hours and years of dinner dates......
.. between a hobbyist and escort!
I made this statement in one of my responses to Jai's post below,
More then a feeling.....what do you do??
3/9/2006 7:44:35 PM
I believe that hobbyists often perceive a session with an escort to be a much needed escape… a fantasy! I think it's an unrealistic situation, and both parties need to be particularly careful about taking any feelings that might develop during these sessions too seriously.
I would genuinely love to hear how all the great escorts and wonderful gentlemen who read this board feel about what I have stated above. I have no idea whether my opinion about this issue is the majority opinion. As always, I consider each opinion expressed to be valuable enough to warrant my careful consideration, and I keep a very open mind about changing my opinion entirely!
kisses
Suzanne
-- Modified on 3/12/2006 4:53:12 PM
-- Modified on 3/12/2006 4:54:08 PM
hours and years of dinner dates......
I'm not talking about either situation in particular, but from your comments it sounds as though you might be the party who develops feelings about your clients, feelings you believe are serious enough to require careful consideration and serious discussion on this board. Is a dinner date or two all it takes for you to jump the fence and turn a client into a victim of one of these situations with serious feelings you are so hell bound on defending?
I'm not say that you should feel badly about developing such feelings for your clients, you should do whatever you chose. If you feel you question was meaningful, that works for me! But taking seriously any feelings developed during a series of dinner dates strikes me as the fast track to overwhelmingly painful disappointment!
-- Modified on 3/12/2006 5:58:25 PM
-- Modified on 3/12/2006 6:53:45 PM
No need to be catty. If your human, time and experiences with someone are a factor. Bottom line..
It's apparently still not clear that I was NEVER referring to myself. My concern was for the gentlmen and how I can best handle the situation if and when it occurs. If that does'nt make sense to you then I'm sorry.
No need to make ass-umtions. Everything here is cool and rock'n as always.
I don't think either of you are at fault. Seeing this from Detroit, I plan to visit SF in the next few months and thought the question was valid. The truth is, a lady is helping you live a fantasy, and I would say you can have a fun friendship around that fantasy and escape. But neither of you would be human if some feelings or appreciation did not spawn. But it cannot go beyond that escape time, fune time together. I think both sides of the equation deep down know that. Or at least they should.
I can only say that sometimes things that start out as a client/provider relationship and go somewhere else without anybody wanting that or even thinking about it.
I rarely write reviews but I have been at this for over 20 years. In that time I have seen well over one hundred providers but have only had a friendship that goes beyond the limits of a client/provider relationsip with a few.
Each "friendship" has taken on it's own life but in the end I really do/did think of them as friends and cared about their well being.
With a very few, I went through the normal life things we all have and always felt welcome to open up to them outside of the fantasy life you can share in a short appointment. They have shared with me in the same way and I listened and offered what help I could.
Does this happen often or is it something I seek? Not at all! It just happens once in a blue moon and fighting it all you want won't change a thing.
So Jai, I can't see how anybody can give the correct answer for your situation because each relationship is different. I think you were looking for others to say this can happen even though this environment we meet is completely wrong for this. Yes, it does happen and the ones that matter don't let true life get in the way.
Is that right or wrong? That is up to the individuals involved. I'm guessing that you correctly left out a lot of the intimate details in your scenario that didn't involve an appointment.
-- Modified on 3/12/2006 8:12:05 PM
Speaking for myself an old "Romantic"---it is always a fantasy--beginning with my first girlfriend, my wife, my first time cheating and with the many wonderful ladies I have met in this business.
I have met a few ladies for the quick 1 hour date but typically I like to have dinner dates or longer appointments and in many instances I have gotten to know the lady quite well---and there are many that I have been quite fond of----I have been fortunate to take many to Las Vegas or on other nice trips; even met a gal in Paris from Chex--and she spent 8 days in Aruba with me! When I have made these friendships I have also felt a responsibility to help when they are in need--and there have been a few but to this day I am still friends with most and many that have left the business.
