Ladies and of course my male fellow hobbiests,

I have a brewing problem. As you all know my beloved wife died after several years combatting leukemia. it was her inability to be sexually active that drove me into this business. Since her death, divorced women come at me like sharks sensing blood int he pool of men. One married friend told me that I was able to live every 40+ married mans dream now. I dont know about that. I do know i want to get out and meet someone special again, not rush into marriage but be one on one again with. One of my wife's nurses was give my phone numbers by my wife before she died. She contacted me to see how i was doing. This nurse had become very close to my wife inthe last months. Well, we met a few times and there is very obvioulsy something there between us.

Here is my problem. Should I try to enjoy the single life? I have had several wonderful ladies offer to be friends with me. I agree with my friend, this could be an awesome time for me if I wanted it to be. You ladies who know me know that I am a decent good looking man. I am financially able to not work now for a long time if I wish (awesome at 42!!). But, alas...I miss love, closeness, committed relationship sexual exploration one on one. I miss marriage I guess. I just never expected to be single again. I want to know what you guys think I should do? I know your advice is relatively biased in all directions, but I think overall I might hear something in your words (ladies and men alike) that rings truthful to me and my situation. I respect many of you, dont know most of you, and dont want to know some of you. Please dont be judgemental, as you have not walked in my shoes...

Very few if any of us can really tell you what is right.  We may be able to tell you what is right or best for us or what we may like to have happen to us.  Ultimately it is your life and you have to make the decision that best fits your needs and wants.

It sounds like you may be a relatively attractive catch for the age group you are in.  You are a widower so many women will think that you were already house broken by another woman and will be easy to live with.  There is not the baggage of an ex that ripped your guts out in the divorce and just lives around the corner.  It sounds like you have some money which can also be quite attractive to middle aged women that have finally figured out that a nice guy with security is very important as they move into their later years.  This is the age where nice guys can actually compete and get a wonderful woman.

You have dabbled in this so called hobby already.  This hobby is sometimes easy to walk away from but is very hard to stay away from.  Many of us have quit numerous times, but most find their way back to it.  The best path for both you and the women that you ultimately interact with is to be honest.  This is were you follow your heart.  You spent many years married to a wonderul woman and hopefully retain many wonderful memories.  Many of us here would like to be in a loving one on one relationship.  However, most of us here also find it quite enjoyable to sample new women, especially after we have found how easy it is to be with them.

My recommendation is think long and hard about what will make you the happiest.  Be certain it is what you want and do not rush into a relationship until you know.  Chasing and bedding women can become old and not completely satisfying.  Once you have hobbied it may be hard to stay true to just one woman as well.  If you honestly feel you can be loyal to one woman again that might be the direction you should go.  If you feel you can no longer stay within the boundaries of a relationship, do yourself and the women a favor and just play around and let them know you are just playing around.

You will probably end up playing the field a little.  The ultimate question is, are you playing just to have fun or to find a woman that you wish to spend many years with.  Whichever path you take, I hope it will bring you the happiness you are looking for.

deep, 1-1 intimacy is all we human need and want. but like the other fellow said, once you hobbied, its very hard to quit. just be honest with the women about your intention. you owe it to them.

Johnny...  IMO, nctyguy covered most of the bases I could think of very eloquently. Lots to ponder.

I have never been in your shoes but have always appreciated your posts here and also your reviews. I sense you are a very genuine guy and no doubt would be considered a real catch for single ladies interested in a spouse. It seems you really do miss the closeness of a one-on-one committed relationship... but I agree with nctyguy that it may be difficult to be exclusive once you have experienced this hobby. I would suggest you take it slow and don't get serious about anyone until you have completed the grieving process. Right now you may be in some sort of "rebound" mode. And if you continue to hobby, be open and honest and not exclusive with any special lady you might meet. My guess is playing behind her back would go against your character and would likely create a lot of inner conflict for you.

Good luck!

be real, be honest, and don't kick yourself in the pants for not chasing every piece of tail you could.  Accepting is a lot more important than doing (or dreaming), at this point.  And if you're not ready or willing to get married again right now, then this will become obvious, just listen to yourself and be grateful for those opportunities you do have.  best wishes, fahrkle

First, my heart is warmed that you said all that you did openly to all of us.

Next, I have heard time and again about the 'women sharks' going in for the close when a married man is now suddenly available. If it weren't for NCGuy, I wouldn't be able to comprehend it (thanks to his insight on that) as that kind of behavior is beyond me.

When God first created Man, he knew it was 'not good' for man to be alone, and gave him Woman, his help-meet. It is only natural that you as a man would then want to be with a woman, and miss marriage. It is also the reason that statistically speaking, a man remarries within three years after a divorce or death of a spouse.

Above all else, take your time. Your heart and mind is not in the proper 'frame' of thinking to make the best choices about your future relationships right now. Give yourself plenty of space and enjoy the friendships.

The rest, I would rather share with you privately, in either a PM, or an email: [email protected]


Hugs from all of us,
Sedona

Hi Johnny,
All I have to say is have fun but watch out because the girls are going to go crazy over you.  You have to be careful of catfights between girlfriends, ect. Your such a stud!!