I have jotted down some rules that I think are good to live by... please, share your thoughts and add your own!
1. Wear a condom - There are a thousand good reasons for this, but also: it's the gentlemanly thing to do. Look out for your community.
2. Same day appointments should only be made with someone you already know and/or trust.
3. Reviews are useful, but they aren't everything. Your mileage will ALWAYS vary. Best just to relax and live in the moment as opposed to being disappointed by how your expectations were not met.
4. Just as a client can't be judged by how much money he makes, the quality of a provider is not necessarily a reflection of her rates.
5. A gentleman is a man who recognizes and respects boundaries, wherever those boundaries may exist. A lady is a woman who makes her boundaries clear and consistently enforces those boundaries.
6. Never fall for an upsell attempted after intimate contact has begun. That's just dirty business.
I had to give your #2 a bit of thought. As I share my thoughts somewhat fluidly, please keep in mind that
a) I am fairly new to all this but b) I've had many varied experiences before finding this scene and have also had varied experiences since (though not quite as many).
Trust is one of those words, much like 'love', that can describe many different concepts. A neighbor can probably trust you to not steal his mail, though he might not trust you to keep a volatile secret. The cashier at a downtown liquor store might trust that most people will not rob him at gunpoint, but that is a fragile sort of trust - he will constantly be on his toes.
The same goes for the variance between individuals. Like love, different people trust in different ways. Some people trust no one, and I feel sad about that. Trust allows us to be comfortable within our settings. When I get on the subway, I (without thinking) trust the people around me to act in a certain, socially acceptable way and this trust allows me to put my headphones on and let myself fall into a book or a magazine until my stop comes up. I don't have to be on edge all the time.
Certainly, when in an unfamiliar environment or around people I have never met before, I am (as I would tend to believe most people are) more alert and responsive to changes in my surroundings. This doesn't change the fact that I inherently trust the people I am around, because, quite simply, if I didn't trust them at all, I would leave.
That being said, I completely understand your personal need to be on guard, but I would hope that at some point in a given relationship you are able to let that guard down in the spirit of "I know how this person operates and I have learned how to respond to them." Obviously, for different people and different situations, more or less time is needed to learn how to be comfortable with someone, but I hope you know what I mean.
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