He ventured forth to bring light to the world

The anointed one's pilgrimage to the Holy Land is a miracle in action - and a blessing to all his faithful followers

From The TimesJuly 25, 2008
Gerard Baker

And it came to pass, in the eighth year of the reign of the evil Bush the Younger (The Ignorant), when the whole land from the Arabian Desert to the shores of the Great Lakes had been laid barren, that a Child appeared in the wilderness.

The Child was blessed in looks and intellect. Scion of a simple family, offspring of a miraculous union, grandson of a typical white person and an African peasant. And yea, as he grew, the Child walked in the path of righteousness, with only the occasional detour into the odd weed and a little blow.

When he was twelve years old, they found him in the temple in the City of Chicago, arguing the finer points of community organization with the Prophet Jeremiah and the Elders. And the Elders were astonished at what they heard and said among themselves: “Verily, who is this Child that he opens our hearts and minds to the audacity of hope?”

In the great Battles of Caucus and Primary he smote the conniving Hillary, wife of the deposed King Bill the Priapic and their barbarian hordes of Working Class Whites.

And so it was, in the fullness of time, before the harvest month of the appointed year, the Child ventured forth - for the first time - to bring the light unto all the world.

He traveled fleet of foot and light of camel, with a small retinue that consisted only of his loyal disciples from the tribe of the Media. He ventured first to the land of the Hindu Kush, where the
Taleban had harboured the viper of al-Qaeda in their bosom, raining terror on all the world.

And the Child spake and the tribes of Nato immediately loosed the Caveats that had previously bound them. And in the great battle that ensued the forces of the light were triumphant. For as long as the Child stood with his arms raised aloft, the enemy suffered great blows and the threat of terror was no more.

From there he went forth to Mesopotamia where he was received by the great ruler al-Maliki, and al-Maliki spake unto him and blessed his Sixteen Month Troop Withdrawal Plan even as the imperial warrior Petraeus tried to destroy it.

And lo, in Mesopotamia, a miracle occurred. Even though the Great Surge of Armour that the evil Bush had ordered had been a terrible mistake, a waste of vital military resources and doomed to end in disaster, the Child's very presence suddenly brought forth a great victory for the forces of the light.

And the Persians, who saw all this and were greatly fearful, longed to speak with the Child and saw that the Child was the bringer of peace. At the mention of his name they quickly laid aside their intrigues and beat their uranium swords into civil nuclear energy ploughshares.

From there the Child went up to the city of Jerusalem, and entered through the gate seated on an ass. The crowds of network anchors who had followed him from afar cheered “Hosanna” and waved great palm fronds and strewed them at his feet.

In Jerusalem and in surrounding Palestine, the Child spake to the Hebrews and the Arabs, as the Scripture had foretold. And in an instant, the lion lay down with the lamb, and the Israelites and Ishmaelites ended their long enmity and lived for ever after in peace.

As word spread throughout the land about the Child's wondrous works, peoples from all over flocked to hear him; Hittites and Abbasids; Obamacons and McCainiacs; Cameroonians and Blairites.

And they told of strange and wondrous things that greeted the news of the Child's journey. Around the world, global temperatures began to decline, and the ocean levels fell and the great warming was over.

The Great Prophet Algore of Nobel and Oscar, who many had believed was the anointed one, smiled and told his followers that the Child was the one generations had been waiting for.

And there were other wonderful signs. In the city of the Street at the Wall, spreads on interbank interest rates dropped like manna from Heaven and rates on credit default swaps fell to the ground as dead birds from the almond tree, and the people who had lived in foreclosure were able to borrow again.

Black gold gushed from the ground at prices well below $140 per barrel. In hospitals across the land the sick were cured even though they were uninsured. And all because the Child had pronounced it.

And this is the testimony of one who speaks the truth and bears witness to the truth so that you might believe. And he knows it is the truth for he saw it all on CNN and the BBC and in the pages of The New York Times.

Then the Child ventured forth from Israel and Palestine and stepped onto the shores of the Old Continent. In the land of Queen Angela of Merkel, vast multitudes gathered to hear his voice, and he preached to them at length.

But when he had finished speaking his disciples told him the crowd was hungry, for they had had nothing to eat all the hours they had waited for him.

And so the Child told his disciples to fetch some food but all they had was five loaves and a couple of frankfurters. So he took the bread and the frankfurters and blessed them and told his disciples to feed the multitudes. And when all had eaten their fill, the scraps filled twelve baskets.

Thence he travelled west to Mount Sarkozy. Even the beauteous Princess Carla of the tribe of the Bruni was struck by awe and she was great in love with the Child, but he was tempted not.

On the Seventh Day he walked across the Channel of the Angles to the ancient land of the hooligans. There he was welcomed with open arms by the once great prophet Blair and his successor, Gordon the Leper, and his successor, David the Golden One.

And suddenly, with the men appeared the archangel Gabriel and the whole host of the heavenly choir, ranks of cherubim and seraphim, all praising God and singing: “Yes, We Can.”

Just another unfair grade from a lib. Show me something half as creative and I will admit you are half a man..

bowing down to Obama, because it doesn't fit with the facts.  A new study from Center for Media and Public Affairs at George Mason University found that since the end of the primary season the coverage on the three major broadcast news network has been much more positive for McCain than it has been for Senator Obama.

Here's the real shocker: the study also found that the nightly news program on Fox was much more opinionated and much more favorable to McCain compared to the broadcast networks.

