Good evening all.

Just thought I'd share my experiences since I got into this stuff so that it might be useful to others, or at least somewhat amusing.  I've had some amazing times, and some severe disappointments.  In my twenties, I had hit the TJ spots about 3 times and they were a lot of fun.  One nice thing about there is you get to pick on the spot.  Bad thing is the severe lack of intimacy that I found more important as I'm now in my 30s.  Married with a wife that travels all the time for work, I gave bp a try while using this site as a reference.  Here's some advice for the beginners.

1. Trust the reviews fellas, and be extra cautious when rolling the dice on a non-reviewed provider (they all have to have a first time so give 'em a chance).  While reading the reviews, keep in mind that they are written by individuals of different ages, races, levels of attractiveness and experience with women.  Not all of us have the same opinions on what is beautiful and great.

2. Never trust a picture. See rule number 1. If the pictures you see are even real, they mostly are taken on the best day of the life of the individual.  Remember that.  You never post bad pictures of yourself on facebook; they take it to a whole different level.  When 'rolling the dice' try to be insistent that the pictures be real. They still might lie, so be ready for it.

3. You get what you pay for.  Spend the extra 20%-50%, trust me.

4. Don't set high expectations for providers.  It, I would imagine, can be a tough job.  Don't feel that they should be so happy that they finally found you!  It's a tough job, just be thankful that in your time of needing a provider that they are there.  Don't give them a hard time, just don't repeat.

5. Try try again.  I was a chronic last minute caller until I learned to schedule better.  Remember that just like good hair dressers and restaurants, the good ones need notice or a reservation.  If you want to eat somewhere last minute, it ain't gonna be Donovan's on a friday night.

6. Be careful on every level.

I went for a fbsm with a popular provider here, who's name I will not mention (don't even ask).  Long story short, we got into a relationship (non-paid) that pretty much got out of control, mostly my fault.  Profession aside, she is absolutely amazing in many different ways, unbelievably beautiful, and in the top three women I've been with.  It got to the point where it almost destroyed my marriage, but also kinda saved it.  We still talk as we recently ended it, but I miss her dearly.  She never made my life difficult, and my wife never found out. I consider myself lucky in some ways, but the situation is tragic in others. Be careful.

All-in-all I have found that this game just ain't for me.  My experience with she-who-shall-remain-nameless was simply amazing and I'm not sure I could or would repeat that.  As an attractive married guy in my 30s (I'm no George Clooney, but I wouldn't have a hard time), I've found that going to the occasional strip club with buddies might be a better route for me than trolling bp for a good time.

Have fun Gents, and I hope tid-bits helps any of you just getting into the 'hobby'

Take Care and always be nice to the providers

Kferrari,

I am sure this provided some much needed closure for you.  This reminds me a lot of a post from another hobbyist I saw on a different board, so I am going to offer you some deeper and more controversial thoughts that usually aren't the tone of these boards.

* Don't beat yourself up.  Monogamy in not how humans (esp. men) are hardwired, it was not in your cards before, and because of that, most likely will not be for you going forward.  You may take a few month break, but I strongly suspect you will be back at some point...  And that is ok!  

* I am going to take a very different tack here than what mainstream would have you believe.  Your wife is just as much responsible as you are for this situation.  When you marry someone, you essentially give that person the exclusive privilege to be completely responsible for satisfying your most intimate emotional needs.  Most women have no idea how important sex is as an emotional need for guys.  It is equivalent to affection and security (emotional and financial) for women.  But, when they fail to provide for those needs, you are left with a huge ethical dilemma of whether to suffer through the potential extreme unhappiness of not having what is probably your most important emotional need met or going outside the marriage.  Clearly, you indicating that your wife travels a lot emphasizes how she just has not been there for you.  I would argue that she shirked her responsibilities and broke the vows of the marriage first.

* You mention how your extra-curricular relationship may have saved your marriage.  This happens one of two ways:
1. You have that big need fulfilled (sex) by someone else so you are happier (which I think is a big part of the hobby).  It keeps you content with a home-life that is good enough in other areas... And the reason you miss this woman dearly is she single-handedly was providing for your most important need - of course you are going to have special feelings for her!
2. It forces some honest communication between you and your wife about unfulfilled needs and both you do a much better job of providing for each others needs going forward.
But having said that, I think #2 is much tougher, because it is hard work on both ends and I do think inevitably people are somewhat lazy and with time people are less inclined to work hard on things.

