I emailed a provider with references and she emailed me back after checking them and said we were on
for meeting and she was looking forward to it

well, upon getting her email I immediately called
a hotel to book a reservation for the night
we were planning on (this was about 1 week ahead
of our meeting date) -
I then wrote her an email with the address of the
hotel

its been 5 days and I haven't heard anything back-
wouldn't she write back sooner and at least say
something like, 'thanks for setting that up',
or 'looking forward to it' etc

wrote her again a couple days ago and still nothing back - what gives?
did I break some unwritten rule?

I know that generally when you are meeting
a provider for an incall they use the standard
2 call system and don't reveal their location
until shortly before you're going to
meet - is talking about an outcall location
a week ahead of time not cool?

any thoughts anyone?

I don't think you did anything wrong (the content of your messages to her not withstanding) and I would have done the same or similar kind of thing.

I had a similar issue once with a lady I arranged to meet in Las Vegas.  Throughout our e-mail conversation, she never gave me her phone number so I could give her my hotel room number.  The day I got on the plane to fly out, I sent her e-mail advising her that I didn't have her number and made sure to put my number in the e-mail message.  I get to Vegas and don't hear from her until mid-night and she wondered why I didn't call her sooner.

Sometimes unexpected things happen and sometimes people can just be flaky.  

In the case of my Vegas experience, I sent her my itinerary (including flight info) as soon as I booked it and I believe I might have sent it a second time to make sure she had it.  At one point, I included my phone number in EVERY message I sent her to make sure she had it.

Let us know how things go.  I know how frustrating lack of communication can be.

Peace...