It almost seems too apparent, but it has to be comfortable. There has to be a feeling of security of some kind. Some men will be more open when they feel they are in control. Others who don't need to necessarily be in control may feel open when they realize what they say won't come back on them. Many women seem to remember everything that ever happens in a relationship. And that may precondition some men to be very cautious as to what they say or ask for. Openness is also key. If a man feels he can share anything and feels comfortable in a setting, communication opens and so do the back and forth flow of talk of needs and desires.

For me that depends a lot on chemistry. I know that you ladies can't read minds. Yet at the same time it ruins the GFE illusion for me if I walk in with a laundry list of "I'd like X, then Y, then a ZZ combo with a twist." With one young woman I've seen, it all clicked the first time - she could read me like a book and there was nothing I had to say. In a strange way "trust" was present within the first few minutes and I was able to be completely transparent.

And yet there was another wonderful lady I saw several times, and although she was exactly my "type," it just never fulfilled what I was looking for.  Even when I hinted at exploring the more wild side of the bedroom - she didnt pick up on it.

If the chemisty is present I am pretty comfortable opening up about why I'm really there and what it is that "sets me off.". But if it's not present - it ends up being unfullfulling and a definite no repeat.  There are plenty of guys in this board who will chime in and say I'm an idiot and if I'm in the P4P arena I should just come out and ask for what i want. But that's not how I'm wired - so in the end there's money spent on a nsm experience - my fault I guess. (And now I'll sit back and await the flame mail responses from youknowwho and whatshisname!)

So how about that for a completely obtuse non answer?

Meaning, it can be a road of experiment, exploration, and pleasure, for both the man and woman (or otherwise).  Fantasies do come true, but your right, it is often uncomfortable or even embarrassing to some men to ask, for what ever reason.  The one thing I love to hear is "what makes you feel good dear?  Let's try this".  That is a real ice-breaker for me.

Arden, this is an awesome question and topic for discussion...I look forward to reading the responses.

To me, it always seems and feels so difficult to communicate, especially with someone new.  At times, there's a fair amount of anxiety that is felt in "any" relationship, when it comes to talking about what a person likes (or even dislikes)...simply because of fear of not being received well, or understood, or mutual receptivity...is there even an answer or solution to getting over those feelings?  Outside of the obvious experience, and reaching that point where you feel comfortable enough with someone to share such intimate details.

For me, if available, I check out as many reviews as possible to get a feel for what is on a lady's menu.  I also check a lady's website to see if she publishes a "SERVICES" section to see if she offers what I am looking for.  If those sources come up empty, and I am still interested in seeing the lady, I will ask, once a comfort level has been established and with her permission of course, if her services match my desires.

Occur when the provider is good enough (after screening of course) - to have a quick pre-meet call or email exchange, usually within a couple of days of the appointment.

As a provider, this is YOUR way of ensuring your gentleman has the best possible time.

One of my ATF's (seen now over 20X times) - got the ball rolling in a night before phone conversation (mutually agreed upon time) with THESE magic words:  "Tell me about your perfect session."  I've had another provider do essentially the same thing - but requested it by email.

As a gregarious guy, I had no problem with giving explicit descriptions of everything from what to wear, to what I liked, and where my boundaries were.  

For the shy types, you as a provider may have to probe a little bit as he tries to construct an answer - but this is so INCREDIBLY important for a really positive experience - frankly I don't know how you ladies  manage to pull it off when you go in cold - so man variables !!!

GREAT question and I hope to see a long thread about this.

Great question Arden!

First, I agree with Shanahanluu that the GFE loses something if there's any sense of working from a laundry list. Also, I enjoy so much about the total experience with a beautiful, sensuous women, that I don't get too hung up any specific activity. In fact, particularly with a new friend, I could be restricting myself to an old menu of my own and missing something wonderful that my partner does that's unique to her. I have the same mixed emotions about asking for particular attire. Yes, I have certain things I like, but each woman has her own tastes or mood of the day and a feel for what she looks good in. I might miss something extraordinary by staying with my own familiar styles. With careful research going in, I have an idea what kind of activity and style the lady brings to the date, and within that general understanding, the element of the unknown, or surprise, is part of the fun.  That being said, if the lady asks "what do you like?", I'll be glad to tell her my tastes. The choice is yours when we finally meet, Arden!