I find it is easier to frequent the working ladies and become friends rather than have a "girlfriend"---with the working gals I feel like I am in control----with the "girlfriend" she is always in control and many times I am left lacking that fantastic feeling!
It's all good. Sue and I agree to disagree. (Sorry, we did'nt tape the kiss and make-up session.) But once again I have to say it was a General experince of the biz question! Every in my camp is fine. From the comments made others have been in this position, so I don't think it's a dum question. This was about one sort of situation. I'm alomst sorry I said anything now.
Let's move on. I wanna hear more about Poker's naughtiness. Hmmmm?
-- Modified on 3/12/2006 11:40:08 PM
Being a (believe it or not) happily-married man, I'm not in the market for a make-believe girlfriend, lover or new friend. It's more the adventure and fantasy part, not to mention the much-needed release. I have had a few extended conversation with a few providers and found all sorts of motivations from I'm not giving too much of myself (I'll fuck you but not kiss you") to those great ladies who take as much pleasure from a great session as I do.
Because I am in it for the escape, too much reality (talking about husbands, boyfriends and/or kids) while it is humanizing does tend to push my latent Puritan buttons and I start to feel bad that I'm 'using' another human being. Maybe that's why I hardly ever repeat with a provider.
Phil hit the nail on the head...at least for the happily married guys who want a little extra in our lives. We get too much reality from our families, our jobs, and everything else in our lives ...so a nice escape from reality can make things a lot better. Seeing a great provider is like taking a vacation that lasts an hour or two, without the sand in your shoes.
Good post phil. Honest and grounded.
I'm on the other side, though, single and not into the fantasy side so much as I am into getting to know the provider as a much as she chooses to let me know.
In fact, I have actually seen the same provider for the past year, with no desire to see anyone else. I'm lucky because I've got the funds to see her a few times a week, and follow my emotional interest out this way.
However, I don't kid myself and believe that she'd be interested in me if it weren't for the cash transfer. That's life, and one either faces it without one's delusions, or goes down in flames hanging onto them.
As you suggest, there is something more humanizing when you can have more personal conversations and express the emotions you feel.
I have expressed my emotions in a very non-threatening way. She knows how I feel, and knows I also have no expectation of reciprocity.
But for several reasons, I have "bonded" with this provider and appreciate the chance to feel "connected" to a woman on a continuing basis. As Asian philosophy suggests, we're only half human unless we are "connected" psychologically to a particular member of the opposite sex, and she's the ying to my yang (or the yang to my ying, I get those confused).
All this means is that I feel a paricular affection for her and a concern for her well-being that I wouldn't have otherwise. She knows I'm there is times get rough, and that's all I want her her to know.
I don't for a minute believe she has in any way emotionally "bonded" with me. How can a provider allow that kind of psychological connection to take place with one particular individual without jeopardizing her whole business operation?
Now as Suzanne has written, feeling "bonded" or connected to a provider is a far distant cry from being compatible. There's a large age difference (55 to 35) between us, and that alone brings a difference in goals and interests. Our personalities and educational backgrounds would also probably create compatibility issues if we were ever to attempt to take things to another level.
So I don't fool myself into believing we are compatible beyond the enjoyment of some physical pleasures and a bit of caring and sharing on a personal level.
Still, as I wrote above, just that bit of personal connection, and the continuity of physical contact with the same provider, are what give me the sense that the session is not an exploitation, and is rather a respect for the human being I'm with.
Conversely, it was when I used to visit different providers for the short, one time time session that I felt I was doing the exploiting. The reduction to the pure physical seemed de-humanizing.
But you're married and already "connected" to a woman, and that's a whole other ball game.
I have found the biggest barrier to friendships is not the fantasy and the nature of the first meeting with a provider, it's the travel and distance. I have made some wonderful friends among the women I have met - sharing dinner and theater on a platonic basis as well as sharing more private and intimate moments. The chemistry that makes a truly great session quite naturally can lead to a more enduring friendship. But like all relationships, time and distance make it hard to sustain the relationship.