Okay, this situation was not what I would consider a flake because our plans were tentative.  But I do consider it a demonstration of inconsiderate behavior and poor judgment and something I’m getting a little tired of.  

First I should clarify that this gripe is NOT with the plans I posted about below on Sept 22/23.  That went perfectly and I was able to see a lady that I had held the contact info on for about a year to see when there.  I posted that below because we had initially discussed incall but she wasn’t able to work incall.  But I was able to swing arranging it as outcall.  That was great.  In fact, I would have been game for seeing her again if I could have arranged the same outcall deal.  

This gripe is with tentative plans on a different day with a different lady I had been looking forward to seeing.  She knew I was looking for a later evening appointment and I decided I would do the 25 minute drive each way to her incall to make it happen.  She also knew I had several logistical issues I needed to work to make this happen and what those logistical issues were.  She also told me that she had nothing planned then and her schedule was wide open.  

So I sent her a text at about 6:00PM to verify if she was still available so I could continue with getting ready to head there between 7:30 and 8:30PM.  No response.  Of course, during this time I’m continuing to get ready so I would be able to leave on short notice if needed.  No response.  My final text was at 8:00PM where I texted “Okay, I guess you ended up arranging a different date tonight. That's fine, I totally understand since I could not commit for sure to this evening.”  

The next day she sent me a text saying she decided to go visit family after she didn’t hear from me by 4:00PM.  I’m not to sure I want to believe that because I would think she would be capable to responding to a text during that period, but whatever.

My position is that when I finalize an exact date and time with a provider, I’m going to show up unless something totally out of my control keeps me from coming.  I’m very careful to keep plans tentative until that time out of respect for the provider’s time.  If she decides to do something else BEFORE I finalize plans, I can live with that.  But here is my pet peeve.  Why the fuck not let me know she has decided to do something else?  Why the fuck not send me a simple text asking “Status please.”  If she is wondering.  I mean really, I could just as easily be one of those pricks that makes finalized plans with a provider and then cancels awhile before if something better comes up.  But I don’t do that.  I can remember only one occasion where I did that and it was because I was concerned it was a scam.  Something I was later informed by another guy that it was a scam.  

So basically everything I did from 4:00PM on to work the logistics of this was a wasted of time.  I was at Sea World with some people and pulled a bunch of cash out of the ATM there so I would be ready.  With that ATM this took multiple transactions due to their lower per transaction limit so they can get more fees.  Our initial thought was to go to Old Town for dinner after Sea World, but I deviated us back to our hotel and had food delivered to save time so I could get ready.  All this right on down to spending more time showering and saving that I usually would in the evening so no stubble or anything.  Plus then I ended up with this huge wad of cash that was a lot more than I like to carry and wouldn’t really fit in my wallet that I had to carry.  

So I don’t know, is it really all that much to ask to be informed if a provider decides to do something else before I finalize plans?  Is it so much to ask if she is wondering for her to just send a simple text asking my status?  It’s kind of hard to break free and write a text at Sea World, but I would have done it if need be

Completely disagree. I know several ladies who when they're not working, they don't exist. They leave their hobby phones off, and they live a real life. Either book ahead and be committal or stop complaining.  These ladies are not at our disposal 24/7 and the expectation that they are is ludicrous and immature.  

It's hard to imagine anyone's having sex anymore given all the complaining and whining that occurs here. It would be funny if it wasn't so annoying. She did nothing rude. You wouldn't commit. She moved on. End of story.  

You seem to totally miss the point and apparently did not read the whole thread.  She told me she was working that day and was totally available.  If she didn't tell me that, then I would not have started trying to work it.  So if everyone feels that conduct is proper and it is to much to ask to get a simple text if she decides change her mind then obviously I need to change my approach and start doing the same thing with the ladies.

I went over with her in quite a bit of detail the logistics issues I needed to address and she even give me a suggestion on one way to approach it.  This was definitely NOT a last minute contact.  In fact, the contact was started several days before.  

So since you apparently did not read my initial thread.  Yeah, since I did not finalize an exact time I can live with her changing her mind.  But since she knew I had some issues that would take awhile to work through and what they were, spending a few seconds to send me a simple text that she now would not be available is not very much to ask.  Somehow I think that if I had actually made the appointment and then realized a little while before that I would not be able to make it she would probably be looking at the matter a lot differently.

