossible. I just don't get why people can't be happy with that middle ground of,  
"I just had the nicest, sexiest, most satisfying evening I've had for a long time and I really like that person. This is something I'd like to do again." Thank G-d for the clients who do understand

Thanks, tg, for posting. I know this place well enough to know exactly how some here will respond, so the responses to my posts don't bother me. In fact, the pathetic predictability amuses me. I just hope that the newbies don't take some of the crap here seriously. My posts are for the newbies. Newbies: This is a great site. There is lots of good advice here, lots of great people. There are also, uh... other people -- the sort of people who can't figure out why they need to pay their closest 'friends'. So sometimes you have to do some extra work to separate the wheat from the chaff.  

My advice to the newbies is check out the other boards, find a few pals you can message with, and use your big head. This 'hobby' is no different than getting massages or going to the theatre or enjoying any other form of personal service or show. The girls are actresses. You pay for a show. You are not buying the girl. The show is a show. As long as everyone remembers this, and behaves accordingly, all will be good.

Easy advice, right? Everyone has heard it before. My stories are just mnemonic devices. Alas, I wish they were not also true.

Married men with no qualms about what this is, rarely ever over step....there are exceptions, of course. On the grand scale, needy men not getting what they want at home, actually buy into the illusion that providers actually LIKE them lol. They claim this is ONLY about the sex, but I must disagree. "ONLY" sex does not require multi hour dates, and vacations. "ONLY" sex does not require kissing, hand holding, and fkin eye gazing either.

Most men are here looking for "Companionship" which is a very dangerous thing, because very few can just leave it at that.  It's the Girlfriend EXPERIENCE, and that's it.

 
Your post also proves my point about dumb, needy hookers being the best at manipulating those insecure saps, because they are too stupid to do anything in life for themselves, and have to sucker some guy into paying their bills by pretending to actually love him. I find this practice humiliating for the woman, and quite pathetic. For the sap, his ego is stroked that some young, hot, dumb ass would love him when his wife can't even touch him. His "Captain Save A Ho" gear kicks in, and he feels wanted again, because he can give this girl a better life lol. It's a slippery slope, one I have been lucky enough to avoid. My simple rule is....I don't date clients

You're getting some shit from some of the regulars here, but I'm enjoying the anecdotes.  Thanks

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As am I. It's "hobby related" which is well within the guidelines. If he wants to spend his days airing out his experiences, why not? We have all started threads that were primarily about us, and had a lesson to be learned in there. It is seriously STUPID and RECKLESS for a married man to get all caught up in some provider, unless of course, he plans on leaving his wife.

-- Modified on 8/12/2013 1:27:05 PM