I don't know why we draw our own lines automatically excepting that we can't cross that line. Kinda like, one would never except such a thing "I can't do it because I may get rejected"! All part of life to me, it is. Fall down get back up.
I don't believe one should ever deny themselves anything as long as they are not harming another. Any expression of one's true feelings to another (in that regard)is a treasure to be protected and nurtured. Of course the matter of trust also enters these circumstances, as well.
Nope! What line? Our own? I would never hold my feelings for someone inside. I've chased so many women, I fell for, to "hell and kingdom-come". and most the time I could'nt have it my way. But, I have no regrets. Hell, I have strong feelings for just about every woman I have those intimate moments with. So what, I'm human, I exist and I also have feelings and of course, I don't care about any kind of line. Life is too short, right? Have at it and express yourself.
Have you ever felt closer then you should to a young lady? As in, feelings you felt may cross a line. If you know that line can't be crossed. What do you do? Would you tell her? Avoid her because you don't know what to say? Do you keep it to yourself and just enjoy the company? Interested to hear your thoughts.... Hugs, Jai'
When I was active in this hobby, I preferred seeing the same provider many times. Being single I might have been looking for social as well as sexual interactions.
Getting to know the person made the experience more enjoyable for me. After seeing someone over a period of time, I think it is normal that you develop a different feeling for that person. You get closer, you may open up more with each other about your personal life.
I am sure that I crossed the proverbial line many times. Some I spent time with outside of the hobby and some are still friends or acquaintances. If there seemed to be something in common, I might have pushed a little more to move the relationship along. If I felt there was nothing there but still enjoyed the company of the person, I was happy to enjoy what was available to me and stay below the limit line. I think it is easier for the provider to tell if the guy is interested in her. The guy always has to wonder if the additonal interest, smiles and compliments are just part of the paid experience.
There were a few cases where things were going well, or at least I felt so, and then I could no longer set an appointment. Some were just no return calls and some were the over used "it has nothing to do with you" or "it is not you it is me". I would rather hear the truth than always wonder what really was the problem. I was always able to accept the limits established by the provider and try to enjoy our time together.
Thanks NCTY. Your open, honesty response is refreshing and helpful. I know it must be a harder line not to cross when your in an on-going situation. Esp. so if you don't have an SO. Obvioiusly someone just after benefits won't care either way. When you do care. Is it okay to ask a man about his feelings? Or is that crossing another line? After a period of time you know when someones feelings have changed. Would a man tell you he's in that odd 'friends' place? Have you ever 'tested' a girl to check her feelings? Whether it was because you didn't know how to address it or wanted to learn her intent.
Every situation will be different as are the people involved. One of the things that can happen and has happened is when you let feelings be known and they are only somewhat mutual. The "friends" territory.
I have tested the water and got placed in the "friends" category. I like you too much to charge you, but do not love you enough to do it without direct compensation.
I understand the arrangement going in, I may take a risk and say something, but I am also willing to continue in the initial pay as you go arrangement.
A single guy sometimes does not have as much to risk and so may be willing to test the water. Even if you date, or are friends with benefits, there is not as big a danger as if you were in a serious relationship and having an affair with a provider. If you ask and get a negative response you may ruin the chance to see that person again.
For the provider it can be much more complicated. It is your means of earning a living. Emotional ties can cause problems.
For most guys dating a provider or a stripper is similar. You feel you are special because they choose you out of all the guys they interact with. Must guys may fantasize about dating a provider or stripper but once they do they no longer want them to continue in their profession.
If things go bad the guy can move on to the next and hope she will be even better. The provider can loose a good repeat client. I hate to say that I lost a few ATF along the way. The grass is not always greener on the other side either.
I know of a few providers who are either married or in long-term relationships with men who are very comfortable with their chosen profession. Not all guys become possessive and want their providers to stop using their talents to their best advantage.
Wow, You seem to have a level head. I would agree with you whole heartedly. Jai, as long as you understand the potential outcome both good and bad then it can't hurt to be honest. If a provider loses a client because of it, it's not the end of the world. You will never know anything if you don't ask. As a client I always assume that the provider is only doing her job and would not think in any other way. So with that in mind a client may never recieve any signals of something more unless the question was asked! Personally if a provider thought that of me I would not stop going to her even if I did not feel the same way. It is always nice to know that some fancies you even if it is not reciprical.
Wow a topic that is very close to my heart. In my ten or so years in the hobby, I have developed relationshipe with 3 different providors outside of the hobby. In all 3 cases I was not looking for anything more than just a good time release. But, in all 3 cases we became much more than friends. Movies, theatre, music events, trips together, times with their families and mine, all with OUT the original business arrangement. Even though I am not as close to the first 2, after 3 years I am still very close to number 3. She is no longer in the business and we still have a great time together. Enjoy the goodness and beauty of the person that is on the inside as well as the physical beauty too. Rosinate
If there's chemistry and a connection between both parties the best way to flush out the situation would be to ask if the person would be amenable to seeing you outside of after business hours. If yes and 1) you're treated like you should be and deserve to be treated, and 2) you sense a sincere interest, by all means ask. Like all relationships there's a natural progression - trust your instincts. Most guys would be extremely flattered if you were the slightest bit interested. To hell with the ones that aren't. Give them liverwurst I say!