BTW, the director of the center and the guy responsible for the study is Robert Lichter, a former contributor to Fox News.

McBush has gotten the most favorable press EVER, & he is easily the most unqualified candiate to ever run for office....

"Republicans like to talk a lot about the "liberal media." Is it true? The Center for Media and Public Affairs at George Mason University, which has been studying the media 20 years, has now released a study that shows 72% of the opinions expressed on CBS, NBC, and ABC about Obama were negative and 28% positive. For McCain the figures were 57% and 43%, respectively. The study, which covered the networks' nightly newscasts, began June 8, the day after Hillary Clinton conceded and the general election campaign began".

Never knew liberals were known for being tough graders, if anything, just the opposite.

Sorry, it might have been a pretty good joke, but the language was too clumsy.

-- Modified on 7/28/2008 7:26:48 AM

That's what he will think. Because only a liberal could think coverage is fair.

-- Modified on 7/28/2008 8:49:10 AM

No link from you? How hard could it be to support your assertion?

I don't know anything about Lichter. He may very well lean right, but your assertion that just because he's been on FOX proves that he is conservative simply further illustrates your self delusions. There are many left and very left contributors on FOX.

I don't know much about studies, but I have been reading the daily paper for over 40 years.  I live in L.A., and get the Times when I am here. I travel fairly often, so in the past 20 years I have had a good sampling of the papers from New York, S.F., Chicago, New Orleans, the International Herald Tribune, and an easy dozen other papers.  The number of positive editorials I have seen for Bush in the past 7 years is so minisucle it is not worth mentioning.  

The number of editorials taking the liberal position is too high to count.  The N.Y. Times has its own ombudsman, who openly describes the paper as liberal.  

The L.A. Times is dropping its Sunday Opinion secton, and as part of its explanation the editorial page listed some of their past positions.  (Sunday's paper.)  If anyone can look at a list of the positions they support and say the paper is not liberal, I would like some of what you are drinking.

Almost every other paper is the same.

I am talking about editorials, not opinion pieces. But the editorial page reflects policies of news interpration that impact the news section in a manner that guest opinion writers do not.

Right 95% of reporters will vote for Obama
How dumb do those idiots think people are with those delusional results .

Right 95% of reporters will vote for Obama
How dumb do those idiots think people are with those delusional results .

There's only one way to measure "bias," and that's by counting the "slant" on stories and newscast.

"Slant" is a bit subjective, which is why the conservatives who don't survey it can never be convinced that the liberal slant is largely a myth.

Not mentioning the fact that, according to Zolgby, more than above 95 percent of conservatives believe the media has a liberal slant. It's practically a core belief of conservatives.  

-- Modified on 7/28/2008 11:17:56 AM

also believe the world is round, just because conservatives believe it doesn't make it false, except in some  drug induced, liberal fantasy land.

. . . I meant it to say it was practically a core belief of conservatives.

-- Modified on 7/29/2008 11:48:04 AM

and it is also true. The two are not mutually exclusive.

Libs love to point out how biased Fox news is, and conservatives shoot themselves in the foot by denying it. Both sides lie, that's a given.

Truth is the "mainstream media" is tilted to the left. Fox news and talk radio  are not just tilted to the right, they are way to the right.

Can we agree on that at least.

is that the station is a MARKETING REACTION. Murdoch saw the vacuum in the market place and filled it w/FNC.

as far as radio is concerned, i mean come on...that one is easy.

why would ANYONE intentionally dial up on their radio and invite into the quiet space of your car a pants pissing, whiny lib?

i try listening to Scare AMerica but the people tend to be nasily bedwetting Ann Cuntler types....

on the way home, i wanna at least relax....

Sure there is plenty of conservative opinion on FOX (the majority actually), but there is also a good representation from the left. . . Alan Colms, Juan Williams, Mara Liasson, Nina Easton, Susan Estrich.

FOX has more left wing opinions that the others have right wing opinions. Who does MSNBC have? Pat Buchanan? CNN? Lou Dobbs? Glen Beck?

I find their “hard” news mostly balanced. It CAN drift right of center and occasionally someone (inexperienced) takes it further right. Still I find it less right of cent that the others are left of center. I don’t view FOX for equal time and coverage. I view it as PROVIDING equal time, countering the other leftist media.

Brit Hume or Chris Wallace are by far a better and more balanced anchors than ANYTHNG the other guys have.

PLUS FOX has the hottest BABES.

"There's only one way to measure "bias," and that's by counting the "slant" on stories and newscast. "Slant" is a bit subjective, which is why the conservatives who don't survey it can never be convinced that the liberal slant is largely a myth."

--Academics have studied this; published research in top journals in political science and economics reveals it is not a myth. This has been covered here before.

"Not mentioning the fact that, according to Zolgby, more than above 95 percent of conservatives believe the media has a liberal slant. It's practically a core belief of conservatives."

--And more than 95 percent also belief the Earth is round. Its okay to believe something that is true.
Furthermore, John Zogby himself, and his polls, are biased. He's an unapologetic Democrat, who openly advocates for Dem candidates. He went on the talk show route last election discussing what Dems need to do to defeat Bush, and predicted an easy Kerry victory. His brother Jim is the founder of the Arab-American Institute, a lobby organization (one that Xia pretends doesn't exist when he goes on one of his daily AIPAC is evil rants) that sponsors a "Lobby Day" for Arab issues. John also pays Jim as a "consultant" and underwrites many of the AAI "studies" and lobbying practices.