1) Don't be the first guy she ever falls in love with. She'll just resent you for it. (Wouldn't you?)
2) Don't do "research" on her and her body
of work after the two of you just got into a fight
and you're looking for a reason to hate her. Not because you'll feel insecure or inadequate, but because it doesn't work. You'll still love her but now you'll have a thousand images running through your head as well.
3) Don't expect "Happily Ever After". (Ever.)
Those who've spent significant time
working in the skin trade ("L-A-XXX")
rarely see anything as "half-full". Or "better" tomorrow. Their often-sad epilogues litter every street from Pasadena to Orange County. Doesn't mean they want it that way. Or didn't try to make happy and fulfilling post-porn lives for themselves. But it happens. And it happens often.
4) Don't think you can change what *it* was
that spurred them to get into the biz
to begin with, because, most likely, *it* evolved from abusive childhoods and sexual exploitation.
Horrors and painful memories you can never fix or erase. Don't try. (Repeat)
5) Don't confuse what was done in the
past with what is going on now.
6) Don't forget that money and how
it relates to sex doesn't just stop
at what was done on film. It's about
being able to make a living and get by
with what you *have* and what she has
always used in the past...whether in a supermarket
or in a bank. (see: "the power of pussy")
7) Don't underestimate the importance
of privacy between the two of you.
There's a reason she has 3 different names.
8) Don't harass her if it doesn't work out between the two of you. Most likely, she already has many documented stalkers and she doesn't need any more reasons to look over her shoulder.
9) Don't post WHO SHE WAS and mention
HER NAME on a discussion board no matter how many people ask you to do so.

(btw, I signed up for TER following our break-up after a 2 year relationship thinking I wouldn't be
able to deal with "dating" for a while...haven't seen a provider yet, found a girlfriend instead...and although this is a great site, i'll be cancelling today...take care, guys...)

That was random. Thanks for stopping by....

3) Don't expect "Happily Ever After". (Ever.)

This applies to any relationship. One profound error that our culture have is the fairy tell syndrome. "And they live happily ever after".

Everything in this life is impermanent. It may sound like a cliche but everthing is impermanent or not permanent.

Even those marriage that last 30 or 40 years come to an end when one of the partners dies.

Another thing that amaze me is that the very  thing that turn guys on or make them wish to date a PS is the very thing that cause them some trouble.Perhaps this was not case for you.

I have dated providers us after long or short time of friendship and they have the same remarkable need like anyone else up there.

The need to be understood.

Long time ago I found one thing that make my relationship with the World more smoother:
Try to understand others rather than having them to understand me.

PS are the same. It is just that their expectation s or life experiences may make them a bit more trickier or complex, if you wish,to understand.

All the best on your new relationship and every thing else on your life.

"PS are the same."

I meant PS are the same as anybody else who wants to be understood.

As I side note, bear on mind that I would date a provider or a PS. As for getting married or into permanent relationship well that is another $100 bucks. It would depend on what degree we can compromise.

how does one meet a PS in a non-working environment & get a date without being a total "creepy porn fan guy". I live in Vegas & never seem to hit the correct VIP lounges.....

1)  Thanks to mafishman and Mr@lengua for their words...I just felt compelled to write what I did because it's all true (at least for me it is) and I hope relevant...and I agree completely, Mr@lengua, in regards to what you said about "Happily Ever After"...I guess I was trying to suggest that such a utopian view is rendered even more unattainable when with someone doing her line of work.
2) Also: We met in a restaurant/bar off the Sunset Strip and upon meeting her, I had no idea *who* she was until she told me she "did a little porn" a week after we started dating. She had been retired for years. And in the two years we were together, neither her stage name or the extent of her work was never mentioned. I figured out who she was -- professionally -- on my own. Though, frankly, I was in love with the woman I met at the bar. Pornstar or not, she was just [REDACTED] to me.   And I think she really loved the fact that
her past fame didn't interest me as much as who she was when we met. As much as she dug the notoriety, she simply wasn't that person anymore .  Take care, guys.

Sounds to me like it didnt work out and he is blaming her past. He acts likes only porn girls and all porn girls were molested as children. And  reading line 8 makes me think he kept trying to contact her after way after they broke up. Sounds to me like gilted ex boyfriend syndrome. And everyone is built different that is steriotypical of him to say that about all "Legands or even todays pornstars." Its like saying all young black men are in gangs. Anyway.. I hope all is well with all of you today. XOXO Bridgette

That not all woman of porn were molested or raped or came from abusive families.. And I hope he knows that woman that were never in business have had these expeiances. I really don't like stereotypes. And I hope he gets some therapy and works through his issues with his ex and with the XXX business.