When you do care. Is it okay to ask a man about his feelings? Does 'you' refer to you particularly? This sounds as though when you care about a client, you want to know if it's ok to ask him about his feelings for you. If you don't care about a client, do you also want to know then about asking him about his feelings for you? Is this about you or the client?
I'm currently in a relationship with a provider. She took the first step and called me. I felt very attracted to her as well, but hesitated to move on the feelings. I did not want her to feel I was becoming a problem. That ended when she called me. I was open and honest with her and discussed my feelings with her. We have both decided to advance the relationship to the next stage. I don't feel that the men should initiate anything more unless the provider does so first, because of the nature of the relationship. If a provider is good, any man should feel good when he is with her. As a client, I can't let the fact that I feel good with her, and am attracted to her, become a problem for her. Only if the provider feels the same should she broach the issue. Someone has to take the inititive if the relationship is to move forward. Because of the nature of the business, I feel the client can't and shouldn't take the inititive, he cannot know how the provider really feels just from the meetings he has had with her. Good Luck.
I don't know why we draw our own lines automatically excepting that we can't cross that line. Kinda like, one would never except such a thing "I can't do it because I may get rejected"! All part of life to me, it is. Fall down get back up.
I don't believe one should ever deny themselves anything as long as they are not harming another. Any expression of one's true feelings to another (in that regard)is a treasure to be protected and nurtured. Of course the matter of trust also enters these circumstances, as well.
Nope! What line? Our own? I would never hold my feelings for someone inside. I've chased so many women, I fell for, to "hell and kingdom-come". and most the time I could'nt have it my way. But, I have no regrets. Hell, I have strong feelings for just about every woman I have those intimate moments with. So what, I'm human, I exist and I also have feelings and of course, I don't care about any kind of line. Life is too short, right? Have at it and express yourself.
I enjoy the moment of lust, but know that the men who see me professionally don't really "know" me. They love my aura, the mood and pleasure sensations they are feeling. I know I'm a surrogate for intimacy and when I'm told lovely things in my ear; which I love too, I simply add that I'm glad we can be together.
Everyone needs to feel like they are loved and if I moved someone enough to feel like they need to tell me how they are feeling, I have done well.
When a man can tell you what he is feeling, he will be back.
This is one of my favorite TER topics. Is there someone you have in mind, Miss Jai? Some soon-to-be-lucky dude you have an eye on? Or is there some pest that doesn't know to leave while the getting is good? I've always wondered how ladies handle this situation. It's a two way street. Many ladies have told me their real names, told me about their personal lives etc. A few even get sparkles in their eyes when they find out I'm not married or currently seeing someone.
So, to answer your question, the way I'm currently thinking about it, is if there is a possibility of having a deeper relationship, but one person isn't able or willing to allow it to develop, then the ball is really in their court, e.g., I know you have deeper feeling than you really should for me, and I am not able to return them, but maybe someday. Maybe someday. Till then...
on the good days the sentence is completed with, "...let's continue to bonk each other's brains out whenever possible and see what happens." Arguments aren't always bad. Arguments can be healthy! lol - And since I'm an optimist at heart, let the good days roll!
All the questions asked here regarding feelings, crossing the line, not know what to say or do, who should do what, what they shouldn't do and when or when not, etc... are pretty meaningless in the big picture. I'm assuming all these questions asked by the poster relate to feelings which might develop in the course of an escort/hobbyist situation.
My experience has been that it's a huge mistake for an escort or hobbyist to allow much in the way of serious 'feelings' for each other to develop. I say that because the time an escort and hobbyist spend together in the course of an 'appointment', how they behave and relate to each other and what they actually do together during that time bears no resemblance whatsoever to reality.. the realities of what goes on between men and women in the real world! I believe many hobbyists look upon the time they spend with an escort as some type of fantasy, (and there's nothing wrong with that!) but one wonderful, private intimate hour with someone who devotes 100% of her time and attention to you alone without the pressures of real life, is not a reasonable basis upon which to build any serious 'feelings' for each. It is not reality!!
Wanna find out if the pair of you has what it takes to really make your ‘feelings’ work into something permanent? ..go backpacking together for a week in some remote area or both of you volunteer to take care your favorite sister's 4 kids under 6 years old for a long weekend, sharing some gruesome activity like that will most likely put these wonderful 'feelings' that grew out of your sessions together into a much truer perspective.
