Exclusivity?  

 
An interesting idea.
I find myself wondering why gents who have ATFs continue to see new ladies.
Is it the conquest that there may be someone you are more into or that one is never really enough?

 
How many gents only have one or two ladies that they see?
I'm guessing not many posts in that favor since those people are likely not active here due to contentedness with their ATF(s).

 
Is variety the spice of life or do people really want more than just new sexual experiences?
Do some of you crave the intimacy, the thrill of someone or something new or a search for... something?
Do some of you fear connections and experience many ladies to bring self contentedness?  
Is it just sex for some of you? Is it NOT sex for some of you?  
Is it the hugs, the attention and affection?

 

 
I suppose this post comes slightly out of frustration because I love my friends, lovers and clients very much but feel lately people are expecting more and more but visiting less and less. I have several compadres who have a regular or frequent offender schedule and I love being able to offer specials to those who are consistent and wish to prolong the relationship and create more than a physical bond.

 
I'm not sure what my question is; I suppose it's simply an opening into the discussion of variety, exclusivity, ATFs and why/when people revisit or visit less.

 

Ladies: I know we all want everyone to only want us and most of us are good at sharing despite our secret desire to be the apple of every gent's eye... but doesn't repeat clients make you feel fuzzy? I know I sure feel good when someone wants to revisit!  :

I have 2 or 3 ladies who I have seen many times over several years who I guess could qualify as 'ATF's, but still see others from time to time. These are typically ladies who are touring that for one reason or another fit my 'qualifications' but, since they are touring, I don't get to see again or, at most, infrequently. I would say I have a couple of 'friends' I feel completely comfortable with rather than ATFs and don't want to waste time and money on the unknown, although I will say you have been on my list of possibilities for a while. I'll send you a PM with more info that I'd rather not post.

Goldie,

This is a great post.

This is something I have thought about on the "other side of the table."   I have seen a couple girls more than once, which includes you!  I have yet to see someone 3 times, although I am only about a half-year into this, so I am sure with time...

1. Seeing someone again takes a lot of risk out of the equation, but I think part of what makes this hobby exciting is the risk.  

2. I think most girls have a routine.  You can see this in reviews.  Part of what we are looking for is novelty and new experiences, so I think once we have experienced once, there is a view that we get more bang-for-our-buck (pun intended! by seeing someone new as opposed to repeating.  

3. Related, when you are talking about a significant amount of money (let's be honest, anything over $100/hr is a significant amount of money and most providers charge several multiples of that), most hobbyists can't afford or justify to make it regular.  And I think guys are hesitant to try to negotiate a deal to be a regular, because it is viewed as poor etiquette.  They realize you charge what you charge, sometimes there are public specials, and we can decided if that is for us.  I will say this - I have taken a few women up on specials.  But, I have never had a woman come back to me and say - I want YOU to be a regular.  And because of that, I am willing to give you a special rate that no one else gets.  Would that make me more inclined to become a regular - probably!  But, then that leads directly to #4...

4. I think connection is such an important aspect, even in this hobby.  It wouldn't surprise if a lot of guys think it is just sex, but it is not.  Think about how many guys you feel like you truly connect with.  I know you want all the guys to believe it is with all of them and you really do a great job of this, but for you it is probably 1 in 20... at best?  So really, nearly all are going to be a one-off thing. My guess is it is the 1 in 100 connection that really becomes a "regular."  It is the anomaly.

There are a few ladies I've seen multiple times because I like them and they are priced at a point where it's EZ to hide that cash being gone. My ATF I've seen 3 times in 2 years because otherwise I'd be broke. Variety is nice but so is a sure thing that you know will be fun.

This is a good question.  There are two providers I've seen upwards of five or six times.  Why?  Neither offered FS, but they either offered an extraordinary massage, or were just incredibly playful, friendly, and erotic.  They had very different personalities and styles - almost polar opposites: quiet, focused, reserved, sensual, vs dominant, experimental, extroverted, erotically charged.  Why did I see each multiple times?  Value for money was probably a big part of the equation, with each in their own way satisfying one or other urge in me.  I'm sure there are some others who charge way more and with whom I could find a similar connection.  But let's be blunt, this board is about sensual experiences that come with some sort of price tag.  And each of us finds our own price point.

Hi Goldie, great post. We all look at it differently but I agree with john123… it is about connection. When we meet and the chemistry is there feeling are there too. We should all admit that. But feelings can have consequences. As always in relations there are expectations, pleasure and misunderstandings. For me personally  an ATF would not be about better rates or advanced sex but about having that positive feeling that we together have something special. Something to dream about and come back to.  And a history. Restricted and controlled but certainly  valuable.

Your real question  I guess is why do  ATF relations stop. You ask:  Is it only about sex? Providers have told me how much they like meeting new men and how exciting new sex is. May be men and women are more alike than all women would like to admit. But for my part I believe ATF relations do not stop for reasons that is related to sex.

