please advise on how i should ask a provider who i have seen several times whether or not she has been tested for all major STD's.

i don't want to change our relationship by having her suspect that i may have something (which i don't think i do, but i haven't been tested myself), neither do I want to offend her by assuming she may have something

If you've seen her several times, you must have some respect for her, and she for you as well. Just ask her!

but you might also want to get your own test first.

is an invitation to risky behavior.

If in any doubt, stay safe.

Get tested, find out and suggest that she get tested just to be safe.

At least you'll know your own answer before you ask the provider, as I'm sure she'll ask you about yourself if you ask her. You may even be able to use your test as a lead in, bringing it with you to proudly show her and start a conversation about.

Sly

First of all, if the lady in question is still actively shooting porn, you can assume that she's getting tested regularly.  If she's not active, you can still use that fact as a way to ask her...

In the course of casual conversation, bring up the subject of her days working in the adult industry and mention that you had "heard" that adult talent is required to test monthly.  When she affirms that, ask, "Just out of curiosity, now that you're not actively shooting scenes, do you still get tested for you own peace of mind"?

Or, you could tell her you're thinking about getting tested and ask her where she has hers done... when she answers you can ask, "Now that you're not doing videos anymore, how often do you get tested these days"?

Bringing it up in casual conversation will stop it from seeming like you're interogating her, and she shouldn't be offended.

I think that both responses are good advice.  it is hard to bring up the subject if you don't can't answer any questions she may have about you.  by referring to the days of shooting videos, you can make it more of a natural conversation and she should be less put off.

Tell her you have been tested and ask her straight out if she gets tested regularly and for what.  The only reason this would upset her or change your relationship in any way is if she does NOT get tested.
One more thing, even those who are active in the adult entertainment industry are only required to test for HIV, chlamydia and gonorrhea.  This is NOT complete testing.

the only thing i'm worried about is HIV, because that is life altering.  

i don't want to get tested because the drama and suspense of waiting for your test results to see whether or not you are infected is just too much.  plus i'm not sure if they are anonymous.  it would be alot easier if the provider regularly gets tested.  she is the only person i've been with for the past year, so that's why i'm concerned.  

i'd like to continue seeing her which is why i'm concerned how i should ask her (i'm afraid that she'll hang up on me and not speak with me again if i bring up the subject)

To somehow think that you don't share 50% of the burden of keeping yourself and in this situation, others free of disease is an unacceptable attitude.

I think something that many do not want to deal with or are in denial about is that those who participate in this activity female and male have contact with a SIGNIFICANTLY higher number of sexual partners. This is not hooking up with a random 2 am last call one night stand.

There are many places where to get tested anonymously. If you can't handle the stress of getting the results, you really should pick a hobby more appropriate for boys. Pinewood derby racing perhaps?

If you don't want to test, I hear the Palm sisters love to go bareback.

Chf

It is shocking to hear you have not been tested.  How do you know you have not infected her!?!?
This is very irresponsible behavior.

hello mia
no, the shame is not on me.  i was clean before my experience with the PSE.  within the last year, the PSE is the only person i've been with.  nothing risky was done except BBBJ and DATY.  but anytime you are participating in this hobby, there has to be some risk for HIV.

i know i haven't infected her, i just want to be sure she wasn't infected before i saw her