The real kicker to this is if I had booked with her at the time I thought I would have made it, I actually would have made it.  I just didn't want to risk having to cancel on her.  But maybe you're right FK619, I will just start booking if I think I might make it and then simply cancel if I can't make it.  That shouldn't be a problem at all.......at least not for me.

I sorry FK619, but if it's to much trouble for someone to take 15 seconds to shoot me and text that they changed their mind and now won't be available, in my book yes that is a problem.  

-- Modified on 9/28/2014 1:53:18 PM

I agree with FK619, to a point.
She didn't commit, he seemed to of.  She lacked respectful communication. He seemed to of been communicating just fine.  

Yes some of us do NOT carry our hobby phones on us 24/7 (I sure as hell don't.) And yes some of us have private lives that we lead and thus we don't hug the hobby lifestyle 24/7 as if it were a life raft.

However, some of us (men & women) communicate in a respectful way to the point that we (don't) red each others mind and we (don't) assume that one is (committed) to a date they booked, (unless) there is specific confirmation given @ a specific time.  

It seems in this case. Both parties didn't have a final commitment. Just a booked date. Now who's fault is it?
Well, sadly the lady's. She should of indicated to the hobbyist the EXACT time she needed him to CONFIRM their evening engagement!  IF 4pm was HER cut of time for confirmation. Then SHE should of contacted him prior to 4pm and SHE should of CONFIRMED that the engagement was still on. RESPECTFUL communication!!
He seemed to of confirmed (albeit not on her time frame) but him confirming nonetheless.
And she should of respectfully of sent him some type of message stating that since she hadn't heard from him by 4pm. That she considered the date canceled and that she had then made plans to be with family.
Again, respectful communication would of been nice. But she lacked that! There's no excuse!

 
So the lesson to learn here, is. When you book a date.  
Guys ASK the lady IF she has a certain time she wants you to CONFIRM by?  
Don't leave them assuming!

Ladies be respectful enough to tell the guys your (confirmation/time wise) procedure.  
Don't leave them assuming!

 
 

OMG, I can't believe this guy Oingeboinge has posted this huge post about that!

I'm the person he was trying to book with.

We did NOT have a booking!  He said maybe.  When I didn't hear from him by 4:00, I made other plans.

He doesn't believe I was with my family?  Why would I lie?  And what's it to him?  I could see another client, go to bed with my book, go to the gym, see my family...and I could cancel 5 minutes prior to meeting with him and do those things if I wanted to and I wouldn't feel compelled to lie about it at all.

Then he could choose not to see me next time if he didn't like it like a mature person.

I'm a little surprised the other provider said what she said.  Maybe she didn't read the post carefully.  Does she seriously block off time periods for every guy who says he "might" book something some evening a couple of days from then?

I certainly do not.  I probably get 10 inquiries for every ONE that ends up results in a meeting.  

I love meeting new clients, don't get me wrong.  I love and appreciate the clients I do have.  And I'm pretty reliable.  But, I do not need new clients.  I only see who I want to see and when I want to see them.  I don't work every day.  And I often don't bother working when I only have just one appointment request for any given day.  

He was even pissed the next day because he spent 6$ on the ATM because he had to take it out in two withdrawels.  Okay...?  That seemed a little on the unstable side, but now this?  And he's cussing and everything!  It's kind of scaring me that I almost did see him. (BLACKLIST...)

This is a guy who has reviews, whitelistings, and okays on the other site.  I expected better.  He should know by now how things work and be a little more capable of going with the flow.  

FK619, whoever you are, thanks so much for having the courage to speak up.  I appreciate you, a lot!

xoxo

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Yeah I am good with going with the flow.  When I'm in the middle of trying to make plans with a provider, as soon as I realize one way or the other, I always send the provider a text message letting her know.  It's common courtesy.

So lets say your vacuum cleaner was broken.  So you call a recommended vacuum cleaner repair place over in Carlsbad and they are all "Sure you can bring it in, we're open until 6:00PM."  So you get your vacuum cleaner loaded in your car and drive to Carlsbad and pull up at 5:30PM.  Then realize that they decided to close early at 5:00PM.  You wouldn't have a problem with that?

-- Modified on 9/28/2014 4:43:11 PM

Seriously??
You chose to draw a comparison between a vacuum cleaner store, and a provider !!!

