Politics and Religion

he must be a republican/neocon Rev. Jim Osbornered_smile
xfean 14 Reviews 4341 reads
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Surely, you would be proud to have one of these dolls on your arm, wouldn't you? Wouldn't you be beaming with pride showing them off at church to your pastors and friends? You would feel like a million bucks being able to secure a gorgeous woman like that....right?

WRONG! Because these aren't women! Believe it or not they are actually men, complete with fully-functioning male genitalia. They are what is known as SHEMALES.

Godly heterosexual men everywhere have to be careful not to be lured into their lairs. While on the surface they appear to be beautiful women, they are actually disgusting queers packing tallywhackers hellbent on sending your soul straight to HELL! It's very easy for a True Christian™ man to fall for their devices, but one must keep the Bible in mind when dealing with their ilk.

Leviticus 18:22 Thou shalt not lie with mankind, as with womankind: it is abomination.

Indeed, sexual relations with these shemales classifies as "mankind", not "womankind". It doesn't matter how much they look like women, they have XY chromosomes and a penis between the legs. In God's eyes this is clear-cut homosexuality.

Not only do these shemales mock God by engaging in homosexuality, they dare turn themselves into women, which goes against God's Laws...

Deuteronomy 22:5 The woman shall not wear that which pertaineth unto a man, neither shall a man put on a woman's garment: for all that do so are abomination unto the LORD thy God.

It is an abomination to cross-dress. For these shemales to skimp around in bikinis and dress up in French maid outfits and wear revealing lingerie may cause the homosexual inside of you to flare up, but it won't ever compare to the HELLFIRE that awaits these shemales and the perverted men that lust after them!

Jude 1:7 Even as Sodom and Gomorrha, and the cities about them in like manner, giving themselves over to fornication, and going after strange flesh, are set forth for an example, suffering the vengeance of eternal fire.

God punishes those who go after "strange flesh" and this indeed qualifies as strange flesh. For they are men trying to be women, mocking God's natural plans for humankind. Because, as we all know, God intended there to be two sexes only - man and woman, with nothing in between!

Matthew 19:4 And he answered and said unto them, Have ye not read, that he which made them at the beginning made them male and female,

These seductive shemales are just going amok breaking all sorts of Biblical laws! This is why it is so imperative for every True Christian™ man to know about these vile beings and why they should stay away from them. It is easy to see by looking at their pictures why a normal hetereosexual True Christian™ man might be enticed by them...but what these shemales are doing is bringing men into the homosexual deathstyle.

One last point I should make: Now, I know some people may call me a "hypocrite" for decrying shemales as hellbound sinners given my past, but let me clear this up for my dissenters. It is true, that back in 1988, there were photographs of me engaging in sodomy with a transsexual prostitute in Bangkok. This, however, was at a time when I was led astray by Satan and not being a good Christian. I was embezzling money from my church and ministry to pay for flights, hotels, food, drink, massage services, and various shemale prostitutes in Bangkok and Rio. As we all know, these pictures surfaced and I was suddenly ostracized by the televangelist community. Less than six months later I was on trial for my financial crimes and was later thrown in a federal prison for 15 years.

While incarcerated, I repented of my sins and asked Jesus for forgiveness. I made a promise to Him that I would never backslide again and I would help spread the Word of God® to everyone. All my sins have now been forgiven and I walk with the Good Lord. So, I am not a hypocrite by any means, but rather I speak from experience and I am using my own personal tragedy as an example of a life not to lead.

Yours in Christ,

Rev. Jim Osborne
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Puck_1031 reads

It's a parody, ya imbeciles.

The Landover Baptist Church is a fictional


Landoverbaptist.net Forum are a satire of fundamentalist Christianity and the Religious Right in the United States.

The Landover Baptist Church is a fictional[1] Baptist church based in the fictional town of Freehold, Iowa. The Landover Baptist web site and its associated Landoverbaptist.net Forum are a satire of fundamentalist Christianity and the Religious Right in the United States.

Posted By: Puck_
It's a parody, ya imbeciles.

-- Modified on 11/30/2010 1:42:33 PM

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