Goldie, You can only expect personal responses here so here is mine. I might once have crossed a line when it came to expectations about communication and it was probably wrong of me. When I see the reality, which is, that it cant happen the way I want it or see its retrictions I become disappointed and then the relation is in danger.  
So my answer is that its more about feelings and expectations than sex that causes the relation to break down. But that’s just how I work (I might be too touchy) and we are probably all very different when it comes to dealing with connections

Listening to a song over and over again eventually becomes old and a person will want to seek out new music.  
I'm always afraid of getting bored and losing interest of a provider when seeing her too often.

I was in an exclusive relationship with the same woman for one third of my life.
After being committed for that long, it's so liberating to have my life back and to experience a variety of women.
With so many beautiful women out there, I just can't see myself being limited to one person anymore.

I can't even enjoy, let alone have sex anymore because of my ED.
So for me, it's not all about the sex; it's about how she makes me feel, and the connection and affection.

Regarding visiting less, I remember when I leaving my second visit with a provider, I told her that I would see her soon.
She replied by saying that I should see someone else first, which really caught me off guard.
I suppose the message that providers send to clients is part of why clients repeat less often or not at all.

My vote for post of the year! Thanks John!

I was going to get into the "5 date hitch" element, but I'll leave that for another day. I fucking hate first dates, provider or not and I always want to connect...if even for only 5 or less dates.

I honestly have had very good luck with providers the last 7 dates. I did take some time to figure out who works for me.

If I can't connect, it's time for me (us) to move on, IMO. That goes beyond "our" sexuality. Connectivity is key for me.

Would have to agree with every point each gentleman made , each of us has our own reasons ! I have seen a few of my friends on more than one occasion ! Two would follow into the ATF category , one i saw foe over two years until she retired , the other 7 times in less than a year ! Frankly , i've never had a bad experience , just some great and the two ATFs awesome !! What makes someone more of a favorite than another , i think comes down to personality , the ability to make me feel special for that period of time , and who genuinely enjoys my company ! Pretty simple really , and thankful in who i've met ! B
 
Ps I have over 15 okays  on +1 , in the beginning of my hobby , didn't always review on this site and some not at all !

Do any guys look for exclusivity in their provider?
Have you ever had an arrangement or "sugar baby/daddy" type relationship?

 
Ladies have you ever gone exclusive with one gent (in the business sense)?

 

 

 
That would be quite the monthly allowance...
*ISO new daddy, heehee, any takers?

 

 

Pros and cons

Yeah I want you to be exclusively mine.  Wanna start tomorrow

Goldie,

Anyone who is in the hobby knows the situation, so I would be shocked if anyone expected or even wanted exclusivity.  I am not a jealous guy anyway, so I have no problem sharing!  

I would have to imagine that a hobbyist taking a provider off the market is an extremely rare occurrence.  Maybe once every 5 or 10 years in San Diego.  I would guess it is more that the provider wants to retire (tired of the hustle) rather than she gets an offer she can't refuse.  I know you had a friend this happened to last year, so maybe you have more insight on this than we do.  To be honest, I can't imagine it lasts very long...

It's funny that you asked about SB/SD relationship.  That is really the hybrid in between match.com and TER.  It is essentially nonpro/FWB that wants financial consideration.  I have experimented with this a little bit this summer.  But, this is not necessarily exclusive.  You can set up whatever arrangement you want which is a positive.  But, expectations, the relationship, and arrangement tend to have a lot more ambiguity relative to the straight transaction that is TER.

Speaking from a providers point of view...........

I have my ATF's. I have some clients that I just love to see over and over. It's like hanging out with a good friend that I've known for years and have a true bond with. I'm very open and I love that we can share things that we can't share with others in our daily life. I find intamcy in that.

At the same time, I love the excitement of making new friends. Whether it turns out to be a long time frienship or a 1 time tryst. I enjoy the variey..............and, new fantasy material is always helpful.........Smile!!

Carpe Diem,  
Summer of the Chicken Ranch

oldie Knox this is a great discussion!

I do believe in the ole Adage " Variety is the SPICE of life "  
On the flip side.  I have a few ATF Nuru Affectionardos in each city that I frequent.
For instance, If my buddy John Doe is not available to see me when I plan on visiting California, I won't hesitate to change my travel plans to suite his schedule. No matter how many character checks I do.. I always feel anxious when meeting someone new for the first time.

My rates are slightly higher than most girls in the bodywork industry, so one would think that I am very low volume? to the contrary.  I have more than a handful of buddies that book me 2 - 6 times a year. Why?  it's because they feel a sense peace when they are with me.  Call it comfortable, a connection whatever it may be.  I find that distinguished men ( mature ) need more than just a pretty face and a great figure to hold their interest.  