That sucks

Waz

If you assumed I was going to wait for you until 6 pm, well, you know the saying about assuming.

What is so interesting to me is that you not only decided to post about this event, like it's it newsworthy, but also that you continue believe (and broadcast to the entire community) that you were a victim of bad manners.

1.  So what if you were?  Aren't you a little embarrassed to tell the whole world that you have such a difficult time dealing with minor disappointments?
2.  We were not booked.  I owed you nothing.  
3.  You said you'd let me know "on Friday".  I was done waiting for you at 4.  You didn't try to book the appointment until 6:30.  Oh well.
4.  Even if we'd been booked, and I cancelled right before the appointment because I just felt like it, it's still not newsworthy.  It's life.  Remove me from your list of providers to see.
5.  Wouldn't a pm have been more appropriate?  Really?

It will always be the provider's prerogative to see you or not to see you.  We don't owe you anything, as you seem to think we do.  Money I don't make today, I will just make tomorrow, or the next time I feel like working.  I think this is where the true misunderstanding has occurred

You won't be hobbying much in San Diego.

Long time ago I made an advanced appointment with a girl who knew more about the hobby than I did.  As I wrapped up talking to her, I said I would call her later in the week to reconfirm.  She said if this isn't a solid date don't bother and hung up on me.  

So ends the parable.

Actually I hobby every time I'm in San Diego usually without any issues.  But actually you took what I would consider a the proper approach to want to reconfirm.  If I have an advance appointment that I'm driving to I always reconfirm by text that morning.  As soon as you don't do that, your going to run into a provider who oversleeps or forgets.

I held my tongue but shit, OB is such a easy target...lmao
damit OB, with 60 some odd reviews you know the drill. You must have been drunk when you wrote this or had blue balls and had to vist rosey. Either way appologize for you ignorance and hope this lapse of sanity doesnt follow you....peace and prosperity.

Oh it could be that, a doctor, anything.  This is a business we're talking about, so you can plug any business that makes you feel nice in there.

I only wish the guy that sent me a very interesting PM about his experience would have posted it here instead even if under his alias.  It was a nice confirmation for me.

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I agree with Freya for this incident. No confirmed appt., no obligation.  Waiting as long as 4pm was a generous thing for her to do.

However, some of the items in her list do happen and are unfortunate: I think it would be a good to know if this happens a often before I select someone, but reviews do not cover this.  
  My comments only apply if your BOOKED, as she stated in #4.
I hear comparisons that this is like "running a business". Businesses do not act or feel this way.  

Once booked I do feel that anyone providing any type of service owes the client the common courtesy of letting the client know as soon as possible if there will be a cancellation. I also think the client owes the provider the same.  Yes, thats life,  but it would be nice if we treated each other with respect

What you wrote were my thoughts exactly.

I thought this whole thread was mildly amusing but kind of pointless.  This though I actually did find interesting:

"4.  Even if we'd been booked, and I cancelled right before the appointment because I just felt like it, it's still not newsworthy.  It's life.  Remove me from your list of providers to see."

It's really not ok to cancel on a whim, it's bad manners and bad business.  I understand if you have no firm commitment you may choose to do other things, that's entirely cool, but once booked your word should mean something

END OF MESSAGE

It IS just sex, but for such a simple thing I sure pay a lot

My point wasn't whether she was (I have no idea), or could (she can obviously do whatever she wants) -- it was whether she should

Golden rule, blah blah blah.  Do unto others blah blah

No one (either side) likes to be cancelled on last minute.  I generally won't agree that it's ok to do so casually

So I think Freya and I have put this behind us.  I actually got a PM from her today.  At first I was expecting some caustic writing, but instead I found a professionally written note that I did appreciate getting.  

I didn’t post what I posted looking for a fight and I DEFINITELY did not consider the matter serious enough to actually post who I was talking about.  What I was trying to do is point out and increase awareness of an underlying problem in the hobby and that is people leaving loose ends laying around for others to trip over.  It was not my intention to target one person, but it was by intention to describing my recent experience with it.  Frankly, we have all done it at some level of frequency.  It seems to happen here much more than other professional or business relationships and I’m not totally sure why.  Likely the anonymity associated with it is a clear part along with caution and it’s legal status.

