This is a very personal story, but one that often comes up when I recite these words, "I had my first orgasm at the age of 29." The look of disbelief on so many faces, ignited the writing bug to take a hearty bite
Once upon a time, I was a shy, introverted, timid girl who married and moved to the country. My marriage was virtually sexless and loveless. We got along fine, but there was no passion like a marraige should have. It is a miracle that I conceived a child. He suffered from impotency and I suffered from never knowing the joy of sex. Back then, you could not convince me that women had orgasms. I believed that having sex was my wifely duty. Since my husband had so much difficulty that way, it didn’t really matter whether we had it or not. I didn’t detest sex. I didn’t seek it out either. My problem started in childhood. Like any kid, I touched myself. A lot. One day, my mother busted me doing it and ripped me apart emotionally. She made me feel very dirty and ashamed. That feeling carried over into adulthood. I didn’t masturbate, fantasize, & never dreamed of going into an adult toy store. I kept myself busy by throwing myself into gardening, cooking, coaching baseball, going to church, PTA meetings, and backpacking. Obsessing on these hobbies kept my mind off of the real underlying issue: I was very unhappy and I didn’t know why.

In June of 2001, I was going through my, “I’m going to be a body builder!” phase. When I get into a new passion, I go to the library and check out 20+ books on that subject. I used to be a big library geek. I remember that day so well. It’s one of my frozen moments in time. After returning from the library, I laid out in the back yard pretending I can tan and started reading my books. I came across one entitled, “Woman”. At first glance, I thought the book was about exercise. In fact, the book as all about being a woman including a chapter on women’s sexuality. In this section, there were full blown color photographs (from the library, mind you!) of women having sex and some of a woman masturbating. I was absolutely mesmerized! I remembered the harsh treatment I received for masturbating as a child. Then I thought to myself, “This doesn’t look filthy at all. She looks quite beautiful doing that”. Like a bolt of lightning striking the earth, the realization that I was no longer a little girl scared of her uptight mommy, struck me. It hit me that I was a grown woman who could do as she pleased. What pleased me in that moment was looking at that woman touching herself. She looked happy. I wanted to be happy too. No one was home, but I went into the bedroom and locked the door. I took my clothes off and laid on the bed. I don’t know why, but I was so bashful that I covered myself completely with the bed sheet, afraid someone would catch me, I suppose. I remember laying there, unsure as to what to do next. I gingerly started caressing my body, feeling my breasts, thighs and finally, let my fingers start creeping towards my puffy. After much exploration, it happened. I had an orgasm. The shock I felt was unreal. I didn’t even know what the hell it was that happened, till I made it happen again. The emotions coursing through my body ranged from mourning to pure ecstasy. I sobbed uncontrollably, for all that lost time that had gone by, my entire teens and most of my twenties, never knowing how incredibly wonderful sex could be. That orgasm changed my life in ways you cannot begin to fathom. I saw not only all that time that had been stolen from me by a cruel parent, but other areas of my life that was being stolen. I had been on Zoloft and Ativan for a year and a half. It didn’t do anything for me, but make my head spin. Whatever my problems were, the orgasm cured it. I didn’t need mood altering drugs anymore. The next day, I flushed them all down the toilet and haven’t touched them since. Six months later, I separated from my husband and later on divorced. I began living a life that before, I only dreamed about. No longer did I dream of adventures. I began living them. It was like a part of me that had been sleeping, finally came to life. A woman, a sexually hungry being, emerged from the shy withdrawn girl I once was. This experience played a key role in the birth of Alyssa DeLora.

I was awakened.


On another note, I’ll be awake (hahahahaha) this weekend and still have playtime left for this week. I would love to awaken you as well