In regards to Sugar Daddy/Baby arrangements.. ( a  catch 22 ). Its a clock free relationship dubbed with whats called an allowance.  Allowances are usually weekly, bi-weekly or monthly.  I use to be an ex- sugar baby back in 2007 ( pre - recession ).  It was like having a full time job. Back then the perks were great! Every SB had at least 2 SDs or more.  LOL....now with our staggering economy and NYU /Columbia students ..a sugar baby may roughly receive 2-4k a month and a few shopping sprees.  Sugar Daddys usually want their SB to be exclusive.  However 9 out of 10 he's a married man! YIKES.  Goldie girl, don't quit your day job! Providers chi chings more than 2 - 5K a month and we are free to do whatever we want with the rest of our time.  (  noodle this one over....once a week 12 hrs sleep overs with your Sugar Daddy, that you are NOT being compensated for !!! )  

 
Thanks for allowing me to share. Brilliant

I have been there, I had a standing appointment every two weeks, same day, same time, same place and after about a year, you become almost too close.  You expect things from each other, and the closeness starts to close in, usually on the provider.   You  both  drop your guard and it starts to veer over a line or a wall that the providers (the good ones anyway) have built to protect their private life from their professional life. An uncomfortable feeling happens and then usually the relationship sours or comes to a crashing end (like mine did).  
I then had another one that lasted 7 years in Las Vegas, but not exclusive, where we would get together 4 or 5 times a year for a weekend of fun, food and sheer craziness. It was great, we shared our kids growing up and getting married and I still miss her, she was a good friend.  We shared bad times, where she called having a personal crisis and I flew over and we spent the weekend, watching her cry and just holding her, not even sex...lol   That was great till some guy whisked her away and married her...lol
It is hard to emotionally invest yourself, but it is fun when it happens...it just doesn't happen very often......13 years of hobbying it has happened 2 times for me.....

I'm enough of a newbie that I am not ready for that.  The situation is not mutual, almost certainly, so I would want to know the benefits to me.  I understand that familiarity and closeness will develop.  That's good, as it's about more than sex for me.  Is priority scheduling part of the deal?  Extended sessions?  More passion?  Anything else?  

I have enough experience both in and outside the hobby that I know some women are much better fits than others.  Some providers will be "one-hit wonders," because they are not as good a match as hoped.  Some will be occasional repeats.  Some will be more frequent repeats.  Ideally, I think I'd like a small number of regulars, with an occasional newbie.

Some potential problems with exclusivity include:  What if you are in different cities most of the time?  What if she's away touring or he's on an extended trip?  What if she moves or retires?  To me, these situations suggest that absolute exclusivity is not a good idea.  Seeing a limited number of favorites sounds better.

As people, as women, and as lovers, providers vary.  Probably no one offers absolutely everything that a guy is looking for.  Several providers may be really appealing overall, but one may be more fun, another may be sweeter, another may absolutely excel at a particular service, yet another may offer or not offer a particular service.  If I'm in the mood for one of those things in particular, I see the women who best provides that.

Cost is clearly a factor here.  Is the provider's rate consistent with the hobbyist's budget and desired frequency.  I have seen some women that I'd like to see more often, but my budget relative to their rates precludes that.  Thus, they become once-in-a-lifetime women or maybe special occasion (e.g., birthday) women.

Feel free to PM me if you want to discuss more

Simple goldie! The grass is always greener on the other side of the fence. And there is scientific proof to that statement.  

But that was not the question.. In the hobby.... Several of my Atf's donations went beyond my reach. Other than the money thing it is the adventure and the unknown that causes one to stray. Or just getting it right!   As in real life, communication often breaks down and we don't always communicate our desires! good or bad. and on the opposite side she may not be willing to do something different or the same.

I have one Atf I try to see once a month. Her service is great but it is pretty much the same dance all the time but still not the perfect dance! I do notice when she touches me in a different way. So when someone new "promises" something I really like that is not what I am experiencing, I have to give her a try.  

Goldie If i told you I really liked what we did our first time would you know what to do if we met again?

As in real life if we get close to what we are looking for we will settle for that. However with the ultimate atf she will join in your search for nirvana as well as her own. If the journey is good you need to look no further and enjoy the ride.  

 
Its never been about sex. Too bad in the hobby we can not discuss things via emails since it is taboo

My plan in life is to eventually have such an arrangement.. but for now a FWB would be nice. I just love women and i love their company. At this point in time I am not sure what I could bring to the table that would be a benefit to her, other than a good ear that listens, and one who loves to try new adventures. Something about our society that does not allow fwb's.
i know one lady who offered a Package deal where she offered so many visits for x dollars per month at a discounted rate. Visits were not "timed". It was a great arrangement for both.. Something i would be interested in for the right lady

In the future, there would be living arrangements, cash, cars and fast times. Who wouldn't want that! Of course I have my own strings attached. My hippie upbringing does not allow for exclusivity but if you are satisfied why look elsewhere. I am open to all new things.. at least once

Great Post!!
Just as we choose life time partners - there are bound to be favorites in this hobby.
ANY encounter is never the same twice so let the world have them all!!
If one can truly share ... the result we ALL get, is a love that pays it forward.
There are so many lovers to try on in this world ... 7.7 billion I'm told
When we see our lovers over and again ... It only gets better!!
But I would never want him, her or them all to myself ...
It is just too much fun to be willing to share completely!!
I love to bring everyone an orgasm and spread the wealth!!
Kissez n hugs,
Chloe