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Ethnicitysad_smile
visitcloud9 50 Reviews 3235 reads
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I just recently had an exchange over the phone with a provider where she abruptly hung up the phone without explanation when I answered her question about ethnicity. I am African-American , I am from the South , I am 35+ and I am a professional , who deals with the public on a daily basis. So , in no way would anyone characterized me as being ghetto or using ebonics( by the way , the use of ebonics is  not reflective of someone's character , IMHO. There are people out there who speak english perfectly but are evil people to the core). I understand that providers have their preferences and I understand that they have to be extremely careful but that doesn't give people the right to be rude. If a provider doesn't want to see African-American men , then put that in your ad , it will save time and trouble for the both of us. As stated earlier I am from the South , I am out here on a job assignment. I have never met this much resistance in the hobbying arena back home. And what is really mind boggling is that a lot of that resistance is from people of color , I find that extremely ironic. I was under the impression that California was extremely liberal , I guess I was mistaken.

Acheron2303 reads

I've lived here 30 years now.  I'm a minority - white male.
The ladies I am friends with on here do not impress me as having a prejudicial attitude, but they are free to choose with whom they spend their time with.
If general rudeness has been your experience, perhaps consider scaling up a bit?  
There are lovely ladies of refinement here who would love to spend time with an educated professional gentleman. Do not be discouraged - perhaps it is just all the Starbucks....

-Ash

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Nicole K1670 reads

I hope you won't allow those unfortunate experiences to color your perception of the Bay Area in general.

You make many valid points in your post - especially the comment about ebonics not automatically reflecting some character flaw.

Bernie Maddock was a silver-tongued villian with nary a "ghetto" figure of speech ever spoken! ;-)

So, I do hope the rest of your visit improves and that you find congenial companionship!

Related Link: Congenial Companionship!

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MysteryAdmin1946 reads

With regard to "scaling up", one of my experiences with this issue has been with an "upscale" provider who since retired and I believe is now out of retirement, but I'm not 100% sure.

I've learned to view this purely from an individual standpoint.  Some ladies will see men of color and some simply won't and regardless of the rate or perceived caliber of provider in question.

To each his/her own, I guess.  :)

Peace...

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MysteryAdmin1955 reads

Hey man, I've been in this same position and I know it certainly does NOT feel good at all.

I've found there are a plethora of reasons why a provider won't see a black client and I've learned to simply find out if race is an issue up front and move on if it is.

In one case, the lady simply didn't believe me when I told her I was black.  She didn't believe me because I didn't "sound" black to her.  When I insisted I was, she rudely hung up.

In another case, I've had a provider ask me a bunch of questions once I told her I was black.  I ended up not seeing her since I sensed she wouldn't really be ok with it but at least she didn't hang up in my face.

The one case that really "educated" me was when I was refused *at the door* of a provider's incall location once she saw I was black through the peephole.  She told me "you don't look like how you sound on the phone" and I simply couldn't believe what was going on.  Why not?  Because SHE was black TOO!  That was a first for me.

Since then, I NEVER make any assumptions and I ask EVERY new provider I meet if she has issues seeing black gentlemen.  Some do and let you know in some decent manner and others simply react or respond in a less than appreciative manner.

Good luck!

Peace...

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