* True connection (or love) come out of being vulnerable - opening yourself up and letting someone in.  But, the irony is you can't have those amazing feelings that really make life feel full and rich without also being expose to negative feelings of pain, suffering, and sadness.  They are two sides of the same coin.  So if I were you, I would change your perspective on your recent relationship - appreciate that you had this amazing and unique connection with someone - that was never going to last forever.  And that the pain is validating how good and special it was.  If you didn't care when it ended, it would just signal that it wasn't all that rewarding while it was going on

Thanks.  There's nothing you've said that I can argue with. Ultimately I chose #2.  Trying to work it out and getting my needs met.  What you've stated about the other one is also very poignant.  She is truly amazing, but it is what it is I guess and after some months had passed, I felt like she deserved more than I could offer. Aka - it got serious.

Thanks again for the kind words.  The one thing I can say is that with the right woman, the experiences affords you something a thousand fold.

I don't know whether to buy you another beer or kick you; n the ass.  Frankly brother, your lieing to youself and us.  Your marriage is over.  It will never be the same.  You haven't broken it off with your girl friend  and your still gonna go to strip clubs and look at other pussy.  Give up and either get a divorce or walk totally away from your wayward ways and be 10000% faithful.  Yeah, and good luck on being faithful.  See you back here in 6 months with a new alias. Sorry for being cruel but you and every other cock here knows its the truth..lol

I could relate to all of your points, especially that "last minute caller" line haha.
But man that last one hit hard
I have gotten into two romantic relationships with providers as well (unpaid, started it after one session each time, instant connection), and I gotta tell you, never been more heartbroken when breaking it off.
These girls know how to make things incredibly fun and are insanely attractive, but I truly believe they are broken individuals for the most part (not all obviously, but I think a good portion of them).
Both relationships ended because the girls were terrified of commitment. Legitamately terrified.
Just a shame...
But eh, I'm on a tangent now, but one piece of advice I definitely agree with the op with is; don't get romantically involved with any provider  
It's just not worth the heartbreak.

nick1990,

You seem like a good guy, but I am going to call you out on part of your comment -- I have a problem with you saying providers are "broken individuals."  I don't think it is accurate, but more importantly those words are hurtful, labeling, and a broad-sweeping generalization.

1. People in general are terrified of commitment.  Providers especially know how easy it is to get emotional given the business they are in - so of course they will pull-back if they feel like it is going to far.  

2. Everybody has problems - I have met some providers with probably more problems than your average person, but I have also met some providers (that at least on the surface) seem surprisingly well-adjusted.

Finally, I am extremely jealous of you two guys!!  Providers apparently fall head-over-heals for you guys... Apparently I am the guy who falls head-over-heels for the provider, but unfortunately not reciprocated.  :

You're right dude, I was being a little too harsh there.
I was probably just getting a little frustration out, since one of the wounds is still pretty recent and raw...

But I do agree with you that these girls are more prone to getting emotionally attached and probably try to stop anything before it gets too serious so they don't get "too" hurt.
Just sucks for the guy haha

And don't get too jealous man.
Not like either of is rode off into the sunset with these girls.
I personally wish id have never met either, but especially the most recent.
Nothing worse than heartache

Agreed. Double-edged sword with many complications. Especially in my situation.

.... when you are sitting on your death bed -- do you feel like you will have lived a better life to have experienced (love - or whatever that is here) and heartache or to have been just been numb and disengaged?!?

I don't think there is any question what the correct answer is...

I know it is tough right now, but it just validating that you guys had something very special.

In this world of being more connected than ever, the irony is people are making less and less REAL connection.  There will be a point where you guys will realize how fortunate you were to have what you had - even with the pain/suffering that followed.

My answer is simple and I don't want it to be deeper than what it is.  I agree that there was a very satisfying connection made, however, the connection may have been a result of both parties needing the connection to happen.  When people are in a state of discontent . . .

END OF MESSAGE

It's an orbit we all exist in ...
We come together when gravity pulls us close then fall away as gravity loses it's grip.
Both the men and women in this community are in it for the intense gratification it can bring.
We all fall in love with each other - some harder than others.
But in the end all we want is to love and be loved.
It's so simple.
Just fuck!!
Chloe

Not everyone gets it, love  But some of us do...