I personally think hobbying is safer as far as discretion and being able to have a no strings attached arrangement which you are free to end at anytime.  However, that only works if you are hooking up with professional providers.

I think the downside to an affair is that feelings can evolve and the person you are having an affair with may start demanding more time and attention, and start getting jealous of you and other relationships you may have.  An affair may be harder to end without any drama.

A lot of providers can be unprofessional or may develop feelings and then you just end up with the same drama that can come with an affair.

So it's hard to say which one is safer lol.  I think it just depends more on the actual personalities of the ladies involved.  Whichever one seems less crazy is probably the better choice

if you aren't concerned about the emotional side of things then an affair would work but sex is sex and love is love. Eventually you lover will want more (usually) and then things can get tricky and nasty.

I've done both and . . .

If you want safe, do neither.  Safest is to stay committed and monogamous to your spouse until the day you die.

For me, I still can't decide.  In either situation, seeing the same person repeatedly leads to feelings - its inevitable.  And if you've got no intention of leaving the missus, then what are you going to do when those feelings surface, for you or for her?  I've had both scenarios end very badly and ironically the Provider version of the scenario ended worse than the affair.  These were all problems of my own making - so I'm not pointing fingers - but the reality is the safest route if you're not going to remain faithful is to Hobby and to limit repeat engagements.

Having said that - I continue to Hobby and I am leaning towards a certain ATF for multiple and longer engagements going forward.  There is a lot of risk in that scenario - but it's what I find the most satisfying.  Where will it end?  I have no idea.  As I said, last time it ended badly - very badly - like "you wouldn't buy the screenplay because its inplausible" badly.  

Nevertheless, a new girl every time - hit and miss - awkwardness - I just can't do it.  I've tried - doesn't work for me.

I have had an affair and will never do it again. We both went in to this with our eyes open, but you heart will fuck you up in the end. I genuinely cared for the lady I was having an affair with. She was married and so was I. I wasn't right emotionally for a long time after we stopped seeing each other, I would say I was has heartbroken and so was she. She was a truly special person and miss her even today. I saw her for almost 2 years. Never have had that kind of problem with a provider, and to be honest it's just as much fun. Being emotionally sound is priceless!

If you choose the right player, or Pro vider is always best!

A real PRO will never alter your current situation.  Yound, dumb & full of cum is another story...

There is NO substitute for experience.

Just thought I'd point out, since it hasn't been said yet: The fewer partners you have, and the fewer partners your partners have, the less exposure you have to stds.

That said, I think the social and emotional risks of an affair far outweigh the risks that come with responsible hobbying.

Thanks to everyone

Wow, this forum is so much more helpful than the one I used to post on when I lived in another city...

All of you rock, and I appreciate your honesty and experience, especially Fred.  So I am not looking for emotional stuff even from my affair, but I honestly think I can control more with the hobby.  I cannot be assured of their sanity (of course same said for providers) but it seems that I am far less likely to get a "clinger" or "stalker" from the hobby.  Sound like decent logic?

Thanks again!  Thinking about backing out of the affair and getting my action elsewhere.

Luv being back in SD...such quality people!

An affair leaves you more open to the possibility of an  emotional attachment forming.  I'm not saying that can't happen with a provider....just less likely.