What I found quite striking were the number of PMs I received from guys complaining about a similar or worse experiences.  One guy complained about having the same experience a couple of times in the past month or so.  A couple of others described a much worse situation.  What was the underlying theme going through there stories?  Was it someone trying to deliberately provoke someone or screw someone over?  Of course not!  The underlying theme was either a lack of communication or a misinterpretation of communication.  

Yeah, I will be the first one to admit that in hindsight it would have been a good idea for me to have toughed bases with Freya sooner.  But I really didn’t have anything to say except that I’m still trying to work it and should know for sue later.  It would have also been a good idea if she had shot be a text asking my status before changing her plans and then notifying me she was going off availability for that day.

But this is not just to talk about providers that don’t notify guys trying to see them that they are going unavailable for the rest of that day.  Guys do this just as much or more and yes, it can have undesirable effects for the provider.  This especially applies to providers who are either on tour or working from an external incall location they are paying for by the day.  If some guy is making a honest effort to work seeing a provider and the provider gets the impression that he is going to come though, this could potentially cause a to change her plans and wait another day before switching to a location that stopped being productive.  So what happens if that guy does not come through?  The provider lost that expected opportunity for a visit and also likely got stuck with an extra day’s charge from a hotel.  If the guy was making an honest effort to work it during that period then that’s the way the dice fell.  But if the guy changed his goal a lot sooner and didn’t inform the provider he can’t work it, that’s just “f”ed up.  

 
When I said that when I finalize plans with a provider I’m going to show that is what I meant.  If I don’t show likely I’m in the hospital, with a disabled car, or there has been a small disaster keeping me away.  Don’t believe me?  Then read my review of Kay / Kaylah /  Kayila Marie.  Yeah, I came close to canceling about four times, but I didn’t.  Why?  Because I knew she took the time to get ready for me but I hit a major shitball on the way there.  Then she hit the same shitball when trying to get back home to see me.  I don’t know if she would have canceled on me or not if she knew it would be that bad trying to get home after running a quick errand.  She would have been better off canceling on me and staying where she was until that was over with.  So yeah, I ended up sitting around an extra 3 to 4 hours waiting for her with nothing to do except walk in circles in the neighborhood grocery store or sit in my car and watch birds in the trees. Plus I just put myself at risk for having to deal with another problem I didn’t get taken care of later because I was there so long.  But I didn’t want to cancel on her.  Somehow I don’t think many guys here would have stick that out without canceling and leaving.

This is a big reason I have moved to doing the bulk of my plans through a more exclusive site, I wanted to distance myself form the crap that occurs on places like backpage and another site I can't mention without the moderators trying to wash my mouth out with soap.  It's definitely been better there, but not 100%.

Ladies should keep in mine that if a guy is trying to put a lot of effort into seeing you, that's a complement.  The only way you are going to hurt him is if he really is trying hard to make it happen and you change plans with out letting him know.  It's the guy that gave up and didn't give a shit to let you know that you're not going to hurt.  

Guys, you should also keep in mind that if a provider is making an honest effort to meet with you and accommodate you, you should take that as a complement.  If you realize you can't swing it, the only way you are going to hurt her is if she was going out of her way to accommodate you.  You're not going to hurt her if she already blew you off and didn't give a shit.  That's something for everyone to keep in mine next time they are thinking about leaving loose ends laying around.  Those 15 seconds to send a quick text message can make a huge difference, but only if the other party was sincerely trying to work their end.

If we would all just try to treat others as we would like to be treated, we could all have a lot more fun without so much stress and wasted effort.

-- Modified on 9/30/2014 10:31:09 PM

That was literally the LONGEST bitch I've ever read. Congratulations, you've won the internet. You sent a text at 6:00 PM. If time was important to you, you should have given up the ghost at 7:00 PM and hit the net looking for a stand in. Or hell... whacked it and saved a buck. Not trying to tell you how to hobby... But you'll spare yourself a lot of frustration with a self imposed time limit. If a lady doesn't respond to me in a timely manner I figure she has something of a pressing nature to handle... Then I move on. I might send her a WTF happened PM, but I doubt I'd post publically about it. This kind of thing happens all the time. The headline might as well have been "Man steps off curb: Doesn't get hit by bus."

-- Modified on 9/30/2014 11:22:48 PM

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Plus one my brother, a big plus one. buh bye now. leave the SD girls to us locals