I must admit, that is truly a serious outline for what sounded like "went wrong" in his relationship.  I have been married to a PS for 1 yr now. We met 4 yrs ago and was immediately taken by her appearance and personality. What followed was "dates" to get to know her and understand her. Yes, sex was involved, but it became more of "I dont need it with you everytime". Many times, it was a kiss at the door and a wave goodbye. We began to date. Guys, thats DATE..movies, travel, dinner, flowers, bowling, picnics, etc. I spent the time and LEARNED what she liked, and WHO she was  - NOT what she did, NOT who she was. And her personal life stayed personal with me. I didnt talk to the "guys" about it. I didnt bring up her friends, didnt ask what she did in movies unless she volunteered it. It has been fabulous ever since and gets better everyday. WHY? Because we learn together everyday. We only discuss what she does IF she wants to discuss it - and at times guys, she wants to, it helps her get "through" it and out of her system. Think like a "shrink" and just listen. It will improve your relationship.

Thats how I did it and not bragging, but thats how I married the most well known PS you guys have all listed on your posts..And some of you have been with in the past. But alas, she only does movies now. Who is she? You'll never know. But remember also, at times its hard to think what she is doing in movies and like everything, its not always easy, but if she knows you're real, she'll help you through it as you help her.

There ya have it.

Have to agree with Bridgette on this.  Also seems to me that he was trying to date former legendary pornstar Ms. X, rather than trying to date Ms. X.  She's still a person, and wants to be treated like one.  Doesn't matter if she's done 1000 hardcore films, or she's a virgin choir girl.  Seen to many guys screw this up dating models, strippers and such, it really is a shame how some guys screw up opportunities that most of us only dream about.

civie... that was interesting....   What I learned very quickly, was that her take on life... was totally different from mine...  

I like this post.  It reminds us all to be gentlemen - at all times.  Thanks Stranger.

Why would I be disgruntled? It was me who decided not to be with her. And I wrote what I wrote because HER PORN PAST matters. It affects her. It affected us in the end. It affects how she deals with 99% of men. (I was the exception. Both a blessing and a curse.) Porn changed her. It still does.  I didn't give a damn that she did porn. But she did. And she wanted me to UNDERSTAND why. (And I didn't want to. I just accepted it as is.) Get it? Tho I eventually did. Or think I did. Hence, the post. And I don't know who you are or what you do and frankly I don't care. (I really don't.) My post could've been titled: "How Not to Date a Traveling Banjo Player" with all caveats included. And though it was written half tongue-in-cheek, it was also written with *realities* that I gathered to bring clarity to my confused psyche and help me understand. And one more thing...I'm not rich. I don't own a nice house in the Hills. And I don't run a production company. Or drive a Bentley. I make $80grand/year here in LA and I work for it. (Hell, what's ironic is I've never even seen a "provider" before...but like I said...the idea of dating someone else after it ended was too much at the time.) And I didn't *sell* myself to her -- LA-style -- and buy her things to keep her...or did she with me. We fell in love the first night we spent together over a couple drinks at a table. And the two of us dancing to old country tunes at her place afterward. And there was no sex that night. Just two people connecting. Holding each other. I miss her friendship more than anything...And I wish her the best. Always. Easily the most interesting and intelligent beauty I have ever known.  (She wasn't well when I last saw her. Not that you'd care.)

Anyway, I'm done with this now. Take care all. And don't forget, all there is in life is LOVE and ART. Everything else is bullshit. (Except maybe the NFL.)

There is a book form called "Memories from a Sex Industry Survivor" by former escort Anne Bissell, who like Shelley Lubben specializes on helping girl get out of the sex for pay business but in a non sectarian "you should be a Christian way", that basically says they same things form a female point of view. Having fucked for a living does carry consecuences that stay beyond the end of your career. Specially if you were beaten, molested or raped as a child. The good thing is that those problems can be overcomed, more easy in the pure escort types, more difficult because your past is in video in the case of porn stars. Sadly there are hundreds of how to get into porn manuals but not how to get out of porn retirement guides.
Topanga is right, a friend of mine dated a very smart exporn star that had went to college after porn and was doing a postgradute degree in a very though university and there were lots and lots of bagage on her part. Not a happy ending.