What are your thoughts on how the world at large sees' providers, compaions, etc.? In as much as the net has formed a community that has made both sides of the lifestyle more accessible. The general public still carries it's stigmas. It doesn't see that one can be a provider, then go off to class and be a top student. If doesn't always see a woman can be a wife and/or mother, yet still be a top notch escort. In my experience most ladies learn to use a cover story. I run across this in any regular social sitation. Where one of the first questions most people ask is, "So what do you do?". Many time I have wanted to just say it. There have been a few times I have. I can honestly say reactions have never been appalled or negative. There is a quick shocked expression. I think to the fact I say it so matter of fact. Then there is curiosity and questions. But either have there is still that 'look'. Maybe something like telling someone you just got out of prison. Perhaps judging without wanting to look as if they are. Perhaps the same look men fear if they were to openly talk about seeing a provider. Do you think??? Wouldn't it be great if we, as a society, could all just get over ourselves. Would you talk openly if you could without fear of judgement? Jai Loren
I have to admit that I don't talk about my involment with the "hobby" for fear of people's reactions. While I've enjoyed my time very much, and am very happy to have made the friends I have, I also know that most of the people in my life would just not understand, and frown upon it. I would talk about it if that fear of judgement was not there. Some of the ladies that I've met (and Jai is at the top of the list) are just fantastic people, and I feel proud to have been able to meet them. The experiences I've had have been far superior to what I had in the regualr dating world. I just wish we could get past the stigma that the "hobby" still has. That's just my 2 cents worth, but this is a great topic for discussion, Jai. Thanks for posting it.
It would be great but you have it easy. Can you imagine how fast on their feet insurance salesmen have to be, or how about morticians. Do you think they have a front?
You are so right Jai. While many of us in the biz are comfortable with our sexuality, the general community still seems to stigmatize escorts and adult film performers.
The mainstream wants to pretend sex doesn't exist, but it's what most think about most of the time. Especially men - they did a study, and men think about sex, food, and their lover, in that order. Giggle.
As someone who is "out" as both a transsexual AND an adult entertainer I get mixed reactions when people find out what I do. But I've always taken the tactic that so long as you don't have skeletons in the closet nobody can surprise you.
That said I don't always walk around with a sign on my chest. If I'm like at the Yacht Club (yeah I'm a lifelong sailor, if anyone needs a good racing crewman/woman/whatever... giggle) and someone asks what I do I just say I produce adult videos.
I spoke at a meeting on diversity just last night. Specifically commenting on sex workers and acceptance or lack thereof. Many people are not comfortable discussing their sexuality and when they meet someone like me who is open and unapologetic they are taken aback.
Just as I and my contemporaries in the transgender community are pioneers in bringing gender acceptance to the mainstream, all of us on sites like TER are pioneers in breaking a 2,000 year hold on repressive religious beliefs.
If humanity is to progress the world needs to learn to accept others as they are and to understand that what might be right sexually for one person may not be for another - but it's not our place to enforce judgement on others lives so long as they are not impacting us negatively.
So I hope everyone in the hobby holds their head high when they speak about what they do. Especially the girls.
Ladies - remember men value you enough to spend hours online picking you out and they PAY you money for your attention. That's one hell of a compliment in my book. So be PROUD of what you do.
And guys - be proud you are your own man and enjoy your life on you terms. Your friends who condem you for helping the girls out are jealous that you have the balls to grab what you want.
I used to be much more active on this board and in the 'hobby' (I'm sure the veterans remember me), but now only look at TER once a month or so.
I think I might have a unique perspective on this question, but I have to 'out' myself in order to tell my story. Way back in 1997 (during the internet stoneage) I started and helped run SDExotics.com, which was, up until the time I sold it in 2003, easily the biggest mall in SD. Subsequent owners have let it fall into disrepair and it hasn't ever recovered, but trust me, it used to actually be a major website here.
I started SDExotics as a side business...I work with employee benefits and financial services in my 'legit' business. As such, I never told folks about my side venture for fear of the civie reaction. We were very careful to never do anything that could in any way run afoul of the law...we never officially reviewed, test drove, recommended, helped book or helped guys connect with gals, we simply provided a place where women (mostly) could advertise on the internet (just like the 'escort' section of the yellow pages).
Well, someone found out, and all hell broke loose in my life. I was fired from my legit job, and I was only able to keep my professional licenses (through which I earn the vast majority of my income) by doing a huge song and dance that included selling the thing quickly at fire sale prices. Having a business that was even remotely associated with the hobby almost cost me a very good career!
So my advice would be, no, don't talk about it to anyone! There's too many Puritans out there!
That really does stink. I'm so glad you kept what you could together. I've heard of girls being outed to family or at school , which is extremely emotional. But to almost lose all you have... that's crazy. I think in many ways, or different levels, all people lie to themselves or live double lives each day. It's all in degrees. In this life it's an emotional toll for many ladies I think. As you have to hide so much from loved ones, can't tell or hard to find an SO. I can see now where it can go both ways. It just seems so archaic to not only judge your character, but to try and take assets too. Sadly over something that's going on in millions of bedrooms (or counter tops)across America each night. I'll say it agian... If our society could just get over ourselves. OXOX, J. Loren
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