If these two guys are contrarians and just trying to get a rise, then her aggressive response was the perfect contrary response to them.

Any feeling person could read that initial e-mail and see that the writer was coming from a sincere place of pain and well-founded fear, and, therefore, that a serious response was the ONLY appropriate response.  Anyone "troll" enough to be anything less in this instance deserved a serious smackdown, and Ginger was right on with it.

After reading her post, I don't think the party in question was implying that men sometime aren't the best custodial parent.  I would also guess that the two guys weren't trying to be contrary, as they both wished her luck.  I think Ginger was right, and it was kind of a slam on providers, but that is just conjecture on my part.  

Either way, it was totally inappropriate, as any parent who has lost custody will relate.  I would rather my ex-wife be a kind provider and a caring mother (the two are not exclusive) than a mean person.

-- Modified on 7/15/2003 9:47:30 AM

-- Modified on 7/15/2003 9:49:06 AM

Apparently you just don't seem to get it. This post was not a dig at fathers rights nor the post of a self-righteous mother. It wasn't at all indicative of the mother favoring court system or the ex slandering bitter mother trying to extort more child support that you obviously have a personal issue with. I for one happen to agree that parents of both sexes can be equally deserving of custody of a child but that discussion has nothing to do with the original post and you have not the slightest clue as to the circumstances involved in this case or that what you are spewing even pertains in anyway to The posters situation.

You took an opportunity to sling your angry drivel you've convinced yourself is valid and make a very upset woman who is going through a traumatic and potentially heartbreaking experience even more hurt by your insensitive and self serving "suggestion"

Your anger is missplaced and you were and still are, behaving like a negative jackass. Since I do know the circumstances involved I can say with actual knowledge that the exact opposite of the situation you have described is true. In fact I can say assuredly that your bitterness and overall negative bullshit is so completely unwarranted in this circumstance that you not only deserved my rancor and overall contempt for your tactics you also deserve a swift kick in the ass set you straight.

For the record I am sorry that your ex caused you so much anger and heartache. There are support groups that can help you to deal with your anger and philosophies you can choose to live by, that do not include lashing out at the undeserving, that can help you to rebuild and preserve your character.

I am one of five girls in my family, who have 17 children between us. All of us divorced and became single mothers. Not ONE of us EVER received child support; nor have any friends of mine that I know of EVER.
TODAY'S laws are better, and hopefully children will be cared for better as a result as that's the objective - to financially provide for the children. And, when you think of it, the standard $300 or whatever it is, is pittance anyway. If I were the parent REQUIRED to PAY the support, I would do so gladly, and probably find a way to pay MORE than the small amount ordered by the court. Those of you with children know that the $300 might cover food..but what about anything and everything else? It costs much more than that to 'support' a child.
My Ex's choosing to not provide for her in any way financially caused me to have to work three jobs around the clock, which I did for 12 years; averaging 4 hours of sleep every day, seven days a week. I only say this because it's true. If he had paid $300 a month or whatever, I might've been able to work only two jobs instead of three. Either way, my daughter and I both suffered tremendously. Since I was never home, she was free to run the streets and got in every kind of trouble you can imagine. Life was hell for both of us. If I could do anything over again in my life, I desperately would have hoped for help in making the quality of HER life better - sought any help there was out there.
Divorce and custody is an ugly, painful experience for all. Mine resulted in two siblings who grew up apart and in different homes and locations; a son who doesn't even know his mother; and lives that were WAY more difficult than deserved to be...
The idea is to provide the child/ren with the best possible situation in view of all the circumstances. That could mean living with the father, or living with the mother. I think the newer laws are much more open to that and not as one sided as in the past, viewing only the mothers as being suitable parents.

I don't know this person, nor her situation, but I can tell you that if she, in her heart, KNOWS that going to her father is NOT a good thing, then telling her to 'give it up' is like asking her to cut off her arm! That's her CHILD!
Regardless of whether or not you INTENDED to be insensitive, I feel you responded based on your own situation, rather than hers.

I am not going to be as present on the boards these days, therefore if anyone would like to comment, please PM me to assure I view them.

Thanks,
Sedona

I have a brother who was given less children priveleges by the court than his ex-wife, who was not as good of a parent as he was.  She wasn't a "child endangerer", but she wasn't very mature. Having said that, for that ONE situation, I have personally known of at least TEN scenarios where a very or somewhat deserving mother has not been paid/had to fight for their court appointed child care money, where the father "walked away" from his children and left it to the mother (whether he paid support or not), or, in the most extreme case, where the father killed the mother (and himself) for her leaving in the first place, not caring enough about his children to worry about them being orphans.  No matter how many nice fathers there are out there, the overwhelming majority of child rearing is done by women, and single women earn less and are discriminated against more (documented statistics) than men. As such, even my brother was able to (like me) look at a court system favoring women in relation to sexism as being a necessary thing in the big picture. Certainly, there will be some good men who suffer because of it, but there are more women who suffer IN SPITE of it...kind of like Affirmative Action in relation to racism.

Sacred and Private attribute? says who? It would make it alot easier for the men who think likewise to control the pussy for their own selfish desires if they could convince us to feel guilty about getting pleasure out of sharing it with others other than our betrothed...why does that sound so familiar???OH YEA CAUSE IT IS THE SAME TIRED ASS ARGUMENT MEN LIKE YOURSELF HAVE BEEN SLINGING AT US SINCE THE BEGGINING OF TIME.

let me break down your post for you peckerhead and show you point by point why you are indeed a hypocritical ignorant jackass that is in need of some basic english skills and a bigger kick in the ass than even funtime69.

"At least I don't need to sell my most sacred and private attribute in order to exist, unlike you."

FIrst of all are you familiar with the latin phrase Argumentum Ad Hominem ? To put it in terms that a simpleton like yourself can understand it means to counter an argument by attacking the person instead of volleying a relevant statement of logical derision that is on topic to the matter being argued. Now your statement here is indeed an opinion which for the sake of example I will offer up to show that your original statement to need your help was not in fact an opinion. An opinion by definition is: a view, judgment, or appraisal formed in the mind about a particular matter. So in order for you to appraise this situation to form an opinion you would have to actually know something about it greater than she is being sued for custody. Your statement to her was another one of your kneejerk mysoginistic comments that clearly belies your character peckerhead with which frequenters of this board are wearily familiar with.

now on to the second part of your post

State your point and be done. Your rude and discourteous remarks necessarily bespeak your character, but then again, considering your line of work, I guess they should be expected.

Well at least I have a point to make and do so relatively clearly compared to what ever it is you are trying to do. It appears more or less to be your attempt to vindicate your habitually rude contribution to this forum. I find it interesting how you associate what you perceive as my "rude and discourteous" remarks (am I the only one cracking up that peckerhead is actually saying that to another person and is serious?)with my lack of character that of course I have because I am a provider/hooker/whore/escort/prostitute/jezebel/harlot/insert word of choice here. You should be thrilled to know that your psychosis is classically freudian and unoriginal. So much in fact that merely an epiphany of life altering measure combined with my prescription for a swift kick in the ass could cure you.

As my last and final statement I would like to add that I am doing alot more than merely existing my clueless little peckerhead. I don't feel the need to subscribe to the guidelines of syncophants and sheeple who parrot the bs that they have been forcefed instead of endeavoring to have an original thought or experience. Hopefully one day that epiphany will be yours peckerdunce...but i am a betting gal and I wouldn't put the odds in your favor.