'Twas the night before Christmas, and all through the city,
I was like many men, feeling tired and shitty
Holiday plans were made, and presents were bought,
Yet my mind was stressing, and all full of thought

Then deep in the night, while all snug in my bed,
Grand Visions of Tori appeared in my head.
That’s who I forgot, “It’s me!" I exclaimed.
"How could I forget me?" I felt so ashamed

So up out of bed, and on with my pants
For a midnight rendezvous, it was worth the chance!
A chance to see Tori, that naughty little Elf
Who could make me feel good again, just like my old self

And when I got there, I was greeted with her smile
It was warm and friendly and said, “Stay a little while”
She was all dressed in red, with white fluffy lace
She complimented the festive, decorations of her place

Like Santa’s north pole this was a special retreat
And the Naughty Elf Tori, was always friendly and sweet
She made me a drink and then rubbed my feet
I’d say for me, this was certainly a treat

Her eyes they twinkled! her dimples were merry!
Her cheeks were like roses, and her lips like cherry!
Then she winked at me, and gave me a smirk
She spoke not a word, and went straight to work

The tension was leaving, I started to unwind
Tori was always so special, so giving and kind.
Unlike Santa who gives, Christmas gifts that are nice
Tori always gives, naughty gifts full of spice

It was just what I needed, to make my holiday complete
But my time spent with Tori, is always such a treat
So now I must go, and did my best imitation
Of Santa in his sleigh, and his famous exclamation!

On! Comet, on! Cupid, on! Donner and Blitzen!
Good night to you Tori, my sweet little Vixen!
She waved at me and shouted, as I drove out of sight,
"Merry Christmas to you all, and to all a good-night!"