And BTW, fahrkle, to get rid of "some pest that doesn't know to leave while the getting is good", all anyone needs to do is to grab the sucker by the b**ls and lead him to the door while yelling in his ear at the top of your lungs, 'get the f**k out if here!' That will most likely do it!
To all of you, and these feeling you’ve developed for each other in the course of your sessions together, Good Luck!
My original question was regarding men and their feelings. Whether they will express them towards a provider or just stop seeing her? I wasn't going into the area of 'having' a realtionship. Because I don't believe that works out well or is appropriate myself. Not everyone has the same game plan. So yes, I do have people I have seen for years. You can't be acquainted for years and not become more familiar. I personally do not cross that line. But I do care when I've known someone for a long time and know all about their family and friends. In my experience it's hard for men to express their feelings in general. Not to mention in a semi structured situation. The intent was to see how the guys feel about this. Just some insite to possibly handle things the best I can in the future. I'm really not sure where people got the impression "I had someone in mind." My motivation was that I have had gentlemen stop seeing me for this reason. After a break I finally hear the truth. But in the meantime I'm left to wonder. Not, that I'm not already tuned in to the situation and have an idea whats going on. I just think communicating about it would be a better way. I don't care what the situation is. If you've known someone well for a period of time. It's an odd feeling if they just disappear.
Just look at the first two sentences in your latest response:
“My original question was regarding men and their feelings. Whether they will express them towards a provider or just stop seeing her?"
By asking your question in your original post, I would assume you believe that the feelings a hobbyist might develop for an escort are indeed valid and very meaningful, otherwise I don’t think you would have bothered to post your question in the first place. I disagree with the concept that those feels have any validity or that they are meaningful in the first place, and therefore I cannot support nor do I understand the need to ask questions about them and discuss them in any depth.
My point, as I stated already, is that feelings a hobbyists might develop for a provider do not come from real world experiences... I don't consider a session to be an everyday real world experience and a basis upon which to build feelings for each other. That is what my personal experiences have taught me. Since I don't believe they are not valid in the first place, I see no point in discussing or questioning how to proceed with those feelings.
Clients come and go all the time for a variety of reasons; found a SO, moved, just plain got fed up with an escort and needed a change, etc. etc. Of course, it’s easy for an escort to flatter herself into believing the client left because he developed serious feelings for her, particularly if she is not involved in a meaningful personal relationship outside of being an escort. If a hobbyist was asked point blank why he stopped seeing a particular escort and he thought his response would get back to her, I don’t think his first choice for an answer would be that he got sick and fed up with her. I think the majority of the great guys we have around here would be far more diplomatic than that, and I would not recommend putting too much into believing a particularly flattering response like that!
Jai, I hope you understand that I am simply expressing my difference of opinion here, and that I am NOT saying that I hate, loath and despise you! I am not attacking you, your feeling or opinions, I am simply expressing mine, and some of my opinions differ from yours! I don’t perceive the discussions that take place on TER’s discussion boards to me a matter of who is right or wrong, nor do I believe there ever need be a ‘winner’ or ‘loser.’ I am well aware that my opinions on a number of issues differ considerably from others’ opinions. I never feel the need to have the last word about anything, unless I believe that an opposing opinion comes from malice and ill feeling towards me. I know that neither one of us has any ill feelings whatsoever towards the other.
I don't even know what your talking about. One of the guys asked if I had someone in mind. As if, I had some crush. I responded to correct them. But I wasnt commenting on your post!? I honor your opinion. It really does'nt effect me. So, your whole post was redundant. I was simply asking about feelings after time. Not entering into anything more. Lighten up. You sound as if you are trying to start an issue. Im not sure why. My realtions are apparently differnt. More companion then "an appt" as you see yours. So perhpas you are not seeing where I'm coming from. Because your assumtions are off base. I'm going to have to side with PokerGent soon about the madness on this board. geesh....
If you weren't addressing my post, then why did you post directly under my comment rather than under the post you say you were addressing. Take a deep breath and count to 10, it never hurts!
Love has no face,name or place or time. Like everything else, timing is essential. What sets her apart from the rest to you? Have you been seeing the provider for some very long period of time? It all depends. Being happy is what really matters. If a hobbyist can't resist and falls in love with a provider, he should explore the possiblities.
Jai, I'm sure it happens to a very great extent in this community. Many of us "hobbyists" are romantics at heart, and it's natural that there would be a degree of closeness.
I tend to regard that as a very special occurrence...it's amazing when it happens because both parties are so determined to prevent it.
It's important to remember that whatever the feelings are, at the center of it, it's a professional relationship. There really is no other way to handle it than to be honest. It's then a matter of deciding if either person wants to discontinue the professional relationship.
You gotta hope there's enough mutual respect to keep things from getting ugly.
I will say this, though: a good provider will have read the signs in her client long before he says anything. Even if he chooses to "keep it to himself and just enjoy the company", she'll know the score (even if she thinks she doesn't).
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