I used to be on this site a lot more often and have seen a few of the providers in my area; but I quit seeing providers when I found a new lady about 7 months ago. What brings me back now is a situation for which I have no background and could use the advice of anyone with experience in this area.

My girlfriend is somewhat bi-sexual, (if I had to guess, I would say she is 75% heterosexual and 25% bisexual.)  I have never cared about her occasional romp with a woman because I just do not feel threatened by her desires in this area.  However, she recently announced to me that she wants to find another woman for our relationship.  She said she wants this partner primarily for herself, and only secondarily for me.  Her logic is that this third person, (woman), would be her best female friend, her lover, and our social companion.  I think she has been watching the series “Big Love” on HBO too much.  She thinks a female partner would be better company for her than any man could ever be.  She also thinks it would allow her to indulge in her sexual desire for female company without losing me.  She has spelled out what she sees as all the positives for this type of committed threesome relationship.  She even had me watch some old movie about a couple who travel to Greece for a vacation and then find a female partner for both of them while on the vacation.  They all turn out to be lovers and live happily ever after. But this was a movie and not necessarily real life.

I am sure I would enjoy the sexual aspect of having two committed girlfriends, (if we could ever find a woman who cares for both of us and vice versa,) but I see the possibility of many headaches and problems with this type of relationship.  She actually thinks this could be a permanent lifelong thing for the three of us.

Any thoughts you have on her suggestion will be appreciated as I am going to share your comments with her.  I am not sure if I have been offered the greatest thing ever or if this is a very bad idea.

but I can see many potential pitfalls, not the least of which is as hard as it is to find two people that are compatible, I think it would be hugely difficult to find three people that "click".

The biggest problems I see would be non sexual, jsut the normal problems that arise between people sharing a life. Picture three roomates trying to get along, now picture three roomates trying to get along with the added pressure of all three of them bieng involved in the same relationship.

I think you have been offered both "the greatest thing ever" that will quickly degenerate into "a very bad idea" indeed. lol

It could be amazing, but I agree with GAGSB that there are more pitfalls, IMO, especially the day-to-day relationship thing.

IMO, for it to work requires equanimity and balance from all three in how the relationship works. It sounds like your current is really, and admits it, looking for someone for her.

I think this requires a long chat about how she sees this working. The best I see would be serially monogamous situations for your lady where the third is amenable to you joining in. Let your girl do the work and you get the benefits.

If the right gal shows up, go for it!

Maybe she has run into this.

I'd be intrigued about this, but there's more to life than hot sex (At least that's what they tell me.), and navagating the pitfalls isn't going to be a walk in the park.  On the other hand, if you do manage to make this work, even for a period of time:  cha-ching!

while they were in APPOINTMENTS. Does that count?? LOL

Whoa; that means i was just involved in TWO threesomes in a matter of 10 minutes. And i'm still breathing?????????????

inquiring minds want to know!

although i told a little fib that i can't divulge. LOL


Oh what the hell; of the four involved i KNEW(not biblically)three of them.

as a half, then maybe it counts as a 4.5 some rather than 2 3-somes?

i'm 49 years old. And the name is Simpson not Sampson.LOL

just trying to get the numbers right

some dates are like "pi": never ending digits of  stimulation.... truly transcendental!

other dates are like "i": totally imaginary. still others are "real", integral or rational.

can you tell i'm heading into a work crunch with no propect of fun for at least a week?

numer-eros-ology is all i have to look forward to unless i get a break

and this post is not helping my effort to fall off the top 10 list on 6 months!

Or is it more like as in Homer? doh, rofl

is often totally different than what the irrational mind will tolerate, at least, for very long.

Talked to a guy recently. He and his wife went to a resort where nudity was optional. She told him she was interested in exploring having sex with a woman, and that a good place to explore her desires would be by getting a threesome going with another woman there, who she pointed out to him. Things developed to the point where the wife told him she wanted to watch him give the second woman a massage while all of them were nude. Of course he got aroused, but nothing further developed other than them remaining friends, after that weekend. The wife to this day, at the drop of a hat, bursts out in tirades, because he got aroused during the massage. She has totally disconnected from the reality that it was her idea.

Some people can pull it off, but if anything comes up in life, that causes one person in the triad to have their sense of self-confidence and self-esteem diminished, that can lead to feelings of jealousy and envy to arise, and ruin the relationships.

As mrfisher remarked, this would be a good discussion for the Love Goddess.

She wanted to include another lady.
Similar rules, she's mine not ours - this should be a real wake-up call that there is more going on and she is not so happy with him. It is also a sign of selfishness - only interested in her own wants. After a while she was mostly involved with the other woman and not the guy Ultimately they divorced and the wife moved in with the other woman, also got custody of the daughter. He, a really nice guy, was left wondering what happened. This was maybe 20 years ago and I have no idea of what happened next (he got another job).

If both parties want to include a third and look on it as a shared adventure/experience and still care for each other at the same time, then that could work out.  In my friend's case, I think the wife was unhappy, learning more about her sexuality and might have left him even if the other woman had not been involved.

would know a little something about Homer Simpson? lol

Neither cartoon or 'clown'.LOL

This sounds like more of a relationship transition to me. If you are not afraid to lose her, then let her experiment with this.  If you want to keep her, I suggest you keep it a non-emotional, occasional fling type of thing.  I don't know how often adding a third who is emotionally vested in the relationship works out, but I would guess that there always is an odd "man" out.

It can be a truly fun experience, but as humans, feelings will develop between all of you for each other. How will she feel(honestly) if she comes home one day, or wakes up 1 night, and you and the other woman are getting it on... hopefully she'll remember this was her "idea" and either keep it moving, or join in.... but in most situations, jelousy develops, and emotions and feelings are hurt.... proceed with extreme caution.