We were talking about two different people, as we knew (mrroberts69 and I), but everyone else may not have known it.
Goldie, you're so smart. I don't know how you figured out who I was taking about, but you are right. That review is down now.
mrroberts69, if it makes you feel any better, I admire you for speaking up. And I still agree with you whole-heartedly.
Many people obviously have strong feelings about being pressured into writing less than honest reviews and that seems to prevent them from really hearing what we are saying.
I already said I'm talking about a very small percent, so I really was offended by being accused of calling MY clients "cowards". WTF?
I can think of three of my reviews that were written in a way that just listed off every flaw I have. And when I read the guys other reviews they read the same way. They were obnoxious tattle-tales. Now THAT'S what I'm talking about. I have almost 150 reviews so that's about 2% I think. I am talking about a small minority. I'm picky about who I see in the first place. I like my clients and most of them I like A LOT.
I don't know why this is hard for the one guy who keeps arguing with me to understand, but I am responding more on behalf of the girls who have lower reviews who have longer lists of flaws.
Most reviewers can list the flaws but also the attributes, like a cute smile, polite manners, good kisser, clean house, awesome lingerie...when a provider reads a review like this she's likely to feel fine about it. It will be honest but kind, painting her in a flattering light.
The guys who write the reviews who mention all the flaws are overly critical and just not nice. I hate that they were just face to face with this lady pretending to like her then they betray her with a shitty review. I do call that cowardly. Sdlinguist explained that he doesn't want to waste his time not seeing someone who is less than what he wants. I can understand that. But if the girl is trying at all, she must have SOME likeable qualities that are worth mentioning.
I spent a lot of time thinking about this, though. What I've realized is that it was a pointless post of mine to begin with.
Anyone who has had or been a boss, or who has had or been parents, knows that their are effective ways of communicating a critique. You want to be able to inform someone of what they are doing wrong so they can correct it without devastating them and undermining their confidence. Successful communicators want to send the message, "I still like the you, just not some of you actions". None of us are perfect and it's challenging to try to balance this.
This is why, in my opinion, many of the "nice guys" who are already trying to write conscientious reviews are having a defensive response to what I've said. But I'm not talking about the guys who are trying. I'm talking about the ones who don't care. I'm talking about the ones who are sending the message, "I really don't like anything about you".
And this is why my point is useless. Either the guys already are trying to balance honesty and kindness even though there might be pressure to write reviews that are so nice they are no longer honest, or they are the kinds of people who don't understand why they should consider someone's feelings at all when writing a review. These guys aren't going to change their minds because I naively tell them I think they should be nice.
The other guy challenged me to give examples. I was going to, but I just don't have time to find samples of two reviews that give the same info, but one is complementary and one is critical. It's taken me all this time to get back to this post. By the time I got around to finding samples this will be ancient history. Don't most of you already understand what I'm talking about?
I'm moving on.