... And reasons why we men choose to see providers rather than answer personal ads!

40-ish............................... 49
Adventurer...................... Slept with all your friends
Athletic............................. No tits
Average looking............. Has a face like a basset hound
Beautiful.......................... Pathological liar
BBW..............................Obese
Contagious Smile........... Does a lot of Ecstasy
Educated........................ Banged her Poli Sci professor
Emotionally Secure....... Medicated
Feminist........................... Fat ballbuster
Free spirit....................... Junkie
Friendship first.............. Trying to live down reputation as a slut
Full-Figured......................Fat, with boobs that hang down to her knees
Fun................................ Annoying
Gentle............................. Comatose
Good Listener............... Borderline Autistic
New-Age....................... All body hair, all the time
Old-fashioned............... Lights out, missionary position only, no BJ's
Open-minded................ Desperate
Outgoing......................... Loud and Embarrassing
Passionate..................... Sloppy drunk
Poet.................................. Depressive Schizophrenic
Professional.................. Certified Bitch
Redhead........................ Bad dye-job
Reubenesque.............. Grossly Fat
Romantic........................ Looks better by candle light
Social.............................. Has been passed around like an hors d'oeuvres tray
Voluptuous................... Very Fat
Weight proportional to height... Hugely Fat
Wants Soulmate.......... Stalker
Widow............................. Drove first husband to shoot himself
Young at heart............. Old bat