San Diego
references there has got to be a better way
I don't know about anyone else but this reference thing is getting ridiculous. I truly feel that sometimes the ladies just don't like to give references which makes me reluctant to ask especially in view of my most recent incident. This is annoying since I've been around since 2001. It just seems silly to require people who have been doing this for close to a decade to keep jumping through the same hoops over and over. After 10 years people don't turn into undercover agents or dangerous criminals. I would guess if someone was truly dangerous it would have come out early on. I understand the need for safety but sometimes things just get done a certain way because that's the way it has always been done. Maybe someone could come up with a better system for folks who have been doing this for a long time. Just my worthless 2 cents. It is after all amnesty weekend!
if it's such a problem. TBH, I only run across a really intense screening every once in a while. And I just deal with it.
Thanks Are you a member of any of those services? Do all the ladies accept them as a valid reference check?
I have found that most accept verification services if you have provider okays on the service (some require more than 1 ok and in rare cases you may need more than 5 oks from highly rated providers). It seems the best one out west is P 411. If you go to the site I think you can do a search of providers in the city you are interested in (even if you are not yet a member) and see what providers are members of the sevice. Additionally, you can ask a provider to give you an okay on the TER whitelist which, again, most providers will honor especially if you have okays from highly rated providers. Alas, some providers argue that the while these services and lists may in fact provide comfort with respect to someone not being LE, they do a lot less in providing comfort that the dude is not a idiot or nutcase and still want to correspond directly with references. But I think if you join P 411 and get some okays there and on the TER whitelist you will find the process much easier and simplier.
I have no problem giving a referral!!
For a gent I have not seen though - I require one regardless of his time in the Hobby.
For those of us who do actually screen our potential lovers, we love to give and receive oral recommendations!
Hell - we just love to give and receive in all ways!!!
Kissez that make you melt
Sage
i'm with you here, raincoat. that said, i can absolutely see providers' insistence on references. i'm sure if the shoe was on the other foot, we'd be doing the same thing. that said, i empathize with you, because i'm finding the same thing. i've been out of the game for a long while due to the economy. one of the providers i've seen in the last year or so seems to have gone AWOL. another, it's been quite a while since i've seen her, but thankfully it seems as if she remembers me. so it can be a tough catch-22 for guys like myself who rarely see providers.
A few years ago they offered me a free one year membership as long as I could get two referrals. When I have contacted a lady through this service I have never had an issue with screening. That being said, all ladies have there own preferred methods.
I am with you on the reference thing. I will give a lady all the personal information she wants but I would rather not chase down references. Therefore, I don't hobby a lot in town as many ladies I would want to see require them. This isn't really there fault but the environment we are in here. I also fear what you encountered recently and feel that who I see should only matter to me and the lady I am seeing that day.
The only local lady I saw in the past year was Tiarra. I contacted her through P411 initially. She is a great lady and a professional. She is one that I would not fear asking for a reference because she is cool. Still if I can avoid asking through other means, I pefer that. There are about 60-70 local ads on there at any given time. It cost $65 a year. To me it is worth it because I travel and don't have to hassle with references.
Tiarra is great and I've used her as a reference, but lately I feel guilty asking her. Since she has limited scheduling now, I haven't been able to see her for awhile and it just doesn't seem right to ask her. I like the P411 idea but worry that my information would be vulnerable if someone was ever able to access their system- be it a hacker or law enforcement.
Not sure about the other services but P411 is based in Ontario Canada. I suspect there are no verification services (at least for these purposes) that have a domestic base. As I recall, I believe they do not retain your last name after the verification process is complete(that is what they say anyway). While I understand your concern, it seems to me that it is grounded in an event that has an extremely remote possibility of occurrence.
P411 have been very good to me.
(Actually I have white lists on a few different boards and once I establish my identity I am good to go. In the past I have gone through some very thorough screenings, supplied all the information requested and was happy with the result. The only problem with screenings is that you need to do it sometimes a bit in advance. So you have to plan ahead. Most of the long-term, professional girls know how to handle it. If they don't, you don't want to either. There are so many good women out there.)
I dont know why some ladies are